Lucas Mercado's Imahinasyon - One Track Mind

Jeram (Luigi Romero) is haunted by a recurring dream about a wandering “diwata” – a fairy named Diana (Thea Alvarez) who’s as enchanting as she is beautiful. Her mirage has so besotted him that he roams around Manila hoping he would find her. He enlists the help of his best buddy Ruval (Oliver Lacson) who keeps reminding him to seek clues as to Diana’s whereabouts, “Maghanap ka ng mga palatandaan sa iyong panaginip para malaman natin ang lugar.” He then gathers his clues: lush vegetation, spring, bridge, and a lookout point where buildings are seen from a distance.

One day, Jeram and Ruval decide to head to the back roads of a town called “Punong Bato” where Jeram’s dreams lead him. He just knew this was where he was supposed to go. Jeram and Ruval brave the desolate nowhere, punctuated by trees and an idyllic falls. They eventually find the bridge and walk further until they had to rest up, sleeping under the sky. Later, they find a shanty where a hospitable couple welcomes them with wide open arms. We’re writers, they reason out to explain their presence. The couple, Ana and Angelo (Thea Alvarez and Derick Gonzaga), offers their humble dwelling. But Jeram couldn’t take his eyes off Ana who’s spitting image of the girl in his dreams. Has he found her?

When Angelo leaves for the farm, Ana seduces Jeram. She tells him that she knew of him (is she a clairvoyant?), but had to marry Angelo after the latter forced himself on her. Jeram tries to convince Ana to runaway with him but she refuses. She couldn’t leave Angelo because they’ve been sanctified by the church and marriage, to her, is sacred. So is a union predicated on sexual assault? How upstanding, right? Jeram is heartbroken, but acquiesces. They leave the woods where, after a nap, Jeram finds himself locked in romantic embrace with – hold your breath – Ruval, his best friend. From his immediate heartbreak, he gets an epiphany that he belongs to Ruval. Ain’t that a blast?

Best friends Ruval (Oliver Lacson) and our protagonist Jeram (Luigi Romero) look for  Diana along Ilog Pasig! 

Director Lucas Mercado (the purveyor of some of indie cinema’s most idiotic movies I generally call “Moron Cinema” simply because these films do not follow the tenets of common sense, don’t subscribe to logic or chronology, and are generally perplexed by their own design) is back!

Mercado, who's allegedly a physician by profession – que horror!, mines his incipient ideas and expounds on them by infusing his fixations with homosexuality and the mindless exposition of nubile male flesh! This one-track mind sets him apart from others because he blindly and randomly dwells on them in wild abandon, peppering his scenes with needless suggestions when they’re not wanted. This is found even in the most mundane scenes.

DIANA MUST BE A GUY?

When Jeram tells his friend Ruval about Diana, the latter asks:”Baka naman lalaki si Diana!” which was answered with, “Kahit na anupaman siya, mamahalin ko siya! Ang pag-ibig walang pinipiling kasarian!” How ennobling, I was going to stand up and shout “encore”. This was a more fitting sentiment that deserved an ovation more than my forays at the Royal Albert Hall in London. While roaming the metropolis, Ruval would occasionally taunt Jeram with: “Hahalikan kita diyan, eh!” Then later: “Kung totohanin ko ba, kakalimutan mo na si Diana?” Didn’t I say one-track mind? J

Mercado once again hires his fly-by-night make-up artists, painting his stars (male stars, mostly) with livid red lipsticks even when they’re supposed to be sleeping in bed. What’s worse, he is fond of extreme close ups that highlight the pasty foundation and thick paints of these koloretes that somehow emasculate his actors in eternal states of bareness. Like his recent “Hiram na Ama”, he has them alternately donning skimpy white briefs or traffic-stopping incandescent red bikinis while frolicking in the batis. 

The actors are mostly limited by the director’s paltry skill to actually stage - or film - a scene. The blockings are all awkward. Their abecedarian facility are on full highlight, I shall forever take pity on these gentleman for having been exploited for the hormonal avocation of the director (who I believe is also the founding head of a cringe-worthy male beauty pageant). In fact, you feel like you’re watching science fiction instead of a dramatic yarn. This is mostly because the story is wanting of narrative fluidity or reason. When Jeram leaves Ana, he was dejected. After all, Ana was literally the "girl of his dreams" - and refused to run away with him. Hours later, he is seen canoodling with his best friend’s bratwurst. Jeram and Ruval were, after all, kindred spirit and soul mates. Diana turned into a guy? How quaint! Kaya pala fairy si Diana – she who so loved to play with magic wands! LOL

EXTREME HILARITY

There are moments of extreme, albeit inadvertent hilarity. Whenever Jeram would tell Ruval about Diana and his dreams, the latter would send him back to sleep: "Matulog ka ulit! Maghanap ka ng palatandaan tapos sabihin mo sa akin!" Where on earth do you find hard clues from dreams except in Lucas Mercado's alternate world. In another scene, Jeram is seen sleeping with his reading glasses on. When he wakes up, he stretches his arms and removes them. When exactly does one put on a reading glass, when he's asleep? Ohgawd!

This time around, Mercado makes use of a skilled "nature" cinematographer, peppering his scenography with nature scenes, you inadvertently ask, does nature figure in Mercado’s story? A protracted “rape” scene between Ana and Angelo was mostly superimposed with the flow of the waterfall, and you’re left wondering why. I feel like I need to organize a film making workshop for Lucas Mercado, Cris Pablo, Paul Singh Cudail, G.A. Villafuerte, Darry dela Cruz and their cohorts just to help and teach these lost souls the basics of storytelling! After all, they’re honorable emeritus members of an enviable club called “How Not To Tell A Story”.

Thea Alvarez

 Is there enough genitalia “hanging” around this work? Not a lot, really. Luigi Romero, who’s more comfortable here than in “Hiram na Ama” and “Trabajador (Men@Work)”, displays a couple of shower scenes (come on, what’s a Pink Film without one, right?) while Oliver Lacson displays his shortcomings in another: the phone has to ring while he’s taking the shower. This is imperative! Otherwise, when he’s all clothed, the phone wouldn’t ring, debah? When it hangs, it rings!

SPOILERS!

Whatever happened to Ana and Angelo? You gotta sit back and hold your horses! Ana and Angelo were actually ghosts. (They were victims of a massacre! Imagine that!) But as a ghost, Angelo couldn’t father a child (a similar dilemma in “Hiram na Ama”) thus Ana had to appear in Jeram’s dream to lure the hapless young man into their spider’s web. Very E.B. White indeed. Why do ghosts need a child I wonder? I love babies, but a baby ghost? I have never heard of something this absurd. Nor have I heard of ghosts getting impregnated by a living soul. Surely, this spectacular tale goes straight to the books for its imagination!

No wonder they called this “Imahinasyon”. Lucas Mercado couldn’t resist his ferocious mental fabrication. He deserves a cage!

Thea Alvarez and Derick Gonzaga

Oliver Lacson and Luigi Romero in traffic-stopping briefs.

Oliver Lacson and Derick Gonzaga: Notice the heavy blush on and red lipstick.

Lacson, Alvarez, Romero and Gonzaga: Imagination or the lack of it.

Lihim ni Adonis - Ill-Conceived Sexual Rigodon with Jeremy Ian

The pulchritude of a young man in Jeremy Ian is highlighted in Noli Salvador's "Lihim ni Adonis" - a little seen Pink Film from the makers of "Haliparot (Mana sa Ina)" which hybrids straight erotica and the pervasive pink flicks.

The story follows Adonis (Jeremy Ian), young, fair, good looking barrio boy who lives with an ailing father and a younger brother Gian (Gian Santos) in dire need of help for his studies. But Adonis' good looks has caught the attention of rural lass Vina (Thea Alvarez). When Vina's father (Dan Alvaro) learns of Vina's affection for Adonis, he plots a plan to snag the strapping young lad right down his daughter's lap. After all, Adonis' father has unpaid loans that's long overdue. The old man balks, but Vina's dad sweetens the deal, promising to finance Gian's studies. Suddenly, getting married wasn't such an acrid predicament. So Adonis clinches the deal.

On their matrimonial night, the dissolute bride finds her carnal advances rejected, paving the way for clues about Adonis' secret - his sexual preference, a fact hitherto ambiguous. The plot thickens when Jomar (Diomar Dyangco), Adonis' best friend from his childhood days, rides back into town with his friends (Charles Delgado as the wheedling Jun). One day, while Adonis finds a drunk Jomar at the riverside, Adonis coerces his helpless buddy, giving him fellating pleasures, despite the latter's protest: "Ano'ng ginagawa mo? Huwag! Tama na!" Which is funnier than executed because how can an able bodied young man who's capable enough of walking on rough terrain over huge boulders, adept enough to take off his swimming trunks and jump into a heavy stream, but suddenly defenseless against the oral advances of his dear childhood friend? A conundrum indeed.

The succeeding days pass by as the story plateaus into narrative skepticism. Jomar meets Vina, and he's besotted. But this doesn't stop him from sleeping (again) with Adonis who was himself lured into Jun's (Charles Delgado) seductive bed. Hilariously, this trifling detail of attraction and rigodon has Jomar sleeping with the sexually frustrated Vina who suddenly finds the nirvana of pleasure in Jomar's voracious appetite.

The adulterous couple starts to plan their great escape. But not before reclaiming Vina's fortunes (a wad of money given to Adonis' younger brother for his studies). One fateful day, Adonis catches Jomar and Vina in flagrante delicto. He wails in deep sorrow: "Paano n'yo nagawa sa akin ito?" which all the more made me chuckle considering he's been shagging every other guy who waves their penises at him. These are cinematic moments of utter enlightenment. Common sense left the production when they filmed this.

When I present details of a story, it is with the objective that something out of a movie is worth a healthy discussion. But the nature of logical argumentation is so thin, I am hardly able to contain myself from just altogether abandoning this article. Why else would it take me almost a month to force myself to write this? That's why I know that there is a more powerful Being who dispenses people with enough resolve when the going gets tough. Let's consider the decision of Vina's father to marry off her daughter to someone who doesn't even have a job? Dan Alvaro's going away present for his daughter Vina (who admitted to having a crush on Adonis) was this young man whose father owes them a fortune. Dan, a soldier, was leaving his family because he was assigned to faraway Mindanao. His parting message: "O gusto ko pagbalik ko, marami na akong apo ha." Wait a minute, is he going to Tibet? Eritrea? Liberia? Turkmenistan? Or maybe Neptune perhaps?

Thea Alvarez and Diomar Dyangco share illicit moment as Adonis' wife Vina and best friend Jomar.

On a more positive note, Jeremy Ian is a star find. Though he was dull and robotic in his small part in Noli Salvador's "Haliparot (Mana Sa Ina)", Ian delineates his character's sense of perdition, of his loss of freedom, his probity regarding his sexual orientation or preference. We are not saying that Ian is already a thespian - far from it, actually. But his several scenes where he cries didn't end up amateurish, sappy, or floundering the way Jeff Luna usually delivers (by the way, where is he?) The coarse and reckless camera work sometimes pans his pimple ridden face which further renders empathy to his dilemma. And it doesn't hurt that Jeremy is so easy on the eyes, you may as well freeze a frame, and I wouldn't mind gazing at him. Oohlala indeed!

Thea Alvarez who has gained notoriety in Lucas Mercado's modern day soft porn flicks ("Darang", "Libido", "Bata Pa Si Rafael") doesn't do so badly herself, considering her character takes a back seat to the title role. I've never considered her pretty but I now understand why perving men constantly "search" for Thea's name in this blogsite and elsewhere. She has this allure of insidious naivete that makes men's motors running.

Diomar Dyangco, who has his start in legitimate indie films like the Cinemalaya flick, "Rekrut" tries his luck with this Pink Film. Though he doesn't come off awkward, his character is recklessly ill conceived, providing funny moments in scenes that should otherwise be austere. But this tack of piecing the characters together is deliberate and audacious - the objective is really to find them in sexual rigodon with each other. Do you wonder why?

Thea Alvarez gradually claiming her throne as the princess of B-flicks.

Diomar Dyangco will appear in an indie re-enactment of the Ampatuan massacre opposite Snooky Serna.

Note:

Please read our featured post on Cinema Bravo and why Web Criticism isn't always about good and reliable writing:
- http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2016/10/cinema-bravo-film-criticisms-execrable.html

Mahilig - Sex, Drugs and Lousy Cinema

Just when you thought we're safe from the influx of those B-movie girlie erotica that used to thrive in 2nd rate cinemas in the late 80's and 90's, we were surprised to find director Mike Angelo Salvador's (posters use a shorter name: Nico Salvador) "Mahilig" at a major cinema!

The movie is made up of 2 incongruent stories weaved into one. The first is that of Thea Alvarez's ("Libido") character who's the sex nymphet who couldn't shake drugs off her system, thus when her hard working, albeit sex-starved husband (Mon Lacsamana) finds out that old habits indeed die hard, he leaves her. This sends Thea deeper into the quagmire of her addiction. The second narrative strain is that of Carlo Aquino's character; an impressionable high school student who comes from an ordinary, but loving family. His father's a good natured postman (Dante Rivero) while mother (Daria Ramirez) is a typical homemaker. Enter Nico (Onemig Bondoc) who would lure saintly Nico to the realm of vices: from smoking, to alcohol, then drugs. The latter would eventually tie down these 2 disparate stories together.

There really isn't much to critique in Salvador's work as there's not a hint of brilliance on show here. Much of the performance is obsequious to what is required from the character sketches on view. And it is a little bewildering how this film is able to get the services of actors like Carlo Aquino, Dante Rivero and Daria Ramirez. You can probably surmise "desperation" - or a good payday, but then again, it can be how the story was pitched prior to production: "It's a cautionary tale about how drugs can consume a person (Thea Alvarez) and destroy families (Carlo Aquino)." Looks good on paper, doesn't it?

An adequate film making skill is needed for this! But whatever little talent is shown here turns into nothing but vacuous craftsmanship. Even the intentions are suspect at best. In fact, the first scenes involving Thea Alvarez (with her protruding belly, she would take a full-frontal 3 minute shower) would already clue you in! I somehow felt I was in the wrong theater! I pinched myself; maybe I was in some dingy Quiapo cinema watching reruns of films starring Aya Medel, Sabrina M, Vida Verde or Lala Montelibano. Alvarez's confrontation with Mon Lacsamana happens right after they had a sweaty roll in the hay! How convenient, right?

What's almost ridiculous to bear is the resolute cameos of Gen. Rodolfo Caisip and Asec Rommel Garcia (PDEA deputy director and Dangerous Drugs Board honcho, respectively). It's one thing to advocate anti-drug sentiments, but when you're endorsing it within a salacious softcore film, any assumptions of good intent is lost!

Thea Alvarez and Mon Lacsamana

Desperation becomes Carlo Aquino.

Mon Lacsamana disrobes away from his singing group "D Pardz".