Frasco Mortiz's The Reunion - Lost in the Music

Ten years after their high school graduation, Lloyd, Joax, Boggs and Patrick are still finding their place in the sun. Lloyd (Enchong Dee), a graphic artist, works at a print shop churning out calendars and pasting faces in glass mugs. Joax (Xian Lim) drives other people’s cars at a valet parking. Boggs (Enrique Gil) does the harrowing grind of a real estate stand selling nothing. Pat (Kean Cipriano), a musician, still pursues his dream of making it big in an industry that has so far ignored him. Stuck with their dead end jobs, the barkada finds themselves in a class reunion where, once again, their level of success is under scrutiny. This somehow takes them back to their momentous past: Lloyd was besotted with shy but receptive Ara (Cristine Reyes); Joax flirted with student council rival Toyang (Megan Young); Boggs succeeded to get fellow athlete Ligaya’s attention – and affection, as did Pat with Shirley's (Bangs Garcia)! One fateful day, Pat and his friends got unwittingly involved in a scandal (involving Alodia Gosiengfiao’s missing jewellery piece inside the girl’s car) that nipped these romantic couplings in the bud.

Back to present time, they believe that their setbacks are somehow rooted on that specific incident, like a trajectory that went awry. The solution: to reconnect with the girls from their past. So with the help of Ali (Jessy Mendiola) and Jay (Matt Evans), the guys set themselves up for a wild goose chase to find their Juliets. Unfortunately, Lloyd’s opportunity to find the girl is closing in fast. Ara (Cristine Reyes) is rumoured to be getting hitched. And no one seems to know where to find her. In the age of google and one-click search boxes, phone directories, Facebook and twitter accounts, finding Ara becomes a quest for the Holy Grail – and she couldn’t be found! Go figure. The same goes for Shirley who has moved up the fame ladder by becoming a popular FHM model. (Another head scratching moment! She's gone so famous that she couldn't be found? LOL) What about Toyang? Where the heck is Carmen San Diego, err... I mean Toyang? O, Diyos ko, ano ba naman ito? Will the boys be able to correct the misplotted dots and “rectify” their misdirected lives this time?  

Director Frasco Mortiz’s movie runs on a premise that’s too ridiculous to believe. In fact, connecting the dots should be the least of their worries as logical groundwork in the narrative leaves much to be desired. Sure, Mortiz buoys his story with unbridled energy, delightful music and testosterone charm, but it’s a hurdle going through something as ludicrous as getting flak for helping a girl find her lost jewellery inside a car. If this incident became a scandal then, didn’t it warrant an investigation? A single paragraph of explanation would have easily cleared the air, wouldn’t it? Didn’t anyone – Lloyd, Joax, Boggs, Patrick - even try to explain the situation to Ara, Shirley, Toyang and Ligaya? Everyone believed they were guilty of sexual indiscretion though they were all fully clothed inside a car that isn’t even tinted? How have they become such idiots?

The sprightly music of Ely Buendia’s Eraserheads is turned into discordant chapters that help bestow cinematic vim to an otherwise droll, sitcom-inspired, albeit middling story. What’s worse, there’s hardly chemistry among this filmic brotherhood. You don’t discern sincere camaraderie. Despite their emerging problems, you end up not caring. In fact, many of the characters are downright forgettable. I had to refer to my notes to check who Boggs was or if Pat had a girlfriend. When your protagonists don’t make a lasting impression, you know you’re in trouble.

Among the guys, Enchong Dee ends up with a more sympathetic character. His Lloyd was written as a geek and he succeeds depicting him in some ways, deflecting an occasionally noticeable "softness". But he should thank the luminous Jessy Mendiola resilient in a half-baked character named Ali who eternally tags along with Lloyd like a fag hag, i.e. if Lloyd was a fag (get it?) Something about Xian Lim disconcerts me. He has a perfidious veneer that seems detached from real emotions. He towers over everyone which must be why empathy is hard to come by. Either that – or he needs more teleserye experience to finetune his craft. His “singing” scenes should have imbued a little more compassion, but this moment flittered like a lovely, piquant butterfly on its way to rainbowland. Many other talents are wasted here: Julia Montes (who’s always competent); Bangs Garcia (who’s back to being a mere boob-girl); Gina Pareno (as Aling Nena, was inconsequential); Janus del Prado in a politically incorrect and insensitive role.

I am thus baffled why this was given a B rating by the retards and dimwits of the Cinema Evaluations Board (CEB). How can anything with such incongruent narrative strains deserve such “quality-indicative”, tax-evading rating? But then, I’ve long accepted the fact that these CEB evaluators either have self-serving motives or possess the brain of cockroaches. “Pak! Pak! My Doctor Quack” was rated B. Need I say more?

The E-heads surely deserve homage the way ABBA got their “Mamma Mia”. After all, their music helped define a generation. But pinning their musical legacy on a mediocre story, wrapped in frothy, buoyant energy is nothing short of a disservice. Some heads need to roll.  

In her drunken stupor, Aling Nena (Gina Pareno) offers an unsolicited advice: "connect the dots" which reminds me of a recent horror flick.

Ali (Jessy Mendiola) pines for her best friend.

Toyang and Joax flirt around.

Pat (Kean Cipriano) and Shirley (Bangs Garcia) give each other their hearts.

Enchong Dee

Xian Lim

Enrique Gil

Kean Cipriano

Jessy Mendiola

Lawrence Fajardo's Posas - Social Commentary as First Rate Entertainment

It’s just another day in the life of Jestoni Biag (Nico Antonio), a petty cellphone thief operating in the backstreets of Quiapo and the contiguous areas. Jes is a devoted brother to a mother and a younger brother who are entirely dependent on his daily earning, dismissive of Jes’ means of finding his keep. Her mother keeps reminding him, “Magpapakabait ka, anak” as though it would suffice to keep Jes out of trouble. One day, he finds Grace Rosuello (Bangs Garcia) waving away her new iPhone. He easily snatches the gadget away from Grace, unaware that the call center agent has actually seen his face and could easily identify him from a line-up. Jes then peddles his loot to Musngi who buys them at a fraction of their original price.

Meanwhile, Grace is desperate to recover her phone for its “sentimental value”. Truth is, she has sex videos with a married man conveniently hidden in her phone. She has to claim the phone before her dilemma gets out of proportion – and no bureaucratic red tape is too tedious for the frantic girl. She seeks the help of SPO1 Santiago (Jake Macapagal) and PO1 Damian (Nor Domingo) who are receptive for the wrong reasons: “Ang laki ng dyoga.” Like a bizarre twist of fate, Grace spots Jes. A mad pursuit ensues until they finally collar the suspect who’s reiterative of his innocence. Jes is booked at the police station (Sta. Cruz Central Market station) where he meets Police Inspector Domingo (Art Acuna). They take Jes to a holding place where he is subjected to torture until all that’s left is his resolve to come out of the situation alive. Jes takes Inspector Domingo and his cohorts to Musngi. They recover Grace’s phone back. Jes is eventually released, but becomes part of a bigger web of criminal enterprise. From here on, he has to hand a percentage of his loot to Inspector Domingo as payback for the P100,000 bail that the precinct loses upon Jes' release. Was he truly scot-free? As a valedictory deed, there’s one more mission he had to accomplish; one that would pull him deeper into the iniquitous mire.

Director Lawrence Fajardo once again tackles a gritty tale that covers the repulsive bureaucracy that a willing complainant has to go through just to report a crime and pursue its rightful claim in the judicial system. It also spotlights the incongruous exercise of law enforcers where regulations are concerned to protect the right of any accused individual “until proven guilty”. This chasm of malfeasance is deftly depicted by Zig Dulay’s interminably succulent script. In fact the audience is roped into this long drawn out situation where, sometime in the narrative, you feel the need to come up for air. Rich with an atmosphere of fraudulency and corruption, the audience is given insight into a bureaucratic stigma that haunts the different arms of the government. It just leaves you cold. In fact, the closing scene shows a sign that underlines the raison d’etre of these institutions: “to prevent crime” and “to enforce the law”. But what have they become?

“Posas” (Shackled) is buoyed by a consistently competent ensemble. The actors have somehow embraced realism giving “Posas” a sense of urgency. In fact, it inspires neurosis. Who can you trust? How do you distinguish the good from the bad guys? These questions become exigent when viewing this film.

Nico Antonio has consistent characterization, sufficient enough to inspire empathy. He has a distracting affectation (the way he stares), but he’s a newbie. He will surely finetune his thespic skills with time. Bangs Garcia, on the other hand, has evolved into a compelling actress. When she’s on screen, you feel the energy emanating from her. To think I used to consider her a mediocre presence. How things have changed in two to three years. Susan Africa makes the most of her screen time. When she tries to convince the officers that “Mabait ang anak ko,” she was more than believable, only to change tunes when she finally saw Jes behind bars, “Walang hiya ka! Sinabi ko sa yong mag ingat ka!” She knew all along what kept her son busy.  

But the revelation in the movie is theater actor Art Acuna playing Inspector Domingo. With his lean frame, calm delivery and mild demeanor, he succeeds to impart a level of malignity and truculence without even raising his voice. He scared the bejesus out of me. He likewise imparts charm in savagery, which is antipodean at best.

“Amok” is still my favourite Lawrence Fajardo film, but “Posas” isn’t too far behind. It’s a good thing that a week after Cinemalaya closed the festival, “Posas” found its way into commercial theatres. In fact, people were able to see “Posas” for a mere P109 at most SM Cinemas. How’s that for inexpensive, albeit world-class film making? This is social commentary and applicatory entertainment. What more do you want in a film?

Nico Antonio as Jestoni Biag, the cellphone thief.

Bangs Garcia as Grace, the call center agent who loses her cellphone in Quiapo.

Bulong - Tepid Scares and Scanty Chuckles

I was quite disappointed with Chito Rono’s unseemly marriage of horror and comedy which seems like a novel idea to begin with. It postulates on the idea that if you whisper a wish on a newly departed soul, your wish will come true. The theory rests on the idea that these itinerant souls may convey your wishes to the afterlife!

Conan (Vhong Navarro) is banking on this superstition to summon the affections of an affable nurse Ellen (Bangs Garcia) at the hospital where he works as an orderly. Matters turn to worse when he finds Ellen in tender embrace with resident physician Doc Randy (Jon Avila). Conan feels he has to expedite the dubious rite. With the help of his childhood friend Oprah (Angelica Panganiban), he attends a wake and soon finds himself whispering to the dead. But nothing is happening. When he gives Oprah a kiss, she reciprocates with a magnanimous slap. Why wasn’t it working? The reason? The deceased was deaf when she was alive, thus a jejune outcome. (Did you laugh?) One night, a drunken Conan witnesses a road accident involving an old woman, Lola Paula. While waiting for help, she expires – and Conan gets a second chance to whisper to the dead.

A day after, triumphant Conan finds Ellen throwing herself lustfully towards him. Life is turning over into an enchanting chapter for Conan, but suddenly, Lola Paula’s ghost begins to haunt him. He learns that he whispered on a mangkukulam – a witch (played by Angie Ferro) who unwittingly cast a fatal spell on her own daughter (Sylvia Sanchez) and grandchild (Neri Naig as Lala). But wait, Conan and Oprah could still save Lala, right? How can they break the spell? This takes them to far away Bohol to battle the dark forces borne out of a spell.

If you are following me so far, it becomes clear that the title is erroneous, as it wasn’t the “Bulong” (whisper) that made things go bump in the night, but whispering on a dead and conflicted witch! Thus, “Kulam” would be its rightful title.

Vhong Navarro does his best to carry this discordant genre-busting flick on his scrawny shoulders with ease and charm, but it is far from the chortles borne out of great comedies. In fact, several of the gags fall flat, and even Angelica Panganiban’s masterful comic timing fails to lend its brilliance here. As Oprah, Panganiban is an inconsequential character that can be stricken off the cast without the premise tumbling down. But you have to remember, this is a Chito Rono film – who hasn’t done a lot of mediocre work! Where did it go wrong?

For one, some of the characters waver in their committment to hybrid laughter and terror. Ruben Gonzaga (PBB’s grand winner) is neither funny nor scary as Conan’s hunchback cousin Simon. Our favorite extra, Melanie Dujunco – the queen of the overeager, and one of 2010’s worst actresses for her scene-stealing role in “Emir” – manifests her hammy self once again as a nurse. If you think we are picking on her, check out the scene where she was told to call security. Dujunco, in her healthy demeanor, then shrieks, “Wala na tayong security!” We heard someone from the back saying, “Ang OA naman!” Once again, in ways where she feels this was going to be her penultimate, Famas’ Best Extra Award-winning scene! Why Rono would keep employing a sore thumb-stickler like Dujunco is beyond us! Can’t act – and isn’t even easy on the eye to at least parry the blows of her thespic inanity!

When Conan visits a narcoleptic “manghuhula” (clairvoyant), she asks him what he was there for. He replies with a sardonic, “Eh di hulaan n’yo.” (Did you laugh this time?) There are confounding scenes here; scenes that belong to a different movie: A hotel concierge wearing a giant Tarsier mask, and a couple of Korean tourists suddenly turning into zombies engaged in tag-you’re-it “habulan” with Conan and Oprah. Upon reaching Bohol, they found the disgruntled family of the witch, all named Lala, Lily and their Lolo. “Ma-L pala kayong lahat,” quips Conan. (Did you laugh again?) Other gags are just too random to believe this is a script written by Roy Iglesias: “Sinong artista ang maraming ngipin?” Reply: “Si Ma-teeth (de Leon.)" "Sinong artista ang mas maraming ngipin? Reply: "Eh di si Edgar Mor-teeth!” As if that wasn’t enough: “Sinong artista ang isa lang ang ngipin?” Reply: “Vilma Isan-tooth” Having fun so far?

Which reminds me, I shouldn’t have missed my orthodontist’s appointment had I known this was gonna be too flimsy both as comedy or horror.

Vhong Navarro is a funny man, and he deserves every accolade he has been receiving as one of our naturally funny comedians. But even great comedians can’t do much with a material as ill-conceived as “Bulong”.

You can’t make cinematic magic out of knee-jerk wisecracks or peremptory creepy tales. Not when you can’t even justify your title.

P.S. "Bulong" is rated B by those droll trolls at the Cinema Evaluations Board (C.E.B.), some of the most enterprising group of individuals in the land who patronize their friends more than great movies.