Camille Delamarre's "Brick Mansions" - Action And Nothing Else

Detroit, 2018, is one of squalor, entropy, and lawlessness. In the dystopian district of the Brick Mansions, once progressive but now occupied by hardened criminals and low lives, a containment wall separates the public from these criminals. Undercover drug agent Damien Collier (Paul Walker) is keen to bring down drug kingpin Tremaine Alexander (RZA). But with a heavy coterie of thugs surrounding the latter, that’s not the easiest of tasks.

Meanwhile, Lino Dupree (David Belle) wants to clean up his community by interfering with the drug shipments. This doesn't put him in good stead with Tremaine who then kidnaps Lino’s girl friend. Things come to a head when a neutron bomb gets stolen and taken to the mansions. It detonates in 10 hours. Damien and Lino must come together to secure the bomb which is now under the care of the drug lord. Will they succeed before everything’s too late?

The first 15 minutes of the film will have you wide eyed and open mouthed. Lino gracefully sashays with his parkour skills, gliding on walls and staircases light as a feather as he escapes from thugs. He then jumps out of the building, swings by the ledge and straight into the window a floor under. But then David Belle is the founder of Parkour, so that's no surprise. And who needs spider web when you can be a super hero without wearing spandex?

Action is so fluid it washes you with a drum of adrenaline. Unfortunately, not all that’s kinetic makes good sense. In fact, there’s not much story to hang on to. The movie further highlights more action: watch two cars hit head on, missing both Damien and Lino while the guys tumble on the air and land on their feet unscathed. If you’re into heavy action, you’d probably enjoy this. Just leave common sense out of the picture. You’re also well likely to compare this to the claustrophobic atmosphere of “The Raid”, but all comparison stops there. This is an inferior version. Way, way, way inferior.

Delamarre’s “Brick Mansions” is a remake of a 2004 French movie called “District 13” that also had David Belle playing the same character with a slightly different name “Leito” (instead of “Lino”). How does it feel to repeat yourself 10 years later? We better ask Mr. Belle. Better yet, let's ask airhead Kris Aquino to interview Belle so she could once again namedrop her vomit-inducing "My Little Bossings". What's funnier, "Brick Mansions" seems like a masterpiece beside that piece of shameful cinematic turd. Sometimes, there's no accounting for taste.

Paul Walker did better in Eric Heisserer's flood drama, " Hours".

The founder of Parkour, David Belle glides effortlessly for his parkour stunts.

Babylon A.D. - Better Left To Its Ancient Roots

I have been itchin' to watch the new Matheiu Kassovitz movie ever since I saw the trailer. Kassovitz is quite a French hottie who directed the neo-noir masterpiece "La Haine" (Hatred), a black and white cinematic essay on delinquency and violence in a French city. Kassovitz also starred in the sumptuous rom-com, Oscar-nominated "Amelie" where Kassovitz played Amelie's yummy OOD, as Kyle (one of my BFF) succinctly puts it. (OOD = object of desire) He has since directed the disappointing Hollywood thriller, "Gothika" where he was rumored to be fighting with his lead actress, Halle Berry.

So, it goes: Kyle made me a deal. If I accompany him to watch his bading flick at Robinson's Galleria, Crisaldo Pablo's Quicktrip (which was a disaster in all sense of the word), he shall accompany me to watch Kassovitz's Babylon A.D. Besides, bading flicks always seem to produce salivatory eyecandies with little substance - so we went! It was a fair deal.

I like Kassovitz. He has always churned out cerebral films - although he could do with a little more humor in his directorial pieces. And it's been awhile since I was able to watch a high-adrenaline, futuristic sci-fi adventure in the vein of the Terminator series.

SPOILER ALERT!

In a capsule, Vin Diesel plays Toorup who was tasked to safely "deliver" a special girl Aurora (Melanie Thierry, who reminds me of Uma Thurman) from Mongolia to America. The mission is risky. Toorup is a castaway vigilante who cannot enter the U.S., but as sci-fi flicks like this go, there is always a way to attain the impossible. What makes Aurora special? For starters, she started to speak at the age of 2. I did too and it didn't make me anything special. I can speak French. Oi oi oi! Merci! LOL. However, Aurora did her "yeses" in 19 languages! Moreover, there were things she could predict! And finally, she had an immaculate concepcion! And we're talking "twins"!

Now, bad bad girl Charlotte Rampling who plays the High Priestess has planned to secure these babies for the emergence of a super religion of sorts that will eventually dominate the civilized world! The new messiah multiplied by two! Imagine that! If this all seems too tall a story, it is! The characters were badly written. Read: they were boring, and I just couldn't empathize with their plight! I love Michelle Yeoh, who plays Sister Rebecca, who is tasked to take care of uber-Virgin Mary-wannabe Aurora, but the situations they were in didn't move me to sit back and enjoy! In fact, I was fidgeting on my seat! Whatever happened to my beloved Kassovitz? That's what he gets for standing me up at out dinner cruise along the Seine! Hahahaha!

With a narrative that inspires a lot of questions over questions, Babylon A.D. inspired me to bury the concept of this ancient mesopotamian city located in Babil, Iraq! It's better left undisturbed - for good! How was the big big man Mark Sinclair Vincent aka Vin Diesel? Let's just say I won't miss him for now.

Maybe when the latest incarnation of the film "The Fast and the Furious 4" opens June 2009, he shall do better? I probably wouldn't notice. My eyes will be fixed on the scrumptuous Paul Walker whom I have missed for ages! Kay Andrea del Rosario na lang si Vin! Paul is mine!


Touch my errrr... muscles.