Wednesday, September 24, 2008

bangkok dangerous

shahkrit yamnarm as kong: fancy me a smile?

This remake - directed by its original directors, the Pang brothers, is a testament as to how a digital film should be. What you get onscreen is a gritty, real-time atmosphere that is very much cinematographically superior compared to a good percentage of the substandard pinoy digital films that have become synonymous with inferior quality and mediocre technicals. Much of the flak has been conveniently attributed to the type of digital projectors that our local cinemas employ (especially those from SM Cinemas - which has some of the worst digital projectors in the world). Bangkok Dangerous negates that fact. Digital films when well made by competent filmmakers can achieve non-anemic technicals.

I wonder how the Thais take this movie. In the first few scenes, Nicolas Cage narrates, "Bangkok is corrupt, dirty..." which isn't really much of a surprise. But then a lot of caucasians flock to where it's supposed to be corrupt and dirty and cheap, so what does that say about them?

I love Bangkok.

Yamnarm, Cage and director Oxide Pang

The grittier original 1999 version: shooting my brains out!

carmen soo spreading magic

a foreigner is spreading magic in pinoy teleserye - and she isn't gimmick hound david blaine. she is more statuesque and has the face of an angel!

when i first saw carmen soo being introduced as jericho rosales' leading lady in the malaysian-philippine co-production, my impression was: no great shakes. we have ladies prettier than her... so what gives?

in true abs-cbn publicity fashion, we were soon bombarded with endless tv guestings introducing miss carmen to our consciousness... and i began to see why.

she is a doll! if i were a lesbian, i would definitely go for carmen soo and her love for chilly paste! she has this charisma that grows on you! when i watched the very first episode of "kahit isang saglit", i couldn't help but be enamored by this charming malaysian beauty! she had me hook, line and sinker - and the way her character was written in the series, you simply cannot help but root for her!

the scenes in kelantan - which were magical, if i may say so - were like gentle caresses to the heart, i got misty. i like the way the malaysian characters intermittently spoke tagalog. "aalis ka na naman"... and so on. gosh! now i am a carmen soo admirer.

she's just adorable. the way she sings april boy regino's anthem, "di ko kayang tanggapin". eww! but alright! it was cute.

who wants to be a VJ?

robi, don't bite your lips. you can bite mine instead... LOL

i've always considered vj'ing as a total waste of energy. look where it got heart evangelista. from a bubbly squeaky clean imaged lass to "ay ayeng". hihi

she's lucky though, she's very pretty - and talented! plus she has annabelle rama as manager, doesn't she?

then i turned into myx. as it turns out, this music station is fielding a vj search. who do i find as one of the hopefuls? cute and cuddly robi domingo of pbb teen edition - looking deliciously handsome as ever!

i mean, really now, with 30% of text votes deciding for the winners, the cute mr. domingo is already a shoo in - and i can't wait to see him spout his incomprehensibles and his look-at-me-i'm-a-hip-funny-boy antics.

to the myx people: get on with the search fast. i can't wait to oogle at robi. he just makes me blush.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Ay Ayeng - The Travails of Watching an Indie

I have always patronized local films. I must have seen most of the local film releases, both mainstream and indie. Do I find them better than the U.S. releases? Are you kidding? There's just a few Pinoy films that's worth their admission fee of P150-160. But hope springs eternal every time; that I always hope to stumble upon a gem, like Jerold Tarog's "Confessional" - thus i keep watching these local drivels. Unfortunately, a majority of these local and digital flicks are turning out to be real turkeys!

Consider this: When you watch a digital film, aka indie film, these new film makers have made use of the digital medium as a convenient excuse to dole out shoddy filmmaking, no-budget productions, galunggong-cheap technicals and visuals that remind one of films from the 60's. A movie viewer is suddenly forced to lower down his expectations, his standard of appreciation, solely because, hey! this dud had a shoestring budget!

Yet - you queue at the ticket booth and you pay the same amount. They don't necessarily give you a discount when you watch these films - even if they admit to having a budget that won't feed my retriever! LOL. When I shell out P140 for a movie, I shall have acquired the right to voice out what I feel about the movie. Did it deliver? Did it entertain? Did it tell the story well?
Yet sometimes, when you lay down your critique in the confines of your own blogsite, there are morons who would impose "appreciations" on their misdirected films! And i say, HONEY, you pay for my movie watching and I won't say a word. I-uutot ko na lang kung di ko nagustuhan. But as long as i am paying for my movie admission ticket, my opinion is free from anybody's censure. Pera ko, opinion ko. Simple.

Now let me head to another indie film that has crossed my path - Edd Palmos' "Ay Ayeng".

Ayeng (Heart Evangelista) returns to her community in the Mountain Province "a long time ago" (yes, the director had illusions this was a fairy tale). She has endured the big city and is one year short from graduating as a teacher. However, life is hard and the money that her local community used to send for her studies has ceased from coming. Moreover, a nasty band of military bandits has set up harsh dominion over the villagers. Local girls are suddenly taken away for the trolls' pleasures, and able bodied male villagers are surreptitiously "eliminated". In the midst of all these troubles, Ayeng has taken upon herself to teach the children and some willing adults, writing the alphabets and numerals on her dirt board. With the help of a visiting childhood friend Karen (shrill voiced Sheena Joy), she has built a makeshift classroom for her pupils.


As fate would have it, some greedy businessmen have bribed the local politicians to clear the area for a business project. Along the way, more villagers are killed, houses are burned - and finally, Ayeng herself gets abducted and eventually, raped. As an aftermath of all these, the villagers still had the gall to blame Ayeng! What gives? Even her mother Umay (Maria Isabel Lopez) became oblivious to her sacrifices. What's a girl to do?

This is supposedly based on the life of Macli-ing Dulag, a tribal leader who, during the Marcos era, fought against the destruction of the Chico Dam. Adapted from the novel by Abdon Noviza and Liza Lazaro, the narrative is uninterestingly told in a slew of close-ups that makes viewing a discomfort. Some shots are even as hazy as a pencil drawn image (like the Honolulu scenes). As I said earlier, it was like watching a 1960s flick with misfocused directions and unfocused lenses.

The morning after Ayeng gets raped, we see her wake up from the shanty fully clothed. Did a fairy godmother clothe her? She stands up and opens the door in front of her. Then she cries in wild abandon in full view of everyone from the soldier's camp - instead of shutting her wide mouth and planning an escape! Luckily, she escapes and walks back not to her house to seek the comfort of her family, but to the classroom, where she further cries before a morose mother-and-son. Yet these idiots just stared at her without a reaction. They would have reacted better from ant stings! LOL. There was just no hint of consolation or sympathy! Then without rhyme or reason, they walk out on her! Like idiots!

Another misdirection was when Ayeng leaves the village with Karen. Just a minute prior, her mother along with the rest of the villagers (composed of 4 people - LOL) told her off. "Pabayaan mo na kami, Ayeng." So - she does exactly that. She packs her bag and leaves.
As she walks into the sunset, the kids scatter all over the crevices of the hills - in pairs of twos! They start singing "Ako ay Pilipino" a la "We Are the World". Each distributed lines carrying a different pitch from the last one!!! It was hilarious! Like witnessing an amateur children's program. Only, the St. Paul's kinder students are much much better. No wonder Ayeng was crying her heart out! The punishment was too much to bear!

Now, what made the villagers suddenly change their mind? Search me. It was a spur-of-the-moment change of heart that took 3 milliseconds. Once again, with no rhyme nor reason! What ever happened to the character of Ayeng's lover, Sadek (Jao Mapa); or Ayeng's father and brother? Were they ever reunited? The epilogue conveniently forgot all these other characters. Like they were just figments of her nightmare!

The movie's sole redemption rests on someone's shoulder - Heart Evangelista! This girl carries her character with earnest sensitivity all throughout this crappy film! She is such a lovely presence that when she cries, your heart will melt like butter. There are physical presences that are easy to empathize with. Evangelista has it. It is obvious that Star Cinema has done her good in her training as an actress! Or maybe her former beau Jericho Rosales was simply an effective mentor!
Too bad she had to endure starring in this outdated, disjointed, misdirected, haphazardly mounted film! Brillante Mendoza's "Manoro" was a better realized project about literacy and scholastic dedication - by leaps and bounds!

As I made my way out of SM cinema, I shook my lovely head. Gosh! There was only Kyle and myself populating the whole cinema! If this were my first time to watch a digital indie film, you can bet it will also be my last. Good thing I'm a masochist. I love punishing myself!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

gabbing about gabby

My memories of him gently fading into the limelight are obscure, but one thing was sure. There were trickles of disgrace around it. Gabby Concepcion - in a film festival scam along with Ruffa Gutierrez and their erswhile manager, the infamous Lolit Solis. There was even a beauty queen involved (Miss Viveka Babaje). That was eons ago. Time has obviously healed wounds.

When Gabby recently returned after a 13 year self-imposed exile, he shook the public with his charm and appeal, looking ever so youthful than his contemporaries. And boy, he has never looked so good - and boyish! Suddenly, this has inspired fans of his generation to root for a movie reunion with Sharon Cuneta. What can I say, people love romance!

So... he starts his bid with a mini-series, "Iisa Pa Lamang".

But there is something amiss. The ABS CBN people gave him a character who actually plays second fiddle to Diether Ocampo! In the series, Claudine pines for Diether while Gabby patiently waits on the sides, looking forlorn. This resurgence of Gabby's matinee idol appeal suddenly gets a very cold shower!!! Who ever thought of serving this turkey to Mr. Concepcion deserves to be burned at the stakes! They single handedly halted his red-hot momentum! What a waste!
Though I am a certified ABS CBN patron (I hardly even recognize 80% of the GMA Artist population, for pete's sake), I am not fond of this series. For starters, Claudine looks matronly, and the believability of her triumphs and miseries swing faster than an overcharged pendulum; the plots are just plain implausible.
Then there is Angelica Panganiban. She with the tamest of faces and the rawest of emotions! This girl reminds me of a foregone and forgotten era when Donita Rose spelled subtlety in every minor film role she tackled. Angelica is just amazing. Lately however, I have intermittently caught some of her lines in the series. With a slur of quotable lines delievered in the Queen's language, I got uncomfortable - as uncomfotable as her spoken english! So - if there are minor gods residing in middle earth, I beseech thee to swallow me whole everytime she lunges into the queen's language again! Or, for heaven's sake, give her lines in Tagalog! Let us not further expose her limitations to her adoring fans!

There's the queenly Susan Roces whose scenes vacillate between the livid grandma - better coined by someone as "gigil na gigil" - or the the imploring "woe is me" matriarch of a luckless family. It's like Phillip Salvador's role in "For the First Time". Mr. Salvador wears a single mask with its single facial expression during for the movie's duration. Ms. Roces wears two masks for "Iisa Pa Lamang." Ang Laurice Guillen wears three. LOL. The Kapamilya network has a great primetime lineup that lights up our evenings - except this dud!

For now, I'd rather listen to Gabby sing his love songs, hoping he would find another television series that is worth his stature - obviously those that won't have him playing second fiddle to anyone! He deserves no less!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

A Message from Mr. Crisaldo Pablo - Director of Quicktrip - and my apologies

I received a message allegedly coming from director Crisaldo Pablo, director of the movie Quicktrip (see his comment from the review). In the spirit of equality, i allowed the message to be posted. Heck I even allowed the verbal diarrhea coming from those anonymous troglodytes!

Mr. Pablo, you can bet that i do not need comforting, but I am glad you admitted the debacle that happened on the first day screening of Quicktrip at the Robinsons Galleria last Wednesday. Everything that I pointed out was not a product of my imagination. You can put yourself in my shoes. Pay to watch a movie, then get those technical foul ups that my friend and I experienced. How can one go home without feeling shortchanged?

Strobing, intermittent sound, visuals that turn into blank blue screens, scenes that don't end and jumps to the beginning of the film, pixelated images - and thats just the technical stuff, which should NOT be my concern since I was there to actually concentrate on the narrative. Paying viewers are supposed to sit back and relax. Not to get confused why everything before them is so bad! As to the story, Click the City said it all. I was supposed to let it go although I earlier planned to write my thoughts in here.

The only thing i said about it was that it was a "DISASTER". Click the City used the same word - and MORE! He called it terrible! Yet, I get 2 commenters. And from the recesses of their idiocy, one of them joyously hoped that MY PARENTS BE MURDERED for having me? Just because I found your movie a disaster? You can bet on your ass that I am not gonna take it sitting down. I shall let my parents live for I believe they raised a fairly smart person - moi of course. That should pretty much explain your statement on why "parang gigil na gigil ka sa akin". I can only surmise that those people are your supporters. Talk about blind patronage. Kayo na nga ang nagkamali last wednesday - yet you don't expect people to huff and puff? Having said that, I think it is best that they be put in their proper place by putting things in their proper perspective: on how Quicktrip fared in the scheme of its genre.

This is what I think about you, and I don't care whether you agree or not: Duda/Doubt was indeed a good debut for you. It heralded the birth of a visual artist that is prodigious with fielding colour-rich canvasses on screen. The story was refreshing coz it tackled (during that time) homosexual taboos that are otherwise only discussed in hushed environment. But the succeeding films were not to my liking. I actually believed you had your redemption in Moreno. I liked that film. But Metlogs came, and Quicktrip came.

I am glad that Ricky Lee liked the film, and a host of other stellar names, including that director from Sarungbanggi which had horrible technicals but I LOVED nevertheless. I am glad that most of the people who spoke with you - including the grandest of critics! - liked Quicktrip! I did not! It is comforting to know that those aforementioned people have a taste way different from mine. To be honest about it, I don't really care. I care about what I pay to watch. The least that a paying viewer would expect from the movie that she paid to watch is that THE MOVIE WOULD AT LEAST FINISH SCREENING! That! At the very least!

Now as to your supporters - proud members of Anonymous International - I wish them "good taste" and not rely on blind patronage! They SHOULD LEARN from you who is gracious in accepting criticism. If I have hurt you in any way, I apologize, but you can thank those 2 thankless idiots for wishing MURDER on my parents, just because I called your movie "a disaster". Had they not gone too far, it would not have inspired the "review" below. And I do stand by what I wrote, hook, line and sinker! If you know those 2 anonymous commenters, they deserve the hugs that you offered. Such dedication.

Thank you for commenting. And thank you for being gracious with the criticism. I wish you another gem like "Moreno" on your next cinema outing.

Review: Quicktrip from Click the City Resident Reviewer


by Philbert Ortiz Dy

One of the strongest recent trends in our local independent filmmaking scene is the gay-themed film. The freedom of digital filmmaking has afforded filmmakers the opportunity to explore themes that that often considered too risqué or too controversial for the mainstream. And like with any other kind of movie, there are good gay-themed films, and there are bad gay-themed films. Quicktrip happens to be a terrible one.

Cris is the sole breadwinner of his family, and most of his salary goes to fulfilling the various needs of his family, leaving very little for his personal use. He gets into a fight with his boyfriend Andro over money, his boyfriend wanting them to celebrate their fifth month together with a bunch of friends. Cris can’t afford it and would rather spend the night alone with Andro. Andro gets mad and leaves. Cris spends the next day trying to raise some cash and texting Andro for his forgiveness. He asks to meet him for a date, but when Andro doesn’t show up, Cris hooks up with a guy he meets outside a movie theater. It soon becomes clear, however, that Cris may be looking for comfort in all the wrong places.

The movie begins by saying that it’s inspired by a true story. If that’s the case, then it’s proof positive that not all true stories ought to be translated to film. There’s just nothing to the plot, offering little in terms of dramatic tension, or character development, or really, anything worth watching at all. The characters are all terribly inconsistent, changing personalities at the blink of an eye. And worse, the characters are unlikable, and it’s makes it a struggle to care about what’s going on. Why’s Cris so hung up on Andro, anyway? Andro’s just a horrible person, and to have a plot predicated on winning back the affection of a completely unsympathetic character is not a good thing. The dialogue is wince-inducing. None of it sounds like anything an actual person would say. The script is a disaster from start to finish.

The filmmaking isn’t great either. You kind of have to give a bit of leeway for low-budget digital productions, since they really can’t help their technical limitations. Still, it’s difficult to forgive the really inconsistent sound. There are some bits of the movie where we can see the character’s mouth move, but no sound comes out. It’s difficult to overlook shoddy editing. The shot logic is just all over the place, and it makes the movie nearly unwatchable. And there are sequences that just go on for far too long, and as the film goes on, it gets harder and harder to provide justifications for the weak filmmaking.

The acting’s pretty bad, too. It all feels a little high school-ish, with actors obviously waiting on their next line. Topher Barreto, who plays Cris, doesn’t really seem to know what he’s doing. Andro Morgan is just unwatchable as Cris’ boyfriend, not that he’s given much to work with at all. The character of Andro is just so lacking in actual personality that it’s difficult to imagine that anyone could’ve made it work.

It’s always difficult to be critical of these low-budget productions, since you really want to root for the little guy. Unfortunately this movie just doesn’t provide anything to root for. It fails on the most basic of levels, feeling amateurish all throughout. At times, it feels like a high school class project. There’s just no reason to see this movie.

Now, take note of the first commenter from the same review. Sounds familiar? He is sooooo out of it, he is already sounding like a desperate man in dire need of praise! Hahahaha! Poor man! Read and weep:

I saw the film and i think you are the one not worth reading. in the first place, you seem to not have undestood the film beginning with the wrong name for the wrong character. Andro is the guy that Cris meets later and Dexter is Cris's boyfriend. I see you as an outsider tring to make things out from the film that you saw. Perhaps you are from the upper middle class because you didn't seem to recognize the gem that the movie is. QUICKTRIP IS ONE GOOD MOVIE AND IS THE BEST WORK OF THE DIRECTOR SO FAR. It is worth watching for those who have a heart for the poor. Topher Barreto made a very good performance. Even when he is just a newcomer. The cinematography is far better than many indie films I've seen. The movie is not for those who can not dig 'real time' movies like 'kubrador' and 'foster child' because you might find it dragging. But to me and my friends who saw the film, the pacing was just perfect! Every scene is telling you to look into your gay life, and if you happen to be a Filipino gay breadwinner, you will really think: 'how much have i suffered for my family and how much more can i give?".Quicktrip is an uncelebrated, quietly made independent film that will make every intelligent, really intelligent gay man think about how much he longs for something he lost, when he already had the most important thing in his life already.


After having blogged about Babylon A.D., mentioning what I think about the other movie that I ALSO ACTUALLY PAID TO WATCH - Quick Trip by esteemed, National Artist-caliber and award winning director Crisaldo Pablo, i got 2 adorable anonymous comments from the blog below. I am so delighted! They are so much fun, so I shall answer them like the paying movie goer that i am! Thank you very much for inspiring me to write more about this latter day masterpiece.

Presenting to you Idiots 1 & 2:
Legend: thats moi in highlights, as colorful as my brilliance. teehee...

Idiot 1 says:

eh mas wala namang laman yang vin movie na yan
(I agree with you there although i very much doubt if you have actually seen the film! if you haven't, then don't! Or you would have doubled the amount of money you splashed down the sink! LOL. whether diesel's movie is good or bad, it is up to me to critique it coz i PAID to watch it!) anussshhhh! pinanood namin ang quicktrip at kaming buong barkada ay nagandahan sa pelikula! (Now the population of NINCOMPOOPS multiplies! Hahaha! And I beg to disagree. "Moreno" had flashes of brilliance. Sparks lang pala. Haha! Gosh, you're not even familiar with the resume of your favorite director! LOL) ito na yata ang pinakamagandang gawa ng direktor (all hogwash!) dahil pati yung mga kasabay naming nanood ay narinig namin na nagsabi na maganda ang pelikula (where were you when we watched? you should have heard how the people kept making snide remarks! LOL) ang tanging bading movie na hindi sex ang ibibenta kungdi ang puso sa loob ng baklang tao. (You obviously havent watched a lot of the current bading flicks, my dear! or you would have glaringly spotted how inferior this movie is compared to a LOT of new bading flicks!) ewan na lang, siguro mababa ang tingin mo sa kapwa pilipino. (I wonder how you intelligently came up with that idea, hon. I am telling you, parlors aren't the healthiest places to while your time away!) ewan pa ulit dahil siguro hindi ka kasi matalino (strictly dean's lister, honey. teehee) . at nagtataray at nang-aapak ng ibang tao o pelikula para masabi lang na may blog ka. (Bravo!!! Sparks of genius down the latrine! Hahaha!) wag ka na mag-blog wala ka namang naibibigay (who made you mother superior? LOL) na maganda sa kapwa mo ang galing mo pang manira ng ibang tao. kayo ang sumisira sa mundo dahil kung makapintas kayo, sobra, hindi para makatulong kungdi para magtaray lang. saang school ka kaya nanggaling? (You can bet it isn't from your school, or I wouldn't pay a dime! LOL)

September 5, 2008 1:40 PM

Idiot 2 says:

oh but if you read his
(its a her, hon. i do have real uterus and a pair of ovaries without the need to check them. LOL) blog you will know that the writer is stupid (yes, so stupid I actually get kudos for having written them below. Stupidity actually reflects where you start commenting anonymously. And that's just for starters. ) and only does blah! (is this gay speak for smart and intelligent blogs? awww shucks! Thanks, hon! mwah! now you're really making me blush! My friend Kyle is gay, gorgeous and single. Want me to set up a date with him? It will shake off all your hostility and stupidity, I guarantee. ) this should be a blah-g and not a blog! (talking about bad puns. thats the best you can offer? LOL) you should keep your thoughts to yourself! (yeah, or you can stay away from my blog. Who inivited you to read and agree with my thoughts? last time i checked, it wasn't me!) your parents should be murdered for having raised someone like your sorry assssss! (now talk about beyond reason... such anger and frustration! vent it to your art, hon. you might be able to make better ones if you actually work WITHIN REASON! that will drive logic and common sense to your scripts, or your stories. The bottom line is, I pity the day your parents conceptualized you. Now you are wrecking havoc to intelligent movie goers who are blatantly presented with banal, mediocre, freaky films like most of Pablo's films. Poor me. I was P140 poorer for a movie that couldn't even finish playing. Imagine paying that much for a pirated-quality movie viewing? I'd be way better off watching the television - which is free! And you even made me pay for a spoonfed vomitus!)

September 5, 2008 1:42 PM


Isn't this so much fun? OMG!

MOVIE REVIEW: Crisaldo Pablo's QUICKTRIP - One Quick Trip to Fate Beyond Mediocrity

Well, I was about to totally forget the whole thing since really now, it already wasted my money and my time, why extend the agony? But boy, I was suddenly inspired to write more about it, thanks to the bunch of nincompoops that has left their excreta at my comment space. Before I go on further, i would suggest you read them from the Babylon post below. I did not bother to delete them because they amuse me no end. I was awash with pleasure as i read them. It is so comforting to know that there are IDIOTS populating this world! I mean, if God was not good, He would have eliminated them the very moment they were conceptualized! Poof, sperm meets egg - eek! idiots conceptualized - and BOOM! the fertilized ovum explodes to smithereens! Unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way. These fertilized ovum grow into poor excuse of human beings and out they pop into the world to write nonsensical, anonymous comments (see comments from previous post for perfect specimen)!

And we shall thank the heavens for letting them live! Lowlives do deserve to experience life, heaven help them.

Now on to this bading flick. As I mentioned last post, my friend Kyle - cute as Piolo, gay as the gayest carnivals in Rio - invited me to watch Crisaldo Pablo's Quicktrip. I said yes - if he accompanied me to watch Vin Diesel's Babylon A.D. (which sucked) right after. It was a fair deal. Besides, there have been really well made bading flicks - and of late, they are proliferating.

The last few pink flicks I've seen were quite riveting - Adolf Alix Jr.'s "Imoral" and Paolo Villaluna & Ellen Ramos' "Selda". And let's not forget Brillante Mendoza's brilliant "Serbis" which had homo-erotic scenes too. When Joselito Altarejo's "Lalaki sa Parola", a seamless character study of two lost souls, made a LOT of money, a "spurt" (gee! I'm sure commenters 1 & 2 would love THAT word - LOL) of borderline gay movies began cropping up, multiplying like fruitflies! Suddenly, well made gay films were being churned out left and right. There's Sikil, there's Roxxxane! Unfortunately for my dearly beloved friend Kyle, there are also vomitus like Iskandalo and the current one, Crisaldo Pablo's Quicktrip!

What's the deal with Pablo? It is true, he has started all these gay flicks craze. He started out well with the likes of Duda/Doubt. In fact, some reviews even mentioned his technique in the vein of Wong Kar Wai. Thank heavens Kar Wai is still alive or he would have turned into a zombie! LOL

Has anyone seen Pablo's foray into the mainstream? Pitong Dalagita? Thank heavens the main character drowned. She deserved a eulogy sweeter than purgatory. Has anyone seen Metlogs? Wait while I barf! What has happened to Cris Pablo? He should have learned his film making 101 after being a veteran of 5 years, but you see, the bitter fact is that film making brilliance doesn't come out of film schools, regardless of the esteemed stature of having to come from, say, University of the Philippines.

To start with, the script is muddled by lines that are neither prose nor poetry. They are just pa-cute lines that offer insight into the writer-director's mediocre musings - take for example, this one: "Sayang ang mga mata mo pag malungkot ka." Mills and boons is alive! Alleluiah! Hahahaha! During a conversation, when asked about how much he loved the other person, the other character replies with, "Kung gaano kalaki itong bodega, i multiply mo ng isang libong beses!" Now I know what ROLF truly means!

Too bad coz they had a good find in Topher Baretto who registers well on screen, and this boy has the charm and good looks, and acting chops to boot! Topher plays Cris, a lowly waiter who does odd jobs on the side to support his loins as well as his family needs. He works hard for the money and he shares them wholeheartedly. In one scene, when asked where he's off to, he replies by saying that it is his day off today. Much later, he mentions again, "Wala naman akong pasok bukas!" Duh! No wonder he is dirt poor, the idiot scriptwriter forgot that it is indeed Cris' day off today, and it will be his day-off again tomorrow! Hahaha

Now let me backtrack a bit to the opening scene. This guy who is supposed to be a call center agent was talking rubbish on the phone! In full view of all the snatchers! He was on the phone bitching around, talking in the Queen's language! But My God! Que horor! My 5 year old nephew speaks better english than this call center agent! Is this a reflection of this thriving industry? The quality has gone to the, cockroaches! Which call center is that, I would dread doing business with them! LOL

Now, lets go to the technical quality of this oh-shucks masterpiece! From the very start, you notice the "strobing" quality of the picture. Ano to, pirated? LOL. Not only that, the images would every so often pixilate like a bad web cam reception! I swear i have better webcam reception here at home! And i don't even let people pay me P140 for a view.
Then here goes the stinker: an hour into the film, the images on screen turn completely blue, yet you hear voices speaking! This goes on for 2 minutes or so. You can't mistake it! This clunker is only shown in Robinsons Galleria's Indiesine, cinema 8... so you guys can check out what I am talking about! This is not the twilight zone! This is reality in the realm of Cris Pablo and his idiot minions.

Is my agony done? Shall I murder my friend Kyle for making me pay P140 for a turkey like this? Oh no Jose! THEY aren't quite done with us! Further into the film, the movie suddenly stops! Then jumps to the opening title! And the movie begins again without having ended! How many times do these people want us to suffer? Jesus! So, the people up there begins fast forwarding the movie, which obvioulsy has no chapter stops. On they forward, and it goes on and on and on! They didn't even seem to have an idea where its supposed to resume! Finally, we couldn't take it anymore. We stood and left!

Kyle asked me if I wanted to get our money back. Oh no! And be seen watching a movie as bad as this one?!!!! No way! I shall donate my P140 to the idiots who made this TRASH! Maybe they can buy a couple of I.Q. and distribute it to the 2 anonymous commenters below. LOL
Now, doesn't what i narrated above qualify for the single term that I used to describe this movie? "Disaster!" This singular powerful term obviously got the IRE of IDIOTS ANONYMOUS that made them say my parents should get murdered for having me. Well, thank you for your anonymous stupidities, it actually spawned a full length review and disertation on this idiocy called Quicktrip!

Now, anyone with half a brain will agree that as a paying public, I HAVE ALL the RIGHT to COMPLAIN about a product that doesn't deliver what it is supposed to. IT IS MY MONEY! I SHALL CALL IT TRASH IF I BELIEVE IT IS TRASH!

Commenter 1 in all his anglicized flourishes even asked me where I attend my college. There's one thing sure, NOT where you went! Good heavens! LOL

Mr. Crisaldo Pablo! Your film school miserably failed you! You deserve your money back! As I deserve my money back! Mas malaki ata ang nagastos mo just to end up into such a mediocre filmmaker. Me, it was just P140 and my time! And hey, it isn't too late to ask for directorial tips from newbies like Adolf Alix, Paolo Villaluna, Dante Mendoza, Joselito Altarejos or even scriptwriter-turned director Jun Lana. That way, you won't be accused of wasting the money of those unfortunate enough to watch your turkey!

Lastly, something has to be said about anonymous idiots. these are ball-less morons who hide in the comfort of their equally moronic drivel. Now hush hush and go back to your beauty parlors, ladies

To the 2 anonymous commenters from my last post: Feel free to make your own BLOGSITE! Somewhere you can praise your own work 'til kingdom come. THIS is my blogsite where I WRITE WHAT I THINK! You are way too lucky my parents allowed me to live, or you would never have tasted a dose of the TRUTH PILL!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Babylon A.D. - Better Left To Its Ancient Roots

I have been itchin' to watch the new Matheiu Kassovitz movie ever since I saw the trailer. Kassovitz is quite a French hottie who directed the neo-noir masterpiece "La Haine" (Hatred), a black and white cinematic essay on delinquency and violence in a French city. Kassovitz also starred in the sumptuous rom-com, Oscar-nominated "Amelie" where Kassovitz played Amelie's yummy OOD, as Kyle (one of my BFF) succinctly puts it. (OOD = object of desire) He has since directed the disappointing Hollywood thriller, "Gothika" where he was rumored to be fighting with his lead actress, Halle Berry.

So, it goes: Kyle made me a deal. If I accompany him to watch his bading flick at Robinson's Galleria, Crisaldo Pablo's Quicktrip (which was a disaster in all sense of the word), he shall accompany me to watch Kassovitz's Babylon A.D. Besides, bading flicks always seem to produce salivatory eyecandies with little substance - so we went! It was a fair deal.

I like Kassovitz. He has always churned out cerebral films - although he could do with a little more humor in his directorial pieces. And it's been awhile since I was able to watch a high-adrenaline, futuristic sci-fi adventure in the vein of the Terminator series.


In a capsule, Vin Diesel plays Toorup who was tasked to safely "deliver" a special girl Aurora (Melanie Thierry, who reminds me of Uma Thurman) from Mongolia to America. The mission is risky. Toorup is a castaway vigilante who cannot enter the U.S., but as sci-fi flicks like this go, there is always a way to attain the impossible. What makes Aurora special? For starters, she started to speak at the age of 2. I did too and it didn't make me anything special. I can speak French. Oi oi oi! Merci! LOL. However, Aurora did her "yeses" in 19 languages! Moreover, there were things she could predict! And finally, she had an immaculate concepcion! And we're talking "twins"!

Now, bad bad girl Charlotte Rampling who plays the High Priestess has planned to secure these babies for the emergence of a super religion of sorts that will eventually dominate the civilized world! The new messiah multiplied by two! Imagine that! If this all seems too tall a story, it is! The characters were badly written. Read: they were boring, and I just couldn't empathize with their plight! I love Michelle Yeoh, who plays Sister Rebecca, who is tasked to take care of uber-Virgin Mary-wannabe Aurora, but the situations they were in didn't move me to sit back and enjoy! In fact, I was fidgeting on my seat! Whatever happened to my beloved Kassovitz? That's what he gets for standing me up at out dinner cruise along the Seine! Hahahaha!

With a narrative that inspires a lot of questions over questions, Babylon A.D. inspired me to bury the concept of this ancient mesopotamian city located in Babil, Iraq! It's better left undisturbed - for good! How was the big big man Mark Sinclair Vincent aka Vin Diesel? Let's just say I won't miss him for now.

Maybe when the latest incarnation of the film "The Fast and the Furious 4" opens June 2009, he shall do better? I probably wouldn't notice. My eyes will be fixed on the scrumptuous Paul Walker whom I have missed for ages! Kay Andrea del Rosario na lang si Vin! Paul is mine!

Touch my errrr... muscles.