On Charice, John Prats, Cinemalaya Delicadeza & San Francisco Film Makers

ANYTHING BUT THE DONUT

Setting: NAIA Terminal 3, Mister Donut (MD) stall

Customer to MD crew: Miss, meron kayong Krispy Kreme na donut?

Mister Donut crew: Sorry, ma’am. We’re a Mister Donut outlet!

Customer: Ah, ok. (She leaves for 5 seconds, then returns.)

Customer to MD crew: Eh, Gonuts, meron kayo?

DELICADEZA AND FAST TRACKING A CAREER

I've always wondered how some people could look at their faces in the mirror with dignity. Sometimes blood is thicker than the common decency of not taking advantage of ones post.

Let's take, for example, Laurice Guillen, director and head honcho of the amazing Cinemalaya Festival (this year has churned out the best crop of movies in years). Guillen greenlights production of most main features. She even has a say regarding script changes and casting choices. In the past, Guillen has allowed the casting of her daughter Ina Feleo in two Cinemalaya main features - Jade Castro's "Endo" (2007) and Milo Sogueco's "Sanglaan" (2009) where - surprise, surprise! - Miss Feleo has won for herself Best Actress awards!

Ina Feleo is pretty. She isn't a bad actress either, but "Best Actress" caliber is really stretching it! I can think of a dozen names in the indie scene that could act up a storm more than Feleo. And for her to keep getting starring roles in Cinemalaya features that other better actresses deserve is a judicial travesty! Fast forwards 2011, Ina Feleo once again topbills a film directed by her mother Laurice (co-starring Shamaine Buencamino and Tirso Cruz III) - "Maskara"! And, like the whole Cinemalaya event is their family playground, Guillen even fields "Maskara" as their opening film!

Where has delicadeza gone?

I could think of 5 films that would make a great festival opener, not "Maskara"! As for Ina Feleo, I am glad to see her in teleseryes ("Guns and Roses"). I didn't care much if she won "Best Actress" awards from her Cinemalaya starrers though, once again, I can easily name better performances from the Cinemalaya entries in 2007 and 2009. But is there honor in fast tracking a showbiz career through an event that should otherwise be a venue of freedom, truth and excellent new breed of film making?

FROM SAN FRANCISCO TO MADAGASCAR

Setting: Greenbelt 3 Cinema Lounge (in front of Cinemalaya booth)

Cinema goers were reading from a program. Program sellers were abuzz with activity. People were coming and going. Raymond Bagatsing and Ronnie Lazaro were generously accommodating a crowd nearby. I was holding on to my tasteless New York Fries, observing people while waiting for my date buying soda.

Young director to several people at the booth: Hi, I’m Benito Bautista, director of “Boundary”… San Francisco!

Saw the guy he was talking to. He was needlessly perplexed. Should have been me. “Hi, I’m Cathy Pena, cinema vixen… Antananarivo, Madagascar!”

TIME OF HIS LIFE

I was channel surfing when I caught a segment of “Happy Yipee Yehey”. The next set of contestants would be this population of people desperate enough to make a fool of themselves on TV.

Jason Francisco: “Pumunta po kayo bukas 1PM ng hapon!” You bet! 1 PM in the afternoon, not 1PM in the morning, clear?

WHY NOT CHARICE

A flawed but brilliantly realized semi-documentary called “Bahay Bata” (Baby Factory) has gritty realism. The story happens one Christmas Eve in San Lazaro Hospital.

Young mother no.1 (YM1): Hoy, ate, ano’ng pangalan ng baby mo?

Young mother no. 2 (YM2): Charice.

YM1: Ay, bakit Charice? Ang pangit ni Charice Pempengco! Sa akin, Sarah (Geronimo).

OWNING A PAIR

John Prats is a likeable guy. He is handsome, agreeable, and is known to have good work ethics, but when it comes to the girls that he once liked, he turns into a spineless prick!

Consider the list: Heart Evangelista , Shaina Magdayao, Rachelle Anne Go. Did these girls get their romantic closure from him? It seems that when he gets tired of girls that he once wooed, he simply blocks them out of his life. No goodbyes, no serious talks, no telephone calls, heck, not even a text message saying, “We’re through!” This is the worst kind of man you’ll ever meet. He lives his life in a misdirected vicious cycle. Careful, Bianca!

Why not grow a pair. Mr. Prats?

CONSTRUCTIVE

Going back to Charice, if you’ve been following this blogsite, you would know that I only have good words for Charice. I believe in her talent. I mean, those pipes can't be anything but sent from the heavens, right?

But it seems that she’s getting too onion skinned for constructive criticisms. To bolster this attitude, she even boasts of a set of fans that would defend her to the death. Anyone who speaks ill of her, they will massacre! Right, Mr. Nestor Torre? When the latter wrote why Charice doesn’t have the physical qualifications of being a “Kim” (Miss Saigon) – a rather didactic discourse on what or how a Kim should be – the entertainment journalist was deluged with the nastiest replies from Charice’s supporters, 200 replies to be exact! Some twats even researched Mr. Torre's photos and made a dartboard out of it. Last time I checked, Mr. Torre wasn't gonna be Kim, was he? These sniveling idiots!

I believe Charice doesn't make the rightful Kim either. We grew up hailing every Filipina who has sung “Sun and Moon” with her Chris. We also know where Mr. Torre comes from. Eh hindi naman kasi talaga bagay no!

Meanwhile, when a fan wrote her observation at Charice’s fan page in Facebook, i.e. that she seemed a little too heavy when she last portrayed Sunshine Corazon in “Glee” – where she performed another rousing number (the spectacular “As Long As You’re There”) – what did Charice do? She closed down her fan page and even tweeted about her two-faced fans!

Very mature indeed! A class act!

I saw the whole Glee episode and she indeed looked awkward and too satiated – my 7 year old niece even commented, “Ate Charice looks full!” In the same episode, Sunshine was so scared of performing that she wanted to March down the Philippine Embassy (in the U.S.) so "they would revoke my visa". Huh? It's the United States of America who gave you the visa, hon; not the Philippine Embassy! And really now, what could be easier than simply buying a plane ticket to fly back to the Philippines and hide in a cave?

Charice, my dear, people who can’t take criticism gracefully won’t grow into emotionally stable artists and well balanced individuals. You have to learn how to accept other people's observations because you're in the spotlight! You can actually improve yourself from constructive criticism. Not everyone is willing to lick your ass! You have a God-given talent, but you’re not perfect. No one is. It is our divine duty to improve on what weve been given. When sympathizers wish improvements on you, is it really wise to cover your ears? Sometimes, criticisms are there not to be spiteful, but to inspire improvement. Grow up, Charice!

(And for that anonymous cunt from Lake Elsinore, California - and this is obviously meant to be gloriously spiteful, yes, honey, "brainless ass-lickers" like you, dear! Hahaha! What could be more disgusting than sycophantic spineless stools who can't even conjure fictitious names to stand by their thoughts? Go fish for a brain!)

WHAT IS YOUR WORD WORTH?

A dancer and a new actress conquer the music scene. I was checking out the new releases from Odyssey when I saw two new titles. Rayver Cruz just released an EP CD containing 5 songs. When he was a newbie in the business, I saw him play the biopic of Billy Joe Crawford in MMK. He was charming and actually had the pipes to make it as a singer. Years later, he became a dancer!

The other CD was from a sophisticated Solenn (we saw her belt the Beatles’ “Come Together” with Lovi Poe in the improving “Party Pilipinas” and we were quite surprised). Miss Heusaff is spreading herself grandiosely in the business. For someone who once said, quite emphatically on television, “Tandaan n’yo to, after this (Survivor), hinding hindi ako mag aartista!” If the lives of her love ones depended on her word, they’d all be dead, right?

We like Solenn. She is gorgeous, she isn’t a bad actress despite her linguistic crutches, she seems like a decent lady, and she isn't all that bad at singing either. What is there to dislike? But what we’re trying to say is, never say never. Otherwise, what is your word worth? Right, Mr. Bieber?

Say "Taj", Say "Raj" - And 2010's Most Wince-some & Winsome Moments - Part 1

Last year, part of our New Year’s Resolution for 2010 was to write our thoughts on every Tagalog film that would come out in commercial theaters within the year. This was our testament to “Tangkilikin ang Pelikulang Pilipino”. But “praising” them is another matter. We vowed to watch them, but also vowed to speak our mind about their merits (and demerits). After all, patronage should be deserved.

For the most part, I was successful with this resolution since, heck, I watch every ”gold and garbage” anyway. But sometime mid-November, we lost steam. The thought of writing reviews for “East of Paradise” and “Ika-Sampu” made us physically sick, so we decided to steer clear from writing about Tagalog movies until the end of the year, which was too bad since there were several flicks worthy of being read by some 600 page-reads that surprisingly visit this blogsite every single day (I dunno why)! Within a week, I shall come out with 2010’s best and worst performances. But for this post, we shall concentrate on the things that made us smile and those that made us wince uncomfortably on our seats.

SAY TAJ, SAY RAJ

We love Venus Raj and the way her lips stretch literally from “ear to ear” when she smiles. There is obviously nothing plasticine with the beauty queen. She is all wrapped in sincere victory. But way before she won her crown, she was introduced to us in TV shows as “Miss Venus Raj” pronounced the way “Raj” should be pronounced – with a “dz” (ra-dz) instead of the bothersome “silent j” (rah). But a few days before flying to Vegas for the Universe pageant, things changed. Raj became “Rah” – from TV Patrol monkeys all the way down to Boy Abunda, enunciating the “Raj” like they were gonna whoop out a cup of phlegm after saying “Raj”.

My reference here would be the more obvious origin – India!

India is home to the Taj Mahal and a popular actor Raj Kumar. Raj, the deceased veteran actor of some 70 films, is pronounced the way “J” should be – like “badge” and “fudge”. And try doing a silent “j” to the Taj Mahal. Pumunta kami ng “Tah-Mahal”. Pauso!

DUBIOUS LIST-MAKING

We like Ms. Joan Maglipon, head honcho of “Yes Magazine” and PEP entertainment website, because she is smart, mild mannered and respectable. She almost never resorts to mud slinging and muck wracking. However, her “Yes Magazine” has been coming out with dubious list-making. For Showbusiness’ “Most Beautiful Personalities”, who should emerge with the crown? Not the lovely Bea Alonzo, the smoldering Angel Locsin, the effervescent beauty of Maja Salvador, the angelic face of Marian Rivera – but the homely and pretty Primetime Princess, Kim Chiu!

This surprised us. Our friends chuckled. Kim is a pretty girl, and she has excessively rabid fans to boot, willing to throw acid at anyone who would stand in Ms. Chiu’s way, but “pretty” doesn’t necessarily cut “most beautiful”. No amount of success could circumvent physical beauty!

Unless their panel of “jurors” is a bunch of Glaucoma patients, I think it’s clear as the blue sky that the weepy girl-next-door Miss Chiu cannot hold a candle even to Kristine Hermosa or Cristine Reyes who should look like goddesses beside the wholesome Primetime Star. A popular TV series or a hit movie should never be a criteria for “beauty” when you’re saying “most beautiful” because, if that’s the case, why shouldn’t Vice Ganda win the plum? He has the “name” (Ganda) for it - and he is obviously the year’s break away star, isn’t he? And are you saying that Kim Chiu is more beautiful than Anne Curtis? Ah, Erwan ko sa inyo!

Kim Chiu as "most beautiful".

The less beautiful stars: Kristine Hermosa, Angel Locsin, Maja Salvador, Anne Curtis, Mariane Rivera, and the much-abused Bea Alonzo.

Within the same year, Yes also came out with their traffic-stopping “Power List” which listed Sharon Cuneta somewhere at the bottom of the Top 10 (#8, I think) while Claudine Barretto was at number 4. What gives? This was during a year when Barretto couldn’t even get a teleserye in her then-home studio. Her only claim to fame that time was a tv commercial, peddling “milk” and its food-pyramid. Thus her exodus to GMA 7! Of course, this eventually gave way to a vacuous flick, “In Your Eyes” that’s way inferior from her masterpieces in ABS-CBN.

But really now, Sharon Cuneta is a lesser star than Claudine? Do we live in an alternate universe? Some brains over at Yes need electro-convulsive therapy! Sharon Cuneta may look like a beached whale these days, eternally spouting “I lost 3 ½ pounds this week” – but this never dimmed her stature as The Megastar! And Ms. Cuneta is certainly not inferior to the spiteful and litigious Claudine Barretto, is she?

Sharon Cuneta and Claudine Barretto: At no decade is Barretto bigger than the Megastar!

QUEEN OF WHAT?

Kris Aquino should carefully consider doing away with titles and concentrate instead on her craft. She obviously doesn’t deserve the “Queen of All Media” tag when she can’t even make a new noontime show fly! And what kind of star are you (really!) when a few weeks after it opens, you are unceremoniously kicked out from the show?

Then there’s another tag – the “Horror Queen”! I am prone to agreeing with the latter. After all, watching Kris Aquino in “Dalaw” was horrifying! In the film, she has this constant look of dread way before things really start happening. She “indicates” more than “internalizes”. And newbies like the fantabulous Carla Abellana (of "Shake, Rattle & Roll 12's Punerarya") could teach our "queen" a thing or two about acting! Lest we forget, didn't she own "Massacre Queen" sometime in the past?

It is thus instructive to say that Ms. Aquino should just go back to her talk shows because people love her there. In fact I am such a “fan” – I love watching her make a fool of herself on national television, implying the possibilities of any romantic liaisons with Ted Failon and Mayor Junjun Binay – and even Diether Ocampo - as they fall under her spell! Just makes your skin crawl – with giddy delight, doesn’t it?

Romantic liaisons?

The face of fear? Constant anticipation of dread.

ROM-COM QUEEN

Toni Gonzaga deserves a title – “Rom-Com Queen”! I have always enjoyed her movies (except the despicable “My Only U”). She is a fun, frothy, compelling lead that makes romantic comedies such convivial vehicles. That Robin Padilla eventually decided to do away with a Toni movie is to his disadvantage because, let’s face it, what was Mr. Padilla's last blockbuster? Must have been a decade ago, right?

In Cathy Garcia-Molina's “My Amnesia Girl”, Toni was such an endearing presence (as events photographer Irene) and despite her scant chemistry with John Lloyd Cruz (as the runaway groom Pol), the audience rooted for the couple’s relationship to work. It was a heart-warming movie. If only they did away with about 50% of those cheesy lines that seemed fetching at first, but ultimately drowned you away into nausea! Next rom-com please!

Cute - and then the cheezy lines came flooding by!

THE NEWS THAT MATTERS

Noli de Castro’s return to television ("TV Patrol") heralds the return of a bygone era where watching news was imperative – believable, concise. Seeing Korina Sanchez beside him was like icing on the cake. Let’s just hope Ms. Sanchez does away with her over-the-top vendettas (remember when she was after doctors? That sent waves across the whole community of physicians all over the country!) because when Korina does news, people sit up and listen. She’s one of the voices that people believe when they hear. And doesn’t she look absolutely stunning these days?

Ted Failon completes this powerhouse trio, and I am tickled pink with Failon’s relaxed, albeit playful demeanor these days. When De Castro finally mouthed his signature, “Magandang Gabi, Bayan” – I had goosebumps! I dearly miss Karen Davila from primetime news though.

SINGING SWEETHEART

Shalani Soledad finally finds a voice! I am not a fan of Willie Revillame. For me, he is just one arrogant twat who found a pot of gold at the end of the ABS CBN rainbow, then wanted to pompously move his gold elsewhere. When Revillame eventually recruited Ms. Soledad for his TV show at ABC-5, I was one of the many who would sneak away (momentarily) from my news to watch how Shalani would fare. Let me just say, it wasn’t flattering, but people forgive her mostly because we somehow knew how she was treated by an ex-boyfriend who seemed not too proud of her presence.

We recently heard Shalani’s duet with Revillame – she was surprisingly “on the note” and her vocal calisthenics blended melodiously with Revillame’s digitized hoarseness. Revillame’s “Ikaw Na Nga” suddenly becomes a serviceable ballad! Atta girl, Miss Soledad. You deserve a good looking prince!

Shalani Soledad's melodic singing.

UNEVEN PORTRAYAL

One of the last indies shown last year was Adolf Alix’s “Karera” which follows LV (or Elvie), a woman who operates an illegal betting station from Sta. Ana’s horse races. Laurice Guillen plays a mother of 3 wayward souls: Daisy (Rosanna Roces) is on the run from her gangster boss; Ace (Jay Manalo) takes measures to sabotage the performance of his horses to rig the race; and Dindo (Joem Bascon) couldn’t keep his dick off somebody else’s daughter (Mercedes Cabral).

Like most “serious” Alix flicks, the camera would laboriously follow his characters in real time, reminiscent of “Adela”. Unfortunately, the story is never compelling. You just didn't care about them, which goes to show that not all stories are worth telling. What ultimately fails the movie is the choice of the actress playing Elvie – Laurice Guillen!

There were moments of pure genius: the opening scene where Elvie attends an El Shaddai prayer rally then on her way home, she gets mugged – and possibly raped (it was too dark to be sure) – then she comes home in the morning with mud on her clothes, as she visits her son at the horse’s stable. Her face is an avalanche of expression. Unfortunately, when the scenes show her manning her betting station, she appeared “too refined” to be believable, and you’re suddenly made acutely aware that Guillen is just going through the motions because this, after all, is new territory! You just knew this part could be portrayed better by the likes of Gina Pareno or Cherry Pie Picache! A patchy, uneven performance doesn't deserve a "best of the year" citation.

We watched “Karera” at SM Megamall at its 3^rd screening hour (between 4-5PM, I think) and I was its one and only audience! I could have done a strip tease there and wasted my sensuality on no one. LOL

Patchy, uneven portrayal in a film with a story that isn't worth telling.

Part 2 of 2010's Most Wince-some & Winsome Moments up next.

Bea Alonzo - A Force of Nature in Trite "Sa Yo Lamang"

Two words - Bea Alonzo.

Synonym: brilliant.

In a film that's questionably rated A by a group of bumbling idiots, there is no denying the palpable intensity of this virtual force of nature. She limns her character in several dimensions, it felt like watching the latest stereoscopic technology. "Sa Yo Lamang - 3D" where the sole three-dimensional character was a girl named Dianne (Bea Alonzo). She's petulant of her father Franco's (Christopher de Leon) return. He abandoned them 10 years ago. Since then, Dianne has abandoned her own dreams, and has shouldered the family's financial needs.

Ten years is a long time to not move on. Human emotion learns with time, and hurtful things are eventually dulled by the resilience of the human soul. So how can Christopher's character impose his presence on a family of 4 growing kids he once nullified in favor of a mistress? This logic escapes me. Then, when his mistress calls for a prenatal check up, he flies off without even offering an excuse for his absence. Wasn't he just "accepted"? Not a darn squeak. Is this a documentation about ungrateful cads? Upon his return, he finds his children in a fisticuff. But proving the great father that he is, he halts this by punching one of his sons instead? What gives? Talk about Fathering and how not to be one.

This film teaches the wrong values. If this was a slice of the Modern Filipino Family, we are in deep shit! No, I would never find inspiration in this movie, the way one online reviewer suggested.

The family in question is far from being a cross-section of a typical Pinoy family, and please, let's not get up our seats and hail this visionary work as something we could ponder upon. Dianne is the sole character we understand; her motivations are quite lucid to us, thanks to Alonzo's masterful and earnest performance. Coco Martin, as rebellious Coby, is largely misdirected, like he grew up from a different family. He was loud, but shallow, and I thought he learned a thing or two from his indie experiences. Less is more, even in emotionally flagrant melodramas like this one. See how teleseryes can distract a natural actor? Enchong Dy plays the obedient James, an honor student who was caught buying stolen test papers. Enchong cuts a dashing screen character, like the boyish next door neighbor you'd wanna spy on. And he is intuitive in ways Piolo Pascual was, before Piolo finally settled into nothing but an overrated actor. Christopher de Leon, we miss him. He used to be the penultimate actor, but he has caricatured himself into someone who's superficially intense, but you know that it's all generic theatrics. That what is on screen is an actor who goes home at the end of the day as the celebrity that Mr. De Leon is. That is sad.

Lorna Tolentino underplays her role as Amanda Alvero, the family's suffering matriarch. She is a great actress and nothing in the movie deviates from this acknowledged idea, except that at times, I get distracted by a seemingly over-botoxed forehead that "appears too taut, too ironed and too hard". She has this eerie, waxwork look from mid-cheeks up to her forehead.

RENDERING THE EMOTIONS PARALYZED

You see, an actress' tool for expressing an emotion is her face. But when your muscles of expression are rendered frozen, how would an actress convey her feelings? Here's a literature I've read about the topic: "The muscles of the forehead help to form facial expressions. There are four basic motions, which can occur individually or in combination to form different expressions. The Occipitofrontalis muscles can raise the eyebrows, either together or singly, forming expressions of surprise and quizzicality. The corrugator supercilii muscles can pull the eyebrows inwards and down, forming a frown. The Procerus muscles can pull down the centre portions of the eyebrows." All these important capabilities are rendered paralyzed by an over-indulgent botox customer. Sadly, Ms. Tolentino's forehead looked steel-hard, the only portion moving is the hairline, even the raising of the eyebrow is disturbed. Check the scene where she prays and cries her heart away.

My friend Iya whispered about how Bea allegedly underwent breast augmentation during the shooting (go search at twitterworld for the loud whispers about this bout of vanity). I was just surprised. (Referenced to Bea's break-up scene with Zanjoe.) What for? Does an actress as beautiful as Bea, as sensitive as Bea, as luminous a star as Bea, really need bumpers the size of Sofia Lee's? She must be hatching a backup plan of dancing in Pegasus if or when her career plummets down Kristine Hermosa's level. Heaven forbid! We truly need great actresses even in mainstream limbo.

gabbing about gabby

My memories of him gently fading into the limelight are obscure, but one thing was sure. There were trickles of disgrace around it. Gabby Concepcion - in a film festival scam along with Ruffa Gutierrez and their erswhile manager, the infamous Lolit Solis. There was even a beauty queen involved (Miss Viveka Babaje). That was eons ago. Time has obviously healed wounds.

When Gabby recently returned after a 13 year self-imposed exile, he shook the public with his charm and appeal, looking ever so youthful than his contemporaries. And boy, he has never looked so good - and boyish! Suddenly, this has inspired fans of his generation to root for a movie reunion with Sharon Cuneta. What can I say, people love romance!

So... he starts his bid with a mini-series, "Iisa Pa Lamang".

But there is something amiss. The ABS CBN people gave him a character who actually plays second fiddle to Diether Ocampo! In the series, Claudine pines for Diether while Gabby patiently waits on the sides, looking forlorn. This resurgence of Gabby's matinee idol appeal suddenly gets a very cold shower!!! Who ever thought of serving this turkey to Mr. Concepcion deserves to be burned at the stakes! They single handedly halted his red-hot momentum! What a waste!

Though I am a certified ABS CBN patron (I hardly even recognize 80% of the GMA Artist population, for pete's sake), I am not fond of this series. For starters, Claudine looks matronly, and the believability of her triumphs and miseries swing faster than an overcharged pendulum; the plots are just plain implausible.

Then there is Angelica Panganiban. She with the tamest of faces and the rawest of emotions! This girl reminds me of a foregone and forgotten era when Donita Rose spelled subtlety in every minor film role she tackled. Angelica is just amazing. Lately however, I have intermittently caught some of her lines in the series. With a slur of quotable lines delievered in the Queen's language, I got uncomfortable - as uncomfotable as her spoken english! So - if there are minor gods residing in middle earth, I beseech thee to swallow me whole everytime she lunges into the queen's language again! Or, for heaven's sake, give her lines in Tagalog! Let us not further expose her limitations to her adoring fans!

There's the queenly Susan Roces whose scenes vacillate between the livid grandma - better coined by someone as "gigil na gigil" - or the the imploring "woe is me" matriarch of a luckless family. It's like Phillip Salvador's role in "For the First Time". Mr. Salvador wears a single mask with its single facial expression during for the movie's duration. Ms. Roces wears two masks for "Iisa Pa Lamang." Ang Laurice Guillen wears three. LOL. The Kapamilya network has a great primetime lineup that lights up our evenings - except this dud!

For now, I'd rather listen to Gabby sing his love songs, hoping he would find another television series that is worth his stature - obviously those that won't have him playing second fiddle to anyone! He deserves no less!