Bb. Joyce Bernal's "The Super Parental Guardians" - That Vice Ganda Magic!

Arci aka Ariel Ciriaco Taulava (Vice Ganda) works as the executive assistant of Madam Marife delos Santos (Assunta de Rossi), wife of the influential spokesperson of the Philippine National Police. He also doubles as the social media manager and runner of the impatient madam who promises to help him get employment in Korea where he dreams of working as an interior designer. To add to his growing list of chores, he's tasked to house-sit the matron's mansion currently undergoing renovations.  

One day, he unexpectedly reunites with Sarah Nahbati (Matet de Leon), his childhood best friend. When Sarah falls victim to the series of murders happening in her neighborhood, Arci gets the custody of Sarah's children, 12-year old Megan aka Melvin Gaspar and 5-year old Ernie (Awra Briguella and Onyok Pineda, respectively). 

But not if Paco aka Neil Nahbati (Coco Martin), the children's uncle, can help it. To keep the kids in a safer surroundings, Paco decides to take shelter in Arci's home (which isn't really his to begin with).

Together, the odd couple play momshie and papsie to the precocious kids who are having difficulties in school. Ernie can't be stopped from scribbling all over his school walls. Megan's grades are plummeting ("from 97's to 79's"). A mother's death, a new guardian and relocation don't exactly make life easy for children, right? Meanwhile, Paco, a former gang leader, is turning over a new leaf as he pursues being a stunt man. But his immediate past is briskly catching up with him. In fact, he is being pursued by Jake (Joem Bascon), his gang's arch enemy - and the current boyfriend of ex-flame Emme (Bela Padilla). 

When Megan and Ernie are kidnapped by Jake's minions, Paco and Arci must act fast. Or this would spell the end of their bahay bahayan.

Bb. Joyce Bernal's "The Super Parental Guardians" has a story that mirrors contemporary events. Suddenly, the life of the Filipinos is peppered with vigilantes. People are dropping like flies because a segment of society has decided to play judge, jury and executioner. If this isn't enough, the unfortunate respondents to the growing statistics even includes "kahit yung mga mukhang drug addict". You can be a suspect and die - without getting a day in court! If this is an idiot's interpretation on the concept of peace and security, then you can forget that civilization actually follows a set of rules - and the constitution - that also safeguards against abuse.   

This makes cinema a relevant mirror of society. But enough of this wanton philosophizing. This isn't the right vehicle for this topic. The story also becomes a flimsy smokescreen to the production's main objective - a festival-grade money-making scheme. How else do you explain the sudden appearance of a game-console button that spits up exploding balls? Did Vice suddenly acquire magical powers from Engkantasia? 

Then when Arci, along with his beki troop, pursues the bad guys at a train depot, they find Megan and Ernie tied up on a hand rail, and forthwith there appears zombies bound for Boo-san. Yeah, we understand satire, but even the most popular ones need to make sense within a story. Unless, of course, if time is running fast and a deadline is being pursued - so you conjure narrative strains that don't even fit in the mold. But that is an act of desperation.   

Vice Ganda is a cut above the rest. He can make the silliest lines hilarious. His witticism easily translates into physical and verbal humor. And there are quite a number here. Like when he gets his Korean visa and unexpectedly meets Matet. The bag-hitting stunt would have been silly, but it drew laughter all around. 

Scenes from the wake similarly succeed in bringing forth amusement, particularly when he was making selfies with the corpse; then again when he gives his beki troop Kathryn, Liza and Nadine (MC, Lassy and Kiray Celis) a streak of face smacks. That was slapstick, and as old as the Three Stooges. Not fond of it, but it was funny nevertheless. One particularly silly number happens when newly arrived Arci takes a photo of an unwelcoming maid. We knew that the "Ay, na lowbat!" punch line was coming, but sometimes jokes gain their hilarity from a comic's competence.   

Coco Martin gets his cue from the world of Cardo, his character in the top-rating "Ang Probinsyano". Unfortunately, while Cardo brims with charm, Paco lacks the empathy of his television persona. 

It doesn't help that Paco postures like an action star - and constantly wears a sulk. Sure, his TV series is hard to topple, but let this be a reminder that there's a very valid reason why the action genre has died a natural death. If he decides to embark on a movie career as an action star from hereon, he will soon realize why the genre has rested in peace, thank heavens.

Coco isn't absolutely charmless, as when he occasionally flirts with the boisterous Arci. Or when he walks out of after a confrontation with Arci saying, "Yuck!" His lisp is occasionally onerous, but he has learned to be comfortable with it. In real life, lisping doesn't diminish a person's functional capacity. Yun nga lang, these little imperfections are magnified on screen. As the story comes to its climax, Coco makes a go with Gary Valenciano's "Wag Ka Ng Umiyak" bringing the audience to hilarity.  

AWRA AND ONYOK

Awra Briguella is given his spotlight, as he squares of, if a bit prematurely, with the seasoned Vice. Some memorable scenes: Megan competes with Vice for the hunky construction workers' attention. While they serve them spaghetti, Arci offers them chicken lollipops and Megan has his glutinous "ginataang bilo bilo". In another scene, Arci suffers from Megan's acrobatic number at Family Day. That was kickass hilarious! Onyok Pineda, unfortunately, fails to translate his magic on celluloid. His lines are either shrill or labored.  

Some jokes don't quite make the grade: the sudden appearance of the Leila de Lima-lookalike shouting from nowhere (it was a punch line without a premise); the ramen-date of Coco and Vice and the noodle-pulling stint; and the appearance of the zombies. 

That they didn't give Kiray Celis a more substantial part is a wasted opportunity. This little girl is funny as heck. If they didn't realize, Kiray is one of the year's biggest box-office stars, courtesy of the blockbuster movie, "Love is Blind". MC, Lassy and Negi give considerable support. I won't mind seeing them again in future comedy films.

I first time saw the movie on it's opening day after watching "Enteng Kabisote 10 and the Abangers" so it was easy to compare the influx of people. Let's just say someone got butchered in this competition. 

I watched it again yesterday in SM, to accompany my mom, where 5 of its 12 cinemas (including IMAX and Director's Club) were showing "SPG". Sotto's "Enteng" was showing in only 2 cinemas. In Light Mall, they've already pulled out "Enteng" in favor of the disappointing vampire flick "Underworld: Blood Wars".

BOX OFFICE 

Industry insiders whisper that Star Cinema padded its P65 million opening (Enteng has P14 million). But if you consider the ratio of theater distribution, it seems very possible to earn as much as they said they did. As I write this (Sunday), Robinson's Galleria has 3 cinemas for "SPG" and 1 for "EK". SM North Edsa (and The Block) has 4 cinemas for "SPG" and 1 for "EK". Gateway has 3 cinemas for "SPG"and 2 for "EK". Greenbelt 3 does not show "EK"at all. "SPG" has allegedly breached the P150 million-mark on its 4-day run.

While I am not entirely sold on the artistry of "SPG", the movie made me laugh. But there are portions also that spotlight its weaknesses. The zombie appearance is one part. That scene alone was a palpable reminder why "SPG" didn't quite make the festival grade this year. 

But if Vice Ganda has something to say about his film's non-inclusion, he wasn't going to shut up about it. In its climactic end, he bawls his heart out and shouts, "Ba't kami hindi nasali sa filmfest?!" Then he blames the kids: "Dahil yata sa mga batang ito." Stroke of brilliance. It was so darn funny. 

But it also made people think. Money rules?

Or maybe, it's something simpler. 

Note:

Please read our featured post about Web Criticism:
- http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2016/10/cinema-bravo-film-criticisms-execrable.html




#superparentalguardians   #viceganda   #cocomartin   #joycebernal   #awrabriguela   #onyokpineda

David R. Corpuz & Cenon O. Palomares' "Kusina" - Nurture and Her Nature

Nurture is the sweeping theme that fuels this brave cinematic experiment. In its every yarn-spinning stride, Corpuz and Palomares' "Kusina" is meticulously conceptualized. I was hooked from beginning to end. 

The story follows Juanita (Judy Ann Santos-Agoncillo) from her precarious arrival on a kitchen table. As mother Emilia (Angeli Bayani) succumbs to childbirth, the young and cheerful girl (Princess Ortiz) is left to the care of her grandmother (Gloria Sevilla). Puten (Bong Cabrera) mostly ignores his daughter. But her Inang often reminds her of  her father's loss and inconsolable grief. 

Influenced by the doting grandma, Juanita spends most of her time learning the joys and clutter of gastronomy.  

Time moves along. Juanita grows into a peppy teenage girl (Katrina Legaspi). She meets and falls in love with handsome engineer Peles (CJ Navato) who eventually marries her. A daughter (Elora Espano) comes into their lives. They would live happily ever after, but things don't always turn out the way we want them to. 

Peles (Joem Bascon) hardly comes home anymore. Somehow, Juanita longs for her husband's affection. But Alejandro (Luis Alandy), Peles' friend, comes into the picture. He falls for Juanita and insinuates himself into the household, Juanita's loneliness turns into indiscretion; one that bore her a son Adrian. This further strains the couple's relationship. One day, Peles abandons his family altogether. Juanita vows to take care of her family the only way she knows how - through her cooking. Would her affection and determination be enough? 

"Kusina" is a master class in theatrical story telling. Though others called it "messy", I celebrate its impeccable composition. Entrenched in a one-piece kitchen set, Juanita's life unravels around this limited space, which is a tall artistic order to pull off. Lars von Trier employed this style in "Dogville". The kitchen essentially becomes an important actor in the movie.Take note that the film has a single exterior shot: As Juanita carries a basketful of goods, she ushers us into her home.

A TOUCH OF OZU AND HIS ELLIPSES

As the story progresses, touches of director Yasujiro Ozu's style emerge. His narrative artifice never conforms to the usual convention. He'd occasionally employ static transitions between scenes. But what we've noticed, as consequence of a single set, is his figurative "tatami shots". He would use ellipses, i.e. the decision not to show major events in the story. To eschew a few key scenes, he would pass over moments that would otherwise stir excessive emotional reaction. The effect is more staggering because the audience is tasked to imagine. And nothing supersedes the power of imagination.

In the movie, these ellipses occur outside the camera frame: fighter planes heralding the arrival of the Japanese; soldiers ransacking the neighborhood; a festive wedding is being celebrated; people scurrying off to Bataan, Isabela or the mountains of Sierra Madre; military personnel arriving outside to capture the boy who eloped with a general's daughter, etc. 

Another stroke of inspiration - the assignation of a character's favorite food: dinuguan with puto for Puten; pinakbet for Inang; Adrian's ginataang monggo and sapin-sapin; Myrna's leche flan; Alejandro's biko; and the dish that never gets served until the very end - adobo! Attributing catharsis in a serving of adobo is nothing short of brilliant.

Even the costume changes are deliberately planned, probably to signify hierarchy, permanence or even mood or state of mind: gray for Inang; blue for Puten; bluish green for Alejandro; pink for Myrna; and hues of brown for Juanita. This story telling method inspires expostulations from a myopic audience (i.e. those noisy geriatric audience in Glorietta during our Cinemalaya viewing), but let's leave them to their naivete. Even Toni Munoz's music is well conceived as it calls attention to itself, thus it avoids overpowering a scene.

These elements allow us to concentrate on the motivations, missteps, and reflections of its central character. The film delves deeply into Juanita's human frailty and strengths. Inherent traits sometimes dictate a character's tragedy or victory. More importantly, there are aspects in life that require attention other than servitude. Humanity is a complex creature that also requires nourishment of the other aspects outside physical sustenance, the same way that society has concerns outside the dimensions of peace and security as prerequisite for development. We aren't fulfilled by mere food or affection alone. These are realizations ponderously derived from Juanita's life.

In Kusina, Judy Ann Santos-Agoncillo delivers a complete character exposition. We see her evolve. We become witness to her joys, frustration, pride and defeat. She is, in fact, a virtual force of nature. If there's an injustice in the world, it is the fact that a film festival's best feature didn't win a single award at the Cinemalaya. 

Suntok sa Buwan - Fight of the Broken

Al (Joem Bascon) is a prized pugilist. He is young, strong, focused and willful. He supports a younger sibling and a capricious father Dante (Noni Buencamino) who keeps getting into trouble. In fact, Al has to save Dante from impending harm – by paying off his debts from a blustering loan shark (Roldan Aquino) who has began to terrorize Dante.

Lauro (Daniel Fernando) is an over-the-hill boxer at the twilight of his career. He has overstayed where others his age should have decamped and retired. Sporting a pot belly, a brittle resolve, and the stamina that’s seen better days, Lauro is desperate for a win. It’s his last grasp at glory – and employment, what with his piling debts and a rent that’s three months due. The two boxers gear up for the fight of their lives.

A few days before the match, Lauro encounters personal tragedy, while Al hurts his fist after once again redeeming his father from impending doom. How will this stir what could have been an uneven match? Who will come out victorious?

The narrative catch in directors Bianca Catbagan and Jose Antonio de Rivera’s “Suntok sa Buwan” gradually unravels as we follow the opponent’s days leading to the match. The buildup is deliberate and strings us to the necessary empathy. After all, we can’t be an unconcerned audience. We are tasked to somehow take a side which becomes an arduous dilemma after witnessing each of the fighter’s domestic conflicts.

“Suntok sa Buwan’s” structure is initially imprudent. You inadvertently notice Buencamino’s flawed character from the start and realize that he would tip the uneven balance between the fighters. He provides a nugget of inevitable tragedy. In fact, when Al hands him a wad of cash for the monthly amortization of his tricycle, Dante instead said: “Itatabi ko sa ibang bayarin!” (I’ll save it up for other expenses.) Al should have emphatically reminded him that it was intended for the tricycle. In some scenes, you notice the lines somehow adlibbed by the veteran performers, falling into incongruence with some situation in the story.

Some film making choices feel hackneyed obviously designed to provoke emotion. When coins from a piggy bank (well, a tin box) fall down the floor, the scene lingers longer than necessary to create a mood of despondency for Lauro who’s on his last few centavos. The very same tack is noticed when Lauro learns that his dog has died. Yes, we get it. He is riding the unlucky streak, and this could be a foreshadowing for his boxing match. These scenes could have been cogent had they not irreverently “milked” these moments, instead of briskly plunging into vestiges of melodrama. “Gusto mo ibili kita ng bagong tuta,” offers Maricel (Jacinta Remulla) who plays Lauro’s young wife. You can’t even pay rent of three months, honey.

There are sparks of inspiration too. When Al learns of his father’s vices, he shouts: “Paano ako aangat kung palagi kayong pabigat.” And I wanted to stand up for a well deserved ovation. But just when I was ready to brush the film off, it shifts gears and perks up as the boxing match begins. In the harrowing stage of the desperate, we get glimpses of emotions that remind us of ourselves; of specific moments in our lives when we feel we have to give it all we got. That we might lose, but we fight and persevere anyway. And with deft charisma and emotional investment, Joem Bascon and Daniel Fernando maneuver a thespic match that gives this film the punch that eventually won us over.

Joem Bascon as hardworking Al


Joem Bascon


Daniel Fernando, playing aging boxer Lauro, essays an almost broken spirit.


Jacinta Remulla plays Maricel, miscast as Lauro's wife.

Adventures of Pureza - Cinematic Atrocities

How do you box in the manic energy and frothy character of Melai Cantiveros?

In Star Cinema's "The Adventures of Pureza: Queen of the Riles", you end up having a product that underlines everything that's annoying about her instead of the adorable gibberish and flashes of humor that highlight her persona. And in what could be one of the most atrocious cinematic outing of the year, a surefire formula hits all the wrong buttons.

Capsule

Pureza (Melai Cantiveros) does odd jobs and the silliest, most ridiculous tricks to sustain her brother Ulan's (Martin del Rosario) escalating financial demands. It's a great thing that childhood friend Ruben (Jason Francisco) is always beside her to constantly lend a hand. However, this harmonious "partnership" of sorts may not last. Ruben plans to work in Saudi, and Pureza is largely repellent to people leaving her (she was left for adoption by her biological mother). And Ruben's romantic maneuver is blind sided by Pureza's emotional hang-ups and compulsion to earn the extra buck.

When shady mob boss Mother Baby (Gina Pareno) offers Ruben a clandestine heist that would bring Brazilian model Daniella Fabella La Bamba (Bianca Manalo) to her, Pureza coaxes Ruben to accept the job that would earn them a cool P100,000. The slippery model turns out to be a courier of illegal goods (diamonds) hidden within slippers. And who is Gerald Landerson (Joem Bascon)? Why does he welcome Pureza's too-obvious infatuation? Will he pave the way for Pureza's dream of becoming a model? He is, after all, a renowned photographer. Is he a friend? Or a foe?

Director Soxie Topacio ("Ded na si Lolo") weaves a frenetic narrative with disparate stories too far out to be believable or funny. In fact, the funniest bits in this atrocious work appears right after the cinematic chapter concludes its tale - a series of outtakes running throughout the closing credits.

Aren't we tired of the same physical gags dressing up our comediennes in otherworldly frocks? Hasn't this been done ad nauseam? Pokwang? Eugene Domingo? Ai Ai de las Alas? Rufa Mae Quinto? What about the story? This is an obvious rehash from the hardworking Ina Montecillo (Ai Ai de las Alas) of "Tanging Ina", Paula Cajanding (Eugene Domingo) of "Working Girls" and several other comic heroines.

Melai Cantiveros delivers her lines like she's been constipated for the last 12 months. In fact, it's so painful to watch her with her 5-minute verbal marathons and soliloquys. "Si Ulan, ang kapatid ko! Ang kapatid ko!" - mimicking a cry with sobs and sighs, but curiously without the tears! Taking into consideration that this is a comic vehicle, people who cry still should do so with tears, unless she has an ophthalmological condition that merits Dacryocystorhinostomy (DCR)!

Jason Francisco doesn't do as badly as he tempers Cantiveros' pull-all-the-stops countenance. But this doesn't bode well for him either since it's obvious he is incapable of standing alone without his voluble and overly labile partner. Martin del Rosario's Ulan is clumsily written. You don't know exactly where his character comes from. His motivations for "straying" are as sketchy as this singular abomination that's loud, humorless, zing-less camp.

There are a couple of characters that make this cinematic rubbish a wee bit bearable: Bianca Manalo who plays an ill-advised Brazilian model (oh yes, you better believe it!) and Pokwang as Pureza's wayward mother in a fleeting cameo. Manalo delivers an earnest portrayal that befits her supposedly mysterious mien, queenly and affecting, despite the obvious idiocy of a character such as Daniella. Brazilian model? You gotta be kidding me!

Why "Queen of the Riles"? Because she lives beside the rail track? So does a hundred other illegal settlers. Then there should be hundreds of queens, right? Priscilla (Queen of the Desert) should be very ashamed for such idiotic references.

A few scenes would display the comedic sophistication of the film:

When Gina Pareno, who orally shuffles a disgusting pustiso all throughout her scenes, delivers a punchline, she shouts: "Ay kalbo! Ay pechay!" Someone actually thought that was funny?

There's the cockroach-throwing scene where, instead of just stepping on the darn vermin, everyone bats the poor insect around! Who ever thought that was hilarious should be examined in the head.

There's the tired gag of people falling down the roof. How many times should that be repeated before it wears out its novelty? I'd say, one is enough.

Finally, there's a misplaced musical number singing a slanged-out "pakpak" to the tune of "May Pulis sa Ilalim ng Tulay". Pekpek, anyone?

You bet!

That this movie got clobbered by Harry Potter's final adieu, thank heavens there's justice on earth!

For those who believe they have a masterpiece on hand here, Geez, check your sanity! If anyone thinks of "Pureza" as anything other than horrendous, I pity you!

Si Sor Throat at si Sor Eyes meets Sister Pepa (Bella Flores).

Manic energy, annoying countenance! What works in the boob tube miserably fails on the silver screen!

10 Horrific Truths About Topel Lee's "White House"

A horror flick with smiling faces and a sexy pose. Go figure!

1. That the honeymoon period for comebacking actor Gabby Concepcion is over. In this movie, Gabby plays spirit expert Jet Castillo who inadvertently exposes his daughter Sien and wife Issa (Angel Jacob) to the nasty spirits that roam the hall ways of Baguio City’s “White House”. Mr. Concepcion’s performance ranges from the frowning Latin-spewing spiritist to the cinematic sycophant who grovels in front of the screen to please his “fans”.

Indeed, at times, we felt like he was performing to the peanut gallery crowd who would sigh at his every line. He was insincerely taking us for a ride the way he did his several ex-wives. No, Mr. Concepcion, you’re playing the character of a desperate father out to retrieve the sequestered soul of his daughter Sien, shanghaied inside the White House. You’re not performing before an adoring “The Buzz” audience who would giggle at your every grin. How could a charming actor evolve into middle-age blandness?

2. That Mo Twister, aka Mohan Gumatay (whose mother is of Indian descent) needs to spend more time in acting workshops than writing his idle thoughts on twitter, speculating whether he should watch a movie or just stay home and masturbate.

I’d have to admit I once had a huge crush on him, and I love his TV interviews (remember that classic tete-a-tete with a spaced out and clueless Ara Mina). Mo has a fast wit and a loud, sexy voice. His boyish grin lights up the screen. However, the same demeanor doesn’t translate well into a believable character. It was Mo Twister pretending to be, er… Mo Twister. His delivery appeared to be all hot-air with no hint of redemption – a 2-D cartoon character that belongs to a different medium. When he finally gets his comeuppance, it was such a relief to have finally gotten rid of him.

Mo Twister & Sarah Labahti

3. That Megan Young has such an arresting presence on screen. She plays a heartbroken writer whose boyfriend (the horribly self-conscious Chris Cayzer) proposes a cool off period so he could date her friend. This took her to audition for a slot in a reality-TV program called “Pinoy Horror House” where 8 persons will vie for P1 million. Whoever is left inside the house after 5 days of being sequestered inside shall win the prize.

4. Joem Bascon spoofs a habitual male pageant contestant, Dom Romero, whose rhetorics and trite replies during interviews (“Thank you very much for that question.”) provided some of the film’s few pleasurable moments. However, as the narrative strain progresses, his character stagnates into someone who’s disdainful and annoying. We somehow knew he was gonna start the eventual pile up of body count.

Iza Calzado

5. That director Topel Lee has finally used up all the straws I’ve reserved for him as a promising film maker. If you’ve seen “Imahe-Nasyon” (2006), an omnibus project featuring 20 of the country’s most prolific indie film makers, addressing the issue on national identity 20 years after the Edsa Revolution, then you would agree with me that Topel Lee’s work there (“Ang Manunulat”) was one of the few visually-arresting original ideas. He went on to direct Judy Anne Santos and Jolina Magdangal in the serviceable horror film, “Ouija“ as well as the earlier “Dilim” (a ground breaking vigilante movie with a twist). Lee is, no doubt, a visual director. Unfortunately, that alone doesn’t constitute a great movie.

In “White House”, he litters his moods with loud dissonant music and a hundred-and-one distracting drones that half-way into the film, his audience’s capacity for fright has but run out. In fact, despite those ashen faced children creeping inside refrigerators and cabinets, crawling under the beds, you end up with a sinking feeling that Mr. Lee has been watching too much generic kwaidans and those Thai horror movies, he’s actually run out of fresh ideas of his own.

6. When all the spirits pile out of Gabby’s body, it felt like a bad version of “The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus” instead of a troubling horror film. The only thing scary in this film was when a character actually remarked, ”This is better than your soap opera!” You wish! I’d say, this was more annoying that Simon Cowell. In White House’s TV ads, KC Concepcion is caught saying, “Come watch it. Kayo ay matutuwa!” What a smart girl! Then she suddenly realized this was an inappropriate phrase to describe a horror movie. She then corrects herself: “nakakatakot”! But hey, we’ve already got her real thoughts about her father’s movie. Atta girl, KC! We appreciate pretty girls who speak their minds. ;->

7. That after the abominable “Wapakman” and this banal “White House”, director Topel Lee should hibernate or revisit his indie roots where he thrived under less resources. In the mainstream world, Lee loses his inventiveness and ends up like the rest of GMA Film directors who are worse than mediocre.

Joem Bascon: ad model and male pageant contestant

8. That Sarah Labahti and Lovi Poe display their glaring limitations in “White House”. Enough of that gum-chewing persona, Miss Poe. That’s been done with great success in “Walang Hanggang Paalam”. Redundancy of characterization only shows how lost Lovi was in “White House”. Not enough time to conjure a significant persona so she resorted to one that worked before.

I’ve known of call center agents, none of whom chewed gums like there’s no tomorrow. None of whom acted like Calamine-requiring sluts. Of course I am aware of studies showing how such call center agents have become exponents of the effective dissemination and propagation of the HIV virus, but let’s not be too obvious, Ms. Poe. As for Ms. Labahti, the only thing she imparted was the impression that she could be perfectly forgettable. Jeez, these GMA talents are in desperate need of coaching from rival ABS CBN whose actors are proficient performers many times over. Wala bang budget sa GMA to get better acting coaches? Remember Angel Locsin’s blandness before she jumped to the other yard?

Megan Young & Lovi Poe: writer and call center agent

9. That “White House” has succeeded in giving Iza Calzado her worst performance in her enviable career.

Not even that nauseating Indie flick Jowee Morel’s “Mona: Singapore Escort” was she this bad! (Do you remember how Iza allegedly walked out during the preview screening of “Mona”, which was about a Pinay who worked as an escort girl in Singapore?) The lovely Iza – one of my all-time favorite actresses – just looked out of place within the exposition. This was funny because Iza was the film’s major nemesis! She was the “Black Lady”. Why she wore black was never explained. Baka she was fashionably conscious as a ghost? LOL

I would then venture on the obvious. For making Ms. Calzado look bad, the film’s writers are a bunch of sniveling idiots.

10. That their idea of “spirit attachment” is suspiciously similar to flu-like symptoms that eventually progressed into meningitis. The child suddenly developed fever, was vomiting, became weak, then got stuporous and unconscious! Didn’t I say meningitis? And Gabby had to travel all the way to Baguio for this misdiagnosis! Makes me wonder who their medical consultant was for this film. Baka si Dr. Vicky Belo. Then it would be such a relief to come out from their shooting looking all thermaged and botoxed out! Dang!

Gabby Concepcion: middle-age blandness takes the form of a spirit expert (huh?)

Iza Calzado and Jesse Bradford: two of my favorite artists in the world!

Noy - Riding the Wave of Hope

Noy (Coco Martin) carries a heavy baggage on his back. His depressive brother Bong (Joem Bascon) is a paraplegic who wallows in self pity, occasionally hurting himself. His mother Elena (Cherry Pie Picache) maintains a wobbly online relationship with an African American who's in town for a visit - but she's repelled by his attention. And his younger sister Tata is constantly complaining of a blurred vision. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Divine (the endearing Erich Gonzales) is coming to terms with the fact that she is least of his priorities. She has accepted another suitor's proposal, and has to fly to Canada to join him. However, she pleads, "I'll stay if you ask me too." What's a guy to do?

When he finally gets his foot in the door, he becomes a traveling journalist whose beat is to follow presidentiable Noynoy Aquino's campaign trail. Though he works hard, his work appears soul-less, remarks his editor (Baron Geisler). Is his domestic baggage dragging him down? Or is he the underqualified journalist who has faked his resume?

There is no doubt about it. "Noy" is a well made film that brilliantly juxtaposes the homespun allegory of Noy (Coco Martin) with live footages from 20 of Aquino's campaign sorties nationwide. The symbolical narrative is meant to reflect the plight of modern day Filipinos in light of the growing dissension against poverty and moral apathy.

Director Dondon Santos coaxes great performances from his ensemble. Coco is obviously comfortable with his character's dilemma after having appeared in several Dante Mendoza films. It's no surprise that he comes up with a well fleshed characterization. Bascon is too one-note to involve us. Then there's the lovely Erich Gonzales whose character is tasked to, errr... cry! And cry she did! Despite her thinly written story, Gonzales comes up with a luminous performance that underlines the adage: "There are no small roles for great actors." In a representative scene where she bids Noy goodbye - and says, "Wag ka nang mag-sorry!" and "Manong, (the taxi driver), tara na ho." - she carries enough pathos to satisfy us of her discernment of loss, an emotional cataclysm. And boy! Can she literally cry buckets! Vice Ganda is surprisingly mediocre; his delivery is inconsistent and insincere. He was good in Lamasan's "In My Life" so we wonder what went wrong.

Despite the tragic thread, there is a hopeful tone as the film draws to a close. It brings back my pre-election concerns about Noynoy as the new President of the Philippines. I have no doubt in my mind of Aquino's sincerity and incorruptibility. He will not enrich himself the way GMA and his relatives have - and they're even quite arrogant about their blatant pilferage. Unfortunately, what do you say about a man who - at close to 50 years old - cannot build a house of his own without the help of a much younger sister (Kris Aquino - she did boast several times how she will finance his new house when President Cory passed away). We need to rebuild our nation. How can we entrust nation-building to a man who can't even build his own home? My friend would say, "Baka naman he is prudent." Baka nga! LOL. Well, Noynoy will be the new president - and I will respect and support him as my president - with bated breath!

"Noy" is a well made film, but we do have scruples about the pervasive use of poverty as a cinematic theme. Aren't we all tired of supposedly socially relevant films that conspicuously depict our nation as a land of squatters, where mosquito-infested houses rise on flooded out stilts? They would have people believe that this unidimensional theme is all that pervades our desperate society of prostitutes and callboys, alcoholics, thieves, perverts, fixers, and other aberrant lowlives! In this country, a socially relevant movie is equivalent with the exploitation of poverty. Talk about bankruptcy of ideas!

Coco Martin