MMK's "Anino" - Barang, Kulam and the Dark Clutches of Schizophrenia

Things are looking up for Victor (Zanjoe Marudo), Marites (Isabel Oli) and their two young children. The progressive family's bakery business is prosperous, and their perseverance is bearing fruits. In fact, this has allowed them to hire people, including creepy old hag Aling Maring who soon insinuates her sob stories to the benevolent couple's good graces. She's hired to bag bread with a daily wage of P20 a day. She even convinces reluctant Victor to hire her son who's on parole from jail time. 

One day, Maring's son abandons Victor's supplies and skedaddles with the couple's profits. This leaves Victor with no recourse but to throw Aling Maring out the door. "Binibilog nyo ang ulo ko," he reprimands her. Before she takes her final step out, Maring turns around and gazes at her enraged employer, as though casting a spell. She was never seen again. 

Victor starts hearing voices, unable to sleep. He keeps seeing the old lady's riled face. At some point, he even strangles his son. Marites decides to take him to an albularyo (folk healer) who performs a "pagtatawas" ritual on disgruntled Victor. After studying the molten wax droppings from the heated candle, the healer tells Victor that he's a victim of "barang", an affliction allegedly worse than "kulam". Four other healers say the same.

Finally, he was taken to a psychiatrist who, three months after initial confinement, diagnosed Victor with schizophrenia, a mental disorder characterized by delusions, a blunt affect, confusion, agitation, social withdrawal, psychosis, and bizarre behavior. With psychotic feature, this rightfully includes visual and auditory hallucinations; may nakikita at may naririnig kahit wala. Victor's condition is specifically signed out as "Paranoid schizophrenia" with hallmarks that include paranoid delusions, usually accompanied by auditory hallucinations, and perceptual disturbances. In this condition, an individual is incapable of sifting real events from mere products of the imagination.

VOICES FROM GOD AND THE DEVIL

A schizophrenic hears voices (auditory hallucination) telling him things, the most common of which comes from God, the devil or an "enemy" from his surroundings. These patients hear persuasive commands: like a voice from God ordering him to, hmmm, maybe stop cursing or He'd crash his plane. Moreover, their paranoia is fueled by an urgency to protect oneself from an antagonistic party: "inaaway ako", "gusto akong itumba", or just the general idea that someone wants to inflict harm on him. 

Unfortunately, these items (paranoia, auditory hallucination, delusion) are clinically entrenched in schizophrenia. These patients react to these misperceptions. If you are being attacked, you'd naturally want to retaliate and fight back. Or you retreat, flee and become depressive. When the mind fails to overcome the overwhelming odds, it shuts down and the patient becomes catatonic! At some point, the patient becomes violent. He wants to hurt others - or he hurts himself to put an end to his misery. This is where the patient satisfies the criteria for "admissibility".  

SCIENCE VS. SUPERSTITION

In the episode, there are concepts that deserve discourse. Despite our country's overreaching embrace of the new millennium and its new technologies, we are still a country steeped in superstition. When the psychiatrist reveals his initial diagnosis, i.e. that it is indeed a mental condition, Victor's sister is absolutely resistant - "Pero sabi ng mga albulario, na barang siya!" How in the world is a faith healer more credible than a physician who had 10-15 years to learn about these disorders? The physician was, in fact, the last person they turned to, when he should have been first to be consulted.

The more sociologically fascinating concept is that of "barang", otherwise called "haplit", "paktol", "anyaw" in the mystical island of Siquijor. Barang is a form of malignant sorcery. People get hexed, much like the voodoo practices of Haiti and Madagascar. 

The scenario used to involve beetles (bakukang) who, after incantations and prayers from a mambabarang, would be set free to invade the victim. Their entry into the body results to seemingly psychosomatic disorders like constant ear aches, hemorrhoids, and a general sensation of utter discomfort. 

These terms weren’t alien to me. As a child, I had a nanny who hailed from Naga. She told me vivid stories of spirits, monsters, witches, kapre (“agta"), and the santelmo (fire monsters shaped like men). But really, how does one reconcile the Filipino's deep religiosity and our inherently superstitious nature?

Most cultures have their own set of monsters. Even Iran has their djinn (a
 legendary middle eastern conjurer of destruction), recently on cinematic display at the recent QCinema Filmfest in Babak Anvari's spooky "Under the Shadows".

Schizophrenia, like diabetes and hypertension, doesn't have treatment. There is not a single medicine that absolutely cures this condition for good. But it can be managed. Family support is one of the most important factors in managing schizophrenia. Otherwise, if you keep leaving its prognosis to fate, the patient will eventually either inflict harm on himself - or on others! 

#MMK  #barang  #zanjoemarudo  #schizophrenia

Tony Y. Reyes' "My Illegal Wife" - Humor Challenged Borrowings

After getting booted out of a job in Japan, 39 year-old Clarisse Sabaldica (Pokwang) comes home with a resolve to find her children a “father”, someone they can depend on. As fate would have it, she serendipitously meets Henry James Acuesta (Zanjoe Marudo) on her flight back to the Philippines. It's love at first sight. Unfortunately, her attraction is not reciprocated. But when their plane crashes, they find themselves marooned on an island. What’s worse, Henry suffers from amnesia. It's the opportunity opening up for her fervent wish.

Clarisse then concocts a plan to convince the poor guy that they are a married couple. “Pinatulan kita?” asks a baffled Henry. So goes the start of their blissful lives. Unknown to Clarisse, Henry is a “gold mule”. Several pieces of gold have been incredulously planted in his abdominal viscera prior to the plane crash (as though this was even medically possible). As if that wasn't enough, Henry is actually in a relationship with struggling jeweller Clarize (Ellen Adarna) who plotted the stygian operation. And the latter is desperate to find her missing beau. 

Back on the home front, Henry is starting to enjoy the attention he’s getting in Clarisse's household. The couple is, in fact, planning their church wedding with the help of their zany circle of friends (Beauty Gonzales, Pooh, Empoy Marquez, Edgar Allan Guzman). But sinister Clarize - "with a Z" - is closing in on them.

What happens if Henry regains his memory? Will Clarisse’s annoyingly cloying son Liam (John Steven de Guzman) lose a father figure? Will Clarisse forfeit her chance to have a complete family? Guess.

Tony Y. Reyes’ “My Illegal Wife” predicates solely on borrowed narrative snippets culled from Star Cinema’s array of blockbuster romcoms and the hit Angel Locsin teleserye, not to mention Kathniel's "Got2Believe": “It Takes a Man and a Woman”, “She’s the One”, “Bakit Di Ka Crush ng Crush Mo”, “Bride for Rent”, “Starting Over Again”, and that commercial-riddled vomitus called “Maybe This Time”. Its derivative content makes movie viewing utterly predictable and an unnecessarily gargantuan snooze . I felt like playing “sipa” or “tumbang preso” inside the cinema. I wanted to be anywhere but there. 

Even the supporting characters feel manufactured. Let’s take Empoy Marquez’s fractured and specious use of English words. Hasn't he done this similar ruse in a couple of romcoms in the recent past? If you had a fourth of a brain, you’d get exasperated by Marquez’s ludicrous shenanigan. "I smell something specie?" Duh. Too much of something is, well, “too much” – so we wanted to flush this charmless dingbat in a toilet bowl. Get rid of this abomination already. Beauty Gonzales’ briskly disappearing pout (supposedly born out of her rabidly kissing lover) is present in one scene and gone the next. She even felt the need to reference Wella, her character in “Starting Over Again”, as though people would find it amusing. I didn't. Wella’s two minutes of fame has rightfully passed so puh-lezzz bury her now!

There are several lines that make fun of physical attributes: "Ang isa, mukhang itik." In another scene, it becomes "Ang mga kaibigan niyang mukhang nalubog sa putik." "Janitor fish!" This is a hallmark of old school humor; the lazy variety that comedians/humorists of low-tier capability employ very often. And what's with the side story involving Jimmy Santos? Wasn't it one of the most painful movie moments you've ever watched in your life? Santos' idea of heightening emotions is his annoying sudden shouts. He would follow this up with grievous dramatic caterwauling. You'd think this old man had schizophrenia instead of Alzheimer's Disease. Santos apparently can't act to save his life. Yes, "Bang Bang Alley" was a fluke. But then Santos is being directed by Reyes; someone who's as clueless with on-cam emotions as he is in telling stories. 

Joy Viado’s cookie character is likewise troublesome. “Ba’t mo in-Indian si Liam, hindi ka naman Indian?” That was a joke? Seriously? Who laughed? And the clincher was...? Tony Reyes’ idea of humor is so 80’s that he could be responsible why Vic Sotto’s filmography is worth nothing but crap. “Pak! Pak! My Doktor Kwak?” “Lastikman?” “Fantastic Man?” “Iputok Mo, Dadapa Ako (Hard to Die)?” “Kabayo Kids?” Enumerating these titles even feels like an ominous predicament, a prostitution of sobriety and common sense.

Pokwang doesn't really take on a character. The movie runs with a succession of parody that doesn't quite synthesize into a singular coherent narrative. It's a feast of paper-thin caricatures. Pokwang is, of course, comfortable "being herself" but the film medium is a make-believe world and she isn't making believe. She's doing a protracted stand-up comedy show. Her impression of Nora Aunor elicited laughter ("Meron ba akong hindi alam, asawa ko?"). Zanjoe’s impression of Xian Lim, Daniel Padilla and Enrique Gil bear no semblance to the aforementioned gents so you end up with a headache trying to connect his so-called "joke". It was so flat I heard the wind from the east on its way to Ecuador. Zanjoe’s “Pinatulan kita,” was funny though. Joy Viado’s flirting with men was cringe-worthy. Zanjoe’s “I need an acceptable explanation” likewise flatlined and went to heaven. You see, everything about the film is a “hit-and-miss” affair; but they're mostly “misses”.

After Sarah Geronimo and Coco Martin’s recent disaster, Pokwang and Zanjoe Marudo follow awkwardly like another blundering pair, you’d never believe in a hundred million light years that something will romantically curdle between these two disparate souls. That Marudo and Pokwang are hailed as the “King and Queen of Skylight Films”, respectively, is pure gas. It is a slice of dishonor, if you ask me. Skylight Films, Star Cinema's alter-ego, has been churning out one mediocre film after another, with the exception of Veronica Velasco's “Tuhog”. This purveyor of second-rate mainstream fare is giving Star Cinema a bad rep.

A glimmer of hope in this gloriously wasteful effort is Ellen Adarna. She initially comes off irresolute, no thanks to vapid, albeit one-dimensional character development, but she eventually catches up, playfully pursuing the sinister-but-occasionally-funny vixen. When she contorts her face, you knew she was going to be a fumbling menace. And oh God, what a beautiful menace she is. If her character’s a bit unhinged or incoherent, it’s the brilliant writers’ undoing.

In one scene, she yells, “Sino ba ang babaeng yan?” How can she not know? Her henchmen had been spying on Pokwang’s Clarisse for some time to get to Zanjoe's Henry. It was even the reason why they found him, wasn't it? Someone conveniently forgot?

SURPRISES

Here's a surprising fact: I watched "My Illegal Wife" twice to confirm my observations about this film, but what I've observed was this. Sarah Geronimo's "Maybe This Time", released 2 weeks ago, has folded for good. It's not in cineplexes anymore as I write this. How long did Toni Gonzaga's "Starting Over Again" run in our cinemas? An impressive 8-9 weeks, and even longer. "Maybe This Time" (MTT), after its 2nd week is gone. So tell me honestly, would you believe when they say that the Sarah-Coco starrer was a gargantuan hit? In fact, "My Illegal Wife" enjoyed a bigger and fuller crowd in Cebu (SM Cinema 3) as it was at a Gateway cinema. Moreover, while the Manila crowd had a more reserved reception to the film's humor, Cebu crowd was rowdier. Davao audience wasn't as pleased. The movie played on almost empty halls and the few who watched weren't laughing. What does this signify? Is the Manila crowd a more sophisticated audience than the provincial folks? Is Davao more urbane in their humor? There should be a sociological explanation to these discrepancies, shouldn't there?
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But this much is true, when a comedy flick offers laughters that are exceeding few and far between, you would wonder about the material’s raison d’etre and, subsequently, its source of inspiration. They designed a persona with Pokwang's ebullience and temperament. "My Illegal Wife" is a bad idea in the guise of comedy. One wonders why Star Cinema is “making hay” successively producing bad films this year! Is it following the foot steps of GMA Films? Anyare?   

Adolf Alix Jr.'s Kalayaan - Wildlife, Solitude, Lunacy

Julian Macaraeg (Ananda Everingham) patrols and solitarily habituates a desolate island called Kota in the contested waters of Spratlys. His hut is barely equipped. There’s a television with its DVD player replete with snowy images, its make shift antenna rising like an awkward satellite; a transistor radio blaring the rapidly descending reign of Joseph Estrada. The year is 2001. In this craggy navy detachment post, Julian has acquired a routine. He’s awake all night, pursuing shadows that stir deep into the bakawan (mangroves). But there’s nothing there. He turns to alcohol until he’s drowsy then sleeps into midday. He wakes up to face his hangover; does his morning run. Occasionally, he taunts the migratory birds. Then he fishes for food. After drying his catch under the sun, he then turns to his limited stack of porn videos, pleasuring himself ‘til he’s consumed, then he stretches beside the waves, diligently observing his timid pet turtle until it peeps out of its shell. But something is amiss. Macaraeg refuses to acknowledge the radio communication asking for his RSVP for a get-together set for soldiers manning other similar islands in the territory. After three long months, Julian is finally coming home.

But this desolate atoll rankles with its puzzling urban legend: A soldier, like Macaraeg, once manned the post and found a mermaid who shares the bounty of the island, i.e. its rich oil reserves. They fell in love, but the soldier betrayed the mermaid when he peddled its treasures to the Chinese. As consequence, the mermaid disappeared. One day, the soldier went missing, never to be found again. Victor Pinaglabanan (Rocky Salumbides), Julian’s former colleague, is believed to have suffered the same fate. However, Pinaglabanan’s fate was a tad more horrifying, shaking Julian deep into his psyche. He somehow requires a degree of resolution that's hard to come by. This is what keeps the soldier wandering in the dark of night.

One day, Julian is joined by Lucio (Zanjoe Marudo) and Eric (Luis Alandy), his fellow soldiers assigned to take over the post for five more months. Despite the jubilant company, Julian strictly adheres to his routine, unmindful of the company. “Mula ng nangyari yun kay Pinaglabanan, di na nagsalita yan,” explains Lucio about Julian. While Manila eagerly topples the Estrada administration, Lucio and Eric wake up with a missing Julian. Where is he? Could he be found? 

Director Adolf Alix Jr.'s "Kalayaan" (Wildlife) is a vivid visual dissertation on solitude and a man's descent into lunacy. Like many of Alix's works, he executes his scenes employing real-time film making (more pronounced in the works of Tsai Ming Liang and Nuri Ceylan Belge), thus the audience experiences Julian's overflowing time, displayed in aggregates of seemingly routine activities. When he opens a can of food, when he waits for his pet turtle to move, when he walks into the ocean to fish, we experience an unedited, uncut preoccupation from start to finish. This actually creates an atmosphere that rankles with monotony, and what better way to understand Julian's predicament, right? But unlike the indolent moments in Aloy Adlawan's "Ang Katiwala", we are kept awake and tantalized by the protagonist's seeming vacuous emotionality. If that isn't a hallmark of an engaging performer, I don't know what is. To be sure, a consummate performer doesn't require too much words to sustain attention.

Ananda Everingham is Thailand's biggest male superstar, analogous to our Piolo Pascual, so it's easy to understand his capacity to hook viewers without saying much. Since Everingham plays a Filipino soldier - and he does not speak Tagalog (he is Lao-Australian), his vocal paucity is written into the character which, to my mind, is a major challenge for an actor. After all, emotions are mostly rendered by speech. Everingham has to employ other means to express himself. He comes up with an impression that lingers in our minds long after the credits have rolled. To be fair, Everingham has done his share of art house flicks (Uekrongtham's "Pleasure Factory" and Pen-ek Ratanaruang's "Ploy"), but in "Kalayaan", for more than an hour, he fills the cinematic palette with his lone presence.

The mystical strain in "Kalayaan" channels the temperament and style of Apitchapong Weerasethakul's "Uncle Boonme Who Can Recall His Past Lives", and the haunting images of sand and sea, reminding me of Aureus Solitos' "Busong" (Palawan Fate).

There are some loop holes in the narrative. Julian is heard reporting to his command post: "Dalawang barko ang dumaan. Pagkatapos, nawala na sila, sir!" While bird watching, he shouts, "Takbo!" During a mock beauty pageant between Lucio and Eric, Julian was asked to interrogate the two for the Q&A. He asks: "What is the essence of Spratlys?" Yes, he actually spoke in a few scenes, yet Lucio points to his vocal crutch saying, "Mula nung nangyari yun kay Pinaglabanan, 'di na yan nagsalita." So why did we hear him speak? When something morbid transpires in a camp, isn't it customary to pull out the officers involved for investigation and debriefing? Why was Julian retained to finish his three months? Weren't they concerned he would suffer Victor's fate?

While it's a worthy cause to delve into the relevant issue of oil reserves in the territory, Alix mainly espouses on solitude. In fact, this was deftly covered until it introduced the psychological effect of desolation and social detachment. His creepy demeanor becomes valid proof of cerebral perturbation. This is why a conclusion that openly interjects the existence of blow-job performing mermaids becomes a narrative nuisance. So the urban legend wasn't the product of solitude-induced craziness? So the stories about mermaids protecting oil reserves were real? This narrative curlicue actually muddles what could have been a near-perfect parable. All those overly indulgent stretches of sickeningly routine activities suddenly feel like watered down versions of pure unadulterated boredom, throwing away the romanticism it brings.

Alix's "Kalayaan" is another feather in the young director's cap, but this isn't as seamless as "Haruo" and "Isda". Sometimes, one has to learn to control exceeding indulgences to avoid alienating an audience. "Kalayaan" straddles this boundary. I am not surprised why during my whole day movie marathon (watching five films), this had the least number of people watching. While most films on exhibition boasted of full house, "Kalayaan" sadly had lots of empty seats. This isn't right because it has one of the most novel concepts, bold enough to tackle a wearily dull topic. What's more, it is shot in "real-time".

Reasons to watch: A Thai Superstar; Albert Banzon's surreal camera work; a view of the disputed Kalayaan islands; an uncompromising method of film making not seen in mainstream flicks; a cerebral take on solitude and lunacy; a creepy mermaid. On a lesser scale:  Rocky Salumbides gets a provocative "lip service" from a mermaid (looks prosthetic to me); Marudo, Alandy and Everingham display their muscley backside several times. If they're not enough reasons to run to the cinema to catch "Kalayaan", then stay home and watch your DVD's of "Petrang Kabayo" and "Moron 5". I'm sure you deserve  them. :)

What's a Thai superstar doing in a Pinoy Indie?

Kimmy Dora and the Temple of Kiyeme - Diminishing Comic Returns

Kiimy and Dora’s latest caper takes to light the origin of the Go Dong Hae’s fortunes. This time around, the discrepant twins get hounded by their patriarch’s unsavory past.

Kimmy and Dora (Eugene Domingo) have to take a trip with their father Luisito (Ariel Ureta) to Seoul to pay their respect for their fallen grandfather now entombed in a temple backyard. But little did they realize that there was more to this ruse than meets the eye. In fact, Kimmy is betrothed to the son of the Sang family instrumental in jumpstarting the business that has more than thrived in the Philippines (they even own and operate a new airline company).

As a young man in Korea, young Luisito’s (Ryan Bang) family was hard up but perseverance in the family’s kimchi stall soon pays off. With the Sang family’s financial succor, opportunities flourish and business grew exponentially. Luisito meets Kang Kang (Alodia Gosiengfiao), the Sangs’ favorite daughter, who fell head over heels in love with the amorous Luisito. When doors open for Luisito to study in Manila, the young entrepreneur grabs his chance, conveniently abandoning the heart broken Kang Kang who, through the years, has grown as bitter as her sagging wrinkles. When she eventually learns of Luisito’s marriage (though at gun point) to a Filipina lass Charito (Kiray Celis), the scorned woman dies – but not without a curse and an acrimonious spell that shall even out an unjust romantic field. Kang Kang shall claim whoever loves Luisito and Charito’s offspirings!

Meanwhile, upon the Go Dong Hae’s arrival in Seoul, Kimmy is obliged to meet her would-be groom who turns out repulsive, obese and child-like. Kimmy’s surly and antagonistic behavior towards the younger Sang repels the latter that he turns his sight to the saccharine-sweet Dora! Things get worse because Barry (Zanjoe Marudo) has actually proposed to Kimmy, while Johnson (Dingdong Dantes) has popped the question to Dora. Heck, even pet Micky is looking forward to marching down the aisle. All these complications become precursor to the spell earlier cast on the patriarch. 

In calculated stages, Sang Kang Kang sequesters the souls of Barry, Johnson and Luisito, while eternally badgering Kimmy with auditory hallucinations (she hears an ominously beating drum) and Dora with visual phantasms (she sees a ghost dressed as a witch). Suddenly, the Go Dong Hae’s world is in shambles. Will the twins get through this diabolical patch in their lives?

Trust scriptwriter Chris Martinez to come up with a valid story that imbues sense and narrative nuance to an otherwise preposterous, if droll chronicle. Unfortunately, there’s no getting around an inane material. Silly is silly. It’s like partaking ampalaya (bitter gourd). No matter how you garnish it to dilute its bitter taste, you will never rid of its sensory piquancy.

The main culprit is the briskly dwindling comic quotient of director Joyce Bernal who once again resorts to her feeble, diarrheic humor. Remember “Mr. Suave”, “D’Anothers” and “Agent X44”? Sure, she had “Booba” and “Kimmy Dora: Kambal sa Kiyeme”, but their levity were mostly attributive to their naturally rambunctious leads (Rufa Mae Quinto, Eugene Domingo). What’s more telling is how this story didn’t even make it to the final list of 7 at the 37^th Metro Manila Film Festival (2011) – a spurious film movement that’s actually churned out slightly-better entries last year! The sequel is akin to a cinematic runt, i.e. “latak”.

Johnson (Dingdong Dantes) saves Dora (Eugene Domingo) from drowning?

CG work is patchy and takes us back to the technology of the 90’s: whenever a special effect is employed, the screen dims, giving you an incommodious prodrome of things to come by way of poorly realized effects.  Some are great (a witch flying over the Go Dong Hae household), but most are run of the mill. Besides, Korean witches don’t necessarily take the form of Western Witches with disfigured faces, extended and crooked noses, long frizzy hair garbed in black pointed hats and Cimmerian flowing gowns – riding on a flying broom. When did Sang Kang Kang evolve into a western miscreant? Why not play around the Hanbok, the traditional Korean costume? Maybe in her old age, Kang Kang turned to watching Hollywood freak shows?

It also doesn’t help that some of the supporting cast need lessons on maintaining accents like Kimmy and Dora’s attending physician (Alexander Cortez) who vacillates between British (“He is in a prolonged state of sho-k”) and Visayan English – and something in between. I cringe every time he’s on screen. Kyle (my BFF) whispered that Cortez is actually the artistic director of Dulaang U.P.  which begs the question: why is a supposedly well-placed thespian this hammy? Shivers! Someone give him remedial lessons in elocution and delivery – fast!

But all’s not lost really. The film takes you to scenic Korea – you shall see the Namsan Tower, Gyeongbokgung Palace, and the festive Myeongdong (a commercial, pedestrianized street littered with shops), among other places. If you like exotic scenery, you can check this filmic criteria. If you’re easily taken by a constellation of stars, there are quite a number here: Kris Aquino (who blurbs and refers to the film as “pang pamilya…may puso” – and you’re suddenly curious if she was indeed talking about “Kimmy Dora”. The silliness of people who speak first and think later just makes you puke, doesn’t it?); Piolo Pascual, Erik Santos, John Lapus, Jason Gainza, Maricar Reyes (resplendent as a flight attendant), Richard Poon, Marvin Agustin (playing Jose Rizal), Kean Cipriano, Mura, Tim Yap, Slater Young, Divine Smith, Jinggoy Estrada, Liz Uy, Raymond Gutierrez, et.al.

Alodia Gosiengfiao, who plays the scorned Sang Kang Kang, commands a strong presence, thus this should usher more films for the lovely cosplayer. Miriam Quiambao (the loony former beauty queen who turned infamous for her spaced out utterances: “Homosexuality is not a sin but is a lie from the devil”) does a great Gertrude, Kimmy's much abused secretary. She was fantastic in the first film so I half expected more screen time here. It’s too bad she was given scenes too menial for her promising character. Instead, spotlight shone brightly (albeit in heavily diffracted and broken luminescence) on Moi Marcampo – oddly billed as Moi Bien in the film. She awkwardly graces the screen as the Go Dong Hae's maid Elena - an abomination that further drags down the less-than-hilarious moments. Marcampo speaks like a somnambulist’s assistant so you do wonder why some people think of her as an actress worth hiring (aside from the fact that her boss is Spring Films' executive producer, Papa P). I even read a piece that referred to her as, and I quote: “a natural comedian whose presence and few lines are enough to make one roll a laugh”. I smell drugs. I sense dementia. I speculate on delusion. Roll a what? J Is it like rolling a dice or rolling weed? Or did the writer really mean Moi was laughable?

BRILLIANT

This takes us to Eugene Domingo who is expectedly brilliant. But there are no surprises here. She continues to amaze us with her thespic intuition as she masterfully delineates not just two, but three characters: the disagreeable and ill-tempered Kimmy; the coy but winsome Dora, and the nurturing Charito (the twins’ mother). However, at some point, Kimmy’s whiny demeanor – she has protracted scenes that stretch out for 15 straight minutes – grates through your senses and tries the heck out of your patience. Kimmy Dora, like “Ang Babae sa Septic Tank”, is a highwire act. Domingo’s hard work is so palpable that at some point you get exhausted looking  at her manic energy dripping throughout the narrative hyperboles. She has to be zanier than Mila (“Septic Tank”), needier than Aida (“My Househusband… Ikaw Na!”), more impertinent than Rowena (“Enteng ng Ina Mo”) and flakier than Mrs. Montano (“Zombadings 1…”) I’d surmise it’s a tall order to outshine yourself.

There are disparate moments of utter conjecture with punch lines that don’t quite make the scenes. I was baffled why laughter was few and far between. Was it just me? While making my way out of the cinema, I overheard comments: “Medyo nakakatawa din pero kulang”. In fact, I felt that these laughs were mostly episodic, albeit intermittent: two-second chuckles where there should be convulsive bursts of laughter. This is probably due to a contrived back story that complicates and dilutes the entertainment quotient of the film. Moreover, horror and comedy just don’t make comfortable bed fellows. 

Alodia Gosiengfiao: strong presence!

Ryan Bang and Alodia Gosiengfiao play Luisito and Sang Kang Kang respectively.

Eugene Domingo and director Bb. Joyce Bernal

MMK's "Cross-Stitch" - Iza Calzado's Dramatic Milestone

Abby and Egay (Rica Peralejo and Zanjoe Marudo) are blissfully contented. They adore and relish each other’s company. They even dance and laugh together the way young lovers often do. Meanwhile, Abby’s friend, Liza (Iza Calzado) takes the sidelines, elated to be part of a congenial match made in heaven.

But some stories aren’t ordained with happy-ever-afters. One day, Abby starts getting unexplained lumps on her leg prompting consultation with a doctor who informs the couple that Abby is afflicted with cancer: Stage 2 Malignant Soft Tissue Sarcoma to be exact. This doesn’t bode well for chirpy and buoyant Abby, but she stays convinced that radiation would remedy the problem. In her mind, good things happen to good folks, right? But with an attentive husband and a subservient best friend, Abby’s six months gets further lease in life. She lives on as she gets rushed in and out of the hospital.

Lisa, meanwhile, decides to leave the bakery where she works to try her luck abroad. Her family is in financial discord and her siblings need her help. Despite Abby’s objections, Lisa flies to Saudi Arabia to work as a domestic helper. While Lisa was gone, it becomes clear to Abby that her life is gradually slipping away. She was distressing about Egay – the love of her life. Could she find someone who will take care of him? And isn’t it convenient that the her best friend Lisa is eternally single? In fact, her friend has come to terms with her uncompounded, relationship-free status.

Lisa didn’t finish her 2-year contract as she becomes statistics to employer abuse. She comes home and finds Abby weaker and sicker. Little did Lisa know that Abby has rolled the ball to maneuver an awkward kinship between her and Egay who was never her friend. When Abby finally expires, Egay is inconsolable - and dismissive! But Lisa has boundless patience for her dear friend’s husband. One day, the unexpected transpires between the grieving husband and the sympathetic friend. As though dictated by fate, Lisa gets pregnant! And it isn’t even a year since Abby’s death. What would people say?

When Egay learns of her pregnancy, he offers to take care of Lisa and their child. But living with a grieving widower is a contentious proposition. Lisa realizes that Abby is still a staunch competition for Egay’s devotion. In fact, Egay professes never to let go of Abby’s memory – or affection. At the home front, though Egay is the perfect father to their child, Lisa's presence becomes inconsequential where Egay is concerned. She is treated like a maid. When Egay's utter disdain becomes unbearable, Lisa troops to her friend’s tomb and swears she will do everything to win the cold and antagonistic man she has learned to love. “Aagawin ko si Egay sa ‘yo,” she swears. Will Lisa get her own happy-ever-after?

We feel compelled to write about this episode because MMK’s “Cross-Stitch” is, in itself, a milestone. This is Iza Calzado’s first foray in her new home network. Though GMA would understandably scoff at this suggestion, Iza Calzado was indeed the station’s Best Actress – bar none! – until her untimely departure. At GMA, Iza reigned like a queen without a crown, dispossessed like a cinematic Cinderella. Her entry into ABS CBN’s stable of competent actresses should create ripples. Here comes a great beauty and a spectacular actress who can hold a candle against Kapamilya’s very competent homegrown queens. We hope she gets treated better!

In “Cross-Stitch”, Calzado deftly displays her thespic dominion on an otherwise maudlin character such as Lisa – and I am referring to how the character was initially written. Director Nuel C. Naval occasionally succumbs to old school theatrics, but the amazing Iza never resorts to excesses expected from such material. Lisa’s scene at Abby’s tomb is instructive. She pours her heart out and bewails the injustice from her friend’s deception. Iza renders clarity and believability to her predicament. But we believe that Lisa’s character could have been expounded earlier. We hardly know anything about her even midway into the story. This somehow results to an uneven narrative structure, if a tad disconcerting. After all, Lisa is the protagonist - the story’s heroine.

Rica Peralejo's return to the screen is a welcome development. She imbues empathy to Abby and makes us understand why her husband is besotted with her. Zanjoe Marudo does wonderfully as the conflicted Egay. His monologue at Abby’s tomb is particularly heart breaking: “Hindi ko balak na sundin ang hiling mo, pero nangyari. Mahal ko si Lisa’t hindi ko kayang mawala sya sa akin.“ He then symbolically removes his wedding ring as Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” plays on piano. Some aspects of life are meant to endure mortality like the memory of a departed love one.

Circumstance may not always conform with our plans. Things happen, others don't. We learn to live with them. When Egay finally takes Lisa in his arms, whispering multitudes of “I love you’s”, he dances with the woman who has nurtured the hope of loving again. Maybe it’s pre-ordained.

Lisa cries on her friend's grave.

Wedding Tayo, Wedding Hindi - Left Over Ideas and Annoying Turns

There are two dissonant stories in Jose Javier Reyes’ “Wedding Tayo, Wedding Hindi”. But we feel that the film was originally meant to focus on one. Then Eugene Domingo became too big to take on menial side stories, thus the project evolved into two equal parts.

When Music teacher Maribel (Toni Gonzaga) finds greener pastures in Japan, her co-teacher Oca (Zanjoe Marudo) suddenly proposes: “Pakakasalan kita pagbalik mo.” And three years isn’t that long a wait. The catch is, Maribel and Oca weren’t even a couple to begin with. Meanwhile, Belay’s cousin Precy (Eugene Domingo) has had it with husband Benito (Wendell Ramos) when the latter fails to recover P250,000 from a business deal gone sour. The money was Precy’s savings meant to finance their very own house and lot. Moreover, she didn’t even know he took it.

Three years later, the meek and unassuming Belay comes home a changed woman. She is loud, impulsive and uncouth; she wears sparse garments and streaks her hair. Oca, on the other hand, remains reserved and indulgent. Bel is expectedly thrilled and raring for the pre-nuptial jitter.

But Maribel and Oca’s road to matrimony hits a snag when their parents don’t agree on a sundry of details: She wants a Boracay wedding; he can’t afford it (he’s an ignoble Social Studies teacher); she insists on purple as motif, but her mother-in-law finds it tacky. He wants a cousin as ring bearer; she prefers a different boy! The list of disagreements piles up like a bomb waiting to explode. And when it does, Bel is slapped with a rude realization that Oca’s proposal could have been a knee jerk proposal offered out of haste than affection. What’s a girl to do?

Precy, on the other hand, walks out of her family. She wants an annulment and his sincere apology. But egos are soaring high. Benito pleads for her return saying he’s forgiven Precy, all the while failing to own up to his mistakes. So Precy keeps her resolve, but barely so. Her hubby’s a hunky catch and his allure provides too much of a temptation for the homely wife. Will she eventually take him back?

Once again, Eugene Domingo displays the enviable antithesis of comedic flourish and thespic restraint that has made her an unseemly Philippine Sweetheart, appearing in half a dozen TV shows from 3 warring stations; fielding blockbuster flicks one after the next. Her hole-plugging role becomes a more engaging, better threshed out performance when we expected another variety of “Mamarazzi”. As the months lay on, Domingo becomes a living testament that talent alone can summon success. You don’t need youth, beauty or a well-oiled machinery to make it big.

If you’ve been watching Toni Gonzaga’s spiels in the Sunday gossip show, “The Buzz”, you would agree with me that she has been such a delight. She has developed an affectation that’s gratifyingly felicitous as she faces her guests or when she delivers cheerful quips as she opinionates. This particular boobtube persona is being taken on screen, personified in Toni’s Japayuki Bel. Would this translate satisfactorily on celluloid?

Unfortunately, it was a failed experiment. Toni inconsistently vacillates, if a tad too annoyingly, in her characterization. Her performance straddles between demonic possession and constipation. Yes, we know that living in Japan has toughened her up, but did she really have to be that loud and eccentric? Has she transmogrified into a transvestite or evolved into a sexy Martian? She desperately wanted to offset Domingo’s scene-stealing knack as though amplifying her voice was the ticket to succeed in this endeavor. She was schizopheric at best. This development disappoints because we see her as the ultimate romantic-comedy heroine of this generation.

As for Zanjoe Marudo, he could have nailed his Oca had it not been for that scene where he enlists the intercession of Precy at a restaurant. We’ve always found him a comfortable actor: as besotted Caloy in Cathy Garcia-Molina’s “You Got Me!” (also with Toni Gonzaga); as former boxer Anton in Rico Maria Ilorde’s spine-tingling indie,“Altar”. But when tasked to deliver a dramatically emphatic spiel opposite Domingo, he seizures like fish out of water. It was an awkward moment that highlighted Marudo’s weakness – truly among the year’s worst performances.

Wendell Ramos delivers a winsome turn as lazy, albeit attractive husband Benito. Wendy Valdez, Regine Angeles, Teddy Corpuz, Miriam Quiambao, and Ramon Christopher provide short but adorable supporting performances, while Irma Adlawan (playing Zanjoe’s mother) fails to believably capture the frustrations of a mother who’s not quite pleased with her son’s choice for a wife. Adlawan mostly frets and appear stolid, a thoroughly guileless interpretation of her character, while Odette Khan (as Wendell’s mother) joyfully cavorts into her spiteful character with such unabashed glee. Adlawan should take pointers from Ms. Khan.

“Wedding Tayo, Wedding Hindi” represents the leftover ideas that didn’t quite make it in the final cuts of Jose Javier Reyes’ successful “Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo” and its sequel “Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo”. Way until the rolling of credits, we were waiting for the rousing cinematic payoff that made wedding romcoms mostly irresistible, but this one failed to deliver. It ended as blandly as its mediocre script. Reyes’ creative juices suffer from having to deal with discordant stories and forcibly piecing them together into an uneven fit. Domingo’s character could have provided the foil to subvert the trite comic formula, but her story only highlighted the sheer disparity of the stories.

Ultimately, it was one narrative that went to town wearing a pair of dissimilar shoes. And Toni Gonzaga limped all the way through.

Winsome, loathesome...

Perhaps a bad performance wouldn't matter in the long run because the theater had an impressive crowd when I watched. To some, making dough is the sole essence of the film making business. It is an enterprise after all. And Toni Gonzaga has proven her mettle as a reliable crowd drawer. A better project next time, Toni?

Zanjoe Marudo: from modelling to acting.

Wendell Ramos: Delightful as a cad.

Zanjoe Marudo, Valerie Concepcion in Stirring MMK Episode

I chanced upon the Maalaala Mo Kaya (MMK) episode titled "Bag" topbilled by Zanjoe Marudo as a man who unconditionally loves someone (Valerie Concepcion) who can't love him back despite everything that he has offered her (including regaining her dignity after getting knocked up by another man). These eye-candies turned in compelling performances that made me watch the whole episode! They are a great pair who deserves a full length film together!

Unfortunately, Star Cinema doesn't seem to know what to do with their stars after making them "stellar names" in the industry. They know how to drum up stardom - then they leave them cold and unemployed until they have conveniently lost their luster - Piolo Pascual, Diether Ocampo, Claudine Barretto, Judy Anne Santos (she has been doing a badly scheduled once-weekly dramedy "George & Cecil" and nothing else - until Barretto bolted out of Star Magic; suddenly, Judy Anne re-emerges as the "face of pinoy teleserye"), Aga Muhlach, Angel Locsin (after a hiatus of several months, she returns with the ridiculous "Kokey at Ako"), Maricel Soriano, Kristine Hermosa, et.al.