Tony Reyes' Si Agimat, Si Enteng at Si Ako - What People Deserve

Enteng Kabisote’s (Vic Sotto) life couldn’t be more satisfactory, but for his mother-in-law Ina Magenta’s (Amy Perez) occasional surprise visits even during Enteng and Faye’s (Gwen Zamora) intimate moments. One day, Enteng finds another visitor from the kingdom of Amuleto, the sword-bearing warrior Agimat (Bong Revilla) who needs his help: Agimat, you see, is getting hitched to warrior princess Samara (Sam Pinto). The new couple wants the Kabisotes’ halcyon lifestyle on Earth. The earthly couple has been married for 25 years – and Agimat and Samara want the same. But what if invaders try to overrun Agimat’s kingdom again? “Iilaw ang aking kuwintas, at agad akong babalik,” assured the amorous warrior. Unfortunately, life in Manila isn’t a walk in the park. Agimat has scanty skills for the modern world so he relies on Enteng for his family’s daily sustenance. After all, Samara is heavy with a child.

Meanwhile, environmental activist Angeline Kalinisan Ortesa, aka “Ako” (Judy Anne Santos) is tickled pink when she finally meets the legendary duo. “Super duper guapo,” Ako giggles interminably. She briskly insinuates herself in the enviable company, prodding occasional “group hugs” at every possible turn. This annoys wives Faye and Samara no end, seeing Ako as a husband-grabbing opportunist. Who wouldn't when they find the pretty stranger wetting her knickers whenever she’s around their husbands? Unknown to them, Ako is herself an “engkantada”; a magic-wielding princess who mean no harm. But these marital concerns are the least of their problems. In the netherworlds of Engkantasia, Amuleto, and Diwatara (Samara’s kingdom), an onslaught of invasion looms. The dark forces from the evil kingdom of Tokatok have plotted a takeover. When Aiza (Aiza Seguerra) and her friends get captured by the alien forces, the rest of the world is under siege. What to do?  

Agimat, Enteng Kabisote and Ako

Director Tony Reyes’ “Si Agimat, Si Enteng at Si Ako” is narratively spare and its content artistically destitute. Employing “invasion” (again) to move its plot, and spruced up with the alacrity akin to grade school children, the movie is spreading itself too thin. Haven’t we seen this before? They introduced a new character in Judy Anne Santos’ Ako, but this hardly makes up for its cinematic vacuity. No one really roots for a girl who salivates silly in the company of married men; forget that she’s the svelte Judy Anne Santos. Moreover, the annoying Ako is bereft of any form of empathy, making her presence silly and negligible at best. That she fawns over an in-law hating hero and a potbellied warrior, both wrinkly, is one for the books. Something has to be said about sensory deprivation that makes people weak in the knees in the company of curmudgeonly protagonists.

The film is loud. As it careens recklessly towards its conclusive comeuppance, it drives into auditory overkill. Il n’est pire eau que l’eau qui dort,right? The shallowest makes the most noise to compensate for its hollowness. There’s a gay-and-pink version of Hulk (John Lapus), a shameless Sun Cellular product placement, a gang of white-painted ethnic tribesmen, a horde of alien invaders who look like bad Disney squids, and CGI effects circa 1990. Yes, Virginia. In the age of ubiquitous high technology, we’re back to cheap special effects: the screen turns dark whenever a special effect is introduced. And this one is co-produced by 4 or 5 film companies, GMA Films included? How much did they invest in it, P10,000 each and zero brain activity? Alleluiah, pagpalain ang nagtitipid. Yet this film is raking oodles at the box office! The Filipinos who trooped to the cinemas to watch this – and in the process, ignored Nora Aunor’s “Thy Womb” or Mark Meilly’s “El Presidente” – get what they deserve. Garbage!

Enteng gets a massage from Faye.

Samara fights the ethnographic nemesis

The diwatas join forces.

Inquirer on Hating Kapatid: "To have to endure 'product placements' is too onerous an extra burden!"

We were tickled pink, fuchsia and lavender to have read this review from the Inquirer, so for those who actually believe that Edward, Bella and Jacob should be chugging down a bottle of Coca Cola while fighting for each one's affections; or the next Spiderman should be blatantly endorsing Skyflakes while swinging from webslings; that Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li and Jason Statham should shamelessly pawn their Rolexes at a Cebuana Lhuillier shop while exterminating the baddies from Vilena; and Julia Roberts should be shoving her pantypads down our cinematic throats while watching "Eat Pray Love": go get a brain!

Only in the Philippines is this brazenly shameless practice deemed a non-issue by some misguided souls!

Here is PDI's article which came out Saturday, August 15, 2010:

Distractions detract from Judy Ann-Sarah starrer

by PDI Editor Nestor U. Torre

"THE STELLAR pairing of Judy Ann Santos and Sarah Geronimo in Wenn Deramas’ family comedy, “Hating Kapatid,” has aroused special interest, because it could have seen the “passing of the torch” from one movie queen (Judy Ann) to another (Sarah).

Alas, it didn’t happen. The promising production turned out to be hobbled by a number of problems and limitations that ended up making it a failed cinematic enterprise.

That was a real pity, because the movie’s theme, sibling relationships, is of particular interest to Filipino viewers, who often grow up in homes where the oldest child assumes “third parent” responsibilities in helping to rear and even financially support his or her younger siblings.

Responsibilities

True enough, the film’s plot had older sister, Judy Ann, taking care of Sarah when their parents opted to work abroad to make money for their family. The girls’ grandmother (Gina Pareño) watched over them, but Judy Ann assumed most of the “maternal” responsibilities in taking care of her little sibling.

So far, so acceptable. But, all too soon, the movie’s progress was muddled by the production’s distractingly frenetic attempts to generate extra “comedy” by ramping up its slapstick and kenkoy elements.

Otherwise a proficient and focused performer, Judy Ann was made to rattle off her lines in a giddy way, like a younger clone of Nida Blanca or Maricel Soriano.

Laughter

Sarah was less of a caution in this regard, but she also had to contend with a number of slapstick moments and scenes that tweaked and distended her performance in an unnaturally hyper way, ostensibly to elicit extra loud whoops of laughter.

Trouble was, (Sarah's) attempts were so self-consciously broad and heavy that viewers’ real desire to laugh was dampened instead of encouraged.

An even bigger turn-off was the movie’s long list of “product placements” to generate extra income from advertisers. All sorts of products were shown being used by the stars on-camera, thus distracting viewers in a major way from the storytelling at hand.

These days, viewers already have to pay a lot for a movie ticket, so to have to endure “product placements” on top of that to add to a production’s income, in cash or kind, is too onerous an extra burden for moviegoers to bear!

What about the “passing of the torch” factor? It too was derailed, because neither Judy Ann nor Sarah survived the production’s limitations well enough to make such a symbolic act or gesture possible—or plausible.

We know that Judy Ann has come up with a number of worthy portrayals in the course of her long career, so she has nothing to prove. The big test was for Sarah to strut her thespic stuff—and she simply failed to deliver.

Sarah is a good singer and “obedient” performer who dutifully does what she’s told—and that’s her problem. Real star performers do more than comply with the director’s instructions, they make their performances their own by imbuing them with personality, sensitivity, charisma and insight.

These are what Sarah fails to provide, and what she should focus on in acquiring, if she wants to become an affecting performer and genuine screen luminary.

All else is dutifully going through the motions—and you don’t get awards for that."

Visit the link from the Philippine Daily Inquirer: http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/entertainment/entertainment/view/20100813-286643/Distractions-detract-from-Judy-Ann-Sarah-starrer

P.S. That it is "Breaking Box Office Records Nationwide" is nothing but a spurious drivel. On it's 2nd Friday screening in an SM Davao Cinema - on a Friday afternoon, there were just 3 people watching in the whole cinema! Break which record? These SHAMELESS PUBLICITY MACHINERY! Makes your skin crawl...

"Hating Kapatid" Lays Eggs in Davao

"Breaking Box Office Records? How Can That Be? It's Gathering Flies in Davao City!"

My friend Iyaya called me from Davao City. She and her office mates were sent by her company to close a deal (she works in a multinational company based in Makati). I have been telling her the graphic peddling of commercial products in "Hating Kapatid" and I have in fact been egging her on to watch. She rang to tell me that she went to see the 4:40 PM screening of "Hating Kapatid" July 30, 2010 Friday (SM Davao Cinema 2)! She reports: "It's mura here, a ticket costs P90! It was so relaxing because I hated crowds and there were just the 2 of us there, and another guy at the back.Three people for one whole theater! Mike refused to watch it coz he's heard how bad it is so went to watch 'Salt' instead which started an hour earlier!"

Straight from the horse's mouth! Breaking box office records? Baka breaking EGGS! Bwahaha! This news is really easy to verify as the details are very specific - and SM, through Mr. Ric Camaligan (SM Cinema's C.O.O.), usually issues statistics of movies shown in their cinemas nationwide!

3 people on a Friday? Breaking box office record? Let's call it KARMA!

Shame on You, Sarah Geronimo! - The Blatant Peddling of Products in an Already Very Commercial Film!

You sometimes forget that there's actually a story behind Wenn Deramas' "Hating Kapatid" because of all the blatant peddling of products within the movie! Trust Viva Films and its bosses to shamelessly thrust these commercial products down our throats just to earn the extra million for their teetering film production outfit! Kaya, kinapalan na nila ang mukha by using the medium of film as an avenue to sell products!

We, on the other hand, shell out our hard earned money (and allowance) to escape the reality of product placements happening in commercial television (go watch ABS-CBN's "Showtime" and you would almost forget that you're watching the show after a hefty 15-minute long commercial gap). But Viva Films and the likes of Sharon Cuneta, KC Concepcion and even their corresponding directors really all come from the same shameless root of brazen, impudent population. They have this mentality that such is an acceptable practice! Not to me!

Remember how hard sell Sharon Cuneta was, shoving down her McDonald's Chicken in "Crying Ladies"? One generation later, KC Concepcion does the same with Garnier and Palmolive for her "When I Met You". Like mother, like daughter, right? So when Viva Films finds a gold mine in Sarah Geronimo (they even toyed with the idea of remaking "Dear Heart" with Sarah Geronimo on screen until the Megastar vehemently spoke of her displeasure), who better to carry the torch of their peddling practices than the coyly angelic Ms. Geronimo, right?

PRODUCTS GALORE

Here are the products that this sad excuse of a movie shoved down the paying audience's throats, complete with endorsement one-liners: Cebuana Lhuillier, Globe Tattoo, Belo Essentials, Charmee (line: "araw araw ko 'tong ginagamit"), Video City and Xtreme Magic Sing (highlighted by a song-and-dance number - a hilariously choreographed piece where Sarah was tossed on air like a beached whale from one shelf to the next); Jollibee Chicken Barbecue (line: "ang sarap talaga nito"), Selecta Fortified Milk (line: "Ako ba'y bine-baby mo pa rin"), Magnolia Tuti Fruity, Unica clothing line, and a lot more. She must have forgotten her shampoo and that constipation pill she's endorsing in the next few days?

It is a tad insulting that the less talented Geronimo is given this avenue to peddle this much products in lieu of her (in)capacity to transform into Judy Anne Santos' younger sister Cecil. The obviously pregnant Santos comes up with a curiously winning performance as the enduring older sister Rica who took care of Cecil for more than 20 years when their parents (Tonton Gutierrez and Cherry Pie Picache) decided to work in Libya!

The film making skills in this work is another point of discussion. Much of the editing and dubbing are sloppy, you would hear the lines come out 3 seconds later than the movement of the mouth! Moreover, a scene would suddenly shift to a different color grading with over saturated colors and unfocused camera work. This plods through out the film! Would they excuse these gaffes from their use of a digital medium? Probably. And it is obvious how careless they are with its technical aspects. Yup, "pirated copy" quality from a mainstream movie!

And if you haven't noticed, how many times do you "introduce" an actor. Vice Ganda is once again introduced here so it would seem that Mr. Ganda is eternally introduced in every single movie that he appears in. Wasn't he in the political drama, "Noy"? Wasn't he in Vilma Santos' "In My Life" eons ago? Or do the people behind this movie live in Neptune or in the fringes of the constellation? Such carelessness reflects the mind frame of these nincompoops!

On the plus side, Judy Anne Santos shows how the years of experience have taught her! Despite an excessively prissy older sister act, she comes up with a sympathetic characterization that's absolutely endearing! As for JC de Vera, ohmygosh! I forget myself when he is on screen. He smolders with charm and machismo. De Vera is the improved and updated, kayumanggi version of dour and banal Richard Gutierrez! Luis Manzano on the other hand is a pleasant surprise. Though I am not fond of Mr. Manzano, he coasted through his scenes with comic charm and easy chemistry with the tweetums queen of commerce Ms. Geronimo!

Looking back, I didn't care much when Sarah supported Manny Villar during the last presidential campaign. After all, it's easy to forgo personal principles when money is involved. Then they label it "freedom of choice". But, for pete's sake, one commercial endorsement after the next in a film - not a television show - that we paid to watch?

Avarice is such an inordinate pursuit of wealth. St. Thomas Aquinas wrote that greed is "a sin against God, in as much as man condemns things eternal for the sake of temporal things." I'm just reminding the prayerful soul in Ms. Geronimo, lest she chokes on her Jollibee Chicken Barbecue. In Dante's purgatory, such greedy people were bound and laid face down on the ground til eternity. And here's a movie they shamelessly peppered with commercials!

Kapal naman ng mukha. Shame on you, Sarah Geronimo!

The peddler and the young superstar.

Gorgeous JC and affable Judy Anne.

More movies please.

UPDATE:

"Breaking Box Office Records? How Can That Be? It's Gathering Flies in Davao City!"

My friend Iyaya called me from Davao City. She and her office mates were sent by her company to close a deal (she works in a multinational company based in Makati). I have been telling her the graphic peddling of commercial products in "Hating Kapatid" and I have in fact been egging her on to watch. She rang to tell me that she went to see the 4:40 PM screening of "Hating Kapatid" July 30, 2010 Friday (SM Davao Cinema 2)! She reports: "It's mura here, a ticket costs P90! It was so relaxing because I hated crowds and there were just the 2 of us there, and another guy at the back.Three people for one whole theater! Mike refused to watch it coz he's heard how bad it is so went to watch "Salt" instead which started an hour earlier!"

Straight from the horse's mouth! Breaking box office records? Baka breaking EGGS! Bwahaha! This news is really easy to verify as the details are very specific - and SM, through Mr. Ric Camaligan (SM Cinema's C.O.O.), usually issues statistics of movies shown in their cinemas nationwide!

3 people on a Friday? Breaking box office record? Let's call it KARMA!