David R. Corpuz & Cenon O. Palomares' "Kusina" - Nurture and Her Nature

Nurture is the sweeping theme that fuels this brave cinematic experiment. In its every yarn-spinning stride, Corpuz and Palomares' "Kusina" is meticulously conceptualized. I was hooked from beginning to end. 

The story follows Juanita (Judy Ann Santos-Agoncillo) from her precarious arrival on a kitchen table. As mother Emilia (Angeli Bayani) succumbs to childbirth, the young and cheerful girl (Princess Ortiz) is left to the care of her grandmother (Gloria Sevilla). Puten (Bong Cabrera) mostly ignores his daughter. But her Inang often reminds her of  her father's loss and inconsolable grief. 

Influenced by the doting grandma, Juanita spends most of her time learning the joys and clutter of gastronomy.  

Time moves along. Juanita grows into a peppy teenage girl (Katrina Legaspi). She meets and falls in love with handsome engineer Peles (CJ Navato) who eventually marries her. A daughter (Elora Espano) comes into their lives. They would live happily ever after, but things don't always turn out the way we want them to. 

Peles (Joem Bascon) hardly comes home anymore. Somehow, Juanita longs for her husband's affection. But Alejandro (Luis Alandy), Peles' friend, comes into the picture. He falls for Juanita and insinuates himself into the household, Juanita's loneliness turns into indiscretion; one that bore her a son Adrian. This further strains the couple's relationship. One day, Peles abandons his family altogether. Juanita vows to take care of her family the only way she knows how - through her cooking. Would her affection and determination be enough? 

"Kusina" is a master class in theatrical story telling. Though others called it "messy", I celebrate its impeccable composition. Entrenched in a one-piece kitchen set, Juanita's life unravels around this limited space, which is a tall artistic order to pull off. Lars von Trier employed this style in "Dogville". The kitchen essentially becomes an important actor in the movie.Take note that the film has a single exterior shot: As Juanita carries a basketful of goods, she ushers us into her home.

A TOUCH OF OZU AND HIS ELLIPSES

As the story progresses, touches of director Yasujiro Ozu's style emerge. His narrative artifice never conforms to the usual convention. He'd occasionally employ static transitions between scenes. But what we've noticed, as consequence of a single set, is his figurative "tatami shots". He would use ellipses, i.e. the decision not to show major events in the story. To eschew a few key scenes, he would pass over moments that would otherwise stir excessive emotional reaction. The effect is more staggering because the audience is tasked to imagine. And nothing supersedes the power of imagination.

In the movie, these ellipses occur outside the camera frame: fighter planes heralding the arrival of the Japanese; soldiers ransacking the neighborhood; a festive wedding is being celebrated; people scurrying off to Bataan, Isabela or the mountains of Sierra Madre; military personnel arriving outside to capture the boy who eloped with a general's daughter, etc. 

Another stroke of inspiration - the assignation of a character's favorite food: dinuguan with puto for Puten; pinakbet for Inang; Adrian's ginataang monggo and sapin-sapin; Myrna's leche flan; Alejandro's biko; and the dish that never gets served until the very end - adobo! Attributing catharsis in a serving of adobo is nothing short of brilliant.

Even the costume changes are deliberately planned, probably to signify hierarchy, permanence or even mood or state of mind: gray for Inang; blue for Puten; bluish green for Alejandro; pink for Myrna; and hues of brown for Juanita. This story telling method inspires expostulations from a myopic audience (i.e. those noisy geriatric audience in Glorietta during our Cinemalaya viewing), but let's leave them to their naivete. Even Toni Munoz's music is well conceived as it calls attention to itself, thus it avoids overpowering a scene.

These elements allow us to concentrate on the motivations, missteps, and reflections of its central character. The film delves deeply into Juanita's human frailty and strengths. Inherent traits sometimes dictate a character's tragedy or victory. More importantly, there are aspects in life that require attention other than servitude. Humanity is a complex creature that also requires nourishment of the other aspects outside physical sustenance, the same way that society has concerns outside the dimensions of peace and security as prerequisite for development. We aren't fulfilled by mere food or affection alone. These are realizations ponderously derived from Juanita's life.

In Kusina, Judy Ann Santos-Agoncillo delivers a complete character exposition. We see her evolve. We become witness to her joys, frustration, pride and defeat. She is, in fact, a virtual force of nature. If there's an injustice in the world, it is the fact that a film festival's best feature didn't win a single award at the Cinemalaya. 

Louie Ignacio's "Area" - Spiraling Down to Hell

Ai Ai delas Alas inveigles a triumphant disappearing act in this harrowingly told tale of moral degeneration amidst Angeles City's squalor.  

The story takes place in a poor man's red light district called Area, far removed from the dizzyingly pulsating atmosphere of Fields Avenue that used to play host to transient American soldiers stationed in a nearby military camp. Pubescent lads wanting to lose their "virginity"; unhappy married men, and jeepney drivers who want a dose of pleasure all troop to Area to get their kicks for a mere P250. Meanwhile, the ladies of the night get free board and lodging, and earn their P50 commission per client.

The film follows Hillary aka Teresita Santos, an aging hooker holed up in a cramped brothel with client-favorite Julie (Sue Prado) and half a dozen other girls of varying age and size. 

Hillary's back story is one for the books. When Pinatubo exploded in 1991, Hillary's son was taken away by her American lover who flew back to the United States where he was never heard from again. But Hillary is saving up for a plane ticket that would reunite her with son Patrick. Will he even accept her? Is it all wishful thinking? In fact, everyone thinks she's just leading up the garden path; that her stories are tall tales.  

Humor is occasionally infused at the expense of the women's age, physical appearance and, heck, smell of their genitalia. Though these self deprecating jabs may be occasionally amusing, they're ultimately off-putting. 
  
Ignacio's cinematic concoction carries an antithetical message told in episodic exposition. Set in a stifling space, the film creates an atmosphere of confinement and enslavement. One thematic artifice used repeatedly is the Filipinos' penchant for religious theatricality: the self flagellation and staged crucifixion; the pious church visits; and the ill-advised use of stultifying singing: dissonant, ugly, ear-splitting, and played out like an unending loop, Watching the film was, at best, like being punished. 

For the uninitiated, Ignacio's story seems exotic and otherworldly so I'm not surprised at all if it won Special Jury Prize at the Eurasia International Film Festival in Kazakhstan. Poverty is still the country's gold standard for "serious" film making. It's the go-to topic if an auteur wants to be taken earnestly. Even previous and recent SWS surveys have "poverty" in the top spot. 

For emphasis, the country's overreaching concern is poverty. It has to be addressed. In such state, there is meagerness of available resources and opportunities that would otherwise allow people to break out of this vicious cycle of destitution.

Nope, it isn't drugs (not by a long shot) though it would be foolhardy to totally ignore the dimension involving the drug menace. But when all the drug peddlers have been demolished, blown to smithereens and absolutely eradicated (which will never happen), we'd still be left with plodding development and non-inclusive growth. Wala ng addict, pero wala ring trabaho o pambili ng pagkain. Nganga. The only ones who argue against this are the apologists, but let's leave them with their hallucinatory amity. But I'm digressing, am I not?

Delas Alas' previous indie effort, Nick Olanka's "Ronda" was a decent experiment but Ai Ai's characterization was obviously "manufactured" to showcase the popular comedienne's dramatic chops. I didn't like it. 

This time around, she displays a nuanced performance that deserves commendation. You could feel her longing and desperation in manner, form and delivery. There were no attention-calling outbursts from her up until the climactic scene when she found out about her lost savings. That scene was particularly gut-wrenching. At that point of the story, Hillary's all spent, mind, body and soul, with nothing to show for it. Truth be told, Ai Ai de las Alas was the only reason to watch this bothersome yarn.

Allen Dizon plays the role of Ben who manages the prostitution den. His side story involves his devotion to family, but I suspect it's a mere scene extension to validate his participation in this film. Ben's story is disposable. Strike him off the plate and it won't affect the story all that much. 

On the whole, "Area" is bafflingly difficult too watch. It's dark, grimy, claustrophobic and most of the characters are morally bankrupt. More importantly, the film's use of extraneous sound - those uninterrupted devotional songs felt like ice picks shooting down the brain. If there ever were cerebral sciatica, this would have been it! 

"Area" has nothing particularly rewarding to take home to. Just pure unadulterated grief and penance.

Penance for the pimp.

An electric fan in exchange of Hillary's services.

#Area   #aiaidelasalas   #kazakhstan   #prostitution

Gavin O'Connor's "The Accountant" - Ben Affleck, Autism and Accountancy

Sounds like a Danish film I saw at the last Danish Film Festival - Christoffer Boe's perverse "Sex, Drugs and Taxation". While tax lawyer Mogens Glistrup (Nicolas Bro) has a blunt affect, Christian Wolff (Ben Affleck) has autism. But Christian has a different story altogether. 

While growing up motherless, Christian and brother Braxton (Jon Bernthal) were raised by a strict military father who prepared them to fight for themselves. He knew that oddball Christian would encounter bullies as he grows up. Their dysfunctional childhood is shaped by their father's constant transfer: they moved 34 times in 17 years. 

After their father's death, Christian disappears for 10 years and resurfaces as a forensic accountant. Due to his business-like demeanor, Christian is able to deal with shady characters from Tehran arms dealers to international drug lords and money launderers. This time though, he is hired to trace the $61 million loss of a robotics company due for initial public offering (IPO). With the help of in-house accountant Dana (Anna Kendrick), Christian uncovers a plot perpetrated by the most unlikely suspect. 

I initially expected a story line that involved political conspiracies, international terrorism and arms deal, but Christian's background is a mere back story. 

Instead, the story focuses on a highly functional autistic protagonist who sincerely cares about the good people. He even donates most of his earnings to an institution that supports neuroscience research and cares for the mentally handicap, the NT's (neuro-typicals).

While emotionality is a characteristic far removed from most autistic persons, i.e. ability to foster emotional connection with others, Christian's tale makes a compelling story; one that parallels do-gooders like errr. Batman or James Bond or Ethan Hunt. Moreover, he has amazing gadgets, Indonesia-trained killer chops, an impeccable marksmanship and love for the finer things (like classical music and Pollock paintings). 

And he's easy on the eyes as well. 

What more can you ask for in a non-flying, non-caped, unarmoured hero?  

Braxton wants to watch Glen's demise in "The Walking Dead".

#theaccountant  #benaffleck  #annakendrick

Enzo Williams' "The Escort" - 10 Amusing Things To Watch Out For

Yasmine Gomez (Lovi Poe) leaves behind waitressing to work as a receptionist for an escort service company. Little did Yassi realize that her boss Cyrus de los Reyes (Derek Ramsey) has plans of turning her into one of his high class prostitutes. One day, Yassi receives a proposal for a date-only transaction with business tycoon Gary Montenilla (Christopher de Leon). The “clean date”, that took several convincing, will earn her P50,000. Besotted by the lovely lass, Gary wants to pursue her further. To her surprise, her bank account earns a whopping P100,000. Now where do I sign up? Cyrus couldn’t be happier. After all, the good looking pimp's finances are fast dwindling. 

What Yassi didn't realize, Cyrus also peddles his flesh to long-time investor Lucy (Jean Garcia), a former actress who’s married to a powerful mayor (Rommel Padilla), due out for release from prison. As fate would have it, Cyrus begins to fall for virginal Yassi, a virtual prey in a sea of predators. Wouldn't you be surprised if this attraction weren't mutual? 

So Cyrus opens his heart and reveals to Yassi that this “greedy, egotistic asshole” cannot resist the “fresh, innocent and pure” heroine.

As the movie comes to its third part, Cyrus has to run away from the vengeful mayor, who learns of his wife's indiscretion. Cyrus is as good as minced meat, right? But Yassi strikes a deal with Gary who has the power to save our loverboy from impending doom. In turn, she is offered three options as payback. One, marry Gary and be provided with all the riches she can only dream of. Two, surrender herself for a night of pleasure in Gary’s boudoir. Three, and the more interesting proposition, make love to Cyrus - with Gary in the audience. Are we trapped in some EL James, Anais Nin, Christina Lauren or Jackie Collins paradise? Nah, more like a diluted Xerex.   

10 Things Why Watching "The Escort" is Amusing:

1. The film falls victim of its own contrivance. Early on, a voice over asks, “Lahat ba tayo may presyo?” To make sure we all understand the earth-shattering question, we’re put through a wringer by getting asked again, this time in English, “Does everything and everyone have a price?” Translation class? Clear?

2. Brenda (played with wanton vulgarity by Dimples Romana) takes her fee and waves the bills in front of a party crowd. Don’t you just love how suddenly this discreet industry is depicted with utter imprudence?

3. Yassi (Lovi Poe) rejects Cyrus’s proposal to join the escorting business. She’s repelled by the idea that she ignores a first invitation for a strictly dinner-only date with filthy rich Mr. Gary Montenilla (Christopher de Leon) though it would have earned her a cool P10,000. Cyrus lecherously badgers to pimp her up. But no go. She feels dishonoured; so humiliated in fact that she has taken every opportunity to join Cyrus for lunch and dinner. Isn’t she the smartest?

4. Everytime she meets up with Cyrus, former actress Lucy (Jean Garcia), wife of an embattled mayor (Rommel Padilla), refuses to do the dastardly deed on the bed. “Ang kama, para sa mag asawa,” she reasons. So it’s all jacuzzi, floor, kitchen table, and pebbly beaches? Kinky.

5. Cyrus argues it isn’t money that fuels the world, but lust. I had to rethink my existence to validate this preporterous theorizing. Do I work and earn my keep to satisfy my lust? Does Duterte sanction his bloody drug war out of lust? Does Bimby star in his dreadful TV commercials for lust? Does Sharon Cuneta shed a hundred pounds of lard for lust? Do the manangs in the market sell their tulya, pinya and kangkong to make errr kangkang? Ooops! Sorry I couldn't resist the rhyme. Tee hee. But good try, smart guy.

6. Derek Ramsay once again reveals his performing acumen in all its splendour. When Cyrus takes Yassi to Kandaya Resort in Daanbantay, Cebu for an overnight canoodling, he reveals to the blushing virgin that he is trying “hard” to resist her. He takes his eyeglasses off, then stares at Yassi. He gazes at her. Smoulder. Smoulder. Smoulder. And smoulder some more. Then I realized that all throughout the movie, Derek has been consistently smouldering. I was sure by the time credits were rolling, hot Derek would have been reduced into an ember.

7. The story reveals why Cyrus feels vulnerable inside a church, thus he avoids it. When he was 8 years old, his mother abandoned him inside. Then when he was about to get married, his bride left him for his best man. Sniff sniff. Cyrus’s voice cracks. “But I promise to change my life for you,” he says. Smoulder smoulder smoulder. Sniff sniff sniff. Yet everyone beside me in the cinema were struck with an unshakeable sensation of apathy. I am suddenly reminded of someone who can outsmoulder Derek Ramsay – Derek Zoolander! Hmmm. Check below if I am just fibbing.

Derek Zoolander and Derek Ramsay - Kings of Smoulder

8. Gary Montenilla takes Yassi home for the first time. He hasn’t even told her of his intentions, but he suddenly springs up a proposal… with a ring! Agad agad? Is it the end of the world na?

9. After Cyrus gets beaten up by the muscle men of Gold's Gym, errr, I mean those pesky, vengeful mayor’s thugs, he is seen on a hospital bed all contused and bloodied. A nurse auscultates his chest with a stethoscope. Then a doctor joins her and he blurts out, “Nurse, take him to the O.R.” No BP? No wound care? No intravenous fluid even to KVO? OR agad?

10. When Yassi goes to the cashier to pay P100,000, the girl tells her, “Ma’am, this is just for the professional fee .” Someone actually says that? No billing invoice itemizing service rendered? Just PF? Now which hospital is this?

If ten items weren’t enough, Enzo Williams' "The Escort" caps its droll sequence of events by following Cyrus sometime after the aforementioned incident (I remember 3 years but that can't be!) Cyrus has recuperated. He's been combing the metropolis looking for Yassi. But there’s no trace of her. To mend his broken heart, he decides to fly back to the Cebu resort where he once took Yassi. The night sea seemed quiet he could hear his own beating heart. He sits back, internalizes, and smoulders some more. Then something stirs from a nearby chair. Guess who?

#theescort   #lovipoe   #derekramsay

Diane Ventura's "Mulat (Awaken)" - Eyes Wide Open

Despite her mother’s appeal, Samantha Manuel (Loren Burgos) will not be stopped from marching down the aisle with reluctant fiance Vincent (Ryan Eigenmann) who’s given an ultimatum to propose or risk losing her. When Vincent finally acquiesces, the struggling artist couldn’t contain her happiness. On their way to a prenuptial appointment, Sam is awakened by a disturbing dream that seemed so real. She realizes that hot-tempered Vincent is unfit as a husband, so she walks away. 

In the succeeding days after her breakup, jaded Sam meets charismatic and sensitive Jake Inigo (Jake Cuenca). Before long, the adorable couple start spending more time together. Whenever Jake asks about her past relationship, they end up arguing. But all is not well with Sam who develops recurring nightmares with visual and auditory hallucinations. Jake decides to take Sam to see a psychiatrist to address her concerns.

The story is told in two constantly shifting timelines: one that involves Vincent, the other Jake. Newcomer Burgos confidently plays the befuddled protagonist. But Cuenca runs away with his superior performance. He evokes empathy though almost nothing is revealed about his past.  

In mid-chapter, the script tends to dwell on rebarbative arguments that intermittently annoy. “What do you want from me?” asked Jake. A second later, you hear Sam ask the same. Most of these arguments are too petty to be life-changing for the characters. But just when you dismiss the whole caterwauling, a final twist will shake your consciousness.

One realizes that the mind has potentials that defy confinement or limitations. Reason, author Christopher John Murray argues, becomes the weaker concept when imagination takes over. Imagination is able to move beyond the limits of the natural, i.e. physical world. Murray adds, "The mind can make itself sensible of the sublimity of the sphere of its own being, even above nature."  This could explain how Sam tries to rectify a discordant situation in her life that somehow reaches over to Jake. It’s all inexplicably bizarre but if you open your mind, you can’t resist the possibilities. As psychological dramas go, Ventura’s “Mulat (Awaken)” is a gem that shouldn’t be missed.  

I want churros, implored Loren to annoyed Ryan.

Kristian Cordero's "Hinulid" - Ambition Trumps Artistry... and the Nora Aunor Factor

When all that’s left are our memories, they’re looped in our minds like a familiar tale with no ending. 

Sita’s (Nora Aunor) homecoming is an infliction. An overseas foreign worker from Qatar, she comes home to claim and bury her son Lukas (Jess Mendoza) in Cagbunga, a picturesque village in the heart of Bicol. But Sita is baffled by the circumstances surrounding her son’s death. Was he a victim of frat violence or of his leftist activities? She seeks answers from the Tolong Hinulid (Three Dead Christs) said to watch over the village’s residents. As she steps on familiar grounds, memories come flooding back. Her endless train journeys might eventually find its way to the cosmic heavens where the tandayag (the mystical serpent) resides. Maybe this is where Lukas’ story gets its denouement. 

Among QCinema’s main competition entries, Kristian Cordero’s “Hinulid (The Sorrows of Sita)" has some of the festival's most visually arresting images (aside from Bagane Fiola's "Baboy Halas"), I was ready to like it from its opening scene. You see, the first 15 minutes sometimes gives a foreshadowing whether or not I’m going to like the rest of the film. 

TELLING SCENES

This is true of the following:  Milo Sogueco’s “Mariquina”, Chuck Gutierrez’s “Iisa”, Rico Maria Ilarde’s “Altar”, Aureus Solito’s “Busong” and Ice Idanan’s “Sakaling Hindi Makarating”. I knew I was going to like them from their early scenes alone. 

Unfortunately, beguiling images don’t a good movie make. You have to be able to sustain and balance this with fluid story telling. “Hinulid” went into overdrive spewing a steady stream of quotations, unfolding from a single page to a volume. While they were initially thought-provoking, it soon became a challenge to sit through its laborious text and verbose references from artists to philosophers. Every writing genre is represented, but Shakespeare. 

BURDENSOME

These make “Hinulid” quite burdensome to watch. I had to stop myself from walking out. I reckon it was early penance. After all, Ate Guy was in the audience and this cinema royalty deserved my patience. An insider story revealed that the movie was originally 3 hours long, but QCinema intervened. One can imagine the amount of quotations that didn’t make the final cut. Darn!

When the protracted train ride finally derails itself and flies to the heavens, I was reminded of Robert Zemeckis’ “Polar Express”.  Steeped in philosophy and mysticism, the train heads towards the vast cosmos. Forever, I hoped.

To be fair, Nora Aunor elevated this movie from its self-important ramblings. In La Aunor’s able hands; she validated every scene she’s in. She set its pace, and rendered it its heartbeat. She was the grieving mother who lost her only son. It was a narrative device employed to parallel Mary’s utter devotion to her son. With a vicious cycle of events randomly hopping within a timeline, this scholarly yarn was ultimately discombobulating, incongruent and pretentious, one of the three fat turkeys in an otherwise superlative line-up of QCinema features. There’s no denying Kordero’s talent and ambition. If he manages to moderate and temper his prodigious artistry, who knows, we might have another Brillante Mendoza or Aureus Solito in our midst. Just not with this movie. 

INDIGENIZATION OF CINEMA

Santigwar by Salvosa

This film also showcases the contribution of regional cinema to Philippine movies. It highlights one of the dimensions of cinema, i.e.the indigenization of the medium, making it richer and colorful. Indigenized cinema easily becomes a significant component of perpetuating culture. 

Indeed, Cordero’s visual canvas is rife with the most fascinating local color. We need this. Cinema can help "preserve" regional mores and tradition. 

How else does someone as urbanized as I am know about the Bicolano rituals of the Santigwar ("pagtatawas"), referenced several times, if a bit too redundantly, in Kordero's scenes? If these concepts are thrown into the story, they have to deserve to be in it, and not just as a means to satisfy the filmaker's indulgences. A valid story is basic.

There was a time I’d come home from QCinema festival absolutely frustrated. Who knew that would change? Now I can’t wait for 2017. Congratulations to the organizers of this year's QCinema.

#QCinema   #Hinulid   #Nora Aunor

Cinema Bravo - Film Criticism's Execrable Contributions From the Dubious Fringes

QCinema, fresh from its admirably curated staging of the festival this year, recently held a forum last October 21 discussing the "Wide Wild World of Web Criticism" spotlighting film bloggers and critics. In conjunction with this discourse and all other scary things this season, I find it appropriate to share my take on this issue. I had been writing about the Philippine movies since 2008. Though I've pretty much "retired" from active writing, this however doesn't mean that I have stopped watching movies. In fact, the last 4 months have been quite hectic. There's been a steady stream of film festivals staged from July this year. Moreover, I even watch most of the commercial movies, foreign and local, being shown throughout the metropolis! I am not complaining, but these festivals can get seriously exhausting. But I am digressing. The topic of the month is web criticism in the Philippines.

A few days ago, someone pointed out a certain review from a blog called "Cinema Bravo" and ranted about its content. So I had to check it out for myself. What do I find? The most awkward use of the English language written in all its mediocre glory! Okay, let me spotlight a review of Fede Alvarez's "Don't Breathe", published September 5 in the aforementioned blogsite. 

https://cinemabravo.com/2016/09/05/movie-review-dont-breathe-2016/

After a slew of copy-paste introductions, the review follows:

"Its beginning sufficiently introduces our heroes (or antiheroes) and gives a quick view of their social status. The heist is quite a jackpot and each of the trio is intrigued on how they can get away with the crime as usual."

Consider those two sentences alone and you will find diction gaffes, not the least of which is a rundown of spine-tingling statements that defy comprehension: "Its beginning ... gives a quick view of their social status" Really? Then he goes on saying , "The heist is quite a jackpot..." Is he even talking about the same movie this time? He closes his train of thought with second guessing: "The trio is intrigued." His use of words is, at best, fragmented. Awkward! 

         "The heist is quite a jackpot."

As if these weren't enough, he continues: "There is admirable craft in the way Alvarez tenders horror in this age of the haunting and possession as typical themes of the genre. The old blind man’s house becomes a haunted house filled with a heavy atmosphere of fright that is effectively showcased through a delightful command of sound." Ano daw?! 

"Admirable craft? Tenders horror? Delightful command of sound?" I had a difficult time trying to wash down what he struggles to say. He closes this with a puke-inducing "and (it's) never for those who can’t catch their breath." Nga naman. In my head, I see images of anoxic and cyanotic patients reeling from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease instead of the compelling suspense thriller that Cinema Bravo is straining to talk about. Delightful command of sound, say again? Jeez. The film is a suspense/thriller so using "delightful" in this context is as alien as describing Jose Nadela's "Pilapil" or Joel Lamangan's "That Thing Called Tanga Na" a sublime piece of cinema.

          "And (it's) never for those 
      who can't catch their breath."

The same writer talks about Jason Paul Laxamana's "Mercury is Mine": "The chemistry exuded by their relationship goes way beyond strangers, family, or even lovers." What?! Are we talking psychic chemistry here? He further notes, "It is all about the new discoveries that let them become conscious of what they want and what they need in life." Surely there's an easier way of writing that. Don't you think? How does he describe Topel Lee's cinematography? "It seeps into memory..." whatever the heck it means. Are we in the subject of filter papers? Maybe Topel Lee's camera work is porous? Seeps? Porous? Seeps? Get it? ;- ) Dock and take cover, puh-leez! 

        "(Topel Lee's cinematography) 
             seeps into memory."

With a mere 440-character review, how can anyone churn out an atrociously hideous output? Imagine if this were an earnest 2,500-character piece. I shiver.

In his "Morgan" review, he has this to say: "Morgan’s teenager look does not go near that of a 5-year-old. Donning a fierce disposition and with a pair of eyes covered in mystery, it leaves a frightening appearance which serves as a clear indication of what is to expect: something bloody, something terrible, something very familiar and Frankenstein-esque." Didn't I say verbal diarrhea? These pretentious reviews really defy coherence. 

     "... which serves as a clear indication 
                of what is to expect..."

I am more of a Libby Waxman-Gelner in temperament and style. But I look up to legendary film critic Pauline Kael who pioneered the entire aesthetic of film criticism. In her hands, the medium evolved into an art form. Unfortunately, through the years, web criticism has, at some point, replaced this expertise with "amateurs, fanboys, and obscurantists". It is of course easy to censure print traditionalists of Luddittism. After all, the millennium has brought with it new technology that everyone must live with and adjust to, including taking in a modicum of tolerance to a more relaxed use of language. Personally, this is where I draw the line. If a writer is uncomfortable using the medium, by all means, shift to that which comes naturally. Otherwise, you'd end up with stilted statements and factitious exposition. Such is the case of Cinema Bravo's so-called reviews. A lot of verbal diarrhea that makes no sense.

Michael S. Roth, President of a U.S. university, once wrote in the New York Times, arguing that a big reason people are critical, is to show that "you will not be easily fooled", and that it is a sign of sophistication. But who really decides which works are beyond questioning? Surely, a prerequisite should be the ability to describe, argue and insinuate issues and values within a film. 

In film criticism, the "man who goes to the movies" becomes a trusted arbiter of what cultural artifacts are worth investigating, investing in — but he should then be able to express himself clearly. Other than clarity and truth to the medium, I reckon there are no true concrete standards in modern web criticism. But this doesn't mean, just any Tom, Dick and Jane can be valid "film critics". One might get accused of ultracrepidarianism. You don't want that. Believe me it is a virulent affliction. 

NO BUSINESS WRITING

The point of this piece is that, these days, web criticism is a dime a dozen. A lot of these web pages are pure hogwash started by dreamers who have no business writing, to begin with. They subscribe to the delusion that starting a blog will readily turn them into overnight critics. Such overreaching ambition. What's worse, they're even showcased to participate in "Year's Best" list-making surveys - and I seriously cringe! Nginig! While it is indeed a free world, these people need reminding (for our sanity's sake). Besides, when inarticulate non-writers are turned into an epitome of perceived excellence, it dilutes the noble objective of these surveys - particularly when the respondents are of dubious competence. 

There are more productive ways of spending your waking hours particularly if writing isn't your forte. When you're not even articulate, you can always turn to the vernacular for a less painful experience. 

Mag-Tagalog na lang kasi, 'Teh! 

Stick to writing "features"... the ones easily copy-pasted from press releases. 

Otherwise, maybe you're better off in culinary, horticulture, macrame or ... hmmm... cross stitching? 

#careerchange #englishpamore

Cinema Bravo is single-handedly moderated by someone named JB  Estillore or Jonell Estillore who bafflingly boasts of about 570,000 likes; a head-scratcher in itself. How such execrable writing can gather that much "likes" is beyond me. Has this nation gone. errr... dull?

If I initially thought of this woeful web criticism as hilarious, I had to ultimately nurse a gargantuan headache. 

Now where's that extra-strength analgesic?!