Dinner for Schmucks - On Cinematic Irritants

I am not too sure if I should write a word about something as banal as Jay Roach's "Dinner for Schmucks". But what the heck, I paid good bucks to waste my time on it so I might as well say my piece.

In the movie, Tim (the gorgeous Paul Rudd) is a financial analyst who badly wants to climb the corporate ladder. When he is finally noticed by the big wigs of his company (Bruce Greenwood, et. al.), he gets invited to dinner. But to amuse themselves, the executives have started a habit of encouraging their minions to bring along a "stupid person" that they can make fun of. Tim has to do his part to assure himself of the promotion. The day before the aforementioned dinner, Tim accidentally runs into Barry (Steve Carell), an eccentric man who stuffs dead mice and dresses them up like dolls. He invites Barry for the party, but Barry arrives the night before the party - and in the process ruins his life in an "annoying Jim Carrey" way.

We've seen enough eccentric-visitors-who-ruin-lives many times over, and they were never our cup of tea. This is no different. The annoying guy is absolutely annoying, and the rest of the cast walks the fine line between ridiculous and hideous. Only Paul Rudd is barely watchable (check out his scene where he supposedly hurts his back - really tacky!)

If anyone's gonna invite me for a similar dinner, I'd rather suffer a painful constipation.

Paul Rudd

"Spank me like a school girl," she says.

Paul Rudd and Steve Carell: Great mix of good looks and humor.

TV Series Spotlight: Miami Medical

Mike Vogel was in "The Deaths of Ian Stone", an exhausting horror movie where the protagonist dies repeatedly then relives his life in a different scenario. Released in 2007, this was shown at the Galleria about a year ago, albeit with a bad print. What was undeniable was the charm and gravitas of its lead actor, Mike Vogel. A year after "The Deaths...", Mike Vogel would star in one of our all-time favorite films, "Cloverfield", a movie that was quite powerful it was almost irrelevant that it starred relative unknowns that time, Vogel included.

But in "The Deaths of Ian Stone", I somehow predicted that I'd see more of Mike Vogel in the future. I was sure of that. When I finally got hold of our copy of Jerry Bruckheimer's "Miami Medical", a series that premiered in CBS last April but was eventually cancelled last July (after a 3 month run), I was more than ecstatic given the chance to ogle at Mike Vogel in his scrubs... and off it (episode 4, beach scene). There's even a bonus to this: I was a huge fan of the British film "Emma" when we were still in pig tails, mainly because of the palpable chemistry between Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeremy Northam!

And Jeremy Northam leads the pack of trauma surgeons in "Miami Medical". And I just couldn't help on celebrating! It's a 2-in-1 punch.

This 13 episode TV series follows the lives of a team of brilliant trauma surgeons in a Miami hospital. Northam is Dr. Matthew Proctor, the "resident eccentric" who we soon discover was once a combat doctor, a gulf war veteran who encountered an almost fatal accident that changed his perspective in life. Lana Parrilla plays Dr. Eva Zambrano (who would have been the chief resident had Proctor not shown up), the brilliant lady surgeon who bemoans lack of social life. Her father is a surgeon back in Havana, and she plays buddy flirtations with my favorite, Dr. Chris DeLeo - played by Mike Vogel - the resident playboy who has dated "most of the yoga instructors in Miami", including their assistants. Though I just finished episode 4 as I write this, Dr. DeLeo's character will soon garnish his happy-go-lucky demeanor with a freeloading brother (I wonder if he's as gorgeous) who eventually turned out to be ill! Finally, Elisabeth Harnois plays Dr. Serena Warren, the fresh-out-of-med-school 1st year resident who has to catch-up with her charming seniors! I loved that scene where she tells off an arrogant senior Orthopedic consultant who superseded the disposition of a critical patient under her care.

The writing isn't seamless and the situations that pile up seem too extreme to be believeable, but hey, they have to try harder as there's been a lot of medical dramas in the past, and really now, what medical condition hasn't been covered?

In the 4 episodes that I have so far seen, there's been a bomb explosion and the confounding vehicular accident involving a pregnant lady - and his husband who suffered a carotid tear from a shard of glass; lots of GSW - gun shot wound, don't you know? - and GCS - glasgow coma scale, duh! - involving a shooting incident by a hotel poolside, an implausible fall when a ledge of a hotel room cracks off, a lady who refused a life-saving dialysis because she was adopting a baby from Russia, "dry-drowning", etc.

I am aware of Dr. DeLeo and Dr. Zambrano's open-flirtations, but when colleagues mainly consider each other as buddies, romantic tension between characters becomes an almost implausible narrative strain. Let them fight away - from rivalries, from procedural bickerings, etc. instead of chugging down a bottle of beer together at a bar, or patting each other's shoulders by the beach.

Mike Vogel is Dr. Chris DeLeo.

Lana Parrilla is Cuban Dr. Eva Zambrano.

Elisabeth Harnois is Dr. Serena Warren, the first year resident.

Mike Vogel is married, and is father to 2 daughters. He stands 5'10". Vogel, in German and Dutch, means "bird"! ;->

Mike Vogel will next appear in 2 feature films, "The Help" and "Heaven's Rain".

If you didn't catch the comedy "She's Out of My League", go grab a copy if you wanna see a handsome face.

Jeremy Northam appeared in "The Tudors" as Sir Thomas More. While playing the small role of Osric and understudying the title role in a 1989 production of "Hamlet," Jeremy replaced star Daniel Day-Lewis when the actor had a total breakdown in mid-performance. Scary!

Jeremy Northam from a Westend play I'd have loved to watch, "Certain Young Men".

Best Friends or Best Lovers in "The Best Men"

My BFF Kyle was watching this video called "Not Gay" which is a compilation of 4 shorts with stories that deal with the straight-and-gay perspective. I sat through the first feature (which ran for about 25 minutes) because it had compelling moments reeking with unspoken tension, and the leads were utterly delectable: Michael Ellisson and Jason Yarusi (both model-actors, both straight guys; in fact Mr. Yarusi was a straight-as-an-arrow fraternity president in college).

Here's director Tony Wei's own capsule: "Moments before his best friend's wedding, Peter gets one last chance to rekindle mutual feelings long suppressed, but not abandoned. Sometimes the perfect reminder of first love's passion is but a simple kiss from the best man."

The scene takes place as Peter (Michael Ellisson) is preparing himself for his bestfriend Joe's wedding. He would be Joe's (Jason Yarusi) best man. But before the ceremonies begin, Joe gives Michael a friendly visit in his room. They fix each other's tie, and lie down the bed beside each other as they reminisce. And we somehow feel the unmistakable tension between the two oh-so-cute guys!

Such is the power of good cinema. Despite a gay scenario, there is universality in the possibilities of missed chances and the heartbreak of longing and regret.

It just takes 25 minutes to make a good film! But it takes close to 2 hours of pretentious gibberish to make "Halik sa Tubig", "Santuaryo" or "Ben and Sam"!

The 2nd short film (from "Not Gay") had horrible actors that aren't even easy on the eyes! So, I left Kyle to enjoy his movie!

Michael Ellisson models and acts. In fact, he has done a lot of Shakespeare in off-broadway plays.

Michael Ellisson

Jason Yarusi is Joe in "The Best Men".

"Not Gay" is a compilation of 4 shorts.

Alessandra De Rossi Returns as Lead in Elena M. Patron's "Cara"

Whenever my dad and Tito Victor would see each other, they'd organize pig out sessions with each of our families. Sometimes I have suspicions that they're the ones directly related instead of my tito and my mom, but my dear mother just laughs it off every time I tell her this. Anyway, their recent meeting resulted into a family gathering at this Chinese restaurant somewhere in Binondo where streets are narrow and shops are crammed, traffic is an abomination and cute guys have chinky eyes. Weird choice of place from our usual QC or Makati sojourns. So being a dutiful daughter, I made my peace and joined this noisy, albeit excited aliens called "my family".

But during this bemused gathering, the people in the full-capacity Chinese diner were transfixed at the 32-inch Sony Bravia television precariously hanging down the ceiling. For a while, I was disoriented and forgot the day (Saturday). ABS CBN has a new teleserye? Did they bump off the ridiculous Piolo starrer "Noah"? Then it all came back to me, it was a Saturday and this station usually fields mini-series featuring paniki (bats), anting-antings (magical amulets) and vampires with fake canine prosthetic teeth and bad new actresses like Sam Pinto. Ah yes, this was the new "Wansapanataym" - a series of monthly neo-fairy tales culled from komiks materials. These fantaseryes sometimes leave much to be desired, but if they're meant for children's wonderment during primetime, why not?

This particular episode - Elena M. Patron's "Cara".

You don't wonder why people inside the restaurant were caught in the drama unfolding before all of us. The series follows the life of a child born with 3 heads, each one with separate thinking processes, but share a single body. Before I finally settled with the thought that this was all fantasy, my tito (who's a pediatrician) offered, "That's a rare developmental condition in conjoined twins, but I'm only aware of 2 headed twins; but three heads could be possible too." The condition is called Tricephalic Parapagus Twins - separate heads but their bodies are joined.

Alessandra de Rossi is its surprising protagonist, no wonder I was kinda disoriented because ABS CBN always gives lead roles to their rooster of talents. Alex play 3 girls with dissimilar attitude. As a child, they were mostly kept away from the public to protect them from ridicule. As they were growing older, their father started to introduce them to the outside world by allowing them to wander public places like church services. However, the two heads cropping up from each side are conveniently covered by a shawl, exposing only the middle head.

This of course results to a girl that seems to be carrying a load on her shoulder. The lucky middle girl gets to see the world around her while the 2 other girls see their environment on veiled countenance. Thus its bound to inspire feelings of dissention among the siblings. One fateful day, Alex meets Jake Cuenca. And as though it was meant to happen, an accident had them kiss accidentally. And the plot thickens. Three more Saturdays then...

I am particularly pleased to see Alex (Alessandra) play the lead once again. Ever since her move from GMA, Alex has been relegated to undedr-the-radar supporting roles (the other nice girl who doesn't get chosen by the bida, the cousin who gets shot, etc.) Imagine Alex playing second fiddle to a girl as emotive as a sea cucumber like, hmm, Kim Chiu?

I don't exactly understand why it took the station this long to give Alex the lead that she is born to play. After all, she is used to lead roles in critically acclaimed indie movies (the Singapore movie "The Maid", "Mga Munting Tinig", "Homecoming"). She has graciously represented the country in international film festivals way before the country's boom of independently produced movies, especially with "Small Voices". On the smaller screen, she gets supporting roles? This doesn't make the equation when big screen movie leads become smaller actors on TV. Baliktad 'ata. Only in the Philippines. She is a great actress, she is relatively young, and in interviews, she cracks me up. She has one bubbly, funny personality. Beside her, stars like Kim Chiu look like toadstools.

Jake Cuenca on the other hand isn't my cup of tea. He is too good looking to really capture any sincere form of empathy. Would you really appreciate having a boyfriend as cute as Jake? Heck no! People would stare at him and you'd invariably feel invisible and disposable. LOL. To be fair, Jake plays his part with whimsical wonder, thus the following Saturdays will be exciting. This mixed race "freaks" are so darn gorgeous! (Alex was born in England to an Italian dad and a Filipina mother, while Jake is half-Spanish and half Pinoy.)

Congratulations to a great talent in Ms. Alessandra de Rossi.

Alessandra de Rossi

Jake Cuenca loves to flaunt the Spanish beef.

A guy is truly gorgeous when he looks good even when he's scowling.

Not quite pleased why there has to be a leaf, Jake isn't shy disrobing.

Hensel twins, Abby and Brittany, of Minnesota. Two heads, one body.

Julia Roberts Plays A Brat in "Eat, Pray, Love"

How do you relate to someone who seems to have everything in life, except contentment? There was nothing in Liz Gilbert's (Julia Roberts) story that merited sympathy, thus I found it hard to be stirred by her "woes" as a woman. Here she is, with a great job as a travel writer, a cute and gainfully employed husband (Billy Crudup) who takes time to converse with her; affectionate friends - and everything else seems to be going for her. One night, she surprises her husband Stephen that she's flying to Aruba... with him. But he wasn't interested. That same night, as they lie in bed. She mopes. He tells her, "I don't wanna go to Aruba." She replies, "I don't want to be in this marriage." WTF! She doesn't get her way, and she files for divorce.

A few weeks later, she meets a charming actor, David (James Franco). They play house soon there after, a preoccupation she seems to adapt with ease. But hey, she realizes that she actually wants to marvel at something so after the opportunity to shag David for several months, she decides to move on and drop everything else, fly to Rome and eat all the pasta margherita while mastering how to order from an authentic Italian menu. Four months after Rome, she joins an ashram in India to find herself, her balance. And I didn't even realize there was any form of imbalance from what I've seen of her life so far.

Finally, she ends her year by learning the inanities of Balinese life from a 9th generation magic man. She meets a Brazilian trader from Australia (yup, all the ridiculous references) who almost run her over while she was biking her miserable life away. When she finally connects with him, she once again flies away to "find her balance". Bwahaha!

Now tell me, how can you even give this scatterbrain spoiled brat an iota of sympathy from how she's been creating the problems that she pretends to grieve over? She hooks up with men then makes their lives as miserable as hers - only, she is able to fly halfway across the world to mend her own undoing.

Julia Roberts is a great actress. I say that with utmost sincerity. She lights up the screen with earnest vitality. Unfortunately for her, she failed to recognize the banality of a character as vacuous as Liz Gilbert. That Ms. Gilbert flaunts her thousand-and-one uncertainties through a brilliantly-written novel (from which this movie was based) is a testament of her imperious ego. The result: Julia gets lambasted by critics for the brattiness of her character. Julia looks ravishing all throughout, and the men are particularly sympathetic. Richard Jenkins ("The Visitor") is amazing as the Texan gentleman who lost his family from boozing. The side stories are actually compelling, and the use of these exotic places makes you wanna fly and do your own adventure in Rome, India and Bali. If only the narrative crowned its story with a fitting character worthy of our compassion. Instead, I wanted to learn how to use a slingshot and practice aiming at her.

I didn't realize this was directed by Ryan Murphy, creator and director of that little known TV show called "Glee".

Billy Crudup

James Franco

Javier Bardem

Luca Argentero plays Giovanni, Liz's Italian-language tutor.

Ben Affleck's The Town - Not Just Another Bank Heist

I'm not fond of bank heist flicks. What's there to enjoy when the arc of the story is, more often than not, predictable? They rob a bank, they either escape, get caught, or get killed. The end. But there's been several heist films shown in Manila recently: Nimrod Antal's disappointing "Armored", Benjamin Heisenberg’s compelling thriller-drama, “The Robber” (Germany/Austria) shown at the recent Cine Europa; and this week, Ben Affleck's "The Town". If you've seen the trailer, the story's easy to follow.

A bank robber (Ben Affleck) gets infatuated with the bank manager (Rebecca Hall) from an earlier heist. As he thrusts himself for her affection, an FBI agent (Jon Hamm) is meticulously tracking their trail. When Doug (Affleck) finally decides to turn over a new leaf, the big bosses wouldn't let him. He has to complete a final heist to avoid intimidations involving an ultimatum that threatens Claire's (Hall) life.

The film takes a lengthy exposition, running for more than 2 hours, but the pacing is brisk, you hardly notice the time. More importantly, the story is deftly told in brilliantly written characters that are able to carefully convey motives. The performances are top notch, from the conflicted Ben Affleck to the sympathetic Rebecca Hall; from the efficient Jon Hamm and affection-hungry Blake Lively to the volatile Jeremy Renner (after all, he wouldn't be nominated for an Oscar in "The Hurt Locker" if he was mediocre).

To keep this short and sweet, "The Town" is an unexpected pleasure.

Ben Affleck

Rebecca Hall

"Did he give you a diamond necklace?" goads the FBI agent.

Jon Hamm is Agent Adam Frawley, one of the sexiest agents in this planet.

Jeremy Renner is James, Doug's bestfriend and partner in crime.

Erich and Enchong Captivate Audience in “I Do”

Do we really dive into marriage, all body and soul, without much trepidation? Regardless of how much we love another person with every strand and cellular component of our being, there will always be a part of ourselves wanting to remain unencumbered by commitment. People are, after all, born alone. We do not come into this world with a bunch of friends. This reality, though heavily ignored, emphasizes a person’s need for the occasional solitude. The concept of marriage threatens this. But we sometimes have to decide exclusively for ourselves, most especially when it involves a more immediate reason staring right back at us. But that is easier said than done.

A pair of young lovers learn the hard way.

Mayumi (Erich Gonzales) and Lance (Enchong Dee) don’t share the same thoughts on love. To her, it’s the inescapable hand of fate. To him, it all equates to choice. But one day, they meet at a friend’s wedding and a force more powerful than gravity drew them together. Theirs was a match made in heaven, until Yumi realizes she’s pregnant. This throws Lance out on a loop, but the young couple (who’s finishing college) eventually decides to inform Yumi’s parents (Dennis Padilla and Pokwang) who agree with their decision to defer marriage until after their graduation. But where does this place Lance’s close-knit, albeit clueless Chinese family?

While Lance finds it difficult to introduce Yumi to his parents (Isay Alvarez and Ricardo Cepeda), he nevertheless invites her to his angcong’s (family patriarch, and Lance’s grandfather) birthday party. She puts her best foot forward to charm their pants off. But it soon becomes clear that old family traditions as rigidly bigoted as some Chinoy families (“Ang Chinese ay para sa Chinese.”) are Yumi’s biggest stumbling block in her quest for acceptance. This doesn’t stop the couple from planning the big date (in a hilarious scene where Lance drops a ring and Yumi catches him kneeling down in front of her). This would take Yumi and Lance’s romance on a zany rollercoaster ride. Will they ever get to say “I do”?

Erich Gonzales shows why she deserves lead roles, and she does so with effervescent charm and an endearingly insightful take on Mayumi. In one scene, she cries with skeptical elation as Lance declares his affection, and all she could say was an adorable, “Di nga?” In another scene, she whimpers with a simple, “Ayaw nya kasi akong pakasalan eh.” Yet we feel the distress of someone who’s been dismissed many times over. Which other star can impart those salient emotions in conspicuously meager lines? I can only think of two names, and not more. Real talent indeed doesn’t need kilometric spiels to highlight an emotion, and it is in this essence that we truly adore the talent of this young lady!

Enchong Dee on the other hand complements Erich’s bubbly persona with his characterization of a pessimistic Lance. The yin and the yang would never function if both “elements” tip the same scale. Having said this, we are prone to emphasize that Enchong is an intuitive young actor, if only he doesn't fret like a child – or worse, a girl. In the film, Lance is a grown up man who can father babies. Indeed, in some scenes, he needs a little bit more “machismo” – a shot of testosterone, a flexing of the muscle; a more tempered, nay, modulated delivery. The production could have benefited by giving him swimming scenes where he could parade and flex his swimming muscles, just to emphasize gender assignation. It’s a long shot, but at least the audience is reminded that “Enchong is our man” - and not some childish cuckoo who talks to his car! And with a delectable swimming body like his, who would forget? Furthermore, legendary leading men like Rock Hudson and Cary Grant never had lips redder than their leading ladies, did they?

I’m also partial to the supporting characters. Dennis Padilla is particularly affecting. This observation is significant because Padilla’s role as Mang Caloy (Yumi’s father) is a comic one, but he effectively imbues it with the perfect paternal veneer. We laugh when he throws used appliances at the Tans (Lance’s family), then we shed a tear for his despair. Pokwang isn’t that successful, which is disappointing because I like her. Ditto with Melai Cantiveros who has always been such a darling on the small screen. She can ridiculously reduce me into stitches with a deadpan, “Over over” or “Chok”! Unfortunately, Melissa’s character is nothing but an irritating, inconsequential speck. Her presence in the movie is like walking on glazed tiles with scratchy grains of sand on your shoes!

Janus del Prado’s Bernard could have been amiable to the very end, but the writer should have known when not to over stay his character’s welcome. Alwyn Uytingco is turning out to be one of the industry’s most dependable character actors. We also like Jun Urbano’s angcong; the moderated grace of Isay Alvarez as Lance’s mother, and that darling Eliza Pineda who plays Lance’s youngest sister. The movie is filled with amiable characters and this is one of the reasons why the film works.

I do have an issue with the Chinese cultural preference that “Ang Chinese ay para sa Chinese lamang”. If that’s the case, it’s quite easy – and cheap – these days to move away to China. I won’t stop them, obviously! They are free to head back to old-world Communism and old-world practices they see fit. Any Chinoy who bears such prejudiced thoughts should rid themselves of all the Filipinos by getting the f___ off this country, di ba? Might as well make this country a "Philippines for Filipinos only". That had to be said!

Veronica Velasco, in her very first mainstream work as a director (Unitel who produced "Inang Yaya" is still considered an indie film outfit), doesn’t just pass muster. In my book, she soars the cinematic skies with a hundred and one colors. I am particularly pleased with her narrative style: her characters always beat nauseatingly recurring odds (Maricel Soriano’s household chores as nanny Norma in “Inang Yaya”; Jodi Sta. Maria and Victor Basa as the runaway couple who pretends to be husband and wife in “Maling Akala”; and the hilarious Joey Paras as the gay P.A. who lost a wall tapestry in “Last Supper No. 3”). Velasco's main characters are endowed with the virtue of patience, and this isn’t lost in Yumi’s character who suffered several rejections not just from Lance’s family, but from Lance himself. Sure, this may have turned tedious and even dragged the exposition in the middle part of the story, but the ultimate payback is nothing less than inspiring!

Enchong Dee: charm and sensitivity.

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

The good news is, when I watched the movie on a Thursday afternoon, I was surprised to find the huge theater almost fully occupied – on a dead hour. The bad news is, Erich Gonzales is allegedly starting to act like a diva on the set and elsewhere. Heaven knows I like this girl, but just like an over inflated balloon, such excesses will ultimately burst into nothing but tattered pieces of plastic. So let this be false! I don’t want to loathe her, as she’s too talented to be disliked.

And didn’t you hear that “I Do” couldn’t even muster a B-rating from the Cinema Evaluations Board (CEB)? The hearsay goes, “It wasn’t funny enough!” according to the reviewing board, which goes to highlight the range of brain activity among CEB’s flock. If they probably placed Gil Portes as this movie’s co-director or line producer, "I Do" could have surely bagged an A-rating! Di ba, “Pitik Bulag”? Di ba, “Two Funerals”? And yes, honey, I did a glowing review of the latter which goes to show that regardless of the quality of his films, any Gil Portes film – good or bad - will always merit an A-rating. Isn’t it about time that this sad excuse of a pseudo-ratings board is scrapped? That way, we can rightfully put their otherwise unemployed members out to pasture!

Enchong Dee should "man up" and flex is muscles, so to speak.