Do Yourselves A Favor Corner - Matt Reeves' "Let Me In"

I am in no way against remakes, except that if you do update a good movie, you have to make sure it isn't as bad as the US version of "My Sassy Girl". Matt Reeves, the director of "Cloverfield", "The Pallbearer" (with David Schwimmer) and several episodes of "Felicity", takes the helm for the American remake of the superior Swedish horror flick, "Let the Right One In".

The American version takes us to a snowy, relatively remote New Mexico county, and it's pretty much faithful to the original, you wonder why Swedish director Tomas Alfredson wasn't taken in to direct it instead. People should just troop to the cinema and do yourselves a favor by watching it! Am not gonna even try encapsulating the story for no amount of written description will ever justify the brilliance of the original narrative. Having said this, I'd say that "Let Me In" does justice to the original if it's meant to Americanize the sensibilities of the Swedish thriller.

There were scenes from the current flick that I felt were less successful in execution: when Abby jumped from on top of a tree to pounce on her prey (who was walking the dog); the swimming pool scene from the original was also more petrifying than the current version; and the general feel of New Mexico is less isolating, less remote than the Bromma or Blackeberg county in Stockholm. If you haven't seen the original, seeing the U.S. version won't leave you dry.

Just get off your computer chair and head to the nearest cinema. Do not miss this one!

The Swedish original.

The Depressive Effect of Watching "Ang Babae Sa Sementeryo"

It's uncanny the way a film can drive a person to depression. So I was in my cinema seat, slouched down feeling so sorry for myself and thinking, that yet again, I have to blog about yet another horrible Tagalog film. For a while there I was honestly feeling dejected. It had been one bad Tagalog film after another, and this is driving me bonkers!

Such is the state of the local film industry! When the most prodigious and most exhibited works on commercial theaters are from one of the following: Neal Tan, Crisaldo Pablo and those shameless Pink Film-directors, oh boy, we are indeed fucked!

The Philippine Movie Industry is in deep shit! Just thumb through the list of Tagalog films being reviewed in this blog from January 2010 alone. It would make you wonder why I even bother to write about them when directors of films like "Fidel" can't even grasp the fact that the artistic merits of his film go beyond horrid and non-existent. Yet week after week, we are served up vomit-inducing ouvres hailed like masterpieces (read: "Tarima"). There evidently is no accounting for taste these days!

It's also getting tricky to write a discourse about films with thematic substance as thin as a clarinet reed. It's like rendering flesh and meat to an otherwise emaciated tuberculosis-afflicted patient. But if I were to really complain about the state of the local movie industry, I can only do so if I've actually watched these films. Any person who huffs and puffs about the state of Philippine Cinema doesn't deserve to do so if they didn't even bother to watch any. Sasabihin mong pangit, wala ka ngang napanood, which should make you a pretentious twat not dissimilar to director Mark Shandii Bacolod discoursing about what a good cinema is - and even using his own work "Fidel" as specimen of great cinema. Of course we are aware that maybe he was just exercising his right to be either a humorist or a ironist.

Director Neal Tan, prolific in his dim-witted artistry, is once again fielding another gag-inducing fiasco with "Ang Babae sa Sementeryo" (The Graveyard).

The film follows a northern town's chief of police (Roi Vinzon) investigating a series of murders around the vicinity of the local cemetery. But it isn't the itinerant souls rustling around. Uming, the caretaker (Mon Confiado) takes advantage of the empty tombs to expand his burgeoning prostitution metier. While Uming is cashing in on Aliway (Mercedes Cabral) and her friends, we are introduced to a bumbling duo of journalists (Jigo Garcia and Bryle Mondejar resurrected from oblivion) who navigate the bowels of the departed with a video camera, you somehow wonder if they're just perverts afflicted with Hayden Kho-syndrome. Moreover, flashbacks take us back to Barbara (Ma. Isabel Lopez), the erstwhile iconic hooker "mysteriously" murdered by a monster! The plot is even made thicker than lard when her story opens with her incestous affair with her father. And yeah, lest we forget, she bore a daughter Agnes (Ella Guevarra) from this apocryphal affair. Agnes grows up witnessing the indiscretions of her prostitute mother. She would beg her mother for food while she's in the nick of her salacious trade. "Gutom na gutom na po ako," she'd implore while being reverently ignored. Despite all her pleadings, we actually see a beautiful and healthy child with rosy cheeks and Pantene-dabbed hair. Isn't that peachy?

Once again, Neal Tan's cofferful of riches is able to gather a formidable cast - Tommy Abuel (who plays a Joonee Gamboa-like narrator), Boots Anson Roa (as a clueless nun), et.al. But this a testament to the obvious that money cannot buy intelligence or directorial expertise! Tan's technique is easily summarized - he gathers a series of incipient ideas, throw them all together in a pan, add a dash of unemployed local actors and a couple of veterans to render it a mainstream veneer - voila! You have a semblance of a movie! Lamentably, there is nothing in this film that is worth even one peso of your movie admission's time!

Let's take for example some of the lines:

While the chief was interrogating Uming, he asked, "Maraming patay dito, di ka ba natatakot?" (Duh! It's a cemetery, you twat!)

A nun remarked about child Agnes, "Ni hindi ko sya nakitang nagsalita o umiyak," yet when she came to the convent, she was bawling her hearts out! (The nun should be deaf, dontcha think?)

When the child was caught "eating" people, the chief's assistant rationalized, "Di kasi pinapakain ng tama." (Oh my god, have you ever heard of such idiocy?)

When they found carcasses filled with fingers, eyeballs and other body parts from Agnes' bag, an assistant once again offered his enlightened commentary: "Ano naman ang kinalaman ng bata?" (There are dismembered body parts in her bag, you idiot! Doesn't solid evidence ring a bell?)

These are just a few from a long list of asinine details that litter this clutter! The director is wildly conflicted regarding his theme so he writes up scenes that would check out both "psychological thriller" and "horror flick" into it. The more themes, the merrier, right? LOL

Yet there were more brain numbing scenes without resolutions: whatever happened to the daughter of the landlady (you would see her dressed in baro't saya with a veil up her head, then she'd disappear at second glance). Mr. Tan's head is so full of random ideas he doesn't know what to do with them. My suggestion would be to rest it all away... forever!

I was dazed coming out from the movie theater. From hereon, I am dedicating a portion of my prayers so that the heavens would send Neal Tan somewhere really really far from the destructive effects of his mediocrity! Somewhere remote and somewhere he couldn't depress people with his works. Oh heavens, please take Neal Tan to Burundi, Nigeria or Zimbabwe! Or anywhere far from his high-definition movie camera!

Do Yourselves A Favor Corner - Tony Scott's "Unstoppable"

Sometimes when we watch Hollywood trailers, we get the sense that they underestimate the intelligence of their audience. After all, how can you not even know the story of Tony Scott's latest film which is summarized in two words: "runaway train."

But what eventually surprised me was the cohesive story telling and the brisk paced immediacy of the narrative. Before long, you will find yourself hooked, and by the end of the screening, you are tempted to stand from your seat and applaud!

Denzel Washington plays train driver Frank who's 90-days from his forced early retirement, while Chris Pine is train conductor Will who gets the ire of the "old staff" for his youth, familial connection and cock-sure countenance. The two are thrown together and one day, they find themselves directly moving towards a runaway train that's half a mile long, carrying 38 cars full of combustible phenols! If they fail to divert or stop this train, it shall fall off a curved bend, and straight into a gasoline depot. If it survives this curve, it would eventually reach the city's most populated area with a population of almost 800,000. With a combustible cargo, it shall decimate the city like a time bomb. This is the true story of the two men who sacrificed their lives to stop this train. Helping them succeed is Connie (Rosario Dawson), their boss; and Ned (Lew Temple), the chief welder who had to drive alongside the raging train to transport Will to the driver's car.

Though the cinematic tale is guilty of its predictable narrative thread, there's no denying the entertainment value of this oft-repeated yarn about conflicted people and overcoming their personal odds. In this time and age, we are in dire need of heroes who can uplift us from the moribund state of affairs. Only the jaded moviegoer won't be able to enjoy "Unstoppable". Based on real events, director Tony Scott's film is A1 entertainment; an unadulterated thrill, that has to be enjoyed inside the cinema with a bunch of friends. Do yourselves a favor and watch it!

Cinematic Spotlight on The Dardenne Brothers' "Lorna's Silence"

What I admire most about European film making (French films to be exact) is the scarcity of cinematic gimmickry when telling their stories. While some quarters find this technique "dry", I particularly prefer such tack and be manipulated by the moving pictures as they happen - no CG effects, no canned sounds, no foreboding music. This is why I'm a fan of von Trier, Vinterberg, and the Dogma movement of the Scandinavian artists. These to me are the people who lay their narrative straight, thus the reaction invoked is more natural, more basic!

Alban Ukaj plays Sokol, Lorna's Albanian husband who also dreams of an E.U. card! His follow up was a Bosnian film called "Shopping". Where are you now Mr. Ukaj?

Belgium's The Dardenne Brothers are among my favorite artists! I have been a fan since 2002's "Le Fils" (The Son).

"Lorna's Silence", aka "Lorna's Marriage", chronicles the life of an Albanian girl starting a new life in Belgium.

Things are looking up for Lorna who finally gets her Belgian citizenship after conveniently marrying a junky (Jeremie Renier, not the Oscar-nominated Hollywood actor, mind you). She is also about to open a small cafe. But all these were handed down to her by Fabio, a taxi driver who weaves his influence as a wanna-be underground kingpin. Once Lorna gets her E.U. card, Fabio plans to have Claudy (Renier) killed from drug overdose. Trouble is, Claudy is trying to fight off his addiction. Though Lorna doesn't seem to care about Claudy, her actions show otherwise. She tells Fabio she doesn't want him dead - so she fabricates stories of being physically abused. That way, it would free Claudy from the shackles of crafty Fabio who plans to married Lorna off to another foreigner in need of an E.U. card (for just 10,000 euros). But one day, Lorna finds Claudy dead. And she believes she's pregnant with his baby. Or is she?

Arta Dobroshi simmers as Lorna! This is a feat considering she couldn't speak a word of French except the days of the week prior to filming this project.

Though the film runs a little longer than it should, the scenes flow seamlessly, and editing is brisk, gradually taking its viewers for the ride. We were hooked! By the time we find Lorna alone in a cabin, sleeping off her dilemma, we were mentally clapping for brothers Jean-Pierre and Luc's exquisite story telling skills!

If you love your movies, "Lorna's Silence" is a must-see!

(In French, with English subtitles)

Claudy and Lorna

Jeremie Renier - Where do I get a copy of his new movie, "The Wedding Cake"?

Adele, Mummies, Pterodactyls & Robert Downey's Patience

I don't get the jokes here - most especially when the mischief involves figuring in an almost fatal car accident, or inadvertently driving through Mexico while getting grilled by corrupt border officials; or having your wallet stolen by the same guy who had you listed on a "no-fly" list. It isn't funny to me when this supposedly affable stranger has caused you to almost miss the birth of your first child! No, I don't get such tomfoolery.

In the movie, Peter (Robert DowneyJr.) must get to L.A. from Atlanta in five days for the delivery of his first child. Then one trouble after the next happens: Ethan Tremblay (Zach Galifianakis), an eccentric actor who offers to give Peter a ride back to L.A. Since his wallet is lost and doesn't have any other options, he begrudgingly joins the eccentric Ethan (who masturbates even when they're both inside the car just so he could "sleep"). An overweight guy masturbating is just the ceiling of my patience. If that meant humor to anyone out there, then I am here to tell you that you're despicable! I am all grossed out! Eww!

For me, annoying guys annoy, and will never make for a cinematic hero!

"Due Date" is directed by Todd Phillips who gave us "Old School" and the endearing-and-hilarious "The Hangover".

I have never been fond of French humor. They tend to be either campy or slapstic, but the verbose "The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec" has a director I particularly adore so I didn't really mind watching it.

It has been a generation since Luc Besson's "The Big Blue", an art house favorite that has elevated existentialism into the realm of romance. And I couldn't help but be curious with the mishmash of adventure-horror-comedy laid out in "Adele..."

In the film, Adele (the playful Louise Bourgoin) is a best-selling adventure writer who navigates the tombs of the ancient pyramids of Egypt to exhume the remains of an ancient "doctor" who she believes will resurrect her younger sister from catatonia (the result of a tennis accident that had a pin piercing through the latter's skull). But during Adele's journey, she unveils a curse that resurrects mummies of Egyptian royalties and prehistoric birds (a pterodactyl, to be exact). Moreover, those nasty baddies are hot on the trail of our heroine.

The story is told over deadpan voice over, and Ms. Blanc-Sec's adventure curiously mimics Indiana Jones' adrenaline-powered narratives. Unfortunately, the jokes feel too juvenile and most of the characters are unsympathetic, except for the lovestruck Andrej (Nicolas Giraud). CGI effects are decent and the performers look like they had a lot of fun while filming. And all the jokes were lost on me.

The Philippine title became "Adele: The Rise of the Mummy".

Tarima - When Gay Fantasy Inspires Emesis

If you've read all the blurbs of praise enumerated from the poster of Neal Tan's "Tarima", you would think a new masterpiece is upon us:

Former GSIS General Manager Cesar Sarino refers to it as "subtle and done in good taste"; UP Film Institute's Nonoy Lauzon rapturously declares "Major major gay movie of the year. Mapapamangha ang marami pang makakapanood" (How eloquent, right?); Hairdresser Henri Calayag pours out his emotions: "Words cannot express, but I simply love you, kapatid!" The nobility of the elementary school teacher is even on spotlight as a Charlie Vergara is made to comment: "I will give a 10 for Fanny's superb and unquestionable performance. The film is a modern-classic gay movie." Even the Chairman of a Local Water Utilities Administration Prospero Pichay is made to comment: "It's one of the best Filipino movies I've ever seen!" (Ever huh! Which begs the question, how many Tagalog films has he seen THIS YEAR alone? Let's not even stretch it by counting the number within his lifetime.) He further adds: "The acting and direction were superb," as though he actually knew what he was talking about."

So, I sauntered inside the Galleria cinema with my chips and soda, and settled at my seat ready to get blown away by this masterpiece called "Tarima".

The "tarima" that I know refers to a platform; a "stage", if you will, and for the most part, the narrative sits on a bedstead of stagey narrative.

Over delicately photographed canvas, the screen sparkles with superior camera work. This is what you would initially notice about the film, which is a far cry from the Best-Cinematography winning "The Leaving". Hmm, I thought this was turning out beautifully so far.

In the movie, Roselo (played by Fanny Serrano) is a hardworking, albeit long suffering gay man who grew up with her contemptible Lola Imang (Gloria Romero) whose penurious vile offer no rhyme nor reason. In one of her hissy fits, she hits young Roselo's right eye with her cane, resulting into blindness, signifying Roselo's deep seated scar of abuse reverberating throughout the film. But having no other family to speak of, Roselo's boundless patience runneth over. He remains devoted to his grandmother.

When his flamboyant friend Gringgo (Chokoleit) is sent to jail for having killed an enraged call boy, Roselo's days start to brighten as he befriends a reclusive inmate named Bryan (the smoldering Rocky Salumbides). Bryan soon turns to Roselo for attention - and for hopeful news about his wife and son who have but abandoned him. One visit after the next, Roselo would regale him with made-up stories about his family. It isn't long before we find Roselo's devotion reciprocated.

"Tarima's" exposition is hobbled by an absence of a cohesive script. The actors are made to spout improvisational lines, rendering the formative stages messy and the lines redundant. Let's take for example Gloria Romero's "witch-lola", in her many acid-laced scenes with every character (Gina Alajar, Fanny Serrano, Rustica Carpio, Chocoleit), she would repeat the words, "walang hiya", "demonyo", "ungas", so many times, the minute you see her on screen, you would know exactly what she would utter! Her venom is repetitive, and you don't quite understand why she turned out that way. To my mind, a character who can't justify the reason of her being is an actor not worth an acting award, as suggested by Lorna Tolentino - unless your criteria for superlative performance is the loudness of her histrionic fits. Romero succeeds with a two-dimensional character worthy of a comic book, not a good movie.

The narrative relies on bursts of ideas, making the story largely unfocused. Why then would there be a campy 5-minute gay beauty contests-cum-vaudevillan show inside the penitentiary? And if to drive our point further, such crowd-pleasing, albeit misplaced scene had to occur twice!

Rocky Salumbides, like we've mentioned before, is objectified as this silent, tall, dark and handsome presence who (did we say) smolders at every scene. Unfortunately, when he finally breaks his silence, all hints of fantasy break into pieces. He is Lauren Novero zombified. We see snaps of his butt, but that doesn't make us ignore the obvious - that he badly needs a great acting coach - fast!

Now let me delve into Fanny Serrano who took Roselo into his heart and soul. There's no denying Serrano's commitment to his character, but when he latches into "kawawa-naman-ako" overtime, it gets cumbersome. There is just so much patience we have for such Cinderella moment that when he finally fights back with a lengthy "Dahil mahal ko kayo!", it felt like he was posturing for some Star Awards moment! He just might win the trophy too because we know the caliber of a Star Awards trophy really (read: popularity contest among people who do not watch Tagalog movies. LOL)

There are several cameos here: Gina Alajar in a belligerently thankless role; Ana Capri as Bryan's bigamous wife; Dan Alvaro as the preso's "mayor" (and Gringgo's cuddler); Director Neal Tan has the uncanny capacity to hire the services of named stars. Unfortunately, he isn't blessed with a brilliant directing acumen and, except for "Ataul For Hire", each of his film works leave much to be desired: "Pasang Krus", "Tiltil", "Barang" (one of the most ridiculous horror films I've ever seen). Lest we forget, he was also a proud exponent of the late 90's exploitation flicks: "Siya'y Nagdadalaga", "Maldita", "Pilya", "Marital Rape", "Tag-Init", "Check-Inn", "Puri", "Kalabit" - the enviable list goes on!

I had high hopes after "Ataul: For Rent" but it became clear it was nothing but a fluke. At least the other Tan (Joven) redeemed himself recently with a searing "Magdamag".

When Bryan finally invites Roselo to share intimacy during the prison's conjugal time, I froze with horror. I knew somehow I needed an anti-emetic. Where's a doctor when you need one?

Rocky Salumbides - smoldering dullness!

Ian Loreno's "The Leaving" - What Awful Meant in Perfunctory Film Making

I was reeling with antipathy as I left the cinema after watching Ian Loreno's Cinemalaya-entry "The Leaving". There goes my P161 down the gutter! Not only was it rife with an enumerable list of everything you hate from an independent film, it was also careless. And before someone tries to "remind" me again of the "blood, sweat and tears" - as well as the "good intentions" - invested in the making of this abomination, all those gibberish don't mean squat, but the finished product! Truth be told, good intentions don't a good movie make.

The film is subdivided into three "chapters", each one from the point of view of the subset's main character.

"Martin" follows a solitary man (Alwyn Uytingco) who's nursing a broken heart. He's unemployed, unsure whether he'd be content and productive if he joins his folks in the U.S. He lives in a tenement populated by dreadful characters, including a lunatic who recently lost her younger sister from an accident. Though Martin seems to piece the characters together, his side of the narrative is rather dry and uninteresting, as he partakes the role of the lackadaisical observer.

"Lovers" follows an extra-marital affair between married businessman William and travel agent Joan (Arnold Reyes and LJ Moreno, respectively). It soon becomes clear that William's negligent ways eventually lead to Joan's unplanned pregnancy. But on top of her troubles, Joan gets abducted and gang raped the night William stood her up from a date! Joan decides to make a clean break from William, but would he allow her to leave?

"Wife" zeroes in on Grace (LJ Reyes), William's persevering wife. In the course of her sacrifices, Grace rekindles her "friendship" with next-door neighbor Manny who - as it turned out - was her former boyfriend (the one who left a year ago, as narrated by Martin when the movie opened). While Grace begins to unravel William's indiscretions, she gets ghoulish visits from souls that go bump in the night! What's a wife to do.

These disparate characters navigate the bowels of Chinatown, thus we are ushered into a subculture not quite in consonant with what we are used to: Pinoy-looking personalities suddenly lurching into Chinese, spewing alien concepts like "chit gye puah" and "spirit days". It's like "Mano Po" sans the fake eye make-ups. We would have been more tolerant of such inanities if there were more care in the exposition, instead of randomly dropping these concepts like bombs!

Curiously, it's the least developed character that buoys the film into something vaguely navigable, thanks to Uytingco's understated but perceptive performance as Martin who languishes in his own dilemma. LJ Moreno also does well, if a bit too showy as the adulterous Joan. Arnold Reyes, meanwhile, is starting to suffer the Irma Adlawan-syndrome, indulging in livid strokes of characterization that jumps off the screen. He was once a promising indie actor, but these days, he is just too eager to please. And we need to remind him that "less is more". LJ Reyes suffers from irresolute story telling. Was this a dramatic feature? A psychological yarn? A vengeful horror tale this side of Edgar Allan Poe? Baka naman romance? To be honest, it's a bit of everything, making this elementary effort nothing more than a chopsuey of incipient ideas. Its lofty ambition is deemed too unfocused to truly raise any relatable statement.

Now let me veer into its even more annoying aspect: "subtitles"! I am absolutely for the use of English subtitles in local releases as this will open up the film into a bigger, more universal audience. However, if the subtitles are idiotic, it's counterproductive to display it during its local screening as it will expose the cerebral limitations, albeit mediocrity of its makers.

When you're looking at the screen, you can't quite escape badly subtitled lines, and it's very bothersome to say the least. It wouldn't have been too harrowing if these were mere typographical errors, but as the story progressed, it became apparent that erroneous typographs they weren't! Here are some of the several mind-benders:

"Hindi ka pa rin nagbago." becomes "You haven't change."

"Didn't we already talked about this?" (My dears, the word "did" is always preceded by its verb in the present tense! Wasn't that taught in elementary grammar class?)

"You're leaving me for another man, isn't it?" (You must mean, "aren't you?" For a while there, I thought I was watching an episode of "Bubble Gang".)

"Mga jeep na gago." becomes "Rubbish jeepneys." (Again please?)

"Don't let your eyes off our stuffs." (Stuffs?!)

"Salamat doon." becomes "Thank you about that!" (About what? ;-> )

"Why didn't you left with them?" (It's the "did"-rule once again, honey! Why didn't you leave with them!)

"When get home, food is ready." (Ano daw?!)

"If I should leave to the U.S. ..." (Baka naman "leave for...")

Even the use of Tagalog phrases is sketchy, with an oftly repeated "Pumutok na naman ang tseke!" In my world, "pumuputok" refers to a terrorist activity of sending explosives in mails, not of estafa. Is there really an alternate world in the Philippines that uses "putok" when they refer to bouncing cheques? Or were they using euphemisms for "body odor"? LOL

As the movie draws to a close, it further dispenses with more inspiring subtitling: "You look aweful!" (Didn't you mean "awful?" Or did you want to say "awesome?" Those 2 are quite antonymous, even my grade 2 cousin could tell the difference!)

Was my yaya hired for the subtitling job? I could swear she was gone for a couple of days in the last 5 months or so!

As I just came from a visually superior, but atrocious film - Neal Tan's "Tarima", I was desperate for a cinematic salvation to save the day. I should've looked elsewhere.

Consequently, I find it ironic that "The Leaving" actually won "Best Cinematography" at the 2010 Cinemalaya Award when it was obvious cinematography was not among its strong points. Or were the judges visually challenged? Lighting was bad and paucity of resources to design its set was evident. This was a production running on mere nubile ideas - devoid of technical savvy - and the borderline performances of its protagonists (one of whom actually won Best Supporting Actress). This just underlines the obvious - that winning an award is not exactly a pursuit of excellence in this country. How else would you explain "The Leaving's" 3 awards? Serendipity? LOL

We are also seeing Alwyn Uytingco in a different, albeit more positive light. Now that his "baby fats" have pretty much dissipated, he steps up into the limelight as a charismatic, compelling actor. He is effectively subdued as Martin compared to the cloying emotionality of LJ Reyes. And what's with all those ghosts, which I believe was either a misplaced or misused concept!

That they allow the movie-going public to actually dispense hard earned money to waste on this ghastly drivel is nothing short of a criminal offense. That "The Leaving" is borne out of the director's inspiring Berlinale experience is another testament that participation in "prestigious" film festivals shouldn't be construed as synonymous with film making excellence. After all, didn't Mark Shandii Bacolod's "Fidel" walk the same glittery red carpet as did director Ian Loreno?

Now how about this. Let's all line them up. Off with their heads!

LJ Moreno and Arnold Reyes: Are we in a drama? Horror? Comedy?

Alwyn Uytingco: The only glimmer of hope in a sea of banality!