Chris Martinez's I Do Bidoo Bidoo - Rousing and Joyful

Rocky Polotan and Tracy Fuentebella (Sam Concepcion and Tippy Dos Santos) are a young couple who enjoy a loving relationship. But when the latter finds out that she’s pregnant, they instigate a maelstrom of affliction that places both of their families in a quandary. While Tracy’s folks flounder in their affluent milieu, Rocky’s parents are persistently burdened by incoming bills. Pol (Ogie Alcasid), Rock’s father - a musician who has a single hit song to his name – subsists by giving guitar lessons to the children in his neighborhood. He’s mostly frustrated and uninspired by his misfortune. Rose (Eugene Domingo), his wife, struggles with her catering service.

The day the Polotans visit the farm villa of the Fuentebellas for the “pamanhikan” (asking for Tracy’s hand in marriage), the rudely gaping social discrepancy between the two families becomes painfully apparent. While Tracy’s dad Nick (Gary Valenciano) seems to calmly take everything in stride, mom Elaine (Zsa zsa Padilla) is conflicted. She sees a vicious cycle in her daughter – and she doesn’t want Tracy “to feel trapped in a loveless relationship”. At least wait until you’re older, she suggests. But the repercussions of having a child out of wedlock is a nagging concern for the Fuentebellas, and a stigma they’d rather spare Tracy from. “Atin ang babae,” Nick would reason out. Though Rocky is a board certified nurse, he is unemployed just yet. And Tracy’s strait-laced grandfather (Jaime Fabregas), a former military sergeant, isn’t compelled by tact or false civility to keep his thoughts. Over lunch, he unravels them. He does not want Tracy to wed Rocky who does not deserve his granddaughter.

Soon, insults are thrown around and fisticuffs ensue. The Polotans walk out with contused faces and bruised egos. Rocky and Tracy’s impending wedding is unceremoniously called off. What becomes of our star-crossed lovers? Is there happy-ever-after in a musical narrative? Guess.

Syotang Pa-Class

Doo Bidoo

Writer and director Chris Martinez concocts a delectable Romeo-and-Juliet tale by sumptuously utilizing the music of Apo Hiking Society. This cerebral exercise is so meticulously formulated that the songs of a generation – so familiar that they’re almost prosaic, seasoned, and common place – suddenly gain context for a new generation of music lovers. In fact, these songs feel like they’ve been written for the given narrative. Moreover, you cannot deny the timelessness of these musical ouvre. You further realize that these were a few of the songs hummed to you by your father; hymns of a lifetime once played on vinyl records now safely tucked away in some decrepit basement.

What’s more impressive is how Martinez is able to exquisitely insinuate contemporary issues into his seemingly mundane musical romcom: unemployment and the diaspora of the modern immigrants (“Blue Jeans”: Sige kayod sa skwela at balang araw makikita nyo. Pagkatapos ng iyong paghihirap, ‘Di ka rin makakahanap ng trabaho); teenage pregnancy (“Batang Bata Ka Pa” – Nagkakamali ka kung akala mo na ang buhay ay isang mumunting paraiso lamang); class wars, homosexuality (“Mahirap Talagang Magmahal ng Syota ng Iba”), etc. “Blue Jeans” is particularly surprising because the concerns of the 70’s vividly resonate almost 40 years later. It makes you wonder if the lives of that generation aren’t all that different compared to ours. Why do we have similar concerns? Have social conditions deteriorated since the turn of the century?

Sam Concepcion sizzles with an earnest performance that bristles with charm, pathos and urgency. Most singers would have trouble with cinematic emotions, but impassioned Concepcion hits all the right notes! In fact, it’s hard to consider this anything less than a career high. Tippy Dos Santos is a great cinematic find. She’s easy on the eyes, sings like a lark, and tempers her lines with adequate verve and emotive skill. Ogie Alcasid shines in a surprisingly restrained turn. I’ve never considered him in dramatic light, but Alcasid is a revelation here. When he utters: “Kinahihiya mo na lang ako lagi” or “Lahat tayo, kailangan ng inspirasyon sa buhay”, your heart crumbles with palpable affection.

Zsa zsa Padilla utilizes her pent-up frustrations here; a career-best. What I admire most is how consistently she tackles Elaine, a long suffering wife eternally patient and hopeful in a loveless marriage with a hubby who mostly ignores and disdains her presence. Her sedulous take of her character is nothing short of brilliant, and her singing is impeccable. In fact, her “Tuyo ng Damdamin” rankles with regret, you just want to whisk her off her agony. Eugene Domingo balances her fretful Rose with intermittently biting lines that sent me chuckling so loud. We all know someone who nags like that: “Default mode nya yan. Laging galit!” Gary Valenciano is a little tentative with his characterization. He defines his portrayal  with large strokes fit for music videos. Fact is, this is his comeback film after almost 20 years of cinematic hiatus. Fortunately, he enjoys good chemistry with Padilla, so that's a plus!

Awit ng Barkada

I do have issues about using non-singers in singing roles, but Eugene Domingo more than passes muster, although she could have done a wee better in her “Di Na Natuto” duet with Alcasid. After all, paying homage to the songs of a generation includes singing these songs beautifully. When, Dame Judi Dench, for example, performed “Send in the Clowns” for her role in Sondheim’s wistful “A Little Night Music” at the Royal National Theatre in London, it was heartfelt, but I helplessly looked for the beautiful melody. Melodies deserve to be sung as they were written, not recited into a half-song. Anyway, Dench won the Olivier that year. Domingo is clearly inspired, and it shows. Her “Awit ng Barkada” number with Frenchie Dy (as BFF Lilibeth) and Sweet Plantado (as BFF Vicky) was a touching tribute to friendship, I had to control myself from shedding a tear because – heck! – the scene wasn’t schmaltzy! But you see, beautiful numbers just make me cry (dramatic or otherwise).

A considerable, albeit bittersweet side story involves Neil Coleta’s Brent, Rocky’s closeted best friend who’s in love with him. Though his scenes inadvertently provide humor, you can’t help but be taken by Brent’s emotional impasse. This narrative string is so beautifully written, it deserves a separate movie of its own. In fact, I am urging all the Pink Film makers to turn their attention to this film for inspiration! This short narrative detour amounts so much more than all of the Pink Films shown in 2011 combined! It is funny, empathetic and insightful. It doesn't paint the gay man as hormonal, albeit sexual predators possessing the brain of a Hydra! An important scene here involved John Lapus shedding a tear while Coleta dedicated his “Kaibigan” song to Rocky – at a videoke bar! This understated and wistful vignette was a perfect finishing touch to a cinematic Mona Lisa. It was just beautiful!  

The narrative isn’t seamless. It’s guilty of “fast resolutions” common in romcoms. It could have invested a little more time to write the gradual resolution or settlement to Rock and Tracy’s dilemma, but then I understand the limitation of time allotted for such flicks. In fact, I think I saw “Paano” in the credits, but the scene involving it didn’t make the final cut. Needless to say, one of my favorite numbers was the “Blue Jeans” dance routine involving a huge crowd in La Salle Dasmarinas. It was just kinetic, and reminded me of some scenes from Jeric Soriano’s “Hotshots” (which also starred Gary Valenciano).   

HOW APO DEFINES FILIPINOS TO OTHERS

We are a very musical nation. I remember my traveling cousin relate an anecdote about a Canadian backpacker he met in Vietnam last February (2012). The Canadian guy has a Filipina girlfriend who would take him to karaoke nights with fellow Filipinos in Vancouver. His favorite: “Ewan”! And just before my cousin could dismiss this as pure hearsay, this white man suddenly lurches into “Mahal kita, mahal kita, hindi ‘to bola…” This is a guy who doesn't have clue on who Danny Javier, Jim Paredes and Buboy Garovillo are. Yet their musical legacy encompasses race and geography. Who can say that the APOs are mere historical anamnesis? We deserve our songs encapsulated and documented in films like “I Do Bidoo Bidoo”. These songs tell our stories, and we can only be grateful for the endless pleasure they bring.

Chris Martinez’s “I Do Bidoo Bidoo: Heto nAPO Sila!” is a mirthful musical masterpiece that’s as rousing and hopeful in temperament and narrative exposition as the songs and stories of our lives. It deserves the patronage of every music-loving Pinoy. It should not be missed!  

Trading aphorisms in "Salawikain". Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala...

Contemplative Elaine sings "Tuyo ng Damdamin".

Songs featured in the movie:

1. Pumapatak na Naman ang Ulan - A recurring tune and Pol's one-and-only hit song!
2. Doo Bidoo - Cheerful number involving Ogie Alcasid and her guitar-carrying wards.
3. Syotang Pa-Class - In an exquisitely choreographed basketball dance, as Rocky describes Tracy, his syotang pa-class, and why he loves her.
4. Awit ng Barkada - Hilarious friendship song with Eugene Domingo, Frenchie Dy and Sweet Plantado
5. Panalangin - In a phone conversation at in front of an altar in a a rundown chapel.
6. Tuyo ng Damdamin - Elaine's contemplative scene comparing her daughter's situation from her own past.
7. Mahirap Magmahal - Coleta's song for his sleeping best friend on the day of their "pamanhikan".
8. Salawikain - Wonderfully choreographed "war at the dining table" scene during the "pamanhikan".
9. Nakapagtataka - On the night after the Polotans storm out from their "pamanhikan".
10. Batang Bata Ka Pa - A four-way song for the heart broken Rocky and Tracy. Rose and Nick join them.
11. Blue Jeans - A buoyant song and dance number at Rocky's university. Sam Concepcion, Neil Coleta and a huge cast dance up a storm.
12. Kaibigan - Brent's ode of affection for the grieving Rocky. John Lapus makes a short but memorable cameo.
13. Huwag Masanay sa Pagmamahal - Used in the closing credits.
14. Ewan - A playful and affectionate duet when Rocky and Tracy reunite.
15.Di Na Natuto - In a adorable scene that helps define Rose and Pol's relationship.
16. Pag-Ibig - Nick tells Elaine to stay with him.
17. Kabilugan ng Buwan - Lovers eloping.
18. Paano - Nick asks Elaine to stay. This isn't the Gary V. hit, but a less popular APO track.

Tracy's gone and the Fuentebellas react.

Kimmy Dora and the Temple of Kiyeme - Diminishing Comic Returns

Kiimy and Dora’s latest caper takes to light the origin of the Go Dong Hae’s fortunes. This time around, the discrepant twins get hounded by their patriarch’s unsavory past.

Kimmy and Dora (Eugene Domingo) have to take a trip with their father Luisito (Ariel Ureta) to Seoul to pay their respect for their fallen grandfather now entombed in a temple backyard. But little did they realize that there was more to this ruse than meets the eye. In fact, Kimmy is betrothed to the son of the Sang family instrumental in jumpstarting the business that has more than thrived in the Philippines (they even own and operate a new airline company).

As a young man in Korea, young Luisito’s (Ryan Bang) family was hard up but perseverance in the family’s kimchi stall soon pays off. With the Sang family’s financial succor, opportunities flourish and business grew exponentially. Luisito meets Kang Kang (Alodia Gosiengfiao), the Sangs’ favorite daughter, who fell head over heels in love with the amorous Luisito. When doors open for Luisito to study in Manila, the young entrepreneur grabs his chance, conveniently abandoning the heart broken Kang Kang who, through the years, has grown as bitter as her sagging wrinkles. When she eventually learns of Luisito’s marriage (though at gun point) to a Filipina lass Charito (Kiray Celis), the scorned woman dies – but not without a curse and an acrimonious spell that shall even out an unjust romantic field. Kang Kang shall claim whoever loves Luisito and Charito’s offspirings!

Meanwhile, upon the Go Dong Hae’s arrival in Seoul, Kimmy is obliged to meet her would-be groom who turns out repulsive, obese and child-like. Kimmy’s surly and antagonistic behavior towards the younger Sang repels the latter that he turns his sight to the saccharine-sweet Dora! Things get worse because Barry (Zanjoe Marudo) has actually proposed to Kimmy, while Johnson (Dingdong Dantes) has popped the question to Dora. Heck, even pet Micky is looking forward to marching down the aisle. All these complications become precursor to the spell earlier cast on the patriarch. 

In calculated stages, Sang Kang Kang sequesters the souls of Barry, Johnson and Luisito, while eternally badgering Kimmy with auditory hallucinations (she hears an ominously beating drum) and Dora with visual phantasms (she sees a ghost dressed as a witch). Suddenly, the Go Dong Hae’s world is in shambles. Will the twins get through this diabolical patch in their lives?

Trust scriptwriter Chris Martinez to come up with a valid story that imbues sense and narrative nuance to an otherwise preposterous, if droll chronicle. Unfortunately, there’s no getting around an inane material. Silly is silly. It’s like partaking ampalaya (bitter gourd). No matter how you garnish it to dilute its bitter taste, you will never rid of its sensory piquancy.

The main culprit is the briskly dwindling comic quotient of director Joyce Bernal who once again resorts to her feeble, diarrheic humor. Remember “Mr. Suave”, “D’Anothers” and “Agent X44”? Sure, she had “Booba” and “Kimmy Dora: Kambal sa Kiyeme”, but their levity were mostly attributive to their naturally rambunctious leads (Rufa Mae Quinto, Eugene Domingo). What’s more telling is how this story didn’t even make it to the final list of 7 at the 37^th Metro Manila Film Festival (2011) – a spurious film movement that’s actually churned out slightly-better entries last year! The sequel is akin to a cinematic runt, i.e. “latak”.

Johnson (Dingdong Dantes) saves Dora (Eugene Domingo) from drowning?

CG work is patchy and takes us back to the technology of the 90’s: whenever a special effect is employed, the screen dims, giving you an incommodious prodrome of things to come by way of poorly realized effects.  Some are great (a witch flying over the Go Dong Hae household), but most are run of the mill. Besides, Korean witches don’t necessarily take the form of Western Witches with disfigured faces, extended and crooked noses, long frizzy hair garbed in black pointed hats and Cimmerian flowing gowns – riding on a flying broom. When did Sang Kang Kang evolve into a western miscreant? Why not play around the Hanbok, the traditional Korean costume? Maybe in her old age, Kang Kang turned to watching Hollywood freak shows?

It also doesn’t help that some of the supporting cast need lessons on maintaining accents like Kimmy and Dora’s attending physician (Alexander Cortez) who vacillates between British (“He is in a prolonged state of sho-k”) and Visayan English – and something in between. I cringe every time he’s on screen. Kyle (my BFF) whispered that Cortez is actually the artistic director of Dulaang U.P.  which begs the question: why is a supposedly well-placed thespian this hammy? Shivers! Someone give him remedial lessons in elocution and delivery – fast!

But all’s not lost really. The film takes you to scenic Korea – you shall see the Namsan Tower, Gyeongbokgung Palace, and the festive Myeongdong (a commercial, pedestrianized street littered with shops), among other places. If you like exotic scenery, you can check this filmic criteria. If you’re easily taken by a constellation of stars, there are quite a number here: Kris Aquino (who blurbs and refers to the film as “pang pamilya…may puso” – and you’re suddenly curious if she was indeed talking about “Kimmy Dora”. The silliness of people who speak first and think later just makes you puke, doesn’t it?); Piolo Pascual, Erik Santos, John Lapus, Jason Gainza, Maricar Reyes (resplendent as a flight attendant), Richard Poon, Marvin Agustin (playing Jose Rizal), Kean Cipriano, Mura, Tim Yap, Slater Young, Divine Smith, Jinggoy Estrada, Liz Uy, Raymond Gutierrez, et.al.

Alodia Gosiengfiao, who plays the scorned Sang Kang Kang, commands a strong presence, thus this should usher more films for the lovely cosplayer. Miriam Quiambao (the loony former beauty queen who turned infamous for her spaced out utterances: “Homosexuality is not a sin but is a lie from the devil”) does a great Gertrude, Kimmy's much abused secretary. She was fantastic in the first film so I half expected more screen time here. It’s too bad she was given scenes too menial for her promising character. Instead, spotlight shone brightly (albeit in heavily diffracted and broken luminescence) on Moi Marcampo – oddly billed as Moi Bien in the film. She awkwardly graces the screen as the Go Dong Hae's maid Elena - an abomination that further drags down the less-than-hilarious moments. Marcampo speaks like a somnambulist’s assistant so you do wonder why some people think of her as an actress worth hiring (aside from the fact that her boss is Spring Films' executive producer, Papa P). I even read a piece that referred to her as, and I quote: “a natural comedian whose presence and few lines are enough to make one roll a laugh”. I smell drugs. I sense dementia. I speculate on delusion. Roll a what? J Is it like rolling a dice or rolling weed? Or did the writer really mean Moi was laughable?

BRILLIANT

This takes us to Eugene Domingo who is expectedly brilliant. But there are no surprises here. She continues to amaze us with her thespic intuition as she masterfully delineates not just two, but three characters: the disagreeable and ill-tempered Kimmy; the coy but winsome Dora, and the nurturing Charito (the twins’ mother). However, at some point, Kimmy’s whiny demeanor – she has protracted scenes that stretch out for 15 straight minutes – grates through your senses and tries the heck out of your patience. Kimmy Dora, like “Ang Babae sa Septic Tank”, is a highwire act. Domingo’s hard work is so palpable that at some point you get exhausted looking  at her manic energy dripping throughout the narrative hyperboles. She has to be zanier than Mila (“Septic Tank”), needier than Aida (“My Househusband… Ikaw Na!”), more impertinent than Rowena (“Enteng ng Ina Mo”) and flakier than Mrs. Montano (“Zombadings 1…”) I’d surmise it’s a tall order to outshine yourself.

There are disparate moments of utter conjecture with punch lines that don’t quite make the scenes. I was baffled why laughter was few and far between. Was it just me? While making my way out of the cinema, I overheard comments: “Medyo nakakatawa din pero kulang”. In fact, I felt that these laughs were mostly episodic, albeit intermittent: two-second chuckles where there should be convulsive bursts of laughter. This is probably due to a contrived back story that complicates and dilutes the entertainment quotient of the film. Moreover, horror and comedy just don’t make comfortable bed fellows. 

Alodia Gosiengfiao: strong presence!

Ryan Bang and Alodia Gosiengfiao play Luisito and Sang Kang Kang respectively.

Eugene Domingo and director Bb. Joyce Bernal

The Mommy Returns - Horrible Creatures

Ruby and William Martirez (Pokwang and Gabby Concepcion) are celebrating their 25^th wedding anniversary with a plush party. While fixing themselves up, Ruby gets fatally electrocuted. She dies instantaneously leaving her three children - Amy (Kiray Celis), Toffi (Gerald Pesalga) and Saf (Jillian Ward) – under William’s care. But the decorous and successful dad harbors a secret that requires urgent action. He has been diagnosed with Prostatic Cancer! And he dreads leaving his children as orphans.

At the wake, William serendipitously meets commercial model Catherine (Ruffa Gutierrez) who’s had a crush on him since she was a little girl. Two weeks after Ruby’s burial, William proposes. Without much fanfare, they get married. The children ardently oppose and show their displeasure by making life a living hell for the amicable madrasta.

Meanwhile, Ruby finds herself at the gates of heaven where she meets Jorga (John Lapus), the caretaker of Purgatory, where Ruby awaits judgment. As fate would have it, Ruby manages to escape Purgatory and goes back to Earth to settle some unfinished business with her family. In fact, she wants to free her family from the clutches of Catherine who, to her, is a repugnant character. She has to be eliminated or her family might suffer.

While patiently trying to win over the children’s good graces, Catherine tries hard but never quite succeeds: she’s eternally running late; buys the wrong stuff at the grocery, finds her culinary specialty peppered with live mice. Everything goes awry and she senses this has something to do with the dead wife whose face is emblazoned all over the house, sneeringly looking down her way. Moreover, she experiences vivid dreams of a hand-to-hand combat against a cantankerous Ruby. What’s a new wife to do?

With the children brazenly denouncing her presence, would she ultimately give up the domestic ruckus? Is William really dying? More importantly, will Ruby ever succeed with her mission to get rid of Catherine? Will Ruby find her way back to the netherworld where San Pedro waits for his pet chicken Manny inadvertently taken along Ruby’s journey?

The story’s gist is impudently derived from the TV series “100 Days to Heaven”, without even mentioning Vic Sotto’s “Pak! Pak! My Doctor Kwak” which had an almost similar theme. But Director Joel Lamangan populates his cinematic palette with the most horrible excuse of human beings. There’s the dying father who’s rushing his matrimonial plunge so someone could take care of his children when he croaks (isn’t deception horrible?) There’s the new stepmother who dubiously agrees to marry her beau less than two weeks after their serendipitous meeting (why was she that desperate to tie the knot?) There’s the greedy in-law (Gloria Diaz as Mabel Diaz Laurel, a society matron who has fallen on hard times) who’s ecstatic over Catherine’s marriage to William as it would allow her to pay off all her accumulating debts (aren’t we the opportunistic in-law?) There are the meanest children who would do everything to embarrass and plague their stepmom with cussed accusations and disparaging remarks. Is this the accurate picture of modern youth? Rude, disrespectful and vicious? When you have kids like these, why would you want to be a mom? I shudder at the thought.

You wouldn’t be too surprised about the children’s demeanor. After all, apples (rotten ones) don’t fall too far from the tree, and their mother Ruby exemplifies the worse of them all. She wasn’t merely distrustful when she was still alive (she was a jeweler). As a wandering ghost, she’s consumed by a blind initiative to wreck havoc on the life of Catherine. Why would she want that on a girl fortuitously named Catherine (wink, wink)? If she really cared about her kids, would she prefer them fatherless as well if indeed William dies from cancer? Or is she clueless about his ailment? Don’t ghosts acquire a little more wisdom after passing over? Sometimes, there are tenets of common sense that aren’t easily overlooked. And overlook these, they did!

But wait. I am not quite done yet. Even Inday, the nanny (Moi Marcampo) is duplicitous; Rodel, the ex-boyfriend (Ervic Vijandre) is a scornful ex-convict. Heck, even Senior San Pedro’s assistant, the effete Jorga (Lapus), is a horned out fag lusting after construction workers. Where do we find decent human beings in this Lamangan macrocosm?

The film concludes with one of cinema's most ridiculously abrupt and petty resolutions. I had to pinch myself to realize that all the problems have been concluded by a horrid gown. ;) In fact, if delivering a gown was all it took to patch a domestic squabble, then we should all deliver gowns to find our happily ever after.

Sapphire, Topaz and Amethyst

Children burst with merriment when they learned that Catherine was leaving the house.

Joel Lamangan, once reviled by critics, hasn’t done a mainstream commercial film in a while so I was (well, not exactly looking forward but) expecting a work that’s middle of the road. After all, the director’s experience should teach him proficiency is some aspects of the film making process. Or has it? “The Mommy Returns” conspicuously underscores Lamangan’s fall into mediocrity and highlights all of his weaknesses. In fact, he has never done a movie this bad, he might as well farm camote on the hills of Alitagtag than do another film of this caliber. 

Pokwang, in her second lead role this year (she opened the film year with "A Mother's Story"), keeps the movie afloat, but doesn’t really transcend anything more than a perfunctory conduct to fulfill a banal character written on “bursts of ideas” (scriptwriter Ricky Lee recently explained on television about Mother Lily’s acumen to mine stories: “She has bursts of ideas that we freely develop into full stories.”) The enthusiastic comedienne once again parades her bevy of circus-styled costumes that puts Cirque du Soleil to shame! I was half expecting a trapeze swinging her way. You know, like a burst of inspiration, debah?

Gabby Concepcion and Ruffa Gutierrez have been around the business for so long. But it’s amazing how they have evolved into hammy performers. Gabby, for example, walks around with episodic emotions. He is dying, yet you never fully understand why you don’t feel the grief. There is no emotional baggage to speak of. Isn't this pertinent since you recently lost your wife? And that you’re dying from prostatic cancer? A scene has him knocking on his effete son Toffi’s room after getting the sad news from his doctor. With shoulders hunched down, Gabby should be almost inconsolable, right? Well, not really. He succeeded to look tired instead. Not grieving. Concepcion seems to live in the past, say circa 1989 when he was doing “Gorio and Tekla” with Maricel Soriano, or “Rosa Mistica” with Snooky Serna. Nothing much has changed. Even his looks has stagnated into delectable youth and unfortunately, bland demeanor.

Gabby Concepcion

Ruffa Gutierrez, on the other hand, can’t seem to drop her beauty queen schtick so she walks around with an imaginary crown on her head - and a throne pasted at her backside. You don’t quite find the character in her. What you feel instead is someone languishing on glory that’s so 1993 (when she won Miss World 2^nd runner-up) – and that’s almost 20 years ago! Moreover, she doesn’t mirror the deportment of a 37 year old lady who has attained character. She wallows in a perceived glorious past. She was a better actress in 1993 when she did Joey Romero’s “Maricris Sioson: Japayuki”. Isn’t this sad? What is so wrong with a clan that has grown around the performing industry yet each member is as bland as the next sibling? Grabeh!

Kiray Celis is a funny presence because she takes her role to heart as Gabby’s obstinate daughter. She’s even funnier when she stands beside Hiro Magalona (who’s playing her suitor and confidant). The humor rests on her straight forward depiction, taking on something comic for dramatic. When Ruffa, as the stepmom, gifts her with a puppy, she shrieks: “Isauli mo na yan…beach!” Of course she meant “bitch”. She repeats to emphasize, “Di ba babaeng aso is beach?” Good heavens. Now let's practice elocution, children: "Beach! Beeeech!" "Bitch! betch" 'Betcha by golly wow"! "Life is a beach, bitch!" Now isn't that fun?

Finally, one of my sources of annoyances is the casting of Moi Marcampo (Piolo Pascual’s ex- girl Friday and former Survivor castaway) as the family’s nanny Inday. Instead of wearing a yaya’s frock, she traipses around with earrings the size of a gong, 3-inch shoes, designer outfit, cringe-worthy backless blouses and a cosmopolitan coif as though she was walking the runway even when merely serving juice. I get the intention that her character is rooting for. Unfortunately Marcampo is so raw and discombobulated where her acting acumen is concerned. Simple sentences are met with consumate distress. She can't even scoff properly. She ultimately ends up looking like a displaced street walker in desperate need of a customer. Whoever gave her this delusion that she should get into films deserves to be tied down the stakes and tickled for 12 straight hours until he pees in his knickers! Marcampo was given lines to accentuate her supposed hip presence, but she stalls in monotone and incomprehension. When she finds a stray chicken in a room, she painfully exhorts: “There’s a big cock in the kitchen!” There should be laughter. Instead, a cold shiver ran down my spine. Something gargantuan hit her in the face. Inexperience. The agonizing kind.     

Ruffa Gutierrez and Pokwang

Kiray Celis' amusing presence. Below are some of her enviable encounter with  the boys.

It's in the attitude: Kiray with Gerald Anderson, Sam Concepcion, Daniel Padilla, Markky Stroem and Inigo Pascual (Papa Piolo's son).

Kiray with Enchong Dee. I'd trade places with Kiray's right hand. Haha. Can I grope the rectus abdominis too? :;) 

Kiray with Aldred Gatchalian.

Hiro Magalona plays Kiray's suitor and confidant.

Moi Marcampo: Clueless! (left)

Ervic Vijandre plays Rodel, Catherine's ex-boyfriend.