Peque Gallaga's Seduction - Tepid Persuasions

As a firefighter, Ram (Richard Gutierrez) is dodging fire, embers and falling debris as much as he’s eluding people he owes money from. With dwindling resources, he is close to biting the bullet with his mates’ dubious practices. Headed by his friend Irvin (Jay Manalo), they extort money from building owners whose properties are aflame. Spew out P50,000 or they won’t put out the fire. You see, Ram has volunteered his kidney to save his father (Mark Gil) from impending kidney failure, but money’s tight and a transplant operation requires a lot more than what he is paid at the fire station. “Di ko nga alam kung papatulan ko na lang yung intsik na bading sa Binondo,” he tells Irvin.

 

When Ram saves Sofia (Solenn Heussaff), a French-Filipina journalist, from another raging inferno, it seemed like an answer to his prayer. Grateful for saving her life, Sofia hires Ram as driver and bodyguard – and money is no object. After all, the pretty mestiza is bequeathed with considerable wealth from her departed parents. Suddenly, the emotionally impecunious heiress seems to have found her “salvation” in the dashing fireman. Unknown to Sofia, Ram is warming up to Trina (Sarah Lahbati), a lovely neighbor who’s shown him compassion and affection. The attraction between Ram and Trina soon turns into passionate romps in bathrooms and bedrooms. It helps that Ram has conveniently moved to Trina’s boarding house.

 

When Trina learns of Ram’s financial dilemma, she even decides to sponsor the transplant operation by putting her house up as collateral for cash loan. Meanwhile, Sofia is intent on seducing Ram who’s gradually disquieted by Sofia’s sexual advances, not to mention the ubiquitous camera following them around (a French camera man, played by Artista Academy’s Jon Orlando follows them around, documenting their every move). When Ram moves away from Sofia’s grip, situation turns testy. After all, hell hath no fury like a rich woman scorned, right? What is obsession, coupled with an unhealthy dose of neurosis, not capable of doing?

Peque Gallaga revisits his fascination with stories redolent of his characters' unbridled passion; a familiar theme that always allows dramatic approach into the suspense genre. Like most of Gallaga’s ouvre, he tells his stories with characteristically provocative camera work. The scenes are exquisitely framed, the movement deliberate. Unfortunately, with a story that doesn't really convey a sense of exigency, it feels like the narrative has taken the sideline from the scenographic ruse. Let's take the scene where Sofia burns Trina's house: every "take" stretches on, robbing the moment off of its requisite urgency. 

There are inconsistencies in characterization, particularly of Gutierrez's Ram. When a woman (Shyr Valdez) drops in at the fire station to demand for money he owed her, he doesn't think twice to "work her up" in a room with frosted window, while his workmates could hear (and see) them next door. In another scene where he gets a visit from Sofia at the fireman's quarters, he bafflingly turns into a shrinking violet, rebuffing her advances. He would shag a matron and not a beautiful French woman who pays oodles of cash for his services? "Siguro naman, kaya mong sindihan ang aking apoy," Sofia suggests. So what gives?        

Richard Gutierrez postures like he usually does, but like previous efforts, he fails to convey sincere emotions, thus empathy is hard to come by. What's worse, a movie supposedly built around "passion" feels a tad frigid, which is a mystery considering the presence of Heussaff, who pulls out all the stops to inhabit her fruitcake character. The thespic palette gets better with the ladies: Solenn Heussaff plunges into her role with spot-on precision: she charms, she seduces, she turns pitiful (a challenge when you're rich, beautiful and successful), and just as easily, turns contemptible. Who would have thought of Solenn, when she was starting, that she'd turn into an instinctive, intuitive actress? These days, Heussaff does well in any genre she appears in, even in inane comedies like "D Kilabots: Pogi Brothers...Wehh". What's more inspiring, she has an enviable reputation for her impeccable work ethics.

Lahbati, on the other hand, displays unfeigned countenance. When she delivers her lines, there are no emotional excesses. Isn't it ironic that Lahbati had to come into her own when she's finally decided to desert the business? What a shame.

Peque Gallaga will always be remembered for his masterpieces, "Oro, Plata, Mata" and "Scorpio Nights". "Seduction", on the other hand, could hardly be considered a milestone in film excellence, except that 40 years after Director Gallaga's directorial debut in a film called "Binhi" (with Rosemarie Sonora and Dindo Fernando, 1973), he is still churning out movies about passion and the desires of men. This time though, he missed his mark where "sexy" is concerned.   

Richard Gutierrez

Sarah Lahbati

Solenn Heussaff

Sarah Lahbati and Richard Gutierrez

My Valentine Girls - Three Times the Mundane

Mainstream movie making has come to this.

In the not so distant past, a “GMA Film” was once synonymous with “landmark, quality films”. Everyone was proud and excited being in one. And film lovers looked forward to these screenings. But those, sadly, were the days. Nowadays, a GMA Film is equivalent to diarrheaic stools (Remember “I.T.A.L.Y.” ?) And as I said earlier, it has come to something as banal as “My Valentine Girls”.

Patronize Tagalog films?

Patronage, much like “respect”, has to be deserved; not imposed! Isn’t it enough we’re paying admission fee to be dumbed down by such pile of crap? But to really heap praises on something this mediocre is too much to ask. Let’s take note of the fact that this was “Rated B” – “Basura” anyone? – by those idiots at Cinema Evaluations Board (C.E.B.)

The movie is a cluster of 3 short stories from the imagination of novelist Arvin Perez (Richard Gutierrez) who’s summoning inspiration to finish his anthology. But where does he derive inspiration when his romantic plate is nil? He gets by, apparently. We are then taken to these shorts.

In “Soulmates”, Oslec (a taxi driver, played by Gutierrez) and Aia (a fashion designer, played by Rhian Ramos) figure in a fatal vehicular accident that left Oslec’s soul wandering restlessly, unable to find closure with his mourning family. He seeks the help of Aia, the girl who run him over while he was fixing a flat tire. Oslec needed Aia’s company to be able to get back home (why he couldn’t do it on his own is a great mystery... he’s a “ghost”, for crying out loud; someone who could walk through walls and inanimate objects). The reluctant Aia acquiesce, giving them ample time to know each other and even check out their bucket list (“to make the most of our time”) – by taking a day out at the Enchanted Kingdom! This paved the way to a budding romance that eventually subtends a twist that left me chuckling down my chair. But just when you thought it was safe, there had to be another twist (in all its half-witted redundancy) that contests the boundaries of plausibility!

This segment is particularly careless, almost to an asinine level. One scene has Gutierrez visiting Aia’s home. When he knocked and found the door ajar, he comes in without an invitation and even finds his way to Aia’s deserted room upstairs, gazing through picture frames and Aia’s personal stuff. When her dad (Lloyd Samartino) finds the stranger strolling around their modern abode, he asks, “Sino ka?” He replies, “Kaibigan ako ni Aia.” So friendship gives him liberty to gallivant around a friend’s house without the owner’s consent? If I find a stranger going through my stuff at a second floor room, I’d call the police and have this trespasser arrested for breaking and entering! After all, if he was a friend, why doesn’t Aia’s father know him? An iota of brain cells should suffice to understand that something is amiss in the narrative’s logic!

In a scene where Aia is disrobing as she prepares for shower, she suddenly finds an audience in Oslec who’s comfortably sitting at the tub. He shrieks, “Bakit kasi dito ka naghuhubad, eh alam mo namang may nagmumulto!” Can’t it be because it’s her bathroom? Where else does he expect Aia to strip and bathe? Now have you ever encountered such an exasperatingly dumb ghost?

And really now, making the most of your time means going to Enchanted Kingdom? Babaw huh!

Spoilers!

The most glaring faux pas in “Soulmates” is the characters’ inability to recognize that they were both itinerant souls! But if both of them were, why then was Aia able to interact with people and inanimate objects; even pay admission fees at the leisure park, join queues at the rides, etc. If you are referencing Zac Efron's "Charlie St. Cloud" - where there were two "ghosts" in the story, you'd have to assure better story telling at the very least. If there was a brain involved in the conception of this story, it would be, in Miriam Santiago parlance, that of a one-celled amoeba!

The culprit in this syllogistically challenged story is director Dom Zapanta!

Chris Martinez’s “Gunaw” is a satirical echoing of the apocalyptic zombie yarn (and hit TV series) ”Walking Dead”. It’s been three years after frolicking North Korean lovers (John Lapuz and Maureen Larrazabal) accidentally pushed the button that culminated in the holocaust. Aidan (Gutierrez) is scouring the earth in search for other survivors (he woke up to a lifeless world, but for the occasional zombies). One day, he finds Ivy (a former bank manager, played by Eugene Domingo) who’s bulheaded to repopulate the world with a worthy male. And who could be a more perfect male specimen that Aidan who’s just 1 inch shorter than Ivy’s criteria. “Pwede na,” she opines. But Aidan has more pressing matters in mind. i.e. to find other survivors. One fateful night, they find a congregation of virile men who went ape when they found Ivy, the lone female survivor in the world. Ivy’s ecstatic over their attention. What becomes of Aidan?

This portion is easily better than “BBFF” or “Soulmates”. The production design depicting a cataclysmic world is adequate and Eugene Domingo, who eerily resembles Shrek’s Princess Fiona, is volubly adorable. Did you expect anything less from Domingo who’s queen of the peanut gallery?

To say that “Gunaw” is in the realm of Shake, Rattle & Roll’s “Punerarya” is unfair to the latter. For one, this script is riddled with inconsistencies. In several lines, you get the impression that the world ended from a nuclear warfare. In another scene, it was biological (thus explaining the zombies), churned out by "first world power" - but North Korea is far from being "first world", isn't it? And obviously, nuclear is different from biological!

“Punerarya” is beautifully threshed out in all its narrative flourishes; “Gunaw” feels too superficial, too narratively emaciated and derivative to be seriously considered a notable work. It ends up like a bad parody of well loved zombie movies. Where else do you find zombies who hesitate when pointed a gun? Better yet, where do you find jogging zombie athletes when earlier in the scene, they were referred to as slow pokes, “Ang babagal ng mga yon!” Ano ba talaga, ate?

Andoy Ranay’s “BBFF” is MVG’s most contrived. Zack (Gutierrez) and Andi (Solenn Heusaff) are two peas in a pod. They’re inseparable as best friends so much so that at a dinner date, Zack (a lawyer) professes, “You’re my number one”. The dolphin trainer replies with a curt, “You’re crazy!” Ouch! Andi then sets Zack on a blind date with fellow lawyer Rubi (Lovi Poe). Sparks fly and the two start spending more time together than the best friends. This bothers Andi. What follows is a rather predictable yarn we’ve seen a million times in other better told rom-coms.

I do have scruples gobbling Gutierrez and Lovi as lawyers, it was like walking the thin line to follow the story. Lovi is lovely (and singsongs her lines like KC Concepcion) but she dresses like she was gonna party all the time. If she was a Toronto-bred lawyer, I would be Angelina Jolie. The dialog is rather more cinematically conceived but mostly baffling. Take this: While Lovi was on her hospital bed, she had to console Gutierrez with a line that doesn’t bear any connection to the story line: “I have to let you go, para mahalin mo ang sarili mo.” Beautiful, right? Unfortunately, there’s nothing in the story that shows Gutierrez not loving himself! He isn’t a drunkard, an addict, a workaholic – thus it is baffling to hear that line from a character who was actually hurt (she was shot by a stray). Cinematic, but disconnected.

In a scene at the hospital, we’d find Lovi sitting on a wheelchair, decked in a hospital gown. Richard comes over to hug her tight.Teka! Wasn’t she shot right where the heart is? No chest bandages? No breast wounds? Which reminds me of a scene in the earlier “Soulmates”: Richard was confined to his hospital bed (yes, again!), with a tube down her throat, which means it would be quite a feat to produce a sound from an intubated mouth and throat. Yet, when Richard finally wakes up, he finds his mother (Princess Punzalan) at his bedside. He then speaks very clearly: “Nay!” Nothing short of a miracle to do so when you have a tube hooked down your pulmonary passages! Didn’t I say MVG is amazing?

Lovi Poe is affecting when you aren’t distracted by her garbs, high heels, peekaboo slinky designer night dresses. A simple line like “Wag mo naman akong gawing tanga” is heartfelt and sincere, a talent honed by Poe’s forays into the indie scene. Solenn Heusaff shows promise. She registers beautifully on screen, although her accent is still too organic to bridge empathy. I wouldn't mind watching Solenn in more films in the future, but I specifically remember her shutting her doors on a showbiz career. In a “Survivor” episode, she was heard saying, “Remember this. I will never become an artista after this.” Guess what?

Finally, Richard Gutierrez has to be commended for a spectacular turn in “My Valentine Girls”. In a film where he plays four characters: Arvin the writer, Oslec the taxi driver, Zack the lawyer and Aidan the holocaust survivor, it was hard to find any difference from any of the four. There is absolutely no delineation in terms of character evolution or development. His thick rimmed eyeglasses possessed more insight than the actor.

This is an inscrutable mystery to us. How does Richard Gutierrez turn out to be such a major ham when he comes from a family of actors? He is as sensitive as the pebble stones at our lanai.

In "My Valentine Girls", Gutierrez has succeeded in portraying four characters by way of a single emotionally incipient person with the sensitivity of a drying paint and the emotive capacity of eggplants! Now that is for the books!

Worst Performances of 2010

What constitutes a bad performance? That should be an easy dissertation, any time; any day.

One giveaway criteria is the presence of the blank facies, unless you're portraying the role of a catatonic schizophrenic. The wooden or statue-inspired amble, which Ciara Sotto perfected in "SpEd Hearts". The monotone delivery where you seem to be reading an essay in front of the camera. The shallow soul, where the exigency of an emotion is depicted through verbose lines and eardrum-shattering squalls, instead of a well-invested emotion (like much of the characters in "In Your Eyes"). The over-eager, under exposed actor who tries hard to stick out from his scarce screen time (not unlike several of Emir's "maids" but gloriously exemplified in brazen and insolent splendor by Melanie Dujunco). The black-and-white 2-D characterizations in actors who can't get a middle ground between emotions like disappointment, anger and hatred. The inability to assume any other persona other than what others know (much like Mo Twister, and why not, when you're already chirpy and charming, right?).

Sometimes, an exceedingly beautiful face gets in the way. Look at Sam Pinto. When you look at her, you are transfixed in time, the way she magically suspends herself in a single facial expression. She's upset? She's happy? She's occupied? Might as well wear a mask, it's a single expression! Another example is Rocky Salumbides. Check out his photo down below - now that is a face steep with expression! His photo just explodes with several degrees of emotion. Unfortunately, on a moving image, it is the same unmoving face, removed of all the muscles that create movements to convey emotion.

Another point to consider is the absolute lack of insight in a given role. Are you a testosterone-raging lothario? Then why do you speak like an 8 year old girl? Then, there's the oversimplification of a character. When a script assigns a sad persona, like someone who is dealing with extreme personal tragedies, do you mope in woe-is-me fashion for 2 full hours?

Finally, when a character annoys his audience when he is supposed to be charming, that should fall under a "worst performance" category.

We have vegetated on this list for about a week or so. It is such a displeasure to have to pay anything between P150 to 191 (a non-3D seat for the uneven "The Green Hornet" at the Galleria is a ridiculous P191) just to experience any of the aforementioned criteria. But more than anything, we do hope that they learn from these errr... star-making turns!

From 73 commercially released local flicks, this is 2010's Worst Performances: (in random order)

1. Allen Dizon ("Marino:Call of the Sea") as Benjo, a conscientious seaman who constantly worries about his wife (Ara Mina) back home. Even when he was shagging Krista Ranillo (who played a hooker) in Thailand, he was missing his melon-mammary wife.

2. Ciara Sotto ("SpEd Heart") as Rina, a special education teacher turned between her disagreeable dad and her boyfriend (Paolo Rivero). Ciara exemplifies the confused somnambulist. Danica Sotto (a co-star) could have done a lot better than the lethargic Ciara.

3. Toffee Calma ("Parisukat") opens the movie as a frisky "businessman" attacked by a gay serial killer. You do wonder why he never seem to have learned - and done away with his monotone delivery. He was one of the busiest sexy actors of the 90's appearing in one sexy flick after the next, opposite new sex nymphets.

4. Melanie Dujunco ("Emir") as Mylene, an obsequious servant at a royal household in an Emirate state. Dujunco was annoyingly fervid. She was a distraction, sticking out from the flow of an unremitting narrative. For a minor role, she unwittingly called too much attention to herself. As we said before, there are no small roles for good actors, but there's no role big enough for bad!

5. Richard Gutierrez ("In Your Eyes") as illegal immigrant Storm who fancies himself as a big time photographer instead of an unemployed free loader. If there is a criteria for blandness, go look his way. Remember what they say about shallow waters? And you wonder why he has such kaleidoscopic lines in the film.

6. Sheree as Lucy, the foul mouthed cinema prostitute in "S.R.O - Standing Room Only ." Cursing away like there's no tomorrow, spouting peremptory lines ( "Putang ina naman, Nestor. Hindi madaling magbate ha. Amoy Clorox na nga itong kamay ko," "Singkwenta lang? Nagpaputok ka pa sa labi ko. Halos nagkakasugat sugat na nga ang suso ko sa kakalapirot mo.") as though that would make her a thespian of note.

7. Mo Twister ("White House") as Ken, the loud and arrogant radio DJ and horror “housemate” who can’t pretend even for two hours how to be anybody else other than himself.

8. Victoria Haynes ("666") as the possessed teenager Donna who should be banished to la-la land.

9. Carl Guevarra ("Mamarazzi") as Andi Eigenmann's nerdy boyfriend who acts like a shrinking violet with the voice of an 8 year old school girl.

10. Gloria Romero ("Tarima") as the contemptible Lola Imang whose mean and abusive streaks don’t have rhyme or reason. Hers is an opprobrious character made to shout invectives many times over - "Hudas ka, Demonyo, Kapal ng mukha, Patay gutom, Walang hiya!" We've always loved her in anything she's been in, but with Neal Tan and a wanting script, the veteran actress is reduced to caricature.

11. Philip Salvador ("Rosario") as the powerful patriarch of a sprawling tobacco hacienda in the 1920's. Whatever happened to one of the most influential Brocka Babies? When he was younger, he was god. Times have changed though. Check out his one-note performances in the following films: As Daniel Reyes in "Baler", as KC Concepcion's dad in "For The First Time".

12. Rocky Salumbides ("Tarima") as the reclusive inmate Bryan who shines with smoldering dullness. (See above)

13. Guio Munoz (Indie Boys) as the duplicitous new actor Delfin who displayed raw naivete in his cunning persona. Huh?

14. Sam Pinto ("Petrang Kabayo") as Samantha, one of Peter's nosy relatives. In this Vice Ganda comedy, Ms. Pinto exposed herself as having the intuitive sincerity of a shoe brush. And what's with all these roles with names much like hers? Samantha in "Petrang Kabayo", Samara in "Si Agimat at Si Enteng Kabisote". She loves to be "full of herself", doesn't she? ;->

15. Rob Da Silva ("Lagpas") as bushy browed Diego who couldn’t decide if his character was a good guy, a bad guy or that gay guy who loves to take his briefs off.

In Your Eyes – Of Cinematic Jokes and Bad Chemistry

Let’s forget for a second that Mac C. Alejandre hasn’t really made a decent film in his entire directorial career (and I refuse to even discuss anything from anyone who considers Bong Revilla’s “Ang Panday” a superior work), and that Claudine Barretto has established herself as that quintessential face of the itinerant Filipina (“Milan”, “Dubai”).

In Alejandre’s “In Your Eyes”, Barretto is Ciara, a physical therapist who braves the urban jungles of California to support her younger sister Julia (Anne Curtis). They lost their mother when Julia was born, and Ciara has since devoted her waking hours to fill the maternal void. “Hating Kapatid”, anyone? This is exactly Juday and Sarah passing the torch to Claudine and Anne, but instead of Libyan OFW’s coming home, they uproot themselves to Los Angeles! Filling the vast suitcase to inveigle a narrative is the eternally pouting Richard Gutierrez! Very original, right?

Gutierrez plays Storm, a name ambivalent enough to dash a bit of an edge to Gutierrez’s drying-paint countenance. He meets Julia in a bar and before he knew what hit him, they set out for an American adventure. He couldn’t live without Julia (was she that explosive in bed, a one night stand would inspire illegal migration?) But life in the Land of Green Bucks can be so cruel even to greek Gods like Gutierrez.

While Julia endures school and work, Storm is left grieving for his social injustice. The heavens would cave in if he reduces himself to “process films” at work. He envisions himself as some Annie Leibovitz, snapping portraits of the rich and famous while sipping Chardonnay. He is a photographer and it is beyond him to print photographs where he is employed illegally “in a photo shop”! He is insulted by such menial work – sitting in an AC room in front of a processing machine. He felt debased and degraded, and utterly humiliated! His refusal eventually lead to his superior calling him a “Filipino Rat”, and that about takes the cake. With his manly beauty and abounding charm, he throws the towel, an act that, to Mr. Gutierrez, would illustrate repugnance – or outrage! He walks out of his heavy-manual-labor job. And we sympathize with him. Poor boy!

While Storm is licking his wounds, where is Julia to lick them for him? Oh wait, the long agonizing Ate Ciara is there to walk the fire! Did I mention that Storm and Ciara (yup, Ciara – not Julia) actually got married so that Storm could get his green card? If you didn't get that from the trailers, you must live in a satellite space ship stationed at the next constellation.

And we know where all this is leading.

Claudine Barretto demotes herself from the masterful and epic strokes of the Star Cinema narratives on migration to something like an ill conceived, overly sappy melodrama, and what’s more, she looks matronly beside Richard Gutierrez. Her face is all puffed up, like they forgot to deflate her after giving birth. What’s worse is that she keeps wearing garments a size smaller than her girth, you see her bursting at the seams. You would find Ms. Barretto desperately catching up with Anne's and Richard's physical attributes: wearing heels while taking a stroll down the beach or while shopping. Tsk tsk tsk. To be relatively young and looking like you've been zapped into your mid-40's! And you wonder why she suddenly bolted from ABS CBN when she learned she'd be paired against her lovely, statuesque sister Gretchen Barretto for what would become "Magkaribal".

Such humanity... such vanity to take offense from comparisons with your own blood sister!

There was this scene where she had to walk down a stair and we see her flopping and bouncing away; a little too heavy on her stride. And in several scenes, we’d see her hair pasted flat to her scalp, further accentuating her “busog” look! In short, her romantic pairing with Richard feels nothing less than a fairy tale from writer Keiko Aquino’s prolific mind! You’d think Viva and GMA would have realized half way through shooting that Claudine got paired with the wrong twin! In fact, this would have been a perfect vehicle, not for Richard, but for Raymond Gutierrez!

Anne Curtis does better, the obedient actress that she is. But this isn't her moment in the sun! She meanders with raw talent; something that needs fine-tuning and intensity. An intensity not exactly showcased by kilometric verbal tussle, loud arguments, or a bucket full of tears. Anne is young, and she will get there one day.

Now, Richard Gutierrez is a conundrum to us. Sometime in the last 2 years, we actually thought that he was growing as a performer. Apparently not! In several scenes where he was saying, “I love you” to either Claudine or Anne, we were struck with his several degrees of banality. His expressions were vapid, and his emotions prosaic. I could probably elicit gravitas from an inanimate object more than from Richard Gutierrez!

In its running time of 120 minutes or so, we were never moved one bit! And this, by far, is 2010’s most protracted – and sappiest - melodrama! Yet with all of its ludicrous emotionality, there is not a single tear from me! That can’t be good! Heck, I even shed a tear from the shameless “Hating Kapatid”!

This too has some of the dumbest characters on silver screen. We have a doctor (Joel Torre) who heads a Rehab Center. Whenever he has a personal problem, this idiot would seek the counsel of his employee (Claudine) who must be 20 years his junior! Even when he discusses a case regarding his patient (about an athlete), he would consult with the Physical Therapist in order to decide on the disposition of the patient! Claudine would show him the xray of the patient, and instead of checking out the xray plates himself for an objective professional insight, he would ask the PT instead! The doctor is asking the PT what to do with the patient! Now you wonder why the people of “Desperate Housewives” think of Filipino doctors as a joke!

This also has one of the silliest endings, which I'd let you "discover". Despite being a potboiler filled with several narrative skips (7 years later, 8 months later, another 8 months later, 2 years later), you would notice that everyone looks exactly the same! Same hair cut! Same girth! Same manner of dressing! As though time stood still! I had to pinch myself. I almost forgot that this is a film by director Mac C. Alejandre!

Movie Review: When I Met U

Jenny (KC Concepcion) and Benjie (Richard Gutierrez) are two peas in a pod. They are kindred souls who live their seemingly joyful existence through the whims of their controlling and manipulative partners (Alfred Vargas and Iya Villania, respectively). One fateful day, they find themselves spending an overnighter, marooned on a deserted island after their plane encountered mechanical trouble en route to a common friend’s wedding ceremony in Coron, Palawan. After an infuriatingly cheesy cat-and-mouse flirtation amidst lush mangroves and giant lizard, they realize an unmistakable chemistry together.

Once back in civilization, reality sets in. Hooking up as fast friends, they also realize that keeping their current relationships may prove beneficial to both their immediate families as well. But we all know that loving hearts are stubborn, and true love, as the song goes, always finds a way, doesn’t it? Well, at least, in romantic comedies, they do. And this Joel Lamangan-directed starrer is no exception.

The first time I heard that Joel Lamangan was finally chosen to helm this pre-Valentine offering, I was disappointed. I am not such a fan of Mr. Lamangan. His body of work never impressed me, except for a few (Huling Birhen sa Lupa, Deathrow and Pusong Mamon) and I don’t expect “When I Met U” to be among those. KC deserves a better fare than her first movie.

Lamangan’s strong point comes to the fore in that he knows how to somehow please a crowd (Maricel Soriano’s “Bahay Kubo”, Regal's "Mano Po" series) – but not the critically-discerning crowd though. Character development is not among Lamangan’s gifts. This is obvious in “When I Met U”. In fact, the unevenness in the individual narratives between Jenny and Benjie tilts towards Richard’s character. You get to learn the intrinsic mechanics of Benjie’s character through his dysfunctional family: a not-so-easy domestic life of a struggling pilot, an opportunistic father (Tonton Gutierrez) who would rather sell his son’s soul to the devil over the fast buck, etc.

Having said that, Richard’s character Benjie is easily a sympathetic one, and by stroke of luck, Gutierrez comes off with his most believable performance in his entire “leading man” career! We have always been vocal about our indifference to Richard Gutierrez. He was always the “beautiful leading man”, but nary a hint of brilliance. This I believe is somehow because Gutierrez was always “fortunate” enough to be given roles that were always “too big” for his shoes. After all, sometimes greatness isn’t made in a day! In this movie, Richard – like Angel Locsin in “Love Me Again” – takes his artistic steps a notch higher, and I am glad! His mother studio (GMA) has finally given him something that doesn’t overwhelm him, thereby giving him enough space to let his character evolve at his own pace.

Which leaves us with KC Concepcion!

The first 20 minutes of the movie was nagging my patience. KC plays Jenny - a “mall promodizer” (is there really such a term?) who comes off a little too loud and flirty, crass and awkward, and for several instances, more infuriating than endearing or humorous. But as Jenny’s story unravels, we begin to see her in various levels of intensity. This beautiful face is an experimental actress, something that her dear mother Sharon Cuneta would have benefited from had the latter not been too sheltered by Viva Films back in the days. KC does not mind trying new techniques even if in the process, she would look ridiculous (the Hotdog scene), overzealous (the bayawak scene where instead of running away from fright, she waddles in the mud), or downright desperate (the airport scene where she bawls her heart out as her bridal train floats poetically in mid-air). KC is indeed her parent’s daughter – a natural! Had she been banal or flat, she would still look lovely on celluloid. But we have to underline the fact that KC is most effective in her quiet moments; when she weeps without saying much. She must have learned from her mom’s experience in “Madrasta”.

Now, how is “When I Met U” as a cinematic offering? Is it a masterpiece? Surely, it is not! And no one expects it to be. This is made without a grand ambition to be both epic and romantic (like the pretentious and amateurish "Baler"). In fact, the story is way too simplistic; the situations too “maneuvered” to be really believed, but this is where this film succeeds. When a fan-movie doesn’t pretend to be something more than what it is – a crowd-pleasing “fan movie”, then it won’t fall down the pit that made “For the First Time” or even “Paano Kita Iibigin” a big disappointment to “love story” fans like me!

Congratulations KC and Richard!

... an empty piece of a shell...

Movie Review: Joyce Bernal's For The First Time

Candy Pangilinan plays KC's "yaya" in Joyce Bernal's latest movie, "For The First Time". She also started the ball rolling down to a treacherous slope that has no promise of redemption, except for the fact that KC Concepcion stars in her very first movie. Unfortunately for KC, who is obviously bound for greater glories, the well anticipated movie miserably disappoints.

When the loquacious yaya starts spouting invectives, everything that comes out of her mouth doesn't quite translate into anything humorous. In fact, she was my main source of aggravation in the first 15 minutes of the movie. She just wasn't funny! She inspired my violent rages that I began seeing myself wringing her neck, shaking her endlessly until she realizes that her performance was nowhere endearing or amusing. Her character could be a latter-day incarnation of Suzanne Gonzales or Nova Villa who have played the hilarious nanny to many of Sharon Cuneta's early characters. Unfortunately again, Pangilinan doesn't possess the subtlety of the aforementioned actresses. She is as crass as a those MILF characters spouting ideals on peace. LOL. Having said that, let me go back to the movie.

I had high hopes about this movie. It was an "event" that hasn't escaped even my mother who's vacationing in Davao. And like me, she queued to witness this historical event. Me in Galleria, she in SM Davao. We basically know how the story goes: Rich, but hard working girl Pia (KC Concepcion) meets heartbreaker Seth (Richard Gutierrez) while vacationing in Santorini. She despises him like a fatal disease, which amuses the lothario into wooing her overnight. Sparks fly... or I thought it was supposed to.

There was something amiss with their screen pairing. I can't quite pinpoint the culprit. To be honest, I was never enthralled by Richard Gutierrez. Sure, he is "beautiful" - and though I have watched all his cinematic forays, i was never infatuated with him. His beauty is a novelty that's easy to overcome. He never made my toes curl. He just doesn't seem to possess the gravitas that makes leading men compelling - and that is purely personal. I am sure he has made lots of girls dream wild. Not me. I prefer my men "handsome", not "beautiful".

I have to admit though that his television appearances with KC are something to get yourself worked up with. As a couple, they are a perfection. Which begs the question why they didn't quite work onscreen. The answer must lie somewhere in the technicality of cinematic storytelling. This movie was recklessly told in all its mediocrity. It is such a shame, considering they even have to fly to Greece to spice up the formula. Here's another rub: One hour into the movie, the images onscreen start to blur! Their Grecian canvas becomes badly photographed, I could have shot those scenes better with my amateur video cam. It was so bad, it went on for the next 40 minutes or so! Was this partially filmed using a digital camera? Budget constraints maybe? And isn't Star Cinema a reliable source of glossy, flashy, picture-perfect visuals? The answer is obviously "not all the time". Not this time, at least!

Our troubled heroine Pia trades verbal tussle with Seth while in Greece. By stroke of luck, she makes a deal with the devil (Seth, of course). In a day's worth of flirtation, she falls head over heels in love with the cad. Ganun kabilis nawala ang yamot nya sa manlolokong maningibig. What made her change her mind? Simple! Seth pushed her off the jetty and down the aegean seas! Hahaha. As far as I am concerned, if a guy who woos me pushes me to any body of water, not only will I file a criminal case against him, he will also get a kick in the central recesses of his masculinity! I don't get wooed by murderous maneuvers! In my book, it is brutal, not romantic! But hey, it worked, Pia softens up and even accepts a dinner date that night!

Now let me focus on Seth's character who is inadequately threshed out. He has had a long history of "loving" most of Pia's girl friends, so - when did he have the time to actually live in Greece, learn the language - and in the process stamp an idiotic Italian accent to it - then acquire mastership of a tavern? Not only won't he open the guesthouse at the peak of the tourist season, he also kept dating a bevy of ladies. How did he manage to finance himself or his dates? So, in principle, Richard's character is at best, a figment of an extravagantly fertile imagination; a pulp fiction so desirable that you just have to believe sans logic.

Even as the couple gets back to Manila, the situations kept defying rationality: the greek restaurant scene is one of such scene. Allow me to backtrack to Santorini. When Pia's character fails to find a hotel in Greece, she goes back to Seth's tavern. Instead of eating a humble pie, she kept insulting the owner of the house. Didn't she just beg him to take them back? If so, how can she afford to be rude? This is just among a series of mindbenders littering this cinematic event! And yet, this is such a masterpiece that it actually gets a B Rating from the Cinema Evaluations Board! Which makes you think. Who are these nincompoops manning the C.E.B?

And since when has Phillip Salvador turned into a one-dimensional, sour-faced, caricaturish actor? Maybe coz he was underemployed for years? He comes out with a single expression on his face from start to finish - he might as well wear a mask to save him the agony of a transfixed grimace!

Now, the ending (spoilers beware!). Pia turns up to Seth's family gathering with her whole clan in tow, declaring her undying love for the heartbroken Seth. It was nothing but a failed gimmickry that was farcical at best. It unsuccessfully pushed the boundaries of romance, teetering on the vicinity of desperation. But make no mistake, it was neither romantic nor cute. Again, in my book (which took 22 years to write), romance ends with a cute guy wooing the cute girl. Not the other way around!

Now, to the only gem in this otherwise puddle of mud: KC Concepcion! She overflows with a natural instinct and charm that lights up the screen! She is intuitive and formidably competent - way way better than her mother when the latter was April in "Dear Heart" - or her next 10 movies thereafter! In "For the First Time", a movie star is born! It's just too bad that she had to shine in a mediocre movie! Mel Gibson did it in his very first starrer, the Australian teenage flick "Summer City".

Now, what has happened to Joyce Bernal? Why was this story so banal? Doesn't Star Cinema have creative consultants who scrutinize the storyline and the script? Olivia Lamasan? Ricky Lee? Here's more bad news: I watched the evening screening (7:30PM) at the Galleria, cinema 2 (their biggest I believe) and there was no crowd inside. "Caregiver" was almost-full on its FIRST SCREENING on its first day! What gives? But then again, who cares about that observation? I've read somewhere that the film has allegedly earned P15 million already as of 4 PM on its first day! Alleluia!

Would I still recommend this to people? Of course. This is still a must-see movie if only for the fact that this is KC's first movie! This will be remembered and often referred to when KC is at her prime as one of the stellar movie queens in the distant future - like her mom is!

As to my own mother, she forced herself to watch it in SM Davao. My mom is easy to please when it comes to Pinoy movies. She liked most of the Pinoy films she's seen so far, including Sara Geronimo's "Very Special Love". When asked how she liked the movie, she stopped herself to think, then said, "Ah.... ok lang!" And it was the most tentative thing I've heard from my mom!



















Santorini moments...