Tony Reyes' Si Agimat, Si Enteng at Si Ako - What People Deserve

Enteng Kabisote’s (Vic Sotto) life couldn’t be more satisfactory, but for his mother-in-law Ina Magenta’s (Amy Perez) occasional surprise visits even during Enteng and Faye’s (Gwen Zamora) intimate moments. One day, Enteng finds another visitor from the kingdom of Amuleto, the sword-bearing warrior Agimat (Bong Revilla) who needs his help: Agimat, you see, is getting hitched to warrior princess Samara (Sam Pinto). The new couple wants the Kabisotes’ halcyon lifestyle on Earth. The earthly couple has been married for 25 years – and Agimat and Samara want the same. But what if invaders try to overrun Agimat’s kingdom again? “Iilaw ang aking kuwintas, at agad akong babalik,” assured the amorous warrior. Unfortunately, life in Manila isn’t a walk in the park. Agimat has scanty skills for the modern world so he relies on Enteng for his family’s daily sustenance. After all, Samara is heavy with a child.

Meanwhile, environmental activist Angeline Kalinisan Ortesa, aka “Ako” (Judy Anne Santos) is tickled pink when she finally meets the legendary duo. “Super duper guapo,” Ako giggles interminably. She briskly insinuates herself in the enviable company, prodding occasional “group hugs” at every possible turn. This annoys wives Faye and Samara no end, seeing Ako as a husband-grabbing opportunist. Who wouldn't when they find the pretty stranger wetting her knickers whenever she’s around their husbands? Unknown to them, Ako is herself an “engkantada”; a magic-wielding princess who mean no harm. But these marital concerns are the least of their problems. In the netherworlds of Engkantasia, Amuleto, and Diwatara (Samara’s kingdom), an onslaught of invasion looms. The dark forces from the evil kingdom of Tokatok have plotted a takeover. When Aiza (Aiza Seguerra) and her friends get captured by the alien forces, the rest of the world is under siege. What to do?  

Agimat, Enteng Kabisote and Ako

Director Tony Reyes’ “Si Agimat, Si Enteng at Si Ako” is narratively spare and its content artistically destitute. Employing “invasion” (again) to move its plot, and spruced up with the alacrity akin to grade school children, the movie is spreading itself too thin. Haven’t we seen this before? They introduced a new character in Judy Anne Santos’ Ako, but this hardly makes up for its cinematic vacuity. No one really roots for a girl who salivates silly in the company of married men; forget that she’s the svelte Judy Anne Santos. Moreover, the annoying Ako is bereft of any form of empathy, making her presence silly and negligible at best. That she fawns over an in-law hating hero and a potbellied warrior, both wrinkly, is one for the books. Something has to be said about sensory deprivation that makes people weak in the knees in the company of curmudgeonly protagonists.

The film is loud. As it careens recklessly towards its conclusive comeuppance, it drives into auditory overkill. Il n’est pire eau que l’eau qui dort,right? The shallowest makes the most noise to compensate for its hollowness. There’s a gay-and-pink version of Hulk (John Lapus), a shameless Sun Cellular product placement, a gang of white-painted ethnic tribesmen, a horde of alien invaders who look like bad Disney squids, and CGI effects circa 1990. Yes, Virginia. In the age of ubiquitous high technology, we’re back to cheap special effects: the screen turns dark whenever a special effect is introduced. And this one is co-produced by 4 or 5 film companies, GMA Films included? How much did they invest in it, P10,000 each and zero brain activity? Alleluiah, pagpalain ang nagtitipid. Yet this film is raking oodles at the box office! The Filipinos who trooped to the cinemas to watch this – and in the process, ignored Nora Aunor’s “Thy Womb” or Mark Meilly’s “El Presidente” – get what they deserve. Garbage!

Enteng gets a massage from Faye.

Samara fights the ethnographic nemesis

The diwatas join forces.

The Witness - Pretentions and Indulgence of Mood

Indonesian horror had a renaissance barely a decade ago when director Rizal Mantovani came up with his well made indie ouvre "Jelangkung" which managed to crossover international borders. There were undeniable references to "The Blair Witch Project" but the film was unmistakably Asian in theme, slant and texture. And it was darn scary. Mantovani followed this with the "Kuntilanak" trilogy - accounting for the country's version of "aswang". Though this should have encouraged a resurgence of the well-made genre in Indonesia, this has turned into a cacophony of - pardon my French - vomit-inducing, mind-numbing works like Helfi Kardit's "Bangku Kosong" (Empty Chair) which gratuitously displayed the logic-free narratives almost pathognomonic of Indonesian horror.

Muhammad Yusuf's "The Witness" awkwardly endeavors to cross the thin line dividing horror from suspense thriller, but the end product tilts towards mediocrity. And what was supposedly a renaissance became a virulent epidemic of dime-a-dozen scarefests.

CAPSULE

Angel (Gwen Zamora) finally decides to join her expat family in Jakarta who had moved in the Indonesian capital 10 years ago. Three months into her migration, Angel is gradually settling down in their lavish home. But one fateful day, she meets a stranger who massacres her household. Six people get shot to death, including her parents and younger sister Safara (Kimberly Ryder). As she hatches for an escape, the unknown assailant eventually tracks her and leaves her for dead.

A few weeks later, Angel wakes up a survivor. What she has witnessed has turned into a recurring dream where she is eternally pursued by the murderer whose identity she doesn't recognize. Moreover, a young man's image intermittently slices into her reverie - he either cuts himself or blows himself to smithereens. Why was her family decimated? Is Angel still in imminent danger?



Buoyed by enviable production values and resplendent cinematography (Joel F. Zola), Muhammad Yusuf's "The Witness" impels with great promise. In the early scene where indiscriminate firing occurs, the audience is soon submerged in some wild hypothetical quandary. Random violence from a disgruntled mind? After all, killing people couldn't be anything less, right?

The movie gradually spins into a yarn of wrath and retribution. While we acknowledge that the genre necessitates use of mood to generate atmosphere, the film lays this technique with overbearing, albeit insolent splendor. Protracted mood soon turns into ennui. I have never been so bored watching a suspense thriller in my life! This wasn't nibbling on nails or sitting at the edge of my seat; this was generation of impatience! Simply put, everything in this film takes forever to happen!

When the protagonist (Gwen Zamora) finds a key on the floor, she picks them up with gratingly slow pace it couldn't be convenient for her arching back, could it? When she opens a door, you witness how the knob turns for 2 snail-paced minutes! When she opens a drawer, this takes even longer than one cycle of respiration! If she kept this up, she would, I reckon, turn cyanotic! This gratuitous and peremptory "call to mood" turns compulsive. No action moves with normal pace! This tack allows the audience 's attention to meander from too much atmospheric jostling.

To be honest, waiting for its narrative climax was like anticipation of a root canal! You want it over and done with to end your agony!

Straight forward storytelling is lost in this megman's desperate bid to impress. The result is one of contumelious cinematic conceit that irritates than entertains. It also highlights the stark inability to maneuver its premise into something vaguely frightening.

"The Witness" is a joint project, a co-production if you must, between Indonesia's Skylar Pictures and the Philippines' GMA Films. But it is clear that the artistic reign is being held by the Indonesian arm of this venture. GMA's sole contribution is in casting its Filipino lead - Gwen Zamora (Faye of "Enteng Kabisote" film franchise).

While we feel proud that a Filipina had to topbill an Indonesian film again (after Christian Bautista's "A Special Symphony'), we are also baffled by casting director Ida Henares' choice. Sure, Zamora possesses a spellbinding allure, but her acumen is rather raw and tentative. Couldn't they have given the part to a more seasoned actress who deserves a movie - like Marian Rivera or Carla Abellana? These girls ought to be movie stars, instead of mere TV starlets! Give them film projects, for Pete's sake!

In the film, Zamora was made to cry from start to finish, you eventually lose all vestiges of patience. I personally wanted this particular cry-baby to be slaughtered. She was getting on my nerves!

SPOILER

The second part of the narrative revolves around an unlikely triangle: Safara (Kimberly Ryder) gets infatuated with her boyfriend Aris' (Agung Saga) popular father Satria (Pierre Gruno), an iconic musician in the local scene. This emotional upheaval has caused Aris to kill himself. As a consequence, Satria avenges his son's death - by killing everyone in Safara's family!

Delving into the logic of things, why was this father's admonition bent on others? Why not on himself? He was responsible for his actions, wasn't he? He took his son's girlfriend; his action is anything but reputable. If there were one soul of adequate age to discern right from wrong, it would be him! Yet he calls Safara a "bitch" (when he meant "whore"). To his mind, the pretty teenager is the devious one; and he - at close to 60 - was the victim. Very insightful, isn't he? LOL

There are head-scratching moments: When Angel follows a lead on the case, she drops by a stranger's house in the dark of night! When no one answers her knock, she traipses inside the house like it was a leisurely walk in the park. She opens doors; climbs stairs; enters rooms; reads diaries. Is such act really a norm acceptable in Indonesia? In the Philippines, as it is elsewhere in the world, we call it trespassing. This has punitive repercussions.

And why were the rooms in the house all lit up while the place was obviously deserted? They don't conserve electricity in Jakarta? Maybe the proprietor was expecting a visitor? At 7 PM? Then why was he away? Stranger things have happened, you know. As the story enveigles its painful conclusion, a hundred questions hover in your mind.

Agung Saga, playing singer Aris, is a familiar face. We remember him playing a street fighter in the Indonesian film "D' Love" (also directed by Helfi Kardit). Pierre Gruno, playing Satria the father, was a bit too indicative. By the time we learn of his motives, we've conveniently lost interest because he has battered us with blatant emotionality, misplaced and floundering. That being said, he has failed to assuage any form of sympathy - or believability, for that matter. He loved his son too much that he sees him only once a month? Yes, one moment in a month! Such heart breaking affection indeed. Cool dad, huh?

In what could be one of the year's most irritating films, "The Witness" tests fortitude and challenges common sense. At some point, I was prone to suggesting one thing: Yeah, kill everyone in the movie already - and fast!

That could have resolved such torture!

Marcellino Lafrand as Detective Indra


Gwen Zamora as Angel


Agung Saga inspiringly shows how to suck a gun!