Two Funerals - When Grieving is Funny and Entertaining

In Gil Portes’ “Two Funerals”, two corpses from a bus collision in Nueva Ecija gets interchanged. One is sent to a feisty political family in Tuguegarao, the other in Matnog. This sets off a road movie that plies the roads from Cagayan all the way south to Sorsogon for the deceased girl’s family as they desperately try to recover her remains. In the process, they have to return the body of a hitman to his enterprising brother. Taking the long road is Aling Pilar (Tessie Tomas), mother of Carmela (PBB’s iron butterfly Princess Manzon). She is joined by Carmela’s fiancé Gerry (Xian Lim), and the funeral parlor’s Tommy (Jeffrey Quizon) and driver Tonyo (Leo Mier). Along the way, they encounter a series of zany characters that color this very Pinoy palette.

It is a fascinating ride that superficially sweeps through characters and tradition, as well as detestable practices that make this society a morbid landscape. We have cops who never miss their opportunity to encroach on the liberties of others just to earn a buck; the Catholic priest who preaches what he doesn’t follow, and the congressman whose sweet words send a girl to her untimely demise.

But the story telling, though intermittently awkward in presentation, is buoyed by the performance of Tessie Tomas, without whom, the narrative would have caved in from the film’s lofty ambition of indoctrinating a multitude of societal dilemma and cultural norms. Employing the Holy Week as backdrop to the ongoing narrative further moves the story, and though its slapdash social commentaries are not exactly successful in execution, you cannot deny the inherent charm that eventually filter through the major characters.

Jeffrey Quizon plays the closeted Tommy who’s married with children. He provides welcome humor to an otherwise sullen subject as his conflicted character grapples against his sexuality. He resisted so hard to join the long journey, but a pleading Gerry (Xian Lim) placing his arm around his shoulder is enough motivation to change his resolve. I was snickering at my seat. Xian Lim, on the other hand, has commanding screen presence, but his dramatic skill isn’t quite there yet. He is introduced in this film. When he sorrowfully laments for his lost love, we find him too green and a bit awkward. This doesn’t mean we find him bad. Far from it! In fact, with a few more experience, he would make a fantastic lead – and we can’t wait for that moment. But right now, everyone has to start somewhere, and his baby steps are a welcome spotlight.

Forget the negative reviews that you read online. I don’t care about Portes’ abhorrent “Pitik Bulag”. He once gave us the wonderful “Mulanay”. And really now, we don’t critique a movie based on his past works. This film can proudly stand on its own, and anybody who declares it as “the worst of Cinemalaya” is nothing but a disgruntled soul for he predicates his judgment on certain biases. That this is allegedly a plagiarized work is of no consequence to me either, as the end product for the paying audience is good cinema. My money was well spent!

Are these people even aware of the dregs that we get to write about in this blogsite; the mindless trash of incoherent gay-flesh drivel that is being shown week after week in commercial cinema? I have waded through a mockery of Filipino artistry. I have seen ALL local and commercial releases this year, and calling “Two Funerals” anything less than good is pure insanity! Shake off those arrogant boots and actually use your cerebral grey and white matter!

“Two Funerals” is without a doubt a good movie! It doesn’t succeed in some of its ambitions, but it has an undeniable charm that entertains and delivers the goods!

Xian Lim: future looks bright!

Xian Lim: future looks six-packed! ;->

TV Series Spotlight - Half Filipina in ABC's Alien Sci-fi "V"

I was quite taken with the sci-fi remake "V". The story commenced much like Neill Blomkamp's "District 9" where 29 huge spaceships were seen hovering over Earth's major cities (France, London, Cairo, L.A., etc). As characters were gradually introduced, we are ushered into the superficial motives of the visitors. Power started to fluctuate, then a giant screen soon beams the image of a fetching woman named Anna, the Visitors' High Commander. They come in peace, as what they'd have us believe. They say they're ecstatic to find another living being in the constellation, and they're willing to share the advances of their civilization, including medical advances to heal the sick (they seem to provide health "miracles"). But in return, they need to replenish some requisite minerals for survival, etc. But what started as an amorous introduction is unravelling into sinister acts from the Visitors (thus "V").

One of the characters is that of Ryan Nichols, played by african-american Morris Chestnut, who is at the throes of proposing to his girlfriend Valerie, played by the charming Lourdes Benedicto. And every time the screen shows Benedicto, I'd tell myself how pretty this girl was, she reminded me of Halle Berre. But we weren't sure if she was a Latina or a mulatto African-American. After a few readings, we were surprised with what we learned.

Lourdes Benedicto is indeed an American actress of Filipino-Dominican descent! In fact, I have seen her in several other shows: the musical "Fighting Temptations" with Beyonce, and the TV series "Cashmere Mafia". As of this writing, I've only finished the first episode of the first season, so I have a long way to go. ABC renewed the series for its 2nd season, set to return this November 2010.

We were also quite pleased to find Scott Wolf as a ratings-hungry news anchor Chad Decker. How the years have been kind to Scott Wolf, he looks almost-exactly the same as he did in "Party of Five" eons ago. Another interesting character dynamics exists between the mother and son, Erica and Tyler Evans (Elizabeth Mitchell and Logan Huffman, respectively). Mom works for the FBI, while her son Tyler is quite besotted with Lisa, the daughter of the alien's head commander. So Tyler enlists himself as a V Peace Ambassador without his mom's permission (he's only 17).

But something is brewing, and the authorities find a few ominous signs that the aliens may be planning something more than extending their hand in friendship.

I'd say the plot thickens.

Morena Baccarin plays the manipulative V High Commander Anna.

Mother and son look up to see the alien ship hovering above New York City.

Lourdes Benedicto finds the ring.

Lourdes Benedicto is half Filipino and half Dominican.

Logan Huffman is one of the resident eye-candies in "V". He plays Tyler Evans, the female lead's son.

Scott Wolf is news anchor Chad Decker who gets exclusive interviews from Anna.

Scott Wolf

Lagpas - The Cleanest Guys in Town

Let’s consider for a second that there’s even a semblance of a coherent story in Hedji Calagui’s “Lagpas”.

Orlando (Dennis Torres) is carrying a torch for bushy browed Diego (Rob Da Silva) who’s being verbally and (on occasion) sexually abused by his roommate Sandro (Kim Allen) who, in turn, is selling Winston’s (Dustin Jose) drugs. Unfortunately, naughty boy Sandro is plotting a money-making heist that would eventually pin down all the blame on morose Diego who can’t seem to find his briefs (eh?) Meanwhile, the youngest guy Roy (Miko Laurel) suspects the worst from the situation. On Roy’s birthday, he alerts Orlando of Diego’s impending downfall. If it all seems coherent, it’s because there’s lucidity in my writing more than the film’s storytelling. LOL

That we’re made belatedly aware of Orlando’s health concerns becomes an ineffectual blot in Calagui’s alternative dimension. Nothing here is vaguely believable! The director was more concerned with offering his audience the cleanest guys this side of tinsel town by having not one, not two or three – or even four – but FIVE bathing scenes!

Miko Laurel tells Dennis Torres something's coming down. And why does he even care? Rob Da Silva's character is nothing but an antipathetic, frowning pest all throughout the film! They're not even related!

If this seems to inspire his audience, his limited artistry is lost in me! Heck, even the repetitive bathing scenes look unimaginatively redundant, albeit with different male specimen showing off their butts and the occasional peekaboo of mushroom heads! You would know his range of imagination – a pail of water, a dipper (tabo) and an obliquely positioned naked male body. Voila! We acquire Calagui’s visual catharsis! In one scene, we see the drug dealing Winston all exasperated so he slips into a deserted kanto full of empty barrels and a leaky faucet. Before we know it, he was bathing ponderously! LOL

To conjure a sense of denouement, we later discover Orlando and Diego’s mutual affection for each other; something that’s barely glimpsed from their earlier scenes together. In fact, Diego seemed peeved with Orlando’s presence. And really now, Dennis Torres fawning over Rob Da Silva?

Finally, this film is conspicuously mistitled, and should have been called “Ligo”!

There used to be a humorous reference to the proliferation of tabloid writers: “Pinabili lang ng suka, writer na!” These days, it’s a new generation's variant: “Nakabili lang ng video camera, director na!” Annals of Philippine Indies in a capsule!

Rob Da Silva and Dennis Torres: declaring their love from out of the blue!

Kim Allen before he bathes! ;->

Now the bathing scenes:

Dennis Torres soaps away!

Dustin Jose - Ligo sa kanto!

Eye candy and nothing else.

Drew and Justin Go The Distance

The day Garrett (Justin Long) is dumped by his girlfriend of 6 months, he meets Erin (Drew Barrymore) who ends up in his bed that night. The morning after becomes an uneasy moment (don’t they always), and despite admission of their mutual attraction with each other, there is a caveat: she only has 6 weeks (as an intern at a New York daily) then she flies back to California. But since she just ended a messy relationship, she isn’t ready to dive into a new one. With that cleared, the couple enjoys Erin’s remaining days, uncommitted. When Garrett finally takes her to the airport for her flight back home, they realized the undeniable truth staring at them on the face. They care for each other – and they would like to be in touch.

Thus commences a long distance love affair that endures those agonizing holidays, missed schedules, and pent-up desires. Would they overcome the odds of such a relationship?

Though we only have admiration for couples on long-distance relationships, it isn’t for us. For how can a couple grow together when they are far apart? Love is sometimes a chemical reaction and when the other entity is miles away from you, you will end up with nothing but a placebo. Do we believe such a thing exists? Of course. How else would you explain families of thousands of Filipinos where one is forced to work over seas. I am sure that a lot of sacrifice is encountered, and multitudes don’t quite make it. The rest who does will continue to persevere – and the sweetest of such affections are borne from anticipations, and text messages, cam meetings and tearful phone calls. “Going The Distance” is an amorous tale lovingly and light heartedly told. Drew Barrymore and Justin Long make such an adorable pair. I didn’t use to think so.

“Going the Distance” is directed by Nanette Burstein who directed docu-reality movie “American Teen” which we wrote about a few months back.

Garrett and Erin should get a room! Exchanging uvulas at the Grand Central Park is way too vulgar.

Airports are a perfect site for rude realizations.

Oliver Jackson-Cohen plays Damon, Erin's major temptation in "Going the Distance". He hails from London and has done several Westend plays and TV series. He will appear next alongside Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in the thriller, "Faster". He stands 6'3".

Oliver Jackson-Cohen

Dwayne Johnson with Oliver Jackson-Cohen in "Faster".

Bea Alonzo - A Force of Nature in Trite "Sa Yo Lamang"

Two words - Bea Alonzo.

Synonym: brilliant.

In a film that's questionably rated A by a group of bumbling idiots, there is no denying the palpable intensity of this virtual force of nature. She limns her character in several dimensions, it felt like watching the latest stereoscopic technology. "Sa Yo Lamang - 3D" where the sole three-dimensional character was a girl named Dianne (Bea Alonzo). She's petulant of her father Franco's (Christopher de Leon) return. He abandoned them 10 years ago. Since then, Dianne has abandoned her own dreams, and has shouldered the family's financial needs.

Ten years is a long time to not move on. Human emotion learns with time, and hurtful things are eventually dulled by the resilience of the human soul. So how can Christopher's character impose his presence on a family of 4 growing kids he once nullified in favor of a mistress? This logic escapes me. Then, when his mistress calls for a prenatal check up, he flies off without even offering an excuse for his absence. Wasn't he just "accepted"? Not a darn squeak. Is this a documentation about ungrateful cads? Upon his return, he finds his children in a fisticuff. But proving the great father that he is, he halts this by punching one of his sons instead? What gives? Talk about Fathering and how not to be one.

This film teaches the wrong values. If this was a slice of the Modern Filipino Family, we are in deep shit! No, I would never find inspiration in this movie, the way one online reviewer suggested.

The family in question is far from being a cross-section of a typical Pinoy family, and please, let's not get up our seats and hail this visionary work as something we could ponder upon. Dianne is the sole character we understand; her motivations are quite lucid to us, thanks to Alonzo's masterful and earnest performance. Coco Martin, as rebellious Coby, is largely misdirected, like he grew up from a different family. He was loud, but shallow, and I thought he learned a thing or two from his indie experiences. Less is more, even in emotionally flagrant melodramas like this one. See how teleseryes can distract a natural actor? Enchong Dy plays the obedient James, an honor student who was caught buying stolen test papers. Enchong cuts a dashing screen character, like the boyish next door neighbor you'd wanna spy on. And he is intuitive in ways Piolo Pascual was, before Piolo finally settled into nothing but an overrated actor. Christopher de Leon, we miss him. He used to be the penultimate actor, but he has caricatured himself into someone who's superficially intense, but you know that it's all generic theatrics. That what is on screen is an actor who goes home at the end of the day as the celebrity that Mr. De Leon is. That is sad.

Lorna Tolentino underplays her role as Amanda Alvero, the family's suffering matriarch. She is a great actress and nothing in the movie deviates from this acknowledged idea, except that at times, I get distracted by a seemingly over-botoxed forehead that "appears too taut, too ironed and too hard". She has this eerie, waxwork look from mid-cheeks up to her forehead.

RENDERING THE EMOTIONS PARALYZED

You see, an actress' tool for expressing an emotion is her face. But when your muscles of expression are rendered frozen, how would an actress convey her feelings? Here's a literature I've read about the topic: "The muscles of the forehead help to form facial expressions. There are four basic motions, which can occur individually or in combination to form different expressions. The Occipitofrontalis muscles can raise the eyebrows, either together or singly, forming expressions of surprise and quizzicality. The corrugator supercilii muscles can pull the eyebrows inwards and down, forming a frown. The Procerus muscles can pull down the centre portions of the eyebrows." All these important capabilities are rendered paralyzed by an over-indulgent botox customer. Sadly, Ms. Tolentino's forehead looked steel-hard, the only portion moving is the hairline, even the raising of the eyebrow is disturbed. Check the scene where she prays and cries her heart away.

My friend Iya whispered about how Bea allegedly underwent breast augmentation during the shooting (go search at twitterworld for the loud whispers about this bout of vanity). I was just surprised. (Referenced to Bea's break-up scene with Zanjoe.) What for? Does an actress as beautiful as Bea, as sensitive as Bea, as luminous a star as Bea, really need bumpers the size of Sofia Lee's? She must be hatching a backup plan of dancing in Pegasus if or when her career plummets down Kristine Hermosa's level. Heaven forbid! We truly need great actresses even in mainstream limbo.

Pagnanasa – When Telling A Story is Randomly Shooting Blanks

Peeling a banana or chopping an onion is an easier task to enjoy than investing a degree of empathy on the narrative being told in the movie “Pagnanasa” (Desire).

The story is told from the point of view of Carlos (Charles Delgado) who opens the movie with a lay in the hay. Lovely ass, notwithstanding, he rationalizes with a cinematic apology of his sexual orientation. He is gay. Then his story unfolds further.

Carlos dreams of the better life in the big city. When he lands a job (as a resort waiter), it was his way out. So he bids his mother (Dexter Doria) goodbye. In Manila, aside from waiting tables, he hooks up with predatory gay men for their hand outs. One day, he meets Nick (Marco Morales), after a chance encounter at a sari sari store (bwahaha). In the same first encounter, Nick embraces him like there’s no tomorrow – and they supposedly fall in love. But something was awkward, and despite the undeniable connection, they can’t seem to consummate their affair. “Bakit nahihirapan tayong magmahalan? Ang aking nararamdaman ay walang halong pagnanasa,” explains Nick! Get mo?

Enter Rosanna (Sofia Lee), which Carlos describes as “isang matapang na sundalo ng kahirapan”. She is uncouth and vulgar – but how else does a street walker carry herself, right? She meets Carlos and gets infatuated with the nubile boy, she even offers herself “for free”. After being rejected for her advances, she feels dejected. To make matters worse, she gets thrown out of her room for not having paid her rent in the last 6 months. When all hope is lost, she turns to ending a life in shambles. Just when she was to jump off the bridge, Nick rescues the damsel and takes her home with him – and Carlos. They share dinner as though it was just another ordinary day. “Ah, siya yung babaeng gusting kuman__t sa yo?” asks Nick, then prods further, “Pagbigyan mo na!” And if that light banter was intended for someone who just failed an attempted suicide, we should hand Nick a gold medal for his sensitivity, right?

While the trio enjoys the ensuing hilarity of the matter, Carlos suddenly comes up with a brilliant idea. He wants to visit his mother, and take Nick and Rosie along with him for a provincial sojourn. While relaying each of their sob stories, a secret unfolds. Spoilers here! Both Nick and Rosie were given away as children by their birth mother! And by great serendipitous design, fate gathers them in the presence of their real mother who is Carlos' mother as well! So over a loud canned music and a blabbering narration, 4 absolutely vapid souls hug each other for a tearful and heart wrenching reunion! Bravo!

Nubile and twinkish Charles Delgado

Now I have to commend the gall of the film’s director for braving the unknown – for his masterful direction the caliber of a drugged out parrot, and for his dwindling sense of direction. At several instances, I was just perturbed by his aimless story telling! Let’s take for example the protracted scene where Rosanna is narrating her own sob story to Carlos. She was sold to an abusive couple who turned her a muchacha. As soon as she grew melon boobs, her uncle (John Apacible) started showing interest. At one point, he grabs her boobs while she was fixing the bed. When she screams for help, her auntie (Karla Estrada) dismisses it as though he was caught picking his nose. As though washing his hand would suffice to clean up the mess. In another scene, she wakes up with her uncle fondling her body. In yet another scene much later, her “tito” was caught pleasuring himself as he peeps through the bathroom window – and Rosie was soaping away in wild abandon. When he invites himself inside the bathroom, Rosie screams, puzzled with her tito’s demeanor! She reasons, “’Di ko sya pinaghinalaan. Sinabi kasi nyang lagi kong iwanang bukas ang pinto.” Boy, she is as stupid as a skunk! After catching him mashing her tits while she was asleep, she wouldn’t suspect him of a devious plot to get in her pants? Is anybody up there?

There is a judicious show of body parts from Sofia Lee. Even the boys, Marco Morales and Charles Delgado, were generous showing their full frontal and backside assets at some scenes. These singular moments are, after all, the raison d’etre of this two-bit film work. A bit of cock, a bit of ass, a bit of tits! Ka-ching! Who cares if the one megging the picture has an I.Q. of 10?

Before I forget, this is (mis)directed by Fellyx Honeyfield.

Foul mouthed Sofia Lee

Marco Morales: brotherly love.

The Last Exorcism - Derivative Turns Into a Terrifying Tale

I was scared shitless!

And I don't scare easily. But my catecholamines were all primed to wire me away! I felt twitches on me, and there was a shiver down my spine. How was I to know that it would give me the willies? Let's face it, every bit of this story is pretty much derivative. We've all heard - and seen them before. They were blockbusters too. In fact, Daniel Stamm's "The Last Exorcism" finished a close 2nd place at the weekend's US Box Office.

In A Nutshell

Father Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian) is a charismatic priest who knows how to entertain more than to believe the scripture he teaches. He loves a pumped up crowd, and he knows how to stir them up! But one day, he plans on leaving the service. Heaven knows he needs dough to pay for his delicate son's medical insurance. For now, a documentary crew is following him around. And he has agreed to prove on cam that most exorcisms are indeed bogus, much like the hundreds he's done before. Today, he picks a random letter then proceeds to the sender's address - a farm in Louisiana. He is to perform his last exorcism.

But what he didn't expect was the perplexity of the circumstance. He meets the Sweetzers: Louis the father; Caleb the brother; and sweet girl Nell (Ashley Bell) who has slaughtered half of her father's livestock. She bristles when a crucifix touches her skin. And she disappears at night, only to return in the morning with blood all over her sleeping gown. "Yanggaw" anyone? Since he has admitted that he doesn't believe in the devil, Father Cotton has to rely on rational explanation. Was this medical? Psychiatric? A case of incest? Physical abuse? Rape? As each of these items are gradually ruled out, Cotton and his crew soon realize that they would have to either help the girl or risk the possibility of death.

Patrick Fabian, who's 45 years old, gives a textured performance; he is charismatic and compelling. Where has he been all these years? Busy, apparently. His imdb page lists 85 under-the-radar titles, although I honestly don't remember him from the list of familiar titles. Ashley Bell plays the innocent farm girl Nell who couldn't hurt a fly, until her "possesssion" when she turns malevolent! I was shaking every time Fr. Cotton would come near her. She effectively imparted silent menace. I think the best tool to give this spin a fresh take is its use of a hand-held camera to tell its story. It renders the film a sense of reality and a sensation of immediacy. With brisk and judicious editing, how could they go wrong?

Watch it if you want to be terrified!

Charismatic Patrick Fabian

Nell slices brother Caleb with a knife.

Patrick Fabian and Ashley Bell share promotional duties.