Mac Alejandre's Just One Summer - Unbearable Cluelessness

The world is Nyel Cuaresma’s (Elmo Magalona) oyster. He is a happy-go-lucky young man with a bright future ahead of him. Right off high school, Nyel is flying to the US to pursue his medical education. His mother Irene (Alice Dixson), a successful physician, is equally thrilled. But there’s a caveat to his hilarity. Nyel needs the written consent of his estranged father Dan (Joel Torre). And the latter has one condition: that Nyel spends his summer in his father's farm. Nyel huffs and puffs. He hates his father, and hasn’t seen him for several years. But he also realizes there’s no getting around this predicament. You’re a young man with clarity of vision, his mother proudly says about him.

At the farm, he begrudgingly reacquaints himself with his father who’s only too thrilled to have him home. He reckons he doesn’t need to be nice to him. It's his mere presence that his father requires, not good manners. That wasn't part of the deal. Dan manages a progressive dairy and agricultural farm alongside his new partner Juliet (Cherry Pie Picache). Bratty Nyel is mostly dismissive until he meets Beto (Julie Anne San Jose), a farm girl who’s been harboring a long standing crush on Nyel who, on the other hand, would rather not have anything to do with the girl who, on their first day together, vomited on him.

Meanwhile, Beto just came home from her Manila studies. She is burdened by an unpalatable news. She didn’t get the scholarship everyone back home expected. Yet upon her arrival, she gets a celebratory party from her father Berting (Buboy Garovillo), Lola Meding (Gloria Romero) and their neighbors. How can she break the bad news to her effusive townsfolk? But there’s a silver lining at the horizon. Senor Dan offers a deal. If she chaperones Nyel until he finds goodness and beauty in this quaint village, Senor Dan would pay for her tuition. While she’s tickled pink with the prospect of seeing Nyel on a daily basis, Nyel isn’t too fond of her. What’s a girl to do? Will Nyel ever comprehend the complicated truth about his parents who are finally getting an annulment? More importantly, would he allow Beto in his provincial sojourn? Guess.

Watching a Mac Alejandro film is like starting a day knowing you're getting your root canal later. There's no going around it: it will be excruciating. Now where do I start? So help me God...

Alejandre's main crutch is predictability, but that isn't what's painful. What drives me crazy is the incongruence of his characters to the scenes that he conjures. Let's take Elmo's character Nyel who is bratty and willful. He is also clearly ambitious because he would rather study Medicine in the United States while other Fil-Ams prefer coming home for this. Do we see him reflective, sedate, studious or considerate? We should expect such characteristics from someone like him, right? Not a chance! Alejandre instead shows him party-hopping, hanging around bars with his ditzy friends. Moreover, he's mostly rude to other people and even dismissive to his girls. Very doctorly, debah? In Tagalog, "hindi naaangkop" and "hindi tumutugma", kuya! Try being a "lawyer" kaya, kuya?

Meanwhile, we are made to believe that Nyel's father Dan, played by Joel Torre, is a doting parent; the affectionate patriarch of a broken family. Yet since his separation from his son, it seems he has never visited his son even once though it's clear that Nyel is just a car-ride away. If you're the caring father, would you never show yourself to your son just because you're at loggerheads with his mother? Can't you visit your son even once to show that you care? Heck, there was no reason for him to stay away for good since he seems to harbor an amicable, albeit civilized relationship with his ex-wife. Baka busy milking the cows? Yet in one scene, we find him accusing his former wife of allowing their son to think badly of him. Kapal yata ni kuya, debah? He didn't bother showing up for years yet he desires to be perceived as the loving parent. Now isn't this hilarious? Alejandre seems to be quite adept making unintentional comedies.

SOLUTION FOR ECONOMIC RECESSION

As for its romantic quotient, we never quite believed that Nyel actually felt anything amorous for the "farm girl" other than pity. After all, she had to complete 360 bottles (or thereabouts) of manual milk harvest to earn the amount equivalent for her tuition fee. And if it's all that easy to earn that much in Milkland, then every student wanting of tuition money should troop down to Senor Dan's milk farm. That way, every Filipino can go to school by merely milking cows! Furthermore, I gladly nominate Senor Dan as the new Secretary of Education, Culture and Sports. He could probably solve the dipping literacy rate of the country better than Mrs. Cynthia Villar and her foundation. Milk for Education! Milk for Unemployment! Milk for the Filipino Diapora! Milk for the Abu Sayyaf! Milk for GA Villafuerte and Crisaldo Pablo! Oppps, theirs are a different variety of milk. :) I should probably milk cows too that way I don't have to pay for such inane cinematic fare, debah?

In one scene, Nyel tells Beto: "Sana ako na lang ang Isko mo at ikaw na lang ang Iska ko," in reference to a farm cow shown only once. The scene wasn't even endearing or humorous - Nyel was wearing a red shirt, then Beto warned Nyel that the pesky animal might come after him. That was all there is about Isko, the bored carabao. They didn't exactly have any emotional connection because the scene was abruptly edited. And more importantly, there was no Iska to begin with! Why then would Nyel reference their budding romance to an "Isko and Iska" when Iska is but a figment of Alejandre's imagination? Scenes in this film desperately scrape the bottom. Isn't it sad?

In another scene, to show Joel Torre's affectionate relationship with Cherry Pie Picache, the two middle aged lovers are shown flirting in front of everyone. When Cherry Pie reminds Joel to moderate his drinking, the latter replies with "Makikita mo mamaya, baka ikaw ang susuko!" - in front of every one, including Elmo. Ewww! Are provincianos really this crass or vulgar? Aren't they more discrete with their affairs? More importantly, how insensitive can a father be, canoodling in public with his "mistress" (he's still married, if you forgot) while his son looks on?

When Alice Dixson, playing Nyel's mother and Joel Torre's common law wife, comes to visit, Cherry Pie prepares a velvety satin sheet on Alice's bed, then quips, "Paborito n'ya yan." How does she know this? Sure, they might have been childhood schoolmates, but they were never friends. In fact, when Cherry Pie was introduced to Alice, pouty Dixson hardly remembered her. Where did Cherry Pie get the idea regarding Alice's favorite sheets? Maybe she has this enviable 6th sense? Or 3rd eye? Maybe she stalked lovely Alice in her younger years?

Alejandre, boundlessly clueless as a scriptwriter, piles up his discordant narrative strains in "Just One Summer" as though he's never done a movie before! So you do wonder why GMA Films keeps getting his services. This guy simply marvels at being vacuous. Result? "Just One Summer" came and went with a mere two-day commercial screening in most cinemas from Aparri to Jolo. This is a curiosity because Elmo and Julie Ann's loveteam is said to have a considerable following. Where have the fans gone? Did they summarily suffer from diarrhea, erupting pimples, excruciating menstruation, borborygmus, hemorrhoids or maybe toothache on its first two days of screening, thus weren't able to patronize the first cinematic outing of their "idols"? While most Star Cinema films earn P100-million peso earnings within a week, this Mac Alejandre film stalls and bombs at a measly P6 million peso for its entire theatrical run! Heck, that can't adequately feed the hungry Tasadays, the Bagobos and Hayden Kho, can it?
  

Dan (Joel Torre) welcomes his son Nyel (Elmo Magalona) while Juliet (Cherry Pie Picache) looks on.

The performances leave much to be desired. While Julie Anne San Jose works hard, albeit with uneven results, Elmo Magalona's perfunctorized turn is shallow and absolutely wanting of insight. It makes you wonder how these two go through the motion like well-oiled robots. Then you realize that Ana Feleo, Laurice Guillen's other daughter, is prominently billed as their acting coach. What gives? Who made Feleo the thespian that she isn't? Anyone saw her play David Archuleta's droll road manager in the execrable teleserye "Nandito Ako" (directed, of course, by Alejandre)? I could go on and on about that series from its opening scenes to those gag-inducing flashbacks. Il est horrible, monsieur! Feleo, in her musical theater world, is notorious for being a ham actress. In fact, in one of her plays ("Spoliarium"), there were hushed talks that even her own voice teacher (Fides Cuyugan-Asencio of "Aparisyon") - who was part of the musical - wanted her out of the play because Feleo was incapable of churning out real emotions. She personified "blandness". Yet here she is coaching Elmo and Julie Anne; teaching novices what she herself is incapable of doing!. Isn't this a matter of "the blind leading the blind"? Or just maybe I missed something: maybe this was actually an experimental flick or a thesis film. Goodness gracious!

GRADE B RATING

What's staggering to note? This cinematic vomitus actually got a Grade B from the nincompoops of the Cinema Evaluations Board (CEB). Time and again, the people from CEB keep validating the running gag that it's a government agency filled with either idiots or opportunists. Cinema Evaluations Bobo'ard, anyone? Do you wonder why? This government arm is supposed to help create a standard for quality films yet we get to hear films like this - not to mention "Pak Pak My Dr. Kwak" - as an epitome of excellence.

It is then such a hilarious experience watching TV5's "Artista Academy". Whenever Mac Alejandre shows up on screen, he would insist that he requires more "depth" from his wards' performances, I get goosebumps listening to him speak. He talks as though he knows what he's doing, yet cursory assessment of his body of work reveals otherwise. How can anyone as artistically scanty as Alejandre even assume that he could coax depth from others when he himself is wanting? Maybe Alejandre can benefit by enrolling in some Scriptwriting Class? On second thought, mediocrity and poor taste are irremediable concerns so why bother?

Juliet tells Nyel: "We only have two-day screenings nationwide."

A party for the non-scholar. Talk about building up a character to your audience.  :)

Father and lola learn of her secret.

Idyllic setting makes a case for "beauty with no substance".

Excited to vomit, Beto couldn't contain herself.

Mother and son find out something.

Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank – Endlessly Tickling Our Funny Bones

Marlon Rivera’s “Ang Babae sa Septic Tank” (The Woman in the Septic Tank) is a high wire act of film making. It’s perceptive and hilarious in ways too far removed from the usual Pinoy comedy. It playfully runs rings around human folly where boundless ambition is held up to scorn and ridicule. In fact, this is one work that elevates local humor to greater heights. This likewise underscores the capability of the Filipino to weave a yarn dripping with wit and hilarity, I’d be proud to recommend this to anyone: friends, family, foe - even to Indonesian producer Delon Teo who believes that movies should bear no logic (go figure)!

In the film, the narrative follows an independent film making crew – director Rainier (Kean Cipriano), producer Bingbong (JM de Guzman) and their production assistant Jocelyn (Cai Cortez) – as they wind their way to making a film about a woman with seven children as they navigate their environs in urban squalor. The filmmaking crew's budget allows them a mere 12 days of principal photography.

With a script on hand, they scrutinize every detail of the production, from the story (straight out narrative versus docu-drama), the camera to be used, post production requirement and editing, the look and setting of the film, the titling ("Walang Wala"), its poster, and its eventual casting.

With international festivals provocatively whirling at the back of their minds, the pumped up trio eventually lands at the door of Miss Eugene Domingo, the actress who’s being offered the role of Mila, the desperate housewife from the slums who’s out of her wits feeding her seven kids with watered down noodles. One day, Mila finds herself peddling her little boy to a Caucasian pedophile. Now, how receptive is Domingo to the project? We find out in one of the most joyous conclusions that had us laughing in shameless stitches and beguilement.

The movie is a social commentary on poverty porn, this dime-a-dozen new age genre of Philippine cinema that takes advantage of the country’s sweeping poverty - the squalor, despondency and moral ambiguity that pervades in society. It likewise generously takes shots of the inflated egos running around the world of legitimate independent film makers.

In one of several masterful narrative devices discussing their choices of actress to portray their cinematic heroine, we find Eugene Domingo, Cherry Pie Picache and Mercedes Cabral alternately portraying Mila; a tack that’s such a delectable treat for the audience’s cogitative state. In fact, we find ourselves engaged in the casting of Mila. It conjures interactive participation from its audience. Who would have thought this was possible in Philippine cinema?

In another scene, the buttoned up production assistant re-imagines the story told as a musical, and once again, it gallantly comments on the inherent mawkishness of the medium – was it referring to the previous Cinemalaya hit, Florida Bautista’s “Saan Nagtatago si Happiness?” or even Chito Rono’s “Emir”? There were very similar scenes as a crowd of irregular settlers dance in wild abandon. While Mila waits for her child by the stairs, we see Domingo immerse herself in dire emotionality typical of the genre. We were actually snickering.

I have two favorite scenes: The first was the trio’s encounter with the high-flying Arthur Poongbato, the indie film maker who, on his very first film, won big at the Venice, and got rave reviews at the Cannes. Someone suggested to us that this was Pepe Diokno whose “Engkwento” (Clash) won a couple of awards at the Venice Film Festival, but we know this wasn't so. Diokno, who’s Ateneo-bred, obviously knows his subject-verb agreement; is known to be mild mannered, and is aware of his espressos from “expressos”. Another tweety bird told us that this was Auraeus Solito, a brilliant director (we love his “Busong” to bits) who doesn’t seem to have a lot of local fans or friends within his filmmaking crowd. In the movie, the jetsetting new director is in a daze with all the international film festival invitations he has to attend. “Parang umuuwi lang ako ng Pilipinas para mag shower,” he remarks in jest. And he has yet to fly to these remote-sounding places: Mar del Plata (Argentina), Cairo, and Vesoul. When asked where Vesoul is, there was the unmistakable chirping of the crickets.

Fact is, we have a subcommunity of film makers who take a premium on international film festivals, ignoring the local scene altogether; their works never see exhibition for the 95 million Filipinos to appreciate. What good are these awards if they don’t even lift a finger to get their works shown in commercial theaters? What is their international recognition worth, but inflated egos, and not much else. At least not to the home crowd who can’t fly to Toronto, Pusan or Rotterdam to watch their masterpieces.

Our other favorite scene was when they finally meet the voluble Eugene Domingo to discuss the project. Domingo executes her mastery of the comedic language in flagrant strokes that defy adequate description. When she finally objects to scenes involving her physical immersion in a septic tank, all hell breaks lose. And on my second viewing, we found the scenes even more hilarious. “Tae yan; madumi ang tae,” Domingo emphasized.

When Domingo drops her lines with a certain rhythm and cadence (check out the three types of acting in her book), we shriek with laughter. She is such a joy to behold.

Frontal nudity, check! Sex scenes with actual penetration, check! Domingo enumerates things she’s willing to do for her art. But a septic tank? Will she or won’t she? You have to watch this to witness one of the most hilarious highlights to ever grace the silver screen. Scriptwriter Chris Martinez outdoes himself and turns up a tight, insightful work that, as one of his characters underline, works in many levels. Not the least of which is as one darn funny movie.

We chuckle at the sheer ambition and arrogance of its young film makers, but we're somehow lost in the preternatural re-imaginings such as the narrative that turns into a protracted musical - or a gritty in-your-face docu-drama. When Domingo lampoons herself as a mainstream personality (replete with product endorsements), her segment significantly veers away from thematic focus, as much as all her suggestions - in the guise of being "collaborative" - ultimately water down much of the film makers' raw vision on realist cinema. And didn't anyone notice Larry Manda's underwhelming cinematography? The film, in fact, opens with pixelated images adorning the opening frame. But these are minor quibbles. If anyone fails to recognize the superior craftsmanship in a film such as this, then you can be sure there won't be a lot of movies better realized and more superior than Marlon Rivera's flick.

Noy - Riding the Wave of Hope

Noy (Coco Martin) carries a heavy baggage on his back. His depressive brother Bong (Joem Bascon) is a paraplegic who wallows in self pity, occasionally hurting himself. His mother Elena (Cherry Pie Picache) maintains a wobbly online relationship with an African American who's in town for a visit - but she's repelled by his attention. And his younger sister Tata is constantly complaining of a blurred vision. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Divine (the endearing Erich Gonzales) is coming to terms with the fact that she is least of his priorities. She has accepted another suitor's proposal, and has to fly to Canada to join him. However, she pleads, "I'll stay if you ask me too." What's a guy to do?

When he finally gets his foot in the door, he becomes a traveling journalist whose beat is to follow presidentiable Noynoy Aquino's campaign trail. Though he works hard, his work appears soul-less, remarks his editor (Baron Geisler). Is his domestic baggage dragging him down? Or is he the underqualified journalist who has faked his resume?

There is no doubt about it. "Noy" is a well made film that brilliantly juxtaposes the homespun allegory of Noy (Coco Martin) with live footages from 20 of Aquino's campaign sorties nationwide. The symbolical narrative is meant to reflect the plight of modern day Filipinos in light of the growing dissension against poverty and moral apathy.

Director Dondon Santos coaxes great performances from his ensemble. Coco is obviously comfortable with his character's dilemma after having appeared in several Dante Mendoza films. It's no surprise that he comes up with a well fleshed characterization. Bascon is too one-note to involve us. Then there's the lovely Erich Gonzales whose character is tasked to, errr... cry! And cry she did! Despite her thinly written story, Gonzales comes up with a luminous performance that underlines the adage: "There are no small roles for great actors." In a representative scene where she bids Noy goodbye - and says, "Wag ka nang mag-sorry!" and "Manong, (the taxi driver), tara na ho." - she carries enough pathos to satisfy us of her discernment of loss, an emotional cataclysm. And boy! Can she literally cry buckets! Vice Ganda is surprisingly mediocre; his delivery is inconsistent and insincere. He was good in Lamasan's "In My Life" so we wonder what went wrong.

Despite the tragic thread, there is a hopeful tone as the film draws to a close. It brings back my pre-election concerns about Noynoy as the new President of the Philippines. I have no doubt in my mind of Aquino's sincerity and incorruptibility. He will not enrich himself the way GMA and his relatives have - and they're even quite arrogant about their blatant pilferage. Unfortunately, what do you say about a man who - at close to 50 years old - cannot build a house of his own without the help of a much younger sister (Kris Aquino - she did boast several times how she will finance his new house when President Cory passed away). We need to rebuild our nation. How can we entrust nation-building to a man who can't even build his own home? My friend would say, "Baka naman he is prudent." Baka nga! LOL. Well, Noynoy will be the new president - and I will respect and support him as my president - with bated breath!

"Noy" is a well made film, but we do have scruples about the pervasive use of poverty as a cinematic theme. Aren't we all tired of supposedly socially relevant films that conspicuously depict our nation as a land of squatters, where mosquito-infested houses rise on flooded out stilts? They would have people believe that this unidimensional theme is all that pervades our desperate society of prostitutes and callboys, alcoholics, thieves, perverts, fixers, and other aberrant lowlives! In this country, a socially relevant movie is equivalent with the exploitation of poverty. Talk about bankruptcy of ideas!

Coco Martin