Chito Rono's Shake Rattle & Roll 14 The Invasion - Not So Scary Tales

PAMANA (Writer: Ricky Lee)

A mysterious uncle leaves a P20-million inheritance to four of his relatives whom he hasn’t seen in ages: Donald (Herbert Bautista) is a mild mannered former priest who’s financially hard up. Myra (Janice de Belen) is the intemperate business woman with abusive streaks to his husband’s son. Faye (Arlene Muhlach) is Myra’s congenial cousin. The fourth cousin is Tisoy aka Benedict Collins (Eri Neeman) who’s vaguely interested with his departed uncle’s wealth. The dead uncle was once a popular comic book writer who’s done well creating macabre characters.

Once summoned by their uncle’s lawyer, the cousins troop down to a ramshackle house that reeks with malevolence. But what's important is the departed's millions, right? Unfortunately, the big stash carries a catch: Paintings of the uncle’s cast of popular characters – the vampire Man de Nado (Fabio Ide), hair monster Filomena (Dimples Romana), the mother-killer Tiyanak and piano-playing Rosalda (Snooky Serna) - are distributed among the cousins. They have to keep them for a month – and if they survive, only then will they be able to get their share of the 20 million.

This condition isn’t as easy. The characters come to life and Tisoy, who dumped the painting in a garbage, becomes the first victim. The gang rush back to their uncle’s house, taking their family with them: Myra’s husband Benjie (Dennis Padilla), Benjie’s son Felimon (Gerald Pesigan), Faye’s daughters Cynthia (Empress Schuck) and Gladys (Anna Vicente), and Cynthia’s suitor Emerson (Ivan Dorschner). Once inside, doors shut and they find themselves trapped inside. What’s worse, the comic characters start to appear, wrecking havoc all around. And the only one to stop them was a fifth character, heart-eating Buboy, Ang Munting Diablo (Rain Papa). But why would Buboy help them when all he wants to do is play with his victims before consuming their hearts? Will the gang survive their uncle’s monsters?

LOST COMMAND (Writer: Rody Vera)

On cursory surveillance, a group of soldiers head into the dense jungle of Barangay Putotan. They’ve heard of the mysterious disappearance of folks and the wandering creatures that go bump in the night. Is the ragtag group of former soldiers responsible for this? The platoon soon begins to lose their men cryptically seized in the silhouettes of the woodland. With briskly dwindling numbers, Martin Barrientos (Dennis Trillo) decides to follow Linda (Ella Cruz), a blind girl, who takes them to her “Itay” (Ronnie Lazaro) said to be able to help them. What they find instead is more bewildering – former soldiers and comrades have turned into the undead, and they’re being recruited to be part of this group. With the help of Corporal Upaon (Paulo Avelino) who’s been fed the flesh of others and Private Conde (Martin Escudero) who steers the undead away from Barrientos, the platoon leader is taken by Linda's father to where he could jump to his freedom. “Kunin mo lang ang anak ko, at ilayo mo sya dito,” pleads Itay. But the jungle is treacherous and the path is long. What becomes of Barrientos?

UNWANTED (Writer: Roy Iglesias)

A catastrophic earthquake separates Hank (Vhong Navarro) from his pregnant girl friend Kate (Lovi Poe) who’s lost in the rubble. Upon gaining consciousness, two days after the incident, people are still trapped as they find their way out. Hank finds other survivors, Ming (Eula Caballero), Neil (Albie Casino), and their Uncle Tom (Eric Tai); there’s Rex (Carlo Aquino) and a loud gay man (Chokoleit). Each one eventually fall prey to the peculiar creatures similarly trapped in the rubble. When Hank finally finds Kate, they scamper out of the building, only to discover that the world they once knew had ceased to exist. Space ships hover in mid-air; dinosaur-like creatures saunter across them, and they’re approached by unidentifiable beings who soon take their semblance.

Director Chito Rono seems to be the perfect person to handle three disparate stories for the 14^th installment of the horror trilogy. In fact, there’s something nostalgic with the return of Janice de Belen, Arlene Muhlach and Herbert Bautista into the series since their first appearance 18 long years ago: Bautista for Peque Gallaga’s “Manananggal”, De Belen for her iconic role in Ishmael Bernal’s “Pridyider”, and Muhlach for Emmanuel H. Borlaza’s “Baso”. But while these three old tales were compelling to watch, Rono’s new age fables are emotionally distant and uninteresting. There’s nothing much in its exposition that draws you in. More importantly, the element of suspense is tepid, if non-existent.  

In a scene in “Pamana”, the group finds a spinning top in the middle of the room. Do you get: 1. Scared? 2. Perplexed? 3. Move away? Human instinct is basic, and when we’re accosted by something sinister, we either fight or “fly”. Instead, Janice and company stare and engage in a discussion. It was almost too funny. In both “Pamana” and “Unwanted”, Rono tried injecting humor - that both Myra and Faye got pregnant before getting married, for example, and there’s Vhong Navarro in “Unwanted” who refers to Chokoleit as “Di tiyak”. While Vhong is a brilliant comedian, fear and laughter are too unrelated, and fusion of both results into anything but harmonious. The end product: lukewarm exposition with an apocryphal emotional engagement. As an audience, we invest something into our viewing experience: Do we get sad and sympathize? Do we shiver in our knickers and shriek with fear? Do we laugh until we’re blue? Curiously, SSR 14 doesn’t induce any. We just didn’t care enough.

“Lost Command”, on the other hand, feels like a spiritless version of the Korean movie, “R-Point”, about a band of missing soldiers, presumed dead, who sends a radio transmission to their base. But while “R-Point” is relentlessly gripping, “Lost Command” is languid with characters almost unrecognizable from the next. It was mostly successful in gathering some of the hottest soldiers in the cinematic universe: Dennis Trillo, Martin Escudero, Paulo Avelino, Alex Castro, JC Tiuseco, AJ Dee, Kenneth Paul Salva, et.al. Then Rono renders them disposable. What a waste of masculine meat. Tee hee.

SRR 14 was Rated A by that dubious ratings group, Cinema Evaluations Board (CEB). Considering that this is actually one of the worst installments from the series speaks oodles about the capacity of the CEB to rate quality films. How much government money is being spent to maintain this useless arm? Heaven knows this group badly needs to be scrapped. 

Paulo Avelino, Dennis Trillo, and JC Tiuseco

Kate and Hank are in a quandary: she's pregnant!

Survivors: Eric Tai, Vhong Navaro, Eula Caballero & our favorite baby-maker Albie Casino.

Dead Korean soldiers come to life in "R-Point".

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow – Painfully Bad, Excruciatingly Schmaltzy

Mariel (Maricel Soriano) rules the family-owned television network with steel fist and feral stance. It’s an aspect of her life she has absolute control of. Otherwise, her private life is in shambles. Her only daughter Eunice (Eula Caballero) favors her stepmother Charlotte (Carla Abellana) over her. Her former husband Garry (Gabby Concepcion) lives in marital bliss with new wife Charlotte. Meanwhile, her brother Jacob (Jericho Rosales) helps out in the network, but seems preoccupied with his domestic affairs: his wife Lorie (Lovi Poe) despises spending most of her time with their baby boy, and occasionally steals moments to sing for her band. The family patriarch (Ronaldo Valdez) – a paraplegic - oversees his business empire with his intermittent presence, while his second wife Agnes (Agot Isidro) has an extra marital affair with her personal trainer Derek (Dennis Trillo). Celine (Solenn Heusaff), Mariel’s half sister is patiently “training” under the wings of her acid-tongued half sister. She is dismissive of her boyfriend Vince’s (Paulo Avelino) constant presence, and harbors an attraction with Derek.

One day, a powerful earthquake bears sweeping repercussion to the tedium of their lives.

HIGH STRUNG

With unbelievable schmaltz and a persistently high-strung turn of events that play out like livid strokes of slap-happy melodrama, Jun Lana’s “Yesterday Today Tomorrow” once again displays Lana’s fixation to the 80’s flavored drama. In fact, I didn’t realize this was Lana’s work until I curiously found some blatant semblance to the recently shown “My Neighbor’s Wife”. It may in fact be a narrative extension of the latter. Even the actors in “My Neighbor’s Wife” – Dennis Trillo, Lovi Poe and Carla Abellana – play similar character arc and motivations.

WHAT HAPPENED, MARICEL?

What’s worse: Lana has managed to singularly destroy Maricel Soriano’s spotless reputation as an insightful, albeit superior caliber actress. What happened to Maricel Soriano? There never was a time that La Soriano was ever mediocre in any of her previous film projects: drama, comedy, action, even dance/musical. She could run thespic rings around her former rival Sharon Cuneta who, in her earlier years, coasted solely on charm and media hype. But for the first time, I was surprised to find Ms. Soriano heavy handed and misdirected. This was a Soriano that’s graceless, shrill and mediocre. Her one-note performance is baffling. What has time done to one of the most versatile actresses this business has ever produced?

CACOPHONOUS

Lovi Poe and Carla Abellana aren’t bad, but what do you say about a performance that mimics their own portrayal in a different film (“My Neighbor’s Wife”)? You don't get a pat on the back for repeating yourself! I’d have to say that in confrontation scenes involving Maricel Soriano and Carla Abellana, the latter gracefully stood her ground against the formidable Soriano. In fact, it actually emphasized Abellana’s inherent gift because she made Soriano look cacophonous and roughly discordant in temperament. That isn’t saying Abellana is worthy of an award. In this flick, the only commendable performers are Dennis Trillo, Jericho Rosales, and surprisingly Solenn Heusaff!

Trillo depicts his kept-boy character with empathy. He is onerous to decipher. In fact, he delves into Derek in multiple levels of execution; he paints Derek’s intentions as a gray area. That’s no mean feat, considering how Lana wrote his characters. Rosales has always been a sensitive performer. His sincere depiction keeps his and Lovi’s story viable. I only visualize a problem whenever he starts enunciating in English (like when he delivered his child’s eulogy). Solenn Heusaff is an amazing find. She is very comfortable in her role. You feel when she winces after getting dressed down by her half sister in front of others, or when she’s turning his boyfriend away, or when she flirts with her mother’s personal trainer. Heusaff is an honest performer, and she delves into her scenes with no emotive excesses. Her debacle? She speaks rather briskly. On stage, as in cinema, emphasis of text takes priority. Your words should resonate, regardless of how brief or simple they are.

IMPLAUSIBLE

Jun Lana is a notable playwright. He is the youngest member of the Palanca Hall of Fame in 2006, winning 11 of them previously. But his film work as a director is too far removed from his excellent writing. In fact, he lingers from too much caterwauling and peppers his narrative with implausible coincidences. Furthermore, the most preposterous “deus ex machina” is intermittently laid out like freebies to move his narratives. How many times did Celine catch his mother in her personal trainer’s flat? Isn’t once enough? When Charlotte suddenly finds Mariel nauseated, there was a suggestive glance exchanged between the wife and the ex-wife, you’d think Charlotte would start getting suspicious, but she didn’t. Whenever a scene is expected to shift its plot, the music swells – you’d think the sky's going to start falling anytime.

Lana is ill at ease being a megman. And if I were to be very blunt about it, he is wanting of talent where visual story telling is concerned. Stick to what you do best, Mr. Lana, and leave film direction to those who know what they’re doing.

Otherwise, we’re all stuck in strung-out melodramas that make bad actresses out of good ones – like Maricel Soriano. It is such a revolting comeback vehicle for someone of Soriano's stature. Isn't that sad?

Aswang – Of Lazy Runners and Subterranean Monsters

When Gabriel and Anya’s (Albie Casino and Jillian Ward respectively) parents figure in a property dispute, the siblings suddenly find themselves orphans when their household is massacred by hired assassins Rodel, Queenie and the reluctant Daniel (Marc Abaya, Nina Jose and Paulo Avelino respectively). To escape their parents’ slayers, their getaway vehicle eventually takes them to far flung Pampanga, looking for a distant relative they couldn’t locate.

But amidst deceptively bucolic sugarcane fields and ramshackle dwellings, something sinister is gripping San Isidro. The rural folk speak in hushed whispers, goading them not to stay on. People are dying from a paroxysm of attacks brought about by blood-curdling, albeit ravenous creatures called “abwak” – humanoid forms that hybrid giant lizards and crows that travel by flight and subterranean inclination (think big “moles”). Suddenly, San Isidro becomes the unseemly setting of this life-and-death chase. Little did Gabriel, Anya and their assailants know that creatures more deleterious than the vagaries of human greed lurk at the fringes of the barrio.

While scampering for shelter, Gabriel and Anya, hopelessly aimless and wayward, are unaware that the baddies have traced their whereabouts.

Daniel and company arrive in Pampanga. Then comes the enigmatic Hasmin who seemingly glides into the place like a breath of fresh air. When Daniel finally meets the lass, he couldn’t shake her off his mind, but on his way to further seek her, he’s attacked by an abwak. How does he survive the attack? Will he find Gabriel and Anya? More importantly, would he be able to pull the trigger this time?

And why is a hitman like Daniel circumspect?

Director Jerrold Tarog weaves a tale that would, from the ground up, hold your attention as he takes advantage of cultural mores and rich local color of the Philippine countryside. The “abwak” hails from Tarog’s imagination, his new age version of the “aswang” afflicting the countryside. Sounds like a modern masterpiece, right?

Unfortunately, it isn't.

Tarog is able to realize the visual stipulation that concocts this monster. After all, a horror piece rests its raison d’etre on a feasible, convincing monster. The creature itself is a local version of the “graboids” from Ron Underwood’s 90’s flick “Tremors”. And let’s not forget “Dune’s” sandworms. What bothers me is its wavering nature. It’s a humanoid form that can transform itself into a crow-like creature; it can subsist underwater like a “bayawak”, then burrow itself underground like subterranean animals. (See example here: http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v427/n6973/images/427409a-i2.0.jpg) or here: http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110629175747/multiverses/images/e/ec/Kobold.jpg

If an abwak is indeed as versatile as it’s supposed to be, why are their numbers dwindling? Isn’t such trait advantageous for natural selection and evolution? Flight allows them to explore other places and disperse their species. But they choose to stay in a sparsely populated barrio at the risk of eventually wiping out their kind. What gives?

“Aswang” fails to deliver a sense of urgency in several scenes that require heart-stopping pursuits. In one of its earlier scenes alone, when an abwak attacks a drunken JC Tiuseco on his way home, the monster throws his victim down and you don’t even see the victim parry the creature’s attack. He just looked at him, enamored by his prosthetics, with upper extremities flaccid and passive - and allowing the monster to take a huge bite. Thus begins our foray into some of the laziest victims this side of gorefest.

LAZY VICTIMS

While on the run, you hardly feel the immediacy of flight when Albie Casino and Jillian Ward drive away from the killers. Most of the film would have them in constant lackadaisical departure. Check out the scene when they were rescued by Hasmin from the abwaks’ cavern before they turn into food. Instead of running for safety and fleeing as fast as they could, you find these dingbats leisurely walking “in the park”. If you’re about to become part of the buffet, would you take your sweet time to leave?

The same laziness is found in scenes involving head henchman Rodel (Marc Abaya) who, after getting attacked by the same monsters, preferred staying on. You experience the incursion of monsters first hand and you choose to merely stand beside your vehicle and wait for your comrades? This doesn't make sense. When he eventually runs out of bullets in a later scene, he turns away – and walks! Yes, he walks away from the creatures! Haven’t people in Tarog’s world ever heard of that verb called “run”? This preposterous apathy among victims take the fun away in a movie that’s supposed to pump our adrenaline by laying on a good dose of thrill and urgency; the instinct of “fight or flight” has been disregarded in cinema’s most indolent thriller.

How do you – as an audience – relate to a scary movie when the characters plagued by monsters aren't even too concerned to flee – even when the creatures come charging by? This sense of apathy doesn't belong to such genre, i.e. “suspense thriller” but to a middling drama with a director whose vision is focused on his generation of atmosphere and visual effects than on character development, persuasive performance and viable staging of dread, of panic, of trepidation.

The narrative has so much on its plate. It hobbles the cinematic focus. There’s Daniel’s back story (why he turns into a hunky vengeful dingbat who can’t pull the trigger, you’d suspect he has a degenerative muscular disease); there’s Hasmin and sisters Stella and Isabel’s (Precious Lara Quigaman and the promising Ana Vicente) morbid historical past; the impending wedding of Hasmin to their tribal leader Ipo Moises (Bembol Roco), a budding romance, etc.

Lovi Poe glides through her character like an arcane damsel filled with pathos and compunction. She is in fact the film’s single salvation, although Paulo Avelino doesn’t do so badly himself. But Avelino’s character teeters with brimming indecisiveness. Though he is introduced as someone with the conviction to avenge his slain father, he mostly comes off irresolute. Poe and Avelino’s chemistry is undeniable though. They look good together and they navigate the silver screen with a degree of tension and diversion.

Nina Jose as Queenie

Albie Casino, good looking as he is, is surprisingly droll - and stiff. He wasn’t this bad in “Mara Clara”, but in “Aswang”, he fills his character Gabriel with pussyfoot demeanor, you’re almost sure he isn’t capable of fathering a child from the get-go. But then appearances are deceiving. Casino, as Gabriel, navigates his surroundings with detachment, ironic in itself considering Gabriel just lost his parents in the most violent way. Doesn't Gabriel deserve an emotional girth the size of Araneta Coliseum? He might as well be enjoying a day out in a leisure park than eluding 1) assassins, 2) flesh-eating creatures. Why are the most beautiful faces the hammiest of actors? (Richard Gutierrez: check; Aljur Abrenica: check!) Jillian Ward’s “I’m a cute tyke” schtick doesn’t work either; her posturings are more annoying than “cute” since cuteness doesn’t make a horror movie.

Marc Abaya, playing the meaner-than-mean head assassin, once again takes his character with livid thespic strokes, you can’t help suspect he would eventually transmogrify into Beelzebub himself. This depiction is exactly similar to his role in Joaqui Valdez’s “Dagim” (about cannibals in the mountains). He could have hopped from that set to this, there wouldn’t be discernable contrariety. This has always been Abaya’s unfortunate inclination. When he portrays, he goes all out, with no heed for restraint. Sad.

Precious Lara Quigaman is decorative as Stella (Hasmin’s elder sister), and actually provides emphasis on the excesses of Tarog’s story. Tarog could have done away with the character and come out with a tighter story. Why does Ipo Moises (Bembol Roco) threaten Hasmin with Stella’s well being when he could have done it on Hasmin herself? Joem Bascon plays Kuya Efren, Stella’s beau, but isn't given much. In fact, Nina Jose registers better as Queenie, one of the assassins. She looks enthralling and menacing - like a James Bond belle; a more effective tack as a nemesis than all the ministrations of Nonie Buencamino (who plays the mastermind) and Marc Abaya combined.

The languid pace of the narrative could have worked well before the requisite escalation into cinematic fireworks. The creatures could have been powerful images that stick to our consciousness. A lot of things could have worked. But it takes me back to the apparent disinterest of the victims when being pursued by the subterranean creatures – and, of course, Albie Casino’s enthralling cluelessness. If they cared less about being eaten alive, why should I care?

Lovi Poe


Lovi Poe


Paulo Avelino


Paulo Avelino



Paulo Avelino comes to his own as a leading man.


Albie Casino



Albie Casino


Albie Casino


Jillian Ward


Marc Abaya in "Dagim"


Marc Abaya