Paul Singh Cudail's Hawla - Opprobrious Mentality

Harry (Johnron Tanada) is down on his luck. Unemployed and penniless, he needs fast cash to move away from the cramped dorm he shares with his friend Ethan (Mygz Molino). The latter suggests a concupiscent “booking” with the generous Tattoo Man (John Relucio), a seaman who was once convicted as a drug mule. Unfortunately for the reluctant Harry, his customer gets his kicks sodomizing his men. Anyway, it was something he had to endure to keep his finances afloat.

After finding a new lodging, things start picking up for Harry. He shares his digs with new friends, Brix and Robbie (Francis Cabral and Dice Vergara) who both work as nurses. But something’s amiss. Two weeks into Harry’s stay, he starts to notice Brix’s illicit visits to a seemingly quarantined room in the house. What is Brix hiding? Meanwhile, even Harry’s employment prospect perks up! Pending medical clearance, he gets the green light in a lucrative call center. He even chances on Chris (Rein Soliman) – the random stranger he once shared sexual rendezvous with - as his supervisor.

On the home front, he learns about Berna (Carla Varga), Brix’s very sick mother. And she’s dying from AIDS! She once worked in Kuwait, but got raped by her employer. These days, Berna is kept isolated in a dark room with nothing, but a bed, a fan and a mosquito net! Is she contagious like the plague? She must be. Otherwise, why would they segregate her like a leper? Why is her condition a hushed state of affair even in her own house?  

When Harry reports at the office, he gets the shock of his life when he learns that he is HIV-positive! “Hindi lahat ng callboy may HIV,” he tells his employer with due venom, I am sure the latter couldn’t be anything but dazed. What is this dingbat saying? Who’s accusing him of prostitution? Heavens!

Devastated by his boss’ patronizing demeanor, Harry bolts out of the office, and never comes back. He incessantly mopes, but never shares his condition with Brix and Robbie. When Berna expires, Brix takes her body to the province (why she needs to be cremated elsewhere is befuddling) leaving Harry under Robbie’s competent care. In fact, the latter fawns on him like his own patient. From out of the blue, Robbie confesses that he is gay. And somewhere along the narrative misconjugations, Harry and Robbie get it on – by the staircase! Wehhh!

Will this coupling lend courage to the agonizing Harry?  Will this circumstance allow him to break away from his recondite dilemma? Would Brix and Robbie pursue their Canadian dream now that they’ve received word from their prospective employers? Or will love (believe it or not!) prevail?

Harry (Johnron Tanada) shares brotherly moments with nurse Robbie (Dice Vergara).

BLOOD EXAMS BY XRAY: NEW TECHNOLOGY?

Director Paul Singh Cudail once again displays his profound philistinism to the topic at hand. His paltry insight on HIV and AIDS would have you believe that those inflicted become unproductive individuals, and that they automatically turn scourge of society. In fact, he showcases his ignorance by choosing the call center industry as backdrop to his misleading tale. After all, this industry is believed to have a swarming population of HIV-positive individuals (according to statistical reports). If Cudail is to be believed, that HIV-positive people cannot work at call centers, then it would probably spell catastrophe into the industry. A stark proof of Cudail’s idiocy is a scene showing the medical report that, indeed, Harry was HIV-positive! This paper was amazingly signed by an X-ray technician and a radiologist, instead of a medical technologist and a pathologist! Even my 7-year-old niece and my yaya (who didn’t finish grade school) know who does blood tests, and it isn’t the X-ray man, is it? I had to stop myself from laughing so hard. Geez!

Robbie is Canada-bound.

MAGNIFYING THE SHORT OF IT

Like most Pink Films, the characters in “Hawla” (Cage) had to endure their requisite shower scene so they can flash their family jewels for a millisecond. Of course, it allows Cudail to ogle at Mygz Molino, John Relucio and nubile Dice Vergara as they allow Cudail to exploit them. You can only dream of getting into Cudail’s secret outtakes for his own masturbatory fun! J After all, you can hardly deny Cudail’s conceit where his actors are concerned. The proof, honey, is in the pudding. While Harry is washing his laundry, Ethan joins him in the bathroom so he could soap away his 2 incher. Instead of covering up, Ethan turns to the camera for a second, “adjusts” his towel and in the process, exposes his miniscule jitterbug - and we all clap with joy… err, I mean hilarity! I have never seen anything as “cute”. And really now, while you’re flashing it, it’s never flattering to deliver the goods in the “short” of things! Magnifying glass alert!

These uncomplimentary moments are the director’s fault really. He tends to be walking in a haze while filming this cinematic detritus. Maybe it’s Dice Vergara’s presence that muddles his storytelling adroitness – or the lack of it. Afterall, Vergara looks deliciously fresh, he might as well be newly harvested from Cudail’s Facebook rummages. Unfortunately, Vergara’s presence doesn’t pack a wallop, except when he disrobes and hands Johnron a pack of condom for his hemorrhoidal incursions. Mocha chocolata yaya, indeed! Right, Christina?

THE PERFUNCTORY AND THE SINISTER

Johnron Tanada, the veteran hunk, moves in perfunctory fashion, but seems ill at ease in most of his scenes. He must really hate what he’s doing. Poor guy! John Relucio (as the mean-looking Tattoo Man) figures in a short but scorching scene with the diffident Harry. I'm telling you, all those sinister tattoos (see photo in this post to know what I mean) could singe the timid. Relucio in fact bears a strong presence. Too bad he was relegated to an exploitative cameo

Johnron Tanada

HEAD SCRATCHERS

There are several head scratching moments in this flick. When is HIV testing a prerequisite for local employment? When Chris (Rein Soliman) learns about Harry’s test results, he goes amok. But wait, could he really contract the virus by just fellating the guy? Didn’t they get it on for like 5 minutes? Did he swallow? It sure is possible but statistics about oral sex are limited. The CDC in fact has this to say: “Yes, it is possible for either partner to become infected with HIV through performing or receiving oral sex, though it is a less common mode of transmission than other sexual behaviors (anal and vaginal sex). While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, evidence suggests that the risk is less than that of unprotected anal or vaginal sex.”

In another scene, a Nihonggo-speaking secretary suddenly joins a long-jawed tranny in a gag-inducing dance – right in the lobby of a call center office! You wonder where this misplaced scene figures in an already bungled narrative. Cudail displays his ineptitude with such flight of ideas.

Now here’s a piece of the call center population. A lady trainor introduces a speaker – even before she identifies who she is – and says: “Our speaker will give you a short messages!” Another scene has an agent taking a call: “This is Kebin. How me I hilp you?” Anyare, ‘te?  And you wonder why quality of this industry is dwindling into fast mediocrity. When Harry was told about his condition (by the Call Center Manager, no less), the latter gives his two cents worth: “Don’t deny the reality if it’s the reality!” Ano daw?

The film’s most grievous sin lies in its stark ignorance of the illness. It does a grave disservice to the thousands of afflicted persons by portraying them as a useless, hopeless, dying breed fit to be caged in a dank, dark room.  Mr. Cudail is too ignorant to realize that a great number of this population is still productive – functional, happy – members of the community! Such opprobrious mentality deserves to be caged!  

Dice Vergara

John Relucio scorches as the Tattoo Man.

John Relucio

Rein Soliman as Chris Ramos, a call center supervisor.

Mygz Molino as Ethan: "Cute".

Kubli - An Impressionable Romance

As children, Raffy and Marco were inseparable, living their facile existence in the backroads of Masbate. Marco was there when Raffy’s mother passed away, and Raffy saved Marco from drowning. They share an irrefutable bond way beyond kinship. But when they turned 14, Marco (whose family owns the resort grounds where Raffy’s impoverished family dwells) had to move to Manila to pursue his education. As a token of their friendship, Marco left his friend a pair of pigeons and a ring.

Years later, we find a grown up Raffy (Johnron Tanada) working as a “magkakawayan” (bamboo cutter) earning a paltry P5 a bamboo stick. Unfortunately, bamboo sticks are dwindling. He’s trying to save some money for a Manila education that he plans to pursue unaware that Marco (Eugene Tejada) has finally come home. The latter doesn’t have plans of staying though. The family resort has fallen to neglect and isn’t earning anymore. Selling the place seems the better option. When they finally meet, their camaraderie is rekindled. They make up for lost time by spending all their time together. That’s when the ugly head of idle chatter starts churning out rumors? Sebastian (Dustin Jose), Raffy’s older brother, isn’t amused. Are Raffy and Marco an item? The whole town seems to think so. What happens when Marco departs?

Saving a friend the second time around.

Director Paul Singh Cudail’s sophomore effort rambles with a good number of incipient narrative strains that are mostly left hanging once executed, making rudiments of stories that are never fully realized or completed. To name a few: the loss of Raffy’s piggy bank; Sebastian’s seeming interest for Joyce (Marco’s erstwhile childhood sweetheart); Sebastian’s gay lover (who’s migrating to the US). Cudail fills his narrative palette with so much unnecessary details leaving an inchoate story that’s disorganized, random and confused. In short, Cudail is too perplexed, he’s simply lost in his own gibberish (yup, he wrote the screenplay).

A lot of things don’t make sense. When Marco finally arrives, he was too lazy to seek his friend out, you’d have to surmise his indifference. Yes, he did ask Raffy’s brother to inform Marco, but he couldn’t even visit Raffy home when the latter fails to show up? He knew where he lives. What kept him from springing a surprise?

In the course of the story, the character of Joyce (Jenaira Chu, “Anton Tubero”) shows up. She’s supposedly Marco’s girl friend. Yet Marco wouldn’t even visit her. You’d wonder if Marco was suffering from a form of disability. Their relationship is tenuous since Marco’s Manila sojourn seemed to have rendered him incommunicado for 5 years or so. When Marco finally reunites with Joyce, she cries her crocodile tears; offers her brownish nipples, before proceeding to cry again, thereby brushing off further sexual activity. That's the gist of their coupling. But why was she crying? It didn’t even seem real. What’s clear to me is the fact that they weren’t able to pursue a relationship the whole time Marco was away – and 5 years is a long time to pine for someone who doesn’t even lift a finger to correspond! Even a married person could already legally file for abandonment. Is Masbate too remote for a phone signal? Too desolate for a mailman to deliver letters to? There are a million excuses when you don't want to, right? Maybe we’re back in the 60’s when SMS wasn’t even a figment of the imagination. Such recondite endeavor! LOL

Brothers Raffy (Johnron Tanada) and Sebastian (Dustin Jose).


Dustin Jose (as Sebastian) cries, Jeremy Ian (as Joey) enjoys the falls.

When tongues started wagging about Raffy and Marco’s relationship, Sebastian was livid! He roared at Raffy, as though the latter just ingested a semen-tinged coffee: “Bakla ka ba?” (Are you gay?) Why was he so aversed to the idea. But early in the film, a scene had Sebastian bidding a gay lover goodbye. Is this a case of the thief despising the other thief? He wanted to join his benefactor so much he even stole his brother’s piggy bank - and he kept it for the next five years! In another scene where Joyce once again sheds tears, he runs after her. In another, he gazes at the heart broken Joyce who, once again, exercises her lachrymal capability to the hilt. And when she cried, he did so too! What the heck is happening here? This is getting too ominous. Is he suddenly in love with Joyce? This wasn’t even an issue until Marco’s homecoming, was it? Sebastian never had a relationship with Joyce, but with a gay benefactor! What makes him think he can start one upon Marco's return? Pieces don't fit!

To fulfill the raison d’etre of the film, Cudail had to pepper his work with a whole dash of frontal nudity. He even employed two anonymous guys bathing together (time it: it's close to 2 minutes), soaping away their privates in wild abandon. They were so good at it you’d think there was grime and sludge that needed scruffing off their penises. The main question should be: Who the heck were they? They didn’t figure into the story at all. Cudail’s acute sense of storytelling just suffered a low bat mentality, is all.

A completely unrelated character named Joey (Jeremy Ian) was roped in to perform yet another full frontal bathing scene. More than once, you’re thrown into rabid disorientation because these were characters absolutely unrelated to the story at hand! Did I blink and miss a scene that ushered these unknown characters to the fore? Cudail, in his consummate ineptness couldn't even write anything in his script to make these bathing guys’ presence be of legible consequence to the story. Basta. They were there to soap away their peckers. Period. What’s even funnier is, Jeremy Ian (in a 3 minute bathing scene) had to take off his undersized briefs then use it as body sponge. Inspired, right? I was tempted to head home and donate my unused loofa for the poor guy. But then he might ignore me. He was so intent on cleaning himself, he was almost levitating while scrubbing.

You would think Cudail would learn a thing or two after “Sulot” (his directorial debut). Instead, he is so helpless he can’t even gouge out and maneuver a semblance of emotion from his borderline actors. In the scene where Sebastian’s gay benefactor was saying goodbye, Cudail assigns this poor guy with a two kilometer monologue: “Dadalhin kita sa America. Doon, tayo’y magsasama. Lahat gagawin ko kasi mahal kita. Hintayin mo lang ako babalikan kita.” If it felt like poetry, the delivery was even more so - sans any hint of emotion. With his face on cam, you’d notice his stiff and restless pauses as though there were lines he couldn’t read from an idiot board (how appropriate) pasted on the walls. Watching a toadstool grow flowers is probably a more gratifying option than watching this guy dig himself a hole. What’s curious is, he didn’t even need to say all those things because his character was so disposable. He’s gone after the scene and never to be seen again, thank heavens.

CRYING GAME

Johnron Tanada once again delivers a one-note performance that awkwardly verges on the woe-is-me school of acting. He mopes around like the biggest loser in all of Masbate, and he even weeps like a girl. This is probably not his entire fault, but this experience is a testament that unguided actors are ultimately brought down by a bad script, poor direction and absence of that salient ingredient called talent. Do you know how many times Tanada had to weep for his scenes? He’d outcry the girls in “Mara Clara” that’s for sure. Ditto Eugene Tejada. Even Dustin Jose had to weep twice, and Jenaira Chu in all but one scene! It’s a behemoth crying festival, and in not a single scene was I brought to tears. The emotions on show were as hollow and insubstantial as Kris Aquino’s crying scenes from last December’s “Dalaw”. Opps, sorry, I meant her frightened look which seemed like she’s about to cry. Her “scared look” had been haunting me for years now. I could swear I’d wake up in the middle of the night with a tiyanak suddenly mumbling, “What’s shu-lit, mama? What’s shik-shik, mama!” I am just petrified.

Eugene Tejada, in his very first movie after winning that Bikini Contest, needs lessons in elocution, delivery and emotional urgency. He spoke his lines like a 12 year old boy, about to be circumcised: “Bawiin mo ang sinabi mo. Mabibigo ka lang!” It was inexplicable. I expected better from him. He has a strong register on camera, but comes off with a tentative affect every time he opens his mouth. But there’s hope, I’m sure. This is just his first full length feature. Did he flash his perky wand? He did (though it wasn't so errr "perky"), in a peek-a-boo sideway scene shot behind the cracks on the wall. But don’t wink, you might miss his mushroom. LOL

Johnron Tanada

Spoilers

A 5-years later epilogue closes the story. Raffy and Marco are seen arriving in their barrio, fully decked in white. They’re now nurses joining a medical mission. This scenario allows them the closure the narrative requires. Raffy reunites with brother Sebastian - who looks exactly the same. In fact, he hasn’t removed his earing for half a decade, I was sure it had grown roots! How could Raffy end up as a nurse when it was never shown that he even finished elementary or high school? All he did in his earlier scenes was cut bamboo. Nothing else! Am I being asked again a “degree of imagination”? Even leaps of faith have to be deserved!

BURDEN OF THE STORY

The humdinger in Cudail’s “Kubli” (Hidden) really lies in how the structure of the story leads us to our protagonists’ burdens. Thing is, it felt like they weren’t even attracted with each other until the rumors eventually got to them. The suppositions were mere inventions of the idle mind, yet these suggestions were too vigorous, they’re left with no option but to believe them. "Ay, bakla pala kami" because the whole barrio said so! How else would you explicate the fact that Marco wasn’t even all that interested to see his old friend upon his arrival?

If you were harboring affection for someone you haven’t seen in five years, wouldn’t you even seek him out? Is it probably reticence? Or mere disinterest? But of course, Marco and Raffy had to be gullible. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be a second Paul Singh Cudail film which has so far shown his genius in other masterpieces like “Tiyo Pablo” and the soon released “Maligalig”. How can such dubious aptitude proliferate into more projects? Neil Tan (who has had a face-saving rechristening, he’s now a Vince Tan directing “Private Nights”) and Joven Tan come to mind. And there’s the king of mediocre, Crisaldo Pablo, a living proof that proudly defies the adage, “Experience is the best teacher.”

Fact is, “Moron Cinema” breeds like wild insects because there’s a market for them. This is the cinema that willingly foregoes reasonable narrative in exchange of penile showcases! There are plenty of patrons who love moronic clutter; it’s a simple equation really. People believe their own amour-propre even when it’s as clear as day that the only artistry they patronize is the artistry of seeing flashes of male genitalia. Now, there’s probably pleasure to be had in that, but let’s not deceive ourselves and say a film deserves a 5/5 rating simply because it had 5 guys generously flashing 5 genitalias. Then we rationalize in the most florid, sophisticated English the false virtues of these films (“Kape Barako”, “Tarima”, “Santuaryo”, “Pulupot”, “Bayaw”, “Quicktrip”, etc.) It’s like believing that the well loved Anne Curtis is a great singer because she owns a CD (“Annebisyosa”) that tops the best selling list! Let’s not be hypocrites and let’s call a spade a spade. If you are disinclined doing so, then allow others the freedom to do so.

Eugene Tejada


Dustin Jose


Jeremy Ian

Kape Barako - That Special Condiment in Your Latte

Warning: The following dissertation has an adult theme. If you’re a minor or are easily offended by topics of sexual nature, please leave this post NOW!

In the process of researching for this blog post (yes, I research for perspective), I’ve come across several items that have been bothering me while watching Monti Parungao’s “Kape Barako”. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

CAPSULE

Rico (Johnron Tanada) is operating a losing coffee shop with bank arrears worth P120,000. He is given 2 weeks to make the payment or his establishment closes shop. Furthermore, his girlfriend Joyce is migrating to Canada and their only regular customer is a blimp who spends her 8 hours in front of her laptop, consuming nothing but cold tap water! Rico ends up selling his beat up car, fetching a measly P20,000. This leaves him with a hundred grand balance.

One day, barista Virgilio (Afi Africa) inadvertently blends a milky liquid to the coffee brew, unaware that his workmate Jeck (Mico Pasamonte), who during one of his idle pleasures, has ejaculated in the cup. This gastronomic additive soon turns their Baraco varietal into a special brew that has gay men flocking into the café, like the proverbial moth to a flame. The women, on the other hand, find the taste repulsive: “Ano ba ‘to, lasang Clorox!” But finally, hope is rubbernecking its head at the door, what with customers fighting for a seat. Poor Jeck is suddenly thrown for a loop. He ends up getting overworked (and eventually tapped out) to “extract” the magic ingredient.

With a few days left before the deadline of foreclosure, Rico had to hire more workers: Eboy and Badong (Allan Stevens and Marcus Aboga, respectively) who bolster the marketability of the restaurant; the waiters parade around the shop half naked, while the bouncer allows their customers to frisk him with extra access where it matters (yep, in this fantastic world, it’s the customers who do the frisking). However, there’s not enough cups that would guarantee them P100,000. On their final night, Rico and his staff turn their café into a gay bar, staging a one-night only all-men revue. Will they succeed in raising enough money to save the shop? Guess.

Director Monti Puno Parungao once again showcases the vulgarity of his (and Lex Bonife’s) ideas by cashing in on a sundry of full frontal exposures and the revolting concept of making semen an ingredient in your café latte. I'm aware that this is meant as a comedy, but there has to be a discernable line between common decency and humor the same way that people are not supposed to patronize pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia and coprophagia!

Johnron Tanada, a veteran of a dozen Pink Films, appears comfortable and fit, but fails to register distress or concern from his impending foreclosure. In fact, his character (an ex-seminarian and HRM graduate) looked utterly clueless on how the coffee business should be run. He spends his time reading letters and moping, and he isn't even good doing just that!

When a rich customer named Sir Giorgio (Frederick Peralta) offers P150,000 in exchange of dinner with “extra service”, Rico balks simply because he doesn’t know what it is! Later in the story, he would ask Eboy, a former “macho dancer”, what exactly is an “extra service” and even ropes him in for an actual tutorial session. (Yes, they have a one-on-one session) I almost fell off my seat laughing. For a café owner, Rico has the intellectual quotient of a turnip. He would rather sleep with his barista, dance and cavort with his staff in front of a salivating audience, and offer himself to his effete barista Virgilio (as gratitude for the latter’s loyalty) than endure one night with a well meaning customer who’s offering more than what he needs? The mathematics here doesn’t add up!

During the café’s “Big Night”, Rico and his boys perform a musical number sung by Virgie dressed in drag. The song (with Lex Bonife's cringe-worthy vocals) started with a pitch that’s too low, you can hardly hear the words until the rousing chorus. Now that should have been remedied because if the cafe's existence depended on a horrible musical number, they'd have been blown into smithereens right there! While Virgie makes a fool of himself on stage (made up like a horror show drag queen), the guys rollick, romp and swerve their booty on a makeshift stage. This really reflects the mediocre mindset of its makers; peddle those muscles until they’re blue. And not much else.

With Bonife and Parungao on board, you can bet your bubble butt that there’s a parade of phalluses on display (Pasamonte appears in half a dozen scenes pleasuring himself; Stevens (who’s a real life exotic dancer at a bar in QC) and Aboga wave their genitalia in a couple more. It’s Tanada who’s the shrinking violet, which is a mystery considering he's been in several, and this is his first lead role in a while. And a slicked back hair doesn’t flatter his looks either. Moreover, he should be careful enunciating as he’s prone to saying “Jake” instead of “Jeck”. It’s a good thing most of his lines were in Tagalog because the few ones in English were awkward. Yuppy owners are supposed to articulate better.

Pasamonte’s delivery reminds me of Jason Francisco (of the Melason duo), and this brave young man should be lauded for his fortitude and audacity to flash his wrinkly baton in several scenes. He plays the virgin guy who needs money to have his sick mother taken to a hospital (ho-hum, don’t they all have sick mothers, gramps, brothers and aunts?) During his break time, he habitually rushes to the loo for quick wanks. In one hilarious scene, he even talks to his little pecker: “Gusto mo na naman? Katatapos mo lang ah!”

Rico, the boss, gets hands-on tutorial from his bouncer Eboy. And since when does a coffee shop require a bouncer?


"Ligo lang naman ang katapat nun, boss."

Now let’s get to the heart of the more befuddling narrative strain: semen in the coffee! I have to admit it took me a couple of days to decide on posting this piece or not, but for the sake of discourse, I've decided to get on with it.

Does semen make a tastier coffee? It's possible. Let’s be adult about it and have a didactic discussion!

What comprises a man’s ejaculate? It turns out that only 1-2% makes up the “sperm”. Otherwise, I could swear that an ejaculate and sperm are a similar entity. In short, “semen” is the appropriate term for an ejaculate, and “sperm” is a component of the former. The rest of that gooey stuff is composed of various proteins, vitamins, sugars, salts, cholesterol, and water. These extras are what protects, feeds, and fuels the sperm in its journey (towards fertilization). With vitamins and sugar in its component, they serve a purpose and none of which includes as a “nutritional supplement” like when gingko biloba, lecithin, inositol, taurine or L-carnitine are being commercially advertised.

SOURCES OF COMPONENTS

There are 3 parts of the male anatomy that contribute to this secretion: A) the seminal vesicles produce that thick white secretion rich in sugars, mostly “fructose” (our table sugar is of the “sucrose” variety). Fructose is a “fruit sugar” thus we find them in many plants, like the sugarcane. Pure, dry fructose is a very sweet, white, odorless, crystalline solid. Fructose fuels the sperm cells on their journey to the egg. This thick white secretion comprises 50 to 80% of semen, i.e. the bulk of it. B) the prostate gland secretes the alkaline solution that combats the acidic fluid inside the female genitalia. This accounts for 1/3 of the volume of the seminal fluid. C) the Cowper’s glands secrete mucus lubrication needed during sexual activity, found in both sexes. This is what others refer to as the “pre-cum”.

But you see, inspite of its components, semen is a body fluid or excreta much like urine, ear wax, a nose’s booger, tears, sweat, and feces. They are excreted out of the body for a good reason! They’re not meant for human consumption the way locusts, beetles, and cockroaches are eaten in Cambodia. Simply put, semen isn’t meant as a condiment for anything, not even for coffee. Ingestion of body secretion is as hideous as eating feces is revolting. It's just not a hygienic entity. This isn't even a case of being conservative or obstinate. It just isn't right, and anyone who offers a premise as such, putting it out like it's vaguely acceptable is "not thinking straight" (no pun intended). Those who consume it may end up puking babies.


Johnron Tanada is Rico, the cash-strapped coffee house's boss. Do you know how he shows his gratitude to a loyal employee who has the hots for him?


Miko Pasamonte provides the special condiment for their coffee. He even err... "handpicks" the brew.


Allan Stevens offers more delicacies to customers.


Marcus Aboga, the accommodating bouncer.