Alejandro "Bong" Ramos' My Amiga Girl - Comedic Cliches

When Margarita Avez Mercedes, (Daiana Menezes), crowned “Queen of Brazil” arrives in the Philippines, she falls victim to a conman who divests her of possessions and travel documents. Scared and alone, the Brazilian beauty queen finds solace in another deadbeat soul, transvestite Kimberly (Michelle O’Bombshell) who likewise falls victim to an illegal recruiter. The two become fast friends. But Kimberly refuses to go home to the province. What would his father, who sold most of the family’s assets, say? The two friends drift from one household to the next, doing odd jobs for a flurry of employers: as makeup artists at a funeral parlor; as massage therapists for a Chinese businessman (sans “spacol” – neologism for “jakol sa spa”); as carwash crew under a sex-starved boss Douglas (AJ Dee); as an “artista” auditionee who reluctantly ends up in a sleazy go-go bar, etc. Each encounter becomes a comedy of error.

Unfortunately for the beauty queen, she couldn’t turn to the police fearing she’d get thrown in jail when one of her spa customers succumbed to a heart attack. Meanwhile, Andrew, (Gerald Madrid), a police investigator, is aware of Margarita’s disappearance. He was supposed to pick her up from the airport but got sidetracked when he was summoned at his child’s school. Andrew’s mind is up in the cloud. His wife abandoned him because he kept a secret, i.e. he has an affair with another man (Ivan Chev Tabucal). With all these internal conflicts, finding Margarita becomes a burdensome mission.  

Kimberly eventually turns to his family in San Clemente who welcomes him back with open arms. Margarita experiences the warmth of Pinoy hospitality. Soon thereafter, she attracts the attention of the town’s besotted Mayor Lacanilao (Sherwin Ordonez) who, days later, proposes to the troubled expat. In fact, despite her polite rejection, she becomes target to an attempted kidnapping, as Lando (Rufert John Lirio), Kimberly’s brother, would unravel. What becomes of helpless Margarita?

Director Alejandro “Bong” Ramos (“Butas 1 and 2”) churns out a genre far removed from his usual sex dramas and exposes his blatant artistic weakness. In fact, the flick doesn’t brandish a flicker of brilliance, visual or narrative, indicated by his voyeuristic tales. What we do have is a narrative replete with comedic clichés: fart jokes, bad parodies of Nora Aunor films delivered by Menezes herself (Lines from “Himala” and “Flor Contemplacion Story”), GMA impersonations, slapstick accentuation of physical imperfections, etc. Moreover, the chronology of events refuse to reflect reality and the narrative thread is punctuated by head scratching situations designed to prolong the agony of the disserviced tourist. Any foreigner in a foreign land with half a brain would turn to her embassy for help. She doesn't. But she had to experience all the inanities of a variety of Philippine avocation, doesn't she?

Though I am tickled pink of Menezes’ impeccable command of Tagalog, this wasn't even explained why she was so good at it… except that “there are many tutors in Brazil”. They teach Tagalog in Brazil? Really? Como foi? Menezes is an ebullient actress, and she is easy on the eyes, but she has a long way to go as a thespian. While other Pinoy mestizos take ages to learn their Tagalog, Daiana can run rings around her conjugations. Unfortunately, it doesn't win her points where film quality is concerned. What a waste.    

Looking for Andrew.

Margarita and Kimberly

Sir Douglas (AJ Dee), the peeping boss.

Gerald Madrid as Andrew, the police investigator.

Suzette Ranillo as the over enthusiastic mother of Kimberly.

Bad GMA jokes, no?

AJ Dee: Hotter than his more popular brother.

Rufert John Lirio as brother Lando.

Ivan Chev Tabucal as Andrew's secret lover Steve.

Alejandro "Bong" Ramos' Butas 2 - Confused Perspectives & Succulent Visuals

In an unfinished house made of concrete, infidelity is played out by Jiggo (Ace Castro of "Lamog") and his father’s mistress, Pia (Mocha Uson). Pia just recently arrived from a two-week Asian holiday with Jiggo’s influential father, the owner of the house. Their clandestine rendezvous is being documented by Jiggo’s video camera. The only other witness to their affair is Andoy (Rufert John Lirio), the bashful caretaker whose other vice is peeping through holes while Jiggo and Pia lollop from getting high to relishing their endless sexual games.

Jiggo is restless, willful and determined, but his ambition’s been mostly off tangent. In fact, he’s been indecisively jumping from one collegiate course to the next: from aeronautics to engineering – now he’s into films; something that has frustrated Jiggo’s father no end. Pia, on the other hand, is a former model who has succumbed to the lure of financial security offered by Jiggo’s dad. But Pia hasn’t been the good girl. She keeps hopping from one indiscretion to the next. To avoid getting spotted by her benefactor’s people, she navigates the bowels of Binangonan wearing a flurry of disguises. Meanwhile, youthful but destitute Andoy is mostly ignored by Jiggo and Pia. The soft spoken caretaker plays out his fantasies sneaking around the tenement’s crude corners, diligently spying on the sexually charged couple.

Jiggo’s recording of his concupiscent rendezvous with Pia isn’t all that whimsical or innocent. He has plans for the footages; something that would earn him money. And he couldn't care less if others get hurt along the way.

Director Alejandro “Bong” Ramos utilizes the same narrative element of the first “Butas” with Marco Morales and Gwen Garci. In fact, “Butas 2” is a retelling of sorts. Ramos ambitiously tries to up the ante by giving the viewer three perspectives: Jiggo’s, Pia’s and Andoy’s. Thus the scenarios are repeated several times from the point of view of our three protagonists. While it’s a refreshing style, the novelty soon wears off because Ramos soon recklessly transposes these perspectives. In fact, it’s easy to discern wayward perspectives. Suddenly, there were more than three perspectives and the whole exercise becomes a tedious predilection. The gimmickry will initially call your attention, but it soon becomes clear that the story’s too flimsy to be compelling. Besides, we have seen this story before, populated by different actors. The story is further hobbled by characters that the story could have done away with: the DVD pirate Obet (Alvin Duckert) and his girl friend Miranda (Jhoy Ortiz).

FACETS OF VOYEURISM

There are narrative facets that hook you like when Jiggo discusses how there are more stories that we don’t see: “May dalawang mukha ang butas – ang naninilip at ang sinisilipan.” Pia then interjects, “Gusto ko ako ang sinisilipan” – because the life of the voyeur is a sad one. It is an interesting thought. However, at some point you notice these thoughts to be wantonly moving away from the premise. Voyeurism has always been a shady part of our psyche and we're forever intrigued by what we're not supposed to see. Director David Lynch ("Twin Peaks", ""Blue Velvet", "Wild at Heart") once said, "We want to know secrets and we want to know what goes on behind those windows.There's an entertainment value to it. I think people are fascinated by that; by being able to see into a world they couldn't visit." To others, it's a sense of empowerment. There's God Complex in knowing what others do when they thought people weren't looking.

Ramos “Butas 2” boasts of several full frontals that would have you blush. Ace Castro proudly displays his considerable appendage in full, well-lit scenes, as does Alvin Duckert (in a shower scene with Jhoy Ortiz where he’s the only one doing the full monty - he doesn't even have qualms facing the camera; such a dirty dirty boy). Alvin isn't shy parading his half-Swedish falukorv (click the link below to find out what it is) in half a dozen Pink Films. Newbie Rufert John Lirio exudes innocence, thus when Jiggo playfully films him taking (yet another) shower, you feel sorry for Andoy whose most challenging scenes were his self pleasuring moments. Oohlala indeed. Even Marklen Trinidad has a surprising scene borne out of an exigent need to pepper Ramos’ cinematic canvas with as much nudity. Ramos makes G.A. Villafuerte’s films seem like Walt Disney movies.

Mocha Uson is a captivating femme fatale. What’s more, like Duckert, she isn’t shy displaying her bits-and-pieces. Unfortunately, her role doesn’t give her much thespic grit to munch on. She's merely meant to be ogled at; and not derive emotive inspirations from. But let’s hope she succeeds to crossover to mainstream cinema instead of wallowing in godawful flicks like Z Lokman’s “Seksing Masahista”.

The visuals in “Butas 2” are a joy to watch because of the film’s crystal clarity (with Jepoy Tarnate’s cinematography). Ramos further experiments with angles and views that you hardly experience in the films of Crisaldo Pablo, GA Villafuerte, Lucas Mercado, Cleo Paglinawan, Paul Singh Cudail, Edz Espiritu and other purveyors of cheap, shoddy sex flicks. Having said all that, Ramos’ weakness is in the exposition of his narrative. He eventually turns aimless. The concluding scenes in the movie feel uninspired as though they belong to a different story. Rough plot transitions occur when film makers need to suddenly complete their projects. With a rather gaunt story, “Butas 2” could have benefitted from judicious editing. Too bad they forgot to patch the holes.  

Link to check: falukorv - http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/54/Falukorv.jpg

Why would a "straight" man film his naked caretaker? Sure gives you wayward ideas.

Alvin Duckert as Obet and Rufert John Lirio as Andoy find something they could sell.

Dexter Castro as Jiggo

Mocha Uson as Pia

Rufert John Lirio as Andoy

Alvin Duckert and Marklen Trinidad want you to smell their arms.

Mocha Uson is the femme fatale Pia.

Mocha Uson

Rufert John Lirio

Rufert John Lirio peeps through a hole.

Rufert John Lirio, Mocha Uson and Dexter Castro

Note:

Please read our featured post on Cinema Bravo and why Web Criticism isn't always about good writing:
- http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2016/10/cinema-bravo-film-criticisms-execrable.html

Halik sa Tubig - Of Cluttered Mess, Naughty Men and Spaced Out Goddeses

Kiro Baldemor, Orlando Sol and Marco Morales : Naughty triumvirate!

In Alejandro “Bong” Ramos’ “Halik sa Tubig” (Kiss in the Water), they start with an introduction about those “kwentong bayan” – which, let me tell you up front, are all hogwash. This particular small town lore is about a mythical earth goddess named Mercedita, a powerful wandering earth-bound diwata who watches over the brokenhearted of Binangonan, Rizal (she is territorial – LOL). In this story, we follow Ilo (Paolo Paraiso) who’s pining for the childhood sweetheart who left. Ten years into his search, he finds her married – and ill!

Ilo works as a caretaker of a fishpen, locally called “batilyo”; a job he shares with 3 other guys: Kain (Marco Morales), Pitong (Kiro Baldemor), and Andong (Orlando Sol). One fateful day, he finds a lady washed up amidst floating lilies. Her name – Mercedita. Is she or isn’t she?

Althea Vega is Mercedita

Director Ramos finally shows in his tacky story telling the limits of his capacity as a filmmaker. Good visuals don’t suffice. In fact, even color grading here is experimental at best. Some scenes they OD’ed with color saturation; someone was left unattended playing with his picassa or photo shop – or whatever it is that adjusts cinema colors. Paolo, in one of his rare lead roles (Deo Fajardo Jr.'s "Casa" and Adolf Alix Jr.'s "Imoral"), appears disheveled and uninteresting. He mopes all throughout the film; his character never left the single dimension that he’s in!

It’s actually the triumvirate – Morales, Sol and Baldemor – that’s given the spotlight as they get themselves into different fracas that would highlight their sexual stamina. Orlando Sol registers strongly on screen (and he gets to show his butt up close too) and Marco Morales does what he usually does in films: swears, gets high, shows his ass, and fornicates. Just a couple of years since he started, the strain of his lifestyle is prematurely starting to show. Kiro on the other hand does… damn, what did he do there? Jeff Luna makes a horizontal cameo too.

Ramos’ latest movie is a cluttered mess. At no point did we ever believe on the mythology at hand. Casting Althea Vega ("Walang Kawala", "Big Night") as Mercedita may be contributory to this. There was nothing in her bearing that suggested royalty or mysticism. In fact, if they muted the sound or spliced a few scenes out, I would surmise she's the ecdysiast from the beerhouse down the corner, then got herself accidentally entangled in a sea of water lilies. After all, which goddess in their moments of lucidity would swiftly strip down on top of a hill just to enjoy the fresh ocean breeze? Which goddess would succumb to smoking weeds after a few prods from drunken men? Which goddess carries gravity-friendly size 40 boobs? I rest my case!

There were moments of pure hilarity too. Such as when Mercedita gets raped and we see her curling her toes. She sure loved the misdeed. When the voice over relates the comeuppance of the three guys, the prose went from ponderous to comedic: “… hanggang mabalot ito sa kalibugan ng dagat!” and “at di nila mapigilan ang magparaos”. Ngi! Then as if to save the best for last, the avenging goddess - with Mercedita hanging on a nipa wall - casts a spell upon the baddies: a spell that had them fondling and cavorting with each other. It's a ridiculously meretricious menage a trios. Everytime Ramos loses narrative steam, he turns to tawdry and ill-conceived ménage a trois to redeem his dwindling think board. (See “Araro”.) Brilliant!

To resurrect Paolo’s fastly nondescript character from cinematic limbo, he is given an off-the-wall scene with a ghost for closure! How utterly silly!

Fresh faced Orlando Sol registers strongly on screen. He is part of the overhauled singing group "Masculados".

Orlando and his sequined briefs.

Note:

Please read our featured post on Cinema Bravo and why Web Criticism isn't always about good and reliable writing:

- http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2016/10/cinema-bravo-film-criticisms-execrable.html

Jeff Luna Plows The Barren Field in "Araro"

I refuse to be director Alejandro Bong Ramos' trumpet-blower. He doesn't get points from me for admitting the obvious - that all he intends to deliver are "skin flicks" which he still outdated calls "bold" as though we're still in the 80's. These days, we appropriately call them sex exploitation movies which has gotten synonymous with "indie movies" or "gay movies". These terms jubilantly interchange.

In "Araro" (Plow), a farming couple Andoy (Paolo Rivero) and Elena (hopelessly homely Lorraine Lopez) comes home to find a stranger resting inside their shanty. Steve (Jeff Luna) shakes their seemingly harmonious marital existence. Though initially suspicious of the new kid in town, they soon invite him to stay over after Andoy injures himself while farming his rice fields. "Dumito ka muna at tumulong; babayaran kita," offers Andoy, despite his wife's objections. Something in the soft spoken young man intrigues the couple. His presence will eventually rock the boat, what with Steve seductively taking skinny dips by the river. But just when you thought he would run away with Elena, we suddenly find him locking lips with Andoy! How convenient, right?

Well, this ends into a menage a trois that's too unseductive to watch, it was like reading a by-the-number tutorial on sexual orgy sans the requisite passion. Fine, they can then live happily ever after. But then there's that silly subplot about Steve's past (spoilers ahead: he escapes a defensive murder drama from the city) which is bound to catch up with our strapping hunk of a man!

The narrative is rather derivative we don't even have to look far for reference. Jeff Luna's recent release, the straight-to-video "Darang" also tells of an almost similar tale. But this film teeters into legitimacy - but not quite. First, camera work is sparklingly crystal, much like Ramos' other work, "Butas". He has the eye for such visuals which is sad as he has basically surrendered into being a skin flick director. A local palayan (rice field) has never looked this scenic and lovely in the green plains of Laur, Nueva Ecija. Some scenes were just too pretty they looked like gentle brush strokes. Another plus point is the way the narrative is moved by dialogue-free scenes. This is not a "talkative" movie, and it actually works for the story. It has successfully done away with too complicated "explanations" by being "silent". Paolo Rivero carries the performance grade here. His naturally calm presence reeks of an underlying pathos that when he cries for fear of being abandoned, his uhog drips and his heart breaks into tiny little pieces.

Jeff Luna, this season's it-man oozes with enough testosterone charm, it sometimes suffices that he just stands without opening his mouth. When he does, all possibilities of lewd fantasizing drop down exponentially. Much like his earlier movies, - "Libido", "Darang", "Chub Chaser", his straight-to-video sex flicks ("Summer Boys", a walk-on in "Here Comes the Bride", etc.) - he speaks with a doze-inviting, emotionally-hollow monotone, delivering his lines like he was reading from the page of a script. His face is a blank, which only changes when he closes his eyes to depict the emotions of a self-pleasuring gentleman - which he seems to do in every movie he does! Yet, even his masturbation scenes are hardly believable. Someone has to teach Jeff how to deliver emotions on screen fast! Half a dozen movies after and you're still a ham, Jeff? What gives? Otherwise, what becomes of his strong presence but being reduced to a mere phallic symbol! As for the only lady in the film, Lorraine Lopez, you somehow wonder what the makers see in her! Her mere presence is a mystery - and we refuse to further talk about her!

The director is fond of shots that inspire a voyeur; his camera floats on ceiling walls, doors ajar, holes in the wall. He isn't quite over "Butas". And it is obvious that he loves to highlight his actors in their several states of undress, Jeff Luna especially (check out his swimming scenes as he floats and flips over river waters, you'd notice a mushroom - LOL).

A lot of the arrogant indie film directors should learn Visuals 101 from Mr. Ramos. Chances are, it's really a matter of economics and how Mr. Ramos can afford to use a high definition video camera, while the others are content with their visual mediocrity. As for his ambition to wallow in skin flick heavens, what a waste! An admission of his story-telling limitation.

Isn't that sad?

Jeff Luna's testosterone charm and emotionally-hollow monotones.

Note:

Please read our featured post on Cinema Bravo and why Web Criticism isn't always about good and reliable writing:
- http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2016/10/cinema-bravo-film-criticisms-execrable.html