Paul Singh Cudail's Scorpion Lovers - Deception in Elementary Exposition

Romy (Karl Matthew Garcia), a call center agent, lives with lover Angelo (Dice Vergara), a student whom he financially supports. In a two-story apartment, they play out their seemingly harmonious lives. But Romy is on the verge of resigning from his job, looking forward to a well deserved summer holiday in Dumaguete with Angelo. What he doesn’t know is that Angelo failed his classes (he keeps putting off showing his class cards). What’s worse, their congenial relationship is a one-way affair; and Angelo’s itching to get rid of his doting benefactor. Meanwhile, a new boarder moves into a room downstairs. Vince (Glenn de Luna), the new guy, is imprudent, something that Angelo despises. the new housemate is a former macho dancer now being kept by a lascivious housewife (Jessica Ruiz) whose husband works overseas as a seaman.     

While Romy is away, Vince catches the disagreeable Angelo pleasuring himself while holding Vince’s missing underwear. This gives Vince the opportunity to seduce Angelo who, with nary a second thought, gives in – and even offers compensation for the former gay bar habitué. “Magkano ba’ng bayad nila sa yo? Siguro naman, kaya din kitang bayaran.” he asks.

Before long, Vince and Angelo become regular bedmates. One day, Romy comes home unexpectedly earlier than usual and he finds his housemates tintinnabulating their bells. What’s a guy to do? Should he accept the gun that his friend Joaquin (Ian Ileto) is offering? Guess.


Director Paul Singh Cudail’s “Scorpion Lovers” is 2013’s first local film released in commercial outlets. And I shiver at the thought of what this hints. Are we going to be inundated with more neuron-challenged male-oriented eroticas? The story, if you haven’t noticed, has been told several times in the past. While deception has many faces, “Scorpion Lovers” is particularly derivative and not well conceptualized. Like most of Cudail’s works, the story is laced with a hundred-and-one loopholes. Romy pays for his lover’s education yet he’s resigning from his job? How is he going to pay for Angelo’s tuition? Sure, they were planning for a summer holiday. But most working men take a leave of absence when taking a vacation; they don’t quit work.

Angelo never showed his new housemate Vince an iota of hospitality – or even attraction for that matter. He despised the guy, yet when he found Vince’s soiled underwear, he scampers to his room so he could “play” with it. This hardly makes sense. Even a sexual deviation like paraphilia has to follow certain rational strains.   

At the film’s second half, the narrative aimlessly rambles; the story gets desperate for a plot device to further move the story that seems to have stagnated. So Cudail presents us with his “deux ex machina” of sorts to address his storytelling dilemma. Enter Ian Ileto, the film’s editor and cinematographer, who cameos as Joaquin, Romy’s friend. His mere presence provides a foreboding that you could smell a mile away. Quite predictably, Cudail, who by then has painted himself into a corner, has found his narrative salvation. Is this brilliance? You could only wish. Similar minded Pink Flick directors like Edz Espiritu, Jigz Recto and Darry dela Cruz always end their stories tragically to provide an undeserved drama. Why not kill off a character? Better yet, why not kill everyone? Let's conclude the whole she-bang with a blood bath for inspiration, debah?

Cudail has been taking down notes from Blush because, for the first time in his mediocre directorial career, he didn’t offer a single shower/bathing scene, thinking perhaps that the absence of which could improve his storytelling acumen. It is wishful thinking, of course. But it is nevertheless refreshing not being able to watch anyone soap away their grime. Make no mistake, it’s still exploitative. A lot of wrinkly derriere (check out the opening scene) is still being flashed around. 

Glenn de Luna gets it on with boyish Dice Vergara.

Dice Vergara is as doltish as Karl Matthew Garcia who, with his tall and lanky frame, tries hard, if a bit too awkwardly. Garcia, who we last saw wave his “light saber” in Crisaldo Pablo’s inane, “Bagito”, must be raring to move away from Pablo’s shadow. Glenn de Luna’s performance is likewise hobbled by caricature. If there’s anyone who registers better than the main characters, it’s the hunky Ian Ileto who earlier topbilled a “Blue Lagoon” yarn for Deo Fajardo’s “East of Paradise”. Unfortunately, Ileto appears in only 3 sequences or so.

Why “Scorpion Lovers”? The title is an afterthought, to be honest. It turns out that both Angelo and Vince were born under one astrological sign - Scorpio. Naw, they didn't turn into predatory eight-legged arthropods with claws and venomous stingers. Cudail would have you believe otherwise, but mark my words. Nothing is vaguely profound in this film. It’s superficial, it’s crass and it’s cheap.

Ian Ileto pawns his gun to Karl Matthew Garcia. Not that gun!

Paul Singh Cudail's Hawla - Opprobrious Mentality

Harry (Johnron Tanada) is down on his luck. Unemployed and penniless, he needs fast cash to move away from the cramped dorm he shares with his friend Ethan (Mygz Molino). The latter suggests a concupiscent “booking” with the generous Tattoo Man (John Relucio), a seaman who was once convicted as a drug mule. Unfortunately for the reluctant Harry, his customer gets his kicks sodomizing his men. Anyway, it was something he had to endure to keep his finances afloat.

After finding a new lodging, things start picking up for Harry. He shares his digs with new friends, Brix and Robbie (Francis Cabral and Dice Vergara) who both work as nurses. But something’s amiss. Two weeks into Harry’s stay, he starts to notice Brix’s illicit visits to a seemingly quarantined room in the house. What is Brix hiding? Meanwhile, even Harry’s employment prospect perks up! Pending medical clearance, he gets the green light in a lucrative call center. He even chances on Chris (Rein Soliman) – the random stranger he once shared sexual rendezvous with - as his supervisor.

On the home front, he learns about Berna (Carla Varga), Brix’s very sick mother. And she’s dying from AIDS! She once worked in Kuwait, but got raped by her employer. These days, Berna is kept isolated in a dark room with nothing, but a bed, a fan and a mosquito net! Is she contagious like the plague? She must be. Otherwise, why would they segregate her like a leper? Why is her condition a hushed state of affair even in her own house?  

When Harry reports at the office, he gets the shock of his life when he learns that he is HIV-positive! “Hindi lahat ng callboy may HIV,” he tells his employer with due venom, I am sure the latter couldn’t be anything but dazed. What is this dingbat saying? Who’s accusing him of prostitution? Heavens!

Devastated by his boss’ patronizing demeanor, Harry bolts out of the office, and never comes back. He incessantly mopes, but never shares his condition with Brix and Robbie. When Berna expires, Brix takes her body to the province (why she needs to be cremated elsewhere is befuddling) leaving Harry under Robbie’s competent care. In fact, the latter fawns on him like his own patient. From out of the blue, Robbie confesses that he is gay. And somewhere along the narrative misconjugations, Harry and Robbie get it on – by the staircase! Wehhh!

Will this coupling lend courage to the agonizing Harry?  Will this circumstance allow him to break away from his recondite dilemma? Would Brix and Robbie pursue their Canadian dream now that they’ve received word from their prospective employers? Or will love (believe it or not!) prevail?

Harry (Johnron Tanada) shares brotherly moments with nurse Robbie (Dice Vergara).

BLOOD EXAMS BY XRAY: NEW TECHNOLOGY?

Director Paul Singh Cudail once again displays his profound philistinism to the topic at hand. His paltry insight on HIV and AIDS would have you believe that those inflicted become unproductive individuals, and that they automatically turn scourge of society. In fact, he showcases his ignorance by choosing the call center industry as backdrop to his misleading tale. After all, this industry is believed to have a swarming population of HIV-positive individuals (according to statistical reports). If Cudail is to be believed, that HIV-positive people cannot work at call centers, then it would probably spell catastrophe into the industry. A stark proof of Cudail’s idiocy is a scene showing the medical report that, indeed, Harry was HIV-positive! This paper was amazingly signed by an X-ray technician and a radiologist, instead of a medical technologist and a pathologist! Even my 7-year-old niece and my yaya (who didn’t finish grade school) know who does blood tests, and it isn’t the X-ray man, is it? I had to stop myself from laughing so hard. Geez!

Robbie is Canada-bound.

MAGNIFYING THE SHORT OF IT

Like most Pink Films, the characters in “Hawla” (Cage) had to endure their requisite shower scene so they can flash their family jewels for a millisecond. Of course, it allows Cudail to ogle at Mygz Molino, John Relucio and nubile Dice Vergara as they allow Cudail to exploit them. You can only dream of getting into Cudail’s secret outtakes for his own masturbatory fun! J After all, you can hardly deny Cudail’s conceit where his actors are concerned. The proof, honey, is in the pudding. While Harry is washing his laundry, Ethan joins him in the bathroom so he could soap away his 2 incher. Instead of covering up, Ethan turns to the camera for a second, “adjusts” his towel and in the process, exposes his miniscule jitterbug - and we all clap with joy… err, I mean hilarity! I have never seen anything as “cute”. And really now, while you’re flashing it, it’s never flattering to deliver the goods in the “short” of things! Magnifying glass alert!

These uncomplimentary moments are the director’s fault really. He tends to be walking in a haze while filming this cinematic detritus. Maybe it’s Dice Vergara’s presence that muddles his storytelling adroitness – or the lack of it. Afterall, Vergara looks deliciously fresh, he might as well be newly harvested from Cudail’s Facebook rummages. Unfortunately, Vergara’s presence doesn’t pack a wallop, except when he disrobes and hands Johnron a pack of condom for his hemorrhoidal incursions. Mocha chocolata yaya, indeed! Right, Christina?

THE PERFUNCTORY AND THE SINISTER

Johnron Tanada, the veteran hunk, moves in perfunctory fashion, but seems ill at ease in most of his scenes. He must really hate what he’s doing. Poor guy! John Relucio (as the mean-looking Tattoo Man) figures in a short but scorching scene with the diffident Harry. I'm telling you, all those sinister tattoos (see photo in this post to know what I mean) could singe the timid. Relucio in fact bears a strong presence. Too bad he was relegated to an exploitative cameo

Johnron Tanada

HEAD SCRATCHERS

There are several head scratching moments in this flick. When is HIV testing a prerequisite for local employment? When Chris (Rein Soliman) learns about Harry’s test results, he goes amok. But wait, could he really contract the virus by just fellating the guy? Didn’t they get it on for like 5 minutes? Did he swallow? It sure is possible but statistics about oral sex are limited. The CDC in fact has this to say: “Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through performing or receiving oral sex, though it is a less common mode of transmission than other sexual behaviors (anal and vaginal sex). While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, evidence suggests that the risk is less than that of unprotected anal or vaginal sex.”

In another scene, a Nihonggo-speaking secretary suddenly joins a long-jawed tranny in a gag-inducing dance – right in the lobby of a call center office! You wonder where this misplaced scene figures in an already bungled narrative. Cudail displays his ineptitude with such flight of ideas.

Now here’s a piece of the call center population. A lady trainor introduces a speaker – even before she identifies who she is – and says: “Our speaker will give you a short messages!” Another scene has an agent taking a call: “This is Kebin. How me I hilp you?” Anyare, ‘te?  And you wonder why quality of this industry is dwindling into fast mediocrity. When Harry was told about his condition (by the Call Center Manager, no less), the latter gives his two cents worth: “Don’t deny the reality if it’s the reality!” Ano daw?

The film’s most grievous sin lies in its stark ignorance of the illness. It does a grave disservice to the thousands of afflicted persons by portraying them as a useless, hopeless, dying breed fit to be caged in a dank, dark room.  Mr. Cudail is too ignorant to realize that a great number of this population is still productive – functional, happy – members of the community! Such opprobrious mentality deserves to be caged!  

Dice Vergara

John Relucio scorches as the Tattoo Man.

John Relucio

Rein Soliman as Chris Ramos, a call center supervisor.

Mygz Molino as Ethan: "Cute".