Ice Age: Continental Drift - Prehistoric Frolic

The loveable prehistoric gang is back - Manny, the mammoth; Sid, the sloth; and Diego, the sabre-toothed cat (not tiger, okay?)  Manny (Ray Romano) is having a hard time dealing with his 13 year old daughter Peaches (Kiki Palmer) who’s besotted with good looking Ethan who in turn is mostly dismissive of Peach’s attention. Dad Manny further cramps his daughter’s style whenever Peaches flirts with Ethan.

Meanwhile, the animals in their village are unaware that elsewhere, Scrat, the acorn-loving squirrel, is triggering the rupture of the supercontinent called Pangaea (a behemoth single landmass that existed during the late Paleozoic era, forming about 300 million years ago). With Scrat’s rabid pursuit of his acorn, he breaks the Pangaea into separate partitions, each one eventually drifting to a particular location across the Panthalassa – the name given to the single ocean that existed alongside the single earth mass of Pangaea. This continental drift upsets the seemingly harmonious environment of our prehistoric animals.

Map of Pangaea with modern continents outlined, supporting Alfred Wegener's theory of continental drift.

While Peaches tells Manny how much she hates him, the icy ground breaks. The floating crack drifts away, taking Manny (the mammoth), Diego (the cat), and Sid (the sloth) to the deeper recesses of the ocean. And yes, Sid’s grumpy Granny (Wanda Sykes) inadvertently joins the adventurous trio for the ride. Meanwhile, Peaches and her mom Ellie (Queen Latifah) have been instructed to head to the land bridge where Manny could find them – whatever happens. But most of the land mass have shifted, chunks have sunken, terrains have been changed, and survival is in the lap of the gods.

While adrift in the wide tempestuous ocean, Manny and the gang encounter the fierce and imposing Captain Gutt (Peter Dinklage), a giant pirate ape, who wanders the high seas with his ragtag minions – in a spooky glacier ship populated by weird looking animals who shiver under Gutt’s commands. Shira (Jennifer Lopez), a beautiful sabre-toothed cat, is Gutt’s right-hand "man". Our protagonists refuse to join the captain’s crew, making them convenient target for Gutt's vehemence. During the inevitable skirmish between the opposing forces, Shira is abandoned by Captain Gutt. And time is running out for Manny and his friends.

Will Manny ever find Ellie and Peaches again? What if the land bridge has been eradicated by the shift? Moreover, will Shira ever learn to trust Diego (Denis Leary) who’s gradually falling for the reluctant lady sabre-tooth?

What is there  to tell about  a group of animals that has basked in blockbuster spotlight some 10 years ago? A lot, actually. It helps that the narrative focuses on a particular "strained" relationship (of Manny and his rebellious daughter Peaches) other than randomly expounding on many other stray tales. Their story pieces the film together so that, most of the time, the audience becomes cognizant of a specific narrative goal where our protagonists are concerned. It 's really the strong storytelling prowess that makes this 4th installment a hilarious, albeit heart-warming spectacle. A core component to this is in its accentuation of the ties that bind. A family that disagrees doesn't necessarily mean there's less affection among its members.


The weaker link in this adventure yarn could be its nemesis. Despite his ferocious growl and defiant machinations, Captain Gutt is wanting of gravitas. This is a curiosity because he could even move mountains, single-handedly chipping ice off to produce another pirate ship. But Gutt just doesn't linger in your psyche. He seems to be more bark than bite. He is easily forgettable. This could be attributable to his lithe animation, i.e. his limber movement, making him less feral - and feral is what we require from our adversaries, isn't it?


Directors Steve Martino and Mike Thurmeier's film peppers their canvas with hilarious creatures that intermittently cruise through the story like a swift, pleasant whiff of hilarity - like Crash and Eddie (the "stupid" squirrels); Sid's ill-tempered Granny and her pet whale named Precious; the crafty sirens who lure seafarers into their clam trap; the adorable but deadly hyraxes who understand Sid's gibberish; the eternally obsessive Scrat (whose parallel story line allows Manny and the gang's adventure to float above its occasional meandering into silliness). 


Initially, I seriously doubted the film's content and entertainment quotient. After all, its hard to squeeze out juice from a "pulp" that's been harvested 3 times over. But I was wrong. The fruit of the story has re-acquired delectable flesh and considerable juice. Undoubtedly, this is fun stuff! Who would have thought?

Hard-headed Peaches and his small friend Louis (a molehog).

Diego and Sid

Sid, the sloth, looks while his Granny takes her first bath in years!

Pirate ape Captain Gutt, (center), Shira, and the pirate creatures.

Jennifer Lopez voices Shira

Josh Peck  voices Eddie

Sloth (above and below)

A sabre-toothed squirrel (above and below) bridges a 150 million year gap in fossil record, thus Scrat's inclusion into the film's coterie of hilarious creatures.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - Tweaking History

 Abraham Lincoln was the 16th president of the United States of America. Before he became one, he suffered a lot of deaths: his grandfather was killed by Indians and his mother died of "milk sickness" (a disease entity that killed hundreds during those days, and involved ingestion of milk with tremetol, leading to trembling, vomiting, abdominal pain, and death). The alleged truth behind the latter is a little more cantankerous: she was killed by a vampire named Jack Barts (Marton Csokas), while 9 year old Abe was looking on. Since then, he has vowed retribution. Then he meets Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper) who says he could mentor on the effective ways of annihilating a fanged creature - but only if Abe follows what he tells him to do. He then starts a new life in Massachusetts where he becomes a store keeper by day; vampire hunter by night.

One day, he falls in love with a customer Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). While she isn't aware of Abe's extra curricular activities, she suspects there's more to her beau's nocturnal activities. But didn't his mentor Henry warn him against any relations, family or lover? Moreover, Abe attains considerable political clout. Public service seems like a vocation.

Will his association with Mary affect his predator-hunting ways? Why is the Confederate losing so much men at the frontier during the Civil War?

Mashing up history and over-the-top fiction is a choleric proposition because one is bound to cross boundaries that a lot of people are uncomfortable dealing with. Besides, tweaking a real person's biography only works in well postulated (and superbly written) situations. Sadly, director Timur Bekmambetov (Russian-Kazakh director of the superb "Night Watch" and "Day Watch") isn't a seamless story teller. Though masterful where fluid action is concerned, Bekmambetov's narrative is too implausible to be truly enjoyed. So the South used to be teeming with blood suckers? Where have they gone? Why were they selective with their catch (the population of negroes were sacrificed)? What's with the use of "silvers" in their fight against vampires - the film employs biblical references, i.e. the "silvers" paid to Judas to betray Jesus, thus has since become the symbol of the cursed. However, a mere "symbol" doesn't necessarily become a monster's Achilles heel, does it? Isn't Bekmambetov a little confused with this detail? Too much of "Twilight" sure discombobulates people, debah? Suddenly, vampires easily succumb to silvers? Not to sunlight? Nor crucifixes? Not to heart impalements or holy water? Oh how these creatures have evolved in a matter of three years!

Benjamin Walker is perfectly cast as the young Abraham, although it is jarring how this baby-face eventually turns into the Abe Lincoln that we know - heavily bearded and stern faced. To be honest, I didn't know who Walker was, except that he's Meryl Streep's son-in-law (husband of Mammie Gummer, Streep's daughter), but he should make mom Meryl proud  for his emotive skills. Walker is charming and intuitive; dashing and imposing (how can he not be, he stands 6'3"). Besides, it's always a tall order depicting a popular historical figure. Remember Edgar Allan Poe? Or J. Edgar Hoover?

As the film's latter third unravels into a slambang actioner - with axes flying and floating around like a willful boomerang, it soon becomes clear that the film is dictated, not by narrative innovations or brilliance, but by this Hollywood sickness, i.e. blockbuster mentality. This makes the flick a little "too commercial" - and a lot more illogical. That isn't good.  

Benjamin Walker plays Abraham Lincoln

Benjamin Walker

Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays Mary Todd who eventually became Mrs. Lincoln.

Dominic Cooper is Henry, Abe's mentor.

Marton Csokas

Rufus Sewell is Adam, vampire head honcho.

Noli Salvador's Kapalit ng Ligaya - Elementary Exercises

Mico (Rocco Mateo) is an unemployed loafer who lives with his friend Jerry (Jeremy Ian). He’s also oblivious of his friend’s growing affection for him mostly because he spends his time pursuing shy, but hardworking student Gina (Sidra Lorenzo). Gina only wants to finish her studies so she could provide a better life for her impoverished family in the province. But Mico persists, even promising the moon, the sun and the nearest galaxy of Ursa Minor (though I would suggest he should start by looking for a job first). She initially brushes him off until the inevitable happens. She falls for the gentleman’s eccentric swagger (he walks like a newly circumcised guy, I kid you not). Besides, what girl wouldn’t gravitate towards a guy who, on their first meeting – while she walks home from school – asks her, “Kailan mo ba ako sasagutin?”  He isn’t in a hurry, is he? J

Meanwhile, their neighborhood is besieged by a drug peddling syndicate. Cocky and self-assured Eric (Charles Delgado), one of Mico’s friends, is running around, selling drugs. The local police have been alerted and they’re itching for a sting that would entrap the pusher. One day, during a calculated operation, Eric throws his stash to Mico during a hot pursuit. This throws our indolent protagonist to jail. With no hope in sight for helpless Mico, Gina intervenes by offering herself to the drug enforcement head honcho Col. Henry Marcelino (former sexy stud Lucas Leonardo), one of Gina’s ardent suitors. Broken hearted by her own decision, she quits school altogether, comes home, then marries the pudgy gentleman in exchange of Mico’s freedom, thus “Kapalit ng Ligaya”.

While Henry is a loving husband and a good provider, we learn about the colonel’s illness: Prostatic Cancer, stage 4. Not only is it a terminal condition, but (the more immediate concern, if we were to believe the film) this disallows him to father a child. Poor Gina, debah? No Mico na nga, no “ligaya” and no “child” pa! Tsk tsk tsk! Little did Gina know that her friend and classmate Lara (Mia Henares) has already informed the authorities of his boyfriend Eric’s guilt, and subsequently, Mico’s innocence. Mico is eventually released. But what is his freedom for if he lost Gina in the process? Sniff!

Sidra Lorenzo plays Gina, the main protagonist. Unfortunately for Sidra, they forgot to put her on the theatrical poster.

Director Noli Salvador (“Haliparot: Mana sa Ina”) is back with narrative sketches that seem too rudimentary to be believable. His characters mirror nothing close to how people converse, move, reciprocate or behave in real life. I am aware that “fallibility of character” is an element in tragedy, but people in this story don’t seem to employ logic where a natural course of conversation is supposed to run its course. When does a guy court a girl and ask for her commitment on their very first meeting? And let’s not even forget that this occurred on the street. Classy, right? Moreover, Mateo isn’t even in the league of, say Derek Ramsay, Matteo Guidicelli or Rocco Nacino whose mere appearance can inspire a “yes” even before they ask! If someone does that to me, I’d have accommodated him with my gonad-cracking high kick! Remember, I may be wearing heels during such time – so imagine the consequences.

Rocco Mateo’s constant presence (he’s the guy in the center of the poster) in Pink Films is an enigma. He isn’t exactly God’s gift to women in the looks department. He isn’t gym-fit or possessing a six pack. Some guys get their allure when they smile. Mateo clearly doesn’t have the Close-Up grin either. He walks like he’d rather sleep because something’s too heavy between the legs. That must be it? His cinematic magic? J More importantly, he delivers his lines like he is munching on an apricot (para sosyal, debah). Sidra Lorenzo, the female lead, who didn’t even make it in the theatrical poster (isn’t that hilarious?), complements Mateo’s blandness, she does a wee better in Jigz Recto’s “Kasalo”. Jeremy Ian is forgettable in this flick. Heck, he isn’t even given a 3-seconder to flash his considerable “possessions”. His narrative strain is cut short like a premature ejac -  errr… I mean, he’s prematurely ejected from the story!

Jeremy Ian plays Jerry who's in love with his roommate Mico.

FLICKERS OF INSPIRATION

Lucas Leonardo, looking a little too heavy for a former sexy stud, is satisfactory with his lines. In fact, he is one of the few earnest characters in a mediocre story. Then again, he was mentored by a good director during his prime, Maryo J. de los Reyes. In fact, he was in several flicks like “Tumakas Ka Sa Mundong Makasalanan” (with Yda Manzano), “Pahiram Kahit Sandali” (with Ara Mina and Alice Dixson), “Saplot” (with Monica Midler, Paolo Rivero and Kriselda Kristel) and the heart-warming “Huwag Po, Huwag Po” (with Hazel Espinosa, Allen Dizon, Zoltan Amore and John Apacible). Charles Delgado also turns in a good performance as the drug peddling Eric though his part was unceremoniously clipped. Delgado is comfortable with his lines and he seems to understand his motivations, despite an execrable script. This is probably because he’s been in the business for quite some time now, even disrobing and flashing his pecker when he was just 16 or 17 years old (for “Booking”, “Boylets” and “S.R.O.”) That was just 5 or 6 years ago. Wasn’t child pornography a law then? I wonder.

THE FORGETTABLES OF 2012

Like many indie flicks and queer cinema this year, “Kapalit ng Ligaya” came and went without people noticing it. It didn’t have the social media publicity blitzkrieg of those vomit-worthy G.A. Villafuerte flicks so almost no one knew about it. It had its commercial release last March 21 (2012), but suffered the fate of other 2012 flicks like Paul Singh Cudail’s “Maligalig” (April 18), GA Villafuerte’s “Ang Lihim ng mga Nympha” (May 23), Darry dela Cruz’s “Extra Serbis” (February 29) and Cleo Paglinawan’s “Itlog na Pula” (April 4). What fate again? No one knew they existed when they were on commercial release. If you ask me, this is good development because these are some of the worst films to come out since Jose Nepomuceno screened his “Dalagang Bukid” (Country Maiden) in 1919 – the first film produced by a Filipino. 93 years later, some cinemas exhibit films like “Id’nal (Mapusok)” and “Kapalit ng Ligaya”. Where has evolution gone? Why have we basically reverted back to the intellectual capacity of the Cro Magnons?

Mia Henares with then boyfriend Charles Delgado

Charles Delgado, a screen veteran at 22/23.

Charles Delgado displays his wares. This photo is courtesy of rddantes.com.

Mia Henares plays Lara, a student in "Kapalit ng Ligaya"

MIa Henares

Lucas Leonardo in his heyday.

Note:

Please read our featured post about Cinema Bravo and why Web Criticism sometimes makes us nginig:
- http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2016/10/cinema-bravo-film-criticisms-execrable.html

Vernacular Shock in "The Big Miracle"

Okay. So you comfortably sit as a story unfolds in Barrow, the northernmost town at the fringes of the arctic. Three gray whales have been trapped in this enclave of the frozen ocean. The only remaining space for breathing is briskly freezing into icy solid, putting the lives of these three mammals - a father, a mother and a baby whale - in quandary. They need to intermittently come up for air because they need oxygen to breath, like other mammals. But what should be an open ocean has already developed into an arctic tundra of solid ice.

Adam Carlson (John Krasinski), a local news anchor, and Rachel Kramer (Drew Barrymore), a Greenpeace environmental activist, is doing their best to summon the attention of the politicians, the military, and the townsfolk of Barrow to help these gentle giants. The younger one they called Bambam is hurt. His "snout" has scratches from constantly bumping against the constantly forming ice on the surface of the ocean. Time is of the essence because one could hardly stop the course of nature.

Then from out of the blue, a reporter files her report in the gustiness of midwinter:

"Dalawang balyena ang nabitag ng yelo..."

I had to pinch myself from my reverie! Yes, a reporter was speaking Tagalog for her live feed! I was suddenly made aware of how beautiful the vernacular is. Sure, I may not be able to write well or as fast in Tagalog, but I do know the beauty of the language. "Balyena?" "Bitag?" "Yelo?" They seem unnatural in the context of trapped whales and the arctic tundra, but the words provide a sense of urgency for the situation. The emergent condition is multiplied many times over when you hear it in your mother tongue. Suddenly, this isn't a leisurely moment of cinematic fiction (it isn't - the story's based on real events that happened sometime in the late 80's when Russia and America were carefully treading on the spirit of "glasnost").

Sometimes, we need to help make miracles happen to carve out a kinder, more humane, and ultimately, a better world for ourselves! Sniff!

Russian vessel tries to break the ice.

Drew Barrymore

John Krasinski

TV Series: "Alcatraz" - Mystery of the Avenging Inmates

There is an intriguing premise in the TV series “Alcatraz”. But before that, here's a little piece of history. The infamous island is located 2.5 kilometers off the coast of San Francisco and has had several uses through the years. It was a working lighthouse; became a military fortification; a military prison (1968) and federal prison from 1933. For 30 years, it was referred as “The Rock”, an impregnable fortification where no convict has ever escaped.

But in 1963, Alcatraz closed shop due to the rising cost of maintenance and its decrepit facilities, making it unsafe for both prisoners and their guards. Its prisoners were transferred offshore. That’s how the story went. Reality is allegedly a different matter. In fact, its 263 prisoners and 46 guards all disappeared without any trace; their possessions have all been left behind. This mystery has been classified. After all, 263 of the most ruthless criminals running free around the country could only cause panic when there isn’t even an explanation as to their whereabouts - or disappearance.

One day, a former assistant warden of Alcatraz is murdered. The assailant’s fingerprints all point to Jack Sylvane (Jeffrey Pierce) – prisoner no. 2024 – who has been dead for the last 8 years or so. But sightings in surveillance cameras indeed show Jack who appear to have never aged since ‘63. What is happening here?

Hot on Sylvane’s heels is homicide detective Rebecca Madsen (Sarah Jones) who lost a partner after a failed heist with another prisoner (no. 2002) who eerily resembles his departed grandfather, once a guard in Alcatraz, or was he?

Helping Rebecca is Doc Diego Sotto (Jorge Garcia), a credible resource person on the history of Alcatraz. Both of them become part of a covert Fed unit headed by Emerson Hauser (Sam Neill) tasked to investigate (and capture) the series of baffling re-appearances of some of Alcatraz’s 263 criminals, each one as young as they were back then. Hauser was a rookie guard when, in 1963, a partner and he discovered the mysterious disappearance of the facility’s population.

What is the mystery behind the return of these prisoners? Why haven’t they aged? More importantly, is there a way to recapture such entities; some of them have already been declared dead? 

Sarah Jones is Detective Rebecca Madsen

I've heard of the buzz from friends about "Alcatraz" but have never had the chance to watch it until now. The premise is rightfully befuddling. Producer JJ Abrams sure knows how to cook up his mysteries and cliffhangers so that when these former Alcatraz inmates begin to re-appear in modern day San Francisco, wrecking further havoc on the lives of those they once wronged, we couldn't help but sit up and wait for the next "criminal guests". Their back stories are always interesting.

In Jack Sylvane's case, he was a prisoner from another facility when, at the common shower, some other inmate got too frisky with Sylvane, he had to eventually protect himself, killing the frisky guy in the process. This throws the dreamy Jack in Alcatraz. But there's more to Jack's story. His European wife gets re-married to Jack's brother. Moreover, Jack wanted his sweet revenge on the heavy handed assistant warden. Men do get scorned too, and hell hath no fury for them, right?

Detective Rebecca and his partner Diego ties down each episode with the help of Emerson Hauser (Neill), head of this secret division of the federal bureau, but is Hauser even trust worthy? There is a lingering paranoia going around whenever Hauser shows up.

This state of intrigue and mystery beautifully buoys this series. And I am glad I finally found it playing in my video player. There are, of course, talks of the series getting the ax. Let's hope not.  

Rebecca and Diego look for leads.

Rebecca gets hurt.

Sam Neill is Emerson Hauser

Jorge Garcia is Doc Diego Sotto, the detective's assistant.

The cutest inmate Jack Sylvane played by Jeffrey Pierce.

Jeffrey Pierce

Jeffrey Pierce is Prisoner # 2024

Sarah Jones

These days, Alcatraz is a historical tourist facility. This photo courtesy of wikipedia's John O'Neill.