Enzo Williams' "The Escort" - 10 Amusing Things To Watch Out For

Yasmine Gomez (Lovi Poe) leaves behind waitressing to work as a receptionist for an escort service company. Little did Yassi realize that her boss Cyrus de los Reyes (Derek Ramsey) has plans of turning her into one of his high class prostitutes. One day, Yassi receives a proposal for a date-only transaction with business tycoon Gary Montenilla (Christopher de Leon). The “clean date”, that took several convincing, will earn her P50,000. Besotted by the lovely lass, Gary wants to pursue her further. To her surprise, her bank account earns a whopping P100,000. Now where do I sign up? Cyrus couldn’t be happier. After all, the good looking pimp's finances are fast dwindling. 

What Yassi didn't realize, Cyrus also peddles his flesh to long-time investor Lucy (Jean Garcia), a former actress who’s married to a powerful mayor (Rommel Padilla), due out for release from prison. As fate would have it, Cyrus begins to fall for virginal Yassi, a virtual prey in a sea of predators. Wouldn't you be surprised if this attraction weren't mutual? 

So Cyrus opens his heart and reveals to Yassi that this “greedy, egotistic asshole” cannot resist the “fresh, innocent and pure” heroine.

As the movie comes to its third part, Cyrus has to run away from the vengeful mayor, who learns of his wife's indiscretion. Cyrus is as good as minced meat, right? But Yassi strikes a deal with Gary who has the power to save our loverboy from impending doom. In turn, she is offered three options as payback. One, marry Gary and be provided with all the riches she can only dream of. Two, surrender herself for a night of pleasure in Gary’s boudoir. Three, and the more interesting proposition, make love to Cyrus - with Gary in the audience. Are we trapped in some EL James, Anais Nin, Christina Lauren or Jackie Collins paradise? Nah, more like a diluted Xerex.   

10 Things Why Watching "The Escort" is Amusing:

1. The film falls victim of its own contrivance. Early on, a voice over asks, “Lahat ba tayo may presyo?” To make sure we all understand the earth-shattering question, we’re put through a wringer by getting asked again, this time in English, “Does everything and everyone have a price?” Translation class? Clear?

2. Brenda (played with wanton vulgarity by Dimples Romana) takes her fee and waves the bills in front of a party crowd. Don’t you just love how suddenly this discreet industry is depicted with utter imprudence?

3. Yassi (Lovi Poe) rejects Cyrus’s proposal to join the escorting business. She’s repelled by the idea that she ignores a first invitation for a strictly dinner-only date with filthy rich Mr. Gary Montenilla (Christopher de Leon) though it would have earned her a cool P10,000. Cyrus lecherously badgers to pimp her up. But no go. She feels dishonoured; so humiliated in fact that she has taken every opportunity to join Cyrus for lunch and dinner. Isn’t she the smartest?

4. Everytime she meets up with Cyrus, former actress Lucy (Jean Garcia), wife of an embattled mayor (Rommel Padilla), refuses to do the dastardly deed on the bed. “Ang kama, para sa mag asawa,” she reasons. So it’s all jacuzzi, floor, kitchen table, and pebbly beaches? Kinky.

5. Cyrus argues it isn’t money that fuels the world, but lust. I had to rethink my existence to validate this preporterous theorizing. Do I work and earn my keep to satisfy my lust? Does Duterte sanction his bloody drug war out of lust? Does Bimby star in his dreadful TV commercials for lust? Does Sharon Cuneta shed a hundred pounds of lard for lust? Do the manangs in the market sell their tulya, pinya and kangkong to make errr kangkang? Ooops! Sorry I couldn't resist the rhyme. Tee hee. But good try, smart guy.

6. Derek Ramsay once again reveals his performing acumen in all its splendour. When Cyrus takes Yassi to Kandaya Resort in Daanbantay, Cebu for an overnight canoodling, he reveals to the blushing virgin that he is trying “hard” to resist her. He takes his eyeglasses off, then stares at Yassi. He gazes at her. Smoulder. Smoulder. Smoulder. And smoulder some more. Then I realized that all throughout the movie, Derek has been consistently smouldering. I was sure by the time credits were rolling, hot Derek would have been reduced into an ember.

7. The story reveals why Cyrus feels vulnerable inside a church, thus he avoids it. When he was 8 years old, his mother abandoned him inside. Then when he was about to get married, his bride left him for his best man. Sniff sniff. Cyrus’s voice cracks. “But I promise to change my life for you,” he says. Smoulder smoulder smoulder. Sniff sniff sniff. Yet everyone beside me in the cinema were struck with an unshakeable sensation of apathy. I am suddenly reminded of someone who can outsmoulder Derek Ramsay – Derek Zoolander! Hmmm. Check below if I am just fibbing.

Derek Zoolander and Derek Ramsay - Kings of Smoulder

8. Gary Montenilla takes Yassi home for the first time. He hasn’t even told her of his intentions, but he suddenly springs up a proposal… with a ring! Agad agad? Is it the end of the world na?

9. After Cyrus gets beaten up by the muscle men of Gold's Gym, errr, I mean those pesky, vengeful mayor’s thugs, he is seen on a hospital bed all contused and bloodied. A nurse auscultates his chest with a stethoscope. Then a doctor joins her and he blurts out, “Nurse, take him to the O.R.” No BP? No wound care? No intravenous fluid even to KVO? OR agad?

10. When Yassi goes to the cashier to pay P100,000, the girl tells her, “Ma’am, this is just for the professional fee .” Someone actually says that? No billing invoice itemizing service rendered? Just PF? Now which hospital is this?

If ten items weren’t enough, Enzo Williams' "The Escort" caps its droll sequence of events by following Cyrus sometime after the aforementioned incident (I remember 3 years but that can't be!) Cyrus has recuperated. He's been combing the metropolis looking for Yassi. But there’s no trace of her. To mend his broken heart, he decides to fly back to the Cebu resort where he once took Yassi. The night sea seemed quiet he could hear his own beating heart. He sits back, internalizes, and smoulders some more. Then something stirs from a nearby chair. Guess who?

#theescort   #lovipoe   #derekramsay

Nico Salvador's "Tatay Kong Bading" - Elementary Cinema Returns

Ike (Ike Sadiasa) is an preachy father of four, including grown up Mia (Mia Henares) and her younger brothers. Mia is a hard-working ambulant vendor whose brothers gather and sell wood. But life isn't all that bad. Mia maintains a relationship with charming Charles (Charles Delgado) who, unknown to Mia, is her father's object of desire. (He buys him drinks in plastic cellophanes. How chic, right?) Meanwhile, young lovers Barbie (Barbara Chavez) and Mico (Mico Madrid) can't keep their hands off each other, a sight that makes Mia despairingly envious. After all, her swishy father has just reminded her to finish her studies first so she can eventually help send her brothers to school.

One day, Mia comes home with a bad news. "May nangyari po sa amin ni Charles. Magsasama na po kami," she confesses to her livid father. She gets a slap and a mouthful, but this gets her to share her room with Charles who calms down his would-be in-law with a mere pat on the back.

But despite the seeming calm after the storm, Ike secretly talks to Alfonso (Enrique Sapanta), the kanto boy who's forty-turning-fifty. "Matagal na kitang gustong maging manugang," prods Ike who asks Alfonso to devise a scheme that would hopefully break Mia's relationship with Charles.

Alfonso then abducts Mia and rapes her. This frustrates Charles so that he goes on a drinking spree. He haunts Alfonso down and stabs him - without any one aware of his delectable act of vengeance. One night, Charles comes home dead drunk. Effusively benevolent Ike then assists his strapping son-in-law to bed, then (whaddayaknow?) in Charles' drunken stupor offers to massage him. (He can't even walk. Why would he sit up for a massage?) The wrinkly father-in-law then gets his hand on him - and, subsequently, his buccal mucosa to taste what his daughter has been feasting on. But inflagrante delicto, Mia catches her father with his mouth errrr... "full". What to do?

The morning after, Ike sees the error of his ways. He wails with grief, "Ipinagkanulo ko ang aking anak para sa isang lalaki," he cries ever so horridly - but of course he elicits his sense of remorse after he's tasted (more than) a few inches of Charles. (wink wink)

He grabs what seems like a blunt knife (the one served to gently slice meat during fine dining), runs faster than Usain Bolt, heads to the shore, cries further like a toddler on false teeth, kneels down, and dramatically stabs himself. Ouch. Not with a blunt knife. Everyone rushes to his dying body and cries. End.

In this scene, Sadiasa checks his son-in-law's wares while he bathes.

Director Mike Angelo Salvador's return to B-movie territory (he directed "Mahilig" in 2010 and has another film, "Bayad Utang" released this year)) is as randomly vacuous as his previous work. In fact, it isn't the easiest thing piecing together one coherent story from the way he presents his narrative. The progression of scenes seem aimless, and the running logic feel arbitrary at best. In the story, he dreams of a good future for his daughter yet he allows a "kanto boy" to rape her and be her new lover? Huh? Do we even see him work?

Lazy and inept film making is at play here. What's painfully evident is the lack of a back story. How did someone as effete (and old) as Ike have four children? Where is the children's mother? A case of supply-the-missing narrative? And if he really wanted good education for his daughter, why don't we even see her go to school; not even a pretense of studying, or wearing a uniform for that matter? A lot of things are missing in this narrative bubble. If you aren't flabbergasted yet, wait until a chirpy French song plays in the background. How avant-garde indeed.

GETTING IT ALL WRONG

Ike Sadiasa, gloriously swishy, wrinkly and balding - and can't act to save his life - gets "executive producer" credit as well, although this film could possibly be produced by the director's family. If you want more clues to this outfit's harebrained artistry, check their theatrical poster. They can't even get their stars' names right. And if you haven't noticed, the scriptwriter won't even assign fictitious names to his characters, thus the characters in the story carry the stars' screen names. Didn't I say lazy? Mia Henares becomes Mia Henandez. Barbara Chavez becomes Barbie Chaves. I could even hazard a guess that Enrique Sapanta could actually be "Zapanta".

Kristine Mina is prominently on display on the theatrical poster, you'd think she was central to all these shenanigans. Mina plays a balikbayan lass whose idea of a good time is "maligo sa tabo" than "to frolic on Philippine beaches" because, according to her, she's gotten tired of the beaches of Canada. Huh? Havey na havey, debah? Edit her out of the movie, it wouldn't change the story. Her presence is mere conceit and remains disposable. Yet she highlights the poster. Go figure.

The only flicker of light in this godawful flick is Charles Delgado who's sorely missed in Pink celluloid. Delgado has always been a comfortable, albeit generous actor (in ways you can imagine); not long on gravitas but nevertheless conveys a natural demeanor every time he's on screen. You would if you started baring your inches when you were just an impressionable minor. (He blazed the Pink cinema trail when he was barely 16.) He has since retired and gone bulky; a far cry from his twinky image in the past.

In one scene, Mico and Barbie canoodle with each others' bits while Mia looks on. She tells them, "Itigil nyo na yan. Naiinggit na ako." The couple won't stop. So Mia giggly repeats her message, "Tumigil na kayo." They don't. How many times does she repeat this line - before it changes to another scene? Five. That's the width, breadth and extent of the film maker's imagination. I rest my case.  
 

Watch that nose. Barbie Chavez delivers as awkwardly as her screen partner Mico Madrid.

Sadiasa does hari-kiri with a blunt knife while Charles and Mia try to stop him.

Jigz Recto's "Katabi" - Of Stiffled Affections and Attention-Grabbing Bulges

Tom (Rafael Perez) and Jeff (Jigz Imperial) have known each other since they were kids. When Tom moves to the big city for work, Jeff follows suit. But life in the concrete jungle isn't easy so Tom invites his best friend to live with him. They do everything together: take their meals, share shower times and sleep in one bed.

One day, Jeff shares that Rhea (Nina Rossini), the girl next door, has agreed to become his girl friend. Would Tom want to meet her?

But the girl is a complex item in their equation. Rhea secretly flirts with straight-laced Tom who, one day, finally takes her bait and sleeps with the predatory girl. (Rhea, by the way, wants a luxurious watch similar to Jeff's prized possession. Such lofty ambition, debah?) This has put a strain on Jeff's relationship with Rhea.

She ends her commodious coupling with heart-broken Jeff who just borrowed P20,000 to get his girl the watch that she wanted. (She'd offer him heaven in exchange of riches; something that she's only too willing to impose on Tom without him asking. Go figure.)

When Jeff learns of Tom's concupiscent rendezvous with Rhea, the two friends quarrel. In tight white briefs, they engage in masculine fisticuffs, rolling on their small bed in errr, wild abandon. Accusations are thrown around - and Jeff finally kicks dear, dear Tom out of his house. Might as well. Tom's work is already suffering due to Jeff''s constant loans: the expensive gifts, the celebratory drinking sprees, etc.  Is this the end of their life long friendship? Guess.

Rafael Perez

Jigz Recto's "Katabi" is unexpectedly superior from his previous works, though this isn't in anyway an endorsement of his directorial acumen. Far from it. But this is ten notches better than his unenviable body of work characterized by bathetic stories that overly dramatize confrontations, stretched out for what seems like a dozen lifetimes. These were mawkish dregs of misplaced emotionality, interlocked with repeated shower scenes and peekaboo wonders, and acted by borderline wanna-be actors too clueless to delineate real emotions from make-believe. Moreover, these dramatic highlights are punctuated by persistently heavy-handed suspenseful music that go louder as situations progress.

Don't get me wrong. Shower scenes are still a staple in Recto flicks, but they've been moderated (blame the holier-than-thou  MTRCB for this very conservative trend of late). In one scene, the two friends bathe together; they "rub" each other's backs amid long, silent stares, broken by, "Nababakla ka na ata sa akin." These romantic coquetry create a few moments of unbridled sexual tension - that actually fizzle.

Such mood making is sustained after a drinking spree (Ugh. Didn't you expect?). When Jeff gets too inebriated to walk, Tom is only too glad to help. Jeff vomits on Tom's shirt while the latter takes his friend to bed, disrobes both their garments, until they're only donning their impeccably clean tight-and-white briefs. Tom then cleans his friend all over with a wet towel, every crevice diligently sponged. Meanwhile, the camera intermittently pans on Jeff's attention-grabbing bulge, you could probably use it as compass while it points north-east to pleasure first then switches south-west to joy. Jigz Imperial, it turns out, is directionally versatile. Incredible. Ooohlala!

Nina Rossini, playing the shrewd Rhea,  conveniently becomes a cinematic third wheel. But then this is a Jigz Recto movie where girls are third-class citizens and guys tintinnabulate their own bells. See Imperial rabidly sponge his privates (it must be exquisitely durrrty) as he makes several "dukot dukot" while intently bathing. It's almost an Olympic sports event at the rate he's doing it. Don't we just adore meticulously clean guys?  

Jigz Imperial is directionally versatile.

G.A. Villafuerte's "Harot: Puso Ang Kikirot" - The Art of Dumping

Beejay (Richard Crisostomo) is in no rush to tie the knot with girl friend Jane (Ishang Fernandez) who’s putting the pressure on him. It has been two years since the couple decided to live together, but Beejay’s career as a photographer hasn’t taken off. And Jane’s mother is getting impatient. But things are looking up. Sarah (Merrylyn Quibingco), Jane’s friend, has scheduled photo shoots with Beejay whose calendar is filling up fast. And Randell (Icer Abella, below), Sarah’s ex boy friend, has repeat sessions with Beejay to muscle up his modeling portfolio. 

One day, Beejay’s assistant Jona (Francis Cariaso) comes home with his boss’ laboratory results. Beejay is more than surprised to learn that he tested HIV positive. What bothers him more was his concupiscent dalliances with both Sarah and Randell. Has he infected Jane, Sarah and Randell? As he walks away from home, Beejay turns introspective. He tearfully asks himself: “Kung pumapatol ba sa kapwa ay bading na rin?” Seriously? He's more concerned with labels now than his medical condition.

Such ponderous moment had me laughing in stitches, I was ready to roll down the floor with overflowing hilarity. People with such mind set are usually not turned into directors or storytellers; they’re better off sent up the mountains to plant camote or okra – and even more appropriately, talong (eggplant)! Now isn't this a more productive, albeit nutritious career?

Director G.A Villafuerte cluelessly thows these fatuous and puerile lines one would expect from 4 year old kids – or anyone with an underdeveloped level of comprehension. Like other G.A. Villafuerte films, his characters have polysemous sexuality. There is no distinction between straights and homosexuals; their sexual persuasions are as ambiguous as the story teller’s capacity to shape believable characters or envision valid story lines. How else do you reconcile a thinking mind with someone who chooses to open his film with his protagonist taking a dump! Yes, the first few minutes has Crisostomo displaying his very healthy backside (as he wakes up in bed) before going to the toilet to (drum roll please) defecate! Inspiring, right? I actually thought it was going to be the requisite shower scene, which eventually and predictably came soon enough. Talk about scenographic variety.

Richard Crisostomo (above) is a relaxed performer although he isn't emotionally required to do much, not even when he learns of his affliction. The same demeanor is true where his requisite shower scenes are concerned. And, if you don’t blink, you’d see his shrunken bits. By this, I mean a degree of shriveling is evident. Icer Abella on the other hand, is more enthusiastic than competent. The two gentlemen are a study in contrast. While Crisostomo is “hunky”, Abella is “twinky”. On the other hand, Ishang Fernandez and Merrylyn Quibingco have a limited share of the spotlight. Fernandez figures in a shower scene. As I've said before, “showers” are the be-all and end-all of a Villafuerte movie. Other than that, there’s not much to discuss.

Funny things: Instead of fleshing out his story with something real, Villafuerte instead concerns himself with less important aspects, like assigning complete names for all his characters. If a pet animal was in the cast, I was sure it would have its own surname. In another scene, when Sarah related an anecdote on how a friend saw her ex-boyfriend cheat on her, Merrylyn Quibingco (who plays Sarah) quipped, "She confronted to me." She, of course, meant "confided". Where's the English doctor when you need one? There's always Tagalog, unless she was born with the Queen's tongue. "Ipinagtapat nya sa akin" - there. Isn't that easier?

Sometimes one wonders if Villafuerte ever takes stock of his body of work when not a single title from his ouvre is worth anything except as time fillers. This situation is probably like waking up one morning and finding out that all your collections weren't gold, but mounds of cow dung! Surely you can't be pleased with that situation - unless you're the fly that hovers over these stinking end products.When Villafuerte decides to open this film with his lead star moving his bowel, you realize that there's metaphor there somewhere.

Icer Abella

Darry dela Cruz's Malasado - Watered Down and Overeasy

Levi (AR de Castro) and Pete (Zander Cruz) are close friends. They’re supportive of each other’s needs. They even share a single bed in an apartment. Pete is particularly vulnerable. He’s desperately in love with Lorie (Adriana Gomez), the girl next door. He claims he’d do “anything” for the girl. But what he doesn't know is that his friend Levi and Lorie are already a couple. Levi is particularly disconcerted with the situation. But there’s more to this choleric situation than meets the eye. Levi is in fact harboring affection for Pete. Aren't we confused yet? J And he couldn't control this cantankerous proclivity.

One night, while Pete is heavily inebriated and stuporous, Levi gets the chance to have his way with Pete’s considerable bulges. As his friend sleeps, Levi’s hands – and tongue - wander where they shouldn't  Pete thought this was just a vivid wet dream involving Lorie. Meanwhile, Levi is remorseful – and drawn to his friend more than ever. After all, you can’t get enough of a good thing, debah?

Pete eventually learns of his friend’s attraction for him. As a favor to the accommodating Lorie, Pete agrees for a “romp on the hay” with friend Levi. This would put him in good stead with the schemy Lorie, right? But situation turns sour when Pete couldn't deal with what happened. One night, he smothers Levi in his sleep. What happens to lovestruck Levi? Would love or justice prevail?

Adriana Gomez

Director Darry dela Cruz’s “Malasado” presents ferociously anatomosing emotional entanglements which are tests of patience and sanity. But we do realize what he’s driving at. He desperately needs to show his male protagonists in various couplings. Come hell or high water, these protagonists need to get it on. Unfortunately, Director Dela Cruz and his scriptwriter Kenneth Montero are too inept for logical exposition. In fact, a simple story becomes too big a hurdle for this team (which includes Cleo Paglinawan). The skill and technical know-how are blatantly wanting so we experience some of the driest scenography ever to grace the silver screen.

To accentuate tension, Dela Cruz gets his actors to either smoke endlessly over dissonant music – or he gets them drunk! Though canned music is pretty much avoided, a monotonous piano strain is employed instead, but the melodic tone isn't even compatible with most of the scenes being played. The setting is mostly confined to interiors: a swimming pool, a shower room, and a couple of nondescript exterior shots. In short, Dela Cruz’s follow through with Moron Cinema is inspiring, I ought to freight him some trophies for consistency. Yes, honey, we are scraping the bottom here.

Ike Sadiasa and Jerome Pineda appear as the exceedingly heedful neighbors whose mindfulness oversteps boundaries. One of the challenges to hurdle here is how to get through its inaudible sound. The lines are hardly intelligible because of a noisy room tone and the choppy sound. Parang poor signal, 'kuya. What’s worse is how unaffectingly robotic these actors are. There is not a single valid emotion in all of its short running time. Dela Cruz is particularly fond of close ups and panning shots of gargantuan crotches. In fact, while Zander and AR sleep with nothing but "very" tight and "very" skimpy briefs, it suddenly feels like a Bulging Briefs Contest. It made me blush! These shots are oft repeated ad nauseam! I might as well infer that Dela Cruz is taking a masteral thesis on “Protuberant Appendageal Objects”. I could swear there were restless hamsters underneath their bikini briefs. Peksman. Very interesting, debah?

The film had its commercial run September 5th of 2012 so it passed by without people realizing it was even showing. That, to me, is good news. We all should realize which flicks deserve patronage, and which ones don't. 

DUBIOUS ARTISTRY

Curiously, fair skinned Zander and AR possess agnate features, they might as well be brothers. It took me a while to differentiate these two noobs, adding to the difficulty of understanding what exactly is going on in Dela Cruz’s muddled plot ministrations. But then why look for plot? This isn't exactly high art. It isn't even medium art. And saying that it is art in its lowest embodiment bestows it the privilege of suggesting low-levels of shrewd artistry. There’s nothing of that here. If anything, it’s artistry is akin to its title: “Malasado” – half-baked, over easy, amateur, true to form. What we do have is an incipient conceit of how straight men behave if they were homosexuals. That is a huge "if". All gibberish illusion.  

Deo J. Fajardo, Jr.'s East of Paradise - Marooned in Many Levels

Here's a piece previously scheduled for a December 3 (2012) posting. Though the narrative is not particularly designed like a Pink flick, the story actually focuses on its male protagonist. Like many B-flicks of this generation, the female character takes a backseat while subtle emphasis is given to the appendage-gifted male star. But then this is a Deo Fajardo, Jr. movie whose characteristic hybrid of pseudo-action/drama and sex clash like water and oil.

STORY

On his way to meet his girl friend Amy in Cebu, Edgar (Ian Ileto), an air force officer, survives a plane crash that maroons him on an uninhabited island. Days later, he finds Lara (Sofia Lee) unconscious in a hidden cove. When she regains consciousness, they both realize that they only have each other to survive this ordeal. They subsist by fishing from the bounty of the sea and gradually learn about each other. Edgar's girl friend doesn't approve of his precarious employment and wants him to leave his job. This puts strain to their sketchy relationship. Lara, on the other hand, dances in a bar and sees this mishap as a way to redemption - out of the seedy grind of her job.

Edgar and Lara soon develop feelings for each other. But while Edgar is desperate for rescue, Lara prefers to stay. Edgar's concerns are valid: "Paano kung may emergency? Paano kung mabuntis ka't manganak?" Meanwhile, Lara is enraptured by their misfortune and is becoming increasingly apprehensive of the probity of their relationship. Would it survive once back in the civilized world? More importantly, has Lara been trashing Edgar's SOS signs? This frustrates Edgar no end. Will they ever get rescued?

Director Deo J. Fajardo, Jr.'s foray into "Blue Lagoon" territory straddles between mediocre drama and soft porn. His narrative candor is bogged down by his inability to go beyond the film's premise, i.e. two strangers marooned on an island. In fact, the tension of the plot is hobbled by a flimsy narrative burden. There's really nothing to do in the island but fish, make dubious rafts, go skinny dipping and shag the living daylights away. That's all they do; talk nonsense then go at it like rabbits.


There is, of course, the exploratory artifice to introduce dilemmas concerning their lives back in the dry lands, but they seem terribly unimportant, an excuse to smokescreen the immediate and more salient goal of disrobing the film's protagonists. Sofia Lee ("Batang Ifugao", "Pagnanasa", "Big Night", "Ken at Abel") is tentative and more perfunctory than earnest. She doesn't imbue sympathy to her tepid character even when she cries buckets so you're left staring at her unaffected. Ian Ileto does better. He looks like a screen hero and carries himself with confidence. This is evident even in the way he delivers his lines. It's too bad we haven't seen much from him since (this film was in the can since 2010 and has found a venue only in 2012). Ileto, it seems, is busier these days as cinematographer ("Hawla", "Butas 2", "Ang Jowa", and recently in Cudail's "Scorpion Lovers") and film editor ("Students Project", "Sulot", "Hawla", "Ang Jowa").

This is not a Pink Film by presentation and thematic design. It's a straight film, but Deo Fajardo (who rose to fame for "discovering" Robin Padilla) has always been known for his subtle homoerotic streaks even in pseudo-action/drama flicks like "Casa" with Asia Agcaoili and Paolo Paraiso, "Bangkero" with Michael Rivero; and let's not forget titles like "Hatulan si Baby Ama", "Miss na Miss Kita" (Ang Utol Kong Hoodlum 2) and "Anak ni Baby Ama". His cinematic vision is nothing to crow about. Remember the confused "Students Project" (2011)?

Edgar rescues and finds Lara.

NUDITY

In terms of nudity, there's plenty to go around here. Sofia Lee displays her gargantuan mammary in several scenes. Where frontal scenes are concerned, it's Ian Ileto who accommodates with his err... "considerable" endowments: in love scenes with his leading lady and in underwater scenes (shot in Bolinao, Pangasinan). In fact, these scenes recall Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins' underwater frolic in the Randal Kleiser flick. So Ileto exposes his "slithering snake" flopping away in wondrous splendor. He isn't shy and it's understandable why. J

"Nasaan ako? Bakit ako nandito?" asks a disoriented Lara.

ABRUPT ENDING

The film culminates in anti-climactic fashion, ultimately losing steam as it wallows in narrative apathy. If getting shipwrecked provided Lara's redemption, ending this story was the film's ultimate accretion. Thank heavens for that. Otherwise, we're further subjected to aimless cinematic ramblings. Ending it abruptly prevented people from further embarrassment.

Spear fishing, anyone?

Raft construction turns intimate.

Underwater frolic.

Lara worries about "getting rescued". Go figure.

Ian Ileto: actor, cinematographer, film editor

Sofia Lee

Sofia Lee

Sofia Lee gets photo op with Dennis Trillo.

Peque Gallaga's Seduction - Tepid Persuasions

As a firefighter, Ram (Richard Gutierrez) is dodging fire, embers and falling debris as much as he’s eluding people he owes money from. With dwindling resources, he is close to biting the bullet with his mates’ dubious practices. Headed by his friend Irvin (Jay Manalo), they extort money from building owners whose properties are aflame. Spew out P50,000 or they won’t put out the fire. You see, Ram has volunteered his kidney to save his father (Mark Gil) from impending kidney failure, but money’s tight and a transplant operation requires a lot more than what he is paid at the fire station. “Di ko nga alam kung papatulan ko na lang yung intsik na bading sa Binondo,” he tells Irvin.

 

When Ram saves Sofia (Solenn Heussaff), a French-Filipina journalist, from another raging inferno, it seemed like an answer to his prayer. Grateful for saving her life, Sofia hires Ram as driver and bodyguard – and money is no object. After all, the pretty mestiza is bequeathed with considerable wealth from her departed parents. Suddenly, the emotionally impecunious heiress seems to have found her “salvation” in the dashing fireman. Unknown to Sofia, Ram is warming up to Trina (Sarah Lahbati), a lovely neighbor who’s shown him compassion and affection. The attraction between Ram and Trina soon turns into passionate romps in bathrooms and bedrooms. It helps that Ram has conveniently moved to Trina’s boarding house.

 

When Trina learns of Ram’s financial dilemma, she even decides to sponsor the transplant operation by putting her house up as collateral for cash loan. Meanwhile, Sofia is intent on seducing Ram who’s gradually disquieted by Sofia’s sexual advances, not to mention the ubiquitous camera following them around (a French camera man, played by Artista Academy’s Jon Orlando follows them around, documenting their every move). When Ram moves away from Sofia’s grip, situation turns testy. After all, hell hath no fury like a rich woman scorned, right? What is obsession, coupled with an unhealthy dose of neurosis, not capable of doing?

Peque Gallaga revisits his fascination with stories redolent of his characters' unbridled passion; a familiar theme that always allows dramatic approach into the suspense genre. Like most of Gallaga’s ouvre, he tells his stories with characteristically provocative camera work. The scenes are exquisitely framed, the movement deliberate. Unfortunately, with a story that doesn't really convey a sense of exigency, it feels like the narrative has taken the sideline from the scenographic ruse. Let's take the scene where Sofia burns Trina's house: every "take" stretches on, robbing the moment off of its requisite urgency. 

There are inconsistencies in characterization, particularly of Gutierrez's Ram. When a woman (Shyr Valdez) drops in at the fire station to demand for money he owed her, he doesn't think twice to "work her up" in a room with frosted window, while his workmates could hear (and see) them next door. In another scene where he gets a visit from Sofia at the fireman's quarters, he bafflingly turns into a shrinking violet, rebuffing her advances. He would shag a matron and not a beautiful French woman who pays oodles of cash for his services? "Siguro naman, kaya mong sindihan ang aking apoy," Sofia suggests. So what gives?        

Richard Gutierrez postures like he usually does, but like previous efforts, he fails to convey sincere emotions, thus empathy is hard to come by. What's worse, a movie supposedly built around "passion" feels a tad frigid, which is a mystery considering the presence of Heussaff, who pulls out all the stops to inhabit her fruitcake character. The thespic palette gets better with the ladies: Solenn Heussaff plunges into her role with spot-on precision: she charms, she seduces, she turns pitiful (a challenge when you're rich, beautiful and successful), and just as easily, turns contemptible. Who would have thought of Solenn, when she was starting, that she'd turn into an instinctive, intuitive actress? These days, Heussaff does well in any genre she appears in, even in inane comedies like "D Kilabots: Pogi Brothers...Wehh". What's more inspiring, she has an enviable reputation for her impeccable work ethics.

Lahbati, on the other hand, displays unfeigned countenance. When she delivers her lines, there are no emotional excesses. Isn't it ironic that Lahbati had to come into her own when she's finally decided to desert the business? What a shame.

Peque Gallaga will always be remembered for his masterpieces, "Oro, Plata, Mata" and "Scorpio Nights". "Seduction", on the other hand, could hardly be considered a milestone in film excellence, except that 40 years after Director Gallaga's directorial debut in a film called "Binhi" (with Rosemarie Sonora and Dindo Fernando, 1973), he is still churning out movies about passion and the desires of men. This time though, he missed his mark where "sexy" is concerned.   

Richard Gutierrez

Sarah Lahbati

Solenn Heussaff

Sarah Lahbati and Richard Gutierrez

Paul Singh Cudail's Scorpion Lovers - Deception in Elementary Exposition

Romy (Karl Matthew Garcia), a call center agent, lives with lover Angelo (Dice Vergara), a student whom he financially supports. In a two-story apartment, they play out their seemingly harmonious lives. But Romy is on the verge of resigning from his job, looking forward to a well deserved summer holiday in Dumaguete with Angelo. What he doesn’t know is that Angelo failed his classes (he keeps putting off showing his class cards). What’s worse, their congenial relationship is a one-way affair; and Angelo’s itching to get rid of his doting benefactor. Meanwhile, a new boarder moves into a room downstairs. Vince (Glenn de Luna), the new guy, is imprudent, something that Angelo despises. the new housemate is a former macho dancer now being kept by a lascivious housewife (Jessica Ruiz) whose husband works overseas as a seaman.     

While Romy is away, Vince catches the disagreeable Angelo pleasuring himself while holding Vince’s missing underwear. This gives Vince the opportunity to seduce Angelo who, with nary a second thought, gives in – and even offers compensation for the former gay bar habitué. “Magkano ba’ng bayad nila sa yo? Siguro naman, kaya din kitang bayaran.” he asks.

Before long, Vince and Angelo become regular bedmates. One day, Romy comes home unexpectedly earlier than usual and he finds his housemates tintinnabulating their bells. What’s a guy to do? Should he accept the gun that his friend Joaquin (Ian Ileto) is offering? Guess.


Director Paul Singh Cudail’s “Scorpion Lovers” is 2013’s first local film released in commercial outlets. And I shiver at the thought of what this hints. Are we going to be inundated with more neuron-challenged male-oriented eroticas? The story, if you haven’t noticed, has been told several times in the past. While deception has many faces, “Scorpion Lovers” is particularly derivative and not well conceptualized. Like most of Cudail’s works, the story is laced with a hundred-and-one loopholes. Romy pays for his lover’s education yet he’s resigning from his job? How is he going to pay for Angelo’s tuition? Sure, they were planning for a summer holiday. But most working men take a leave of absence when taking a vacation; they don’t quit work.

Angelo never showed his new housemate Vince an iota of hospitality – or even attraction for that matter. He despised the guy, yet when he found Vince’s soiled underwear, he scampers to his room so he could “play” with it. This hardly makes sense. Even a sexual deviation like paraphilia has to follow certain rational strains.   

At the film’s second half, the narrative aimlessly rambles; the story gets desperate for a plot device to further move the story that seems to have stagnated. So Cudail presents us with his “deux ex machina” of sorts to address his storytelling dilemma. Enter Ian Ileto, the film’s editor and cinematographer, who cameos as Joaquin, Romy’s friend. His mere presence provides a foreboding that you could smell a mile away. Quite predictably, Cudail, who by then has painted himself into a corner, has found his narrative salvation. Is this brilliance? You could only wish. Similar minded Pink Flick directors like Edz Espiritu, Jigz Recto and Darry dela Cruz always end their stories tragically to provide an undeserved drama. Why not kill off a character? Better yet, why not kill everyone? Let's conclude the whole she-bang with a blood bath for inspiration, debah?

Cudail has been taking down notes from Blush because, for the first time in his mediocre directorial career, he didn’t offer a single shower/bathing scene, thinking perhaps that the absence of which could improve his storytelling acumen. It is wishful thinking, of course. But it is nevertheless refreshing not being able to watch anyone soap away their grime. Make no mistake, it’s still exploitative. A lot of wrinkly derriere (check out the opening scene) is still being flashed around. 

Glenn de Luna gets it on with boyish Dice Vergara.

Dice Vergara is as doltish as Karl Matthew Garcia who, with his tall and lanky frame, tries hard, if a bit too awkwardly. Garcia, who we last saw wave his “light saber” in Crisaldo Pablo’s inane, “Bagito”, must be raring to move away from Pablo’s shadow. Glenn de Luna’s performance is likewise hobbled by caricature. If there’s anyone who registers better than the main characters, it’s the hunky Ian Ileto who earlier topbilled a “Blue Lagoon” yarn for Deo Fajardo’s “East of Paradise”. Unfortunately, Ileto appears in only 3 sequences or so.

Why “Scorpion Lovers”? The title is an afterthought, to be honest. It turns out that both Angelo and Vince were born under one astrological sign - Scorpio. Naw, they didn't turn into predatory eight-legged arthropods with claws and venomous stingers. Cudail would have you believe otherwise, but mark my words. Nothing is vaguely profound in this film. It’s superficial, it’s crass and it’s cheap.

Ian Ileto pawns his gun to Karl Matthew Garcia. Not that gun!