Jigz Recto's "Binatilyo" - A Caterwauling Fete (An Unpublished Post from 2012)

Vintage Blush? Well, this is an article we weren't able to publish for some reason, but this had an original post date of November 8, 2012 - 4 long years ago. It had Jao Mapa too. It was one of those pink films that flourished that time. I am sure some of the followers of this blog have missed the spunk and irreverence we've dedicated towards the exploitation and vapid film-making that proliferated back then. I didn't really care about the associated metrics, but when each post was being read by between 8,000 and 18,000 people, you realize that you must have done something right. After all, this is a text-heavy blogsite so I know that my readers aren't illiterates. They also have impeccable taste. Tee hee. So here goes.

STORY

TJ (Norris John) is infatuated with his classmate Karla (Lili Montelibano). But TJ isn't the school’s most popular student. In fact, he gets brickbats for his father Dading’s (Jao Mapa) effete ways: “malamya, malambot, kumekendeng”. A few days before Karla’s birthday, TJ gets a reprieve from Karla’s snootiness. If TJ can provide her with a new smart phone - as gift, of course - for her birthday, then he’s welcome to court her! Quite the opportunist, isn't she? So what’s a guy to do? His very own cell phone is ten years past its prime and held together by an adhesive.

At home, he badgers his impoverished, albeit hard-working parents for the fashionable gadget. Truth to tell, TJ’s foible is a vice his family can’t afford. But his attentive and persevering father works even harder and appropriates a good chunk of his earning, much to the consternation of TJ's mom  Elma (Angela Ruiz). The boy is getting impatient because Karla’s birthday is close by. TJ turns to his best friend (Winston de Dios, “Sulot“, “Rigodon”) who moonlights as an exotic dancer and hustler. Lulu (Lorraine Lopez), TJ’s classmate and overt admirer, is only too happy with this development. She wants a piece of TJ’s inches as much as she enjoys his best friend’s. Little did TJ realize that Lulu is a nefarious henchman’s girlfriend. This gets TJ into trouble.  

Karla’s birthday comes, but Dading’s hidden stash is confiscated by his wife. What’s a father to do? Will TJ ever find the acceptance from Karla? Will there be enough cellphones in the Philippines in time for the opportunist's birthday? I shiver.

TJ (Norris John) despises his father.

Director Jigz Recto once again weaves another unctuous and exceedingly mawkish mixbag of melodrama and Pink-leaning narrative. “Binatilyo” is, in fact, one of the most painful films to watch, reminiscent of the protracted scenes from “Dulas” and “Kasalo”, both directed by the same director.  These films stretch the dramatic scenes much longer than you can say "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis". 

Just when you thought the protracted aria has been delivered, the emotive gravity resumes again with another set of caterwauling that burrows deep inside your head. I have been sensitized to these cinematic punishments, but this flick has tested my patience. I was this close to walking out. 

Clueless directors believe that they could milk their dramatic tableau by expanding their dramatic scenes. This isn't a case of “the longer, the better”, or is it? Norris, who isn't a tall guy, would surely not agree either. The boyish actor works hard and though he succeeds to personify the spoiled rotten juvenile, his characterization is hobbled by the non-expository ethos of his cinematic persona. It’s hard to swallow how a once-loving son has transmogrified into this insensitive brat. 

Elma and son TJ (Angela Ruiz and Norris John)

DEUS EX MACHINA

It’s quite apparent that the ministrations fueling the narrative are meant as deus ex machina. The inclusion of Lulu’s gun-toting beau and TJ’s best friend is perplexing. When prodigal TJ comes home, he learns that his father died looking for him (TJ saw him in a gay bar and thought that his father has come out of the closet when, in fact, he was there to work as a waiter so he could earn more money to buy a new phone for his son). He further learns of his mother’s ornery past: When she got pregnant, his boyfriend ditched her. Kind-hearted Dading comes to the rescue and assumes the responsibility as husband and father. This he did despite being as queer as a three dollar bill, so to speak.

After Elma’s confession, TJ gets a 30-minute crying spell. It was night time. The next day, he visits his father’s grave and another lachrymose caterwauling arises. You wonder where prodigal TJ went that he didn't even catch the loooong wake – and the burial. Did he maybe peddle his flesh overseas? Like Okinawa or Antananarivo, maybe? But he was just enjoying a staycation with his classmate. Why wasn't he told? But the most blatant antagony is the crux that fuels the story: What guy in his right mind would purchase a smart phone for a pompous girl who isn't even his girl friend yet? The story is riddled with holes the size of the supermoon.

The Pink element appears when, one night, a drunk TJ gives Winston’s a visit who then “attends” to his friend's drunken stupor, undressing him and giving him a diligent, thorough, and refreshing sponge bath. Ayayay pag-ibig, coos Ara Mina. What are friends for, debah? By sunrise, TJ finds himself glisteningly speckless and exfoliated. 

“Binatilyo” is one of the most excruciating flicks I’ve seen this year. It’s a “buwis buhay” experience. Someone deserves to be tied on a tree teeming with fire ants. Either that - or he deserves to be shipped somewhere where transport only comes once every 50 years. No... make it 70!

TJ daydreams of Karla (above) then rollings in the hay with Lulu.

Gay husband Dading and wife Elma.

Lulu

Winston de Dios and Norris John

Norris John

Norris John

Note:

Read our feature Cinema Bravo and Web Criticism? :
- http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2016/10/cinema-bravo-film-criticisms-execrable.html


#pinkfilm   #binatilyo  #norrisjohn   #jaomapa

Like Getting Raped! - Blush Gets Violated

Last night, while burning the midnight oil, writing a long delayed review of another Pink Film, I was googling for some of my past reviews as reference to Lucas Mercado's "Imahinasyon" when I inadvertently came across a link that had extensive use of "Make Be Blush".

The blog - Pinoy Indie Cinema!

http://pinoyindiecinema.blogspot.com/

I don't mind Film Blogs. In fact I have links of similar blogs. I love discourses about films, and I encourage people to write about their own "subjective" experience while watching films. But this particular blog  - Pinoy Indie Cinema - had something peculiar! In its 10 most read posts are 3 films with curiously very similar synopsis. When I clicked on one, I realized that the whole synopsis was mine! And it was made out as though the blog owner wrote them because there was no attribution to speak of! I eventually found 10 other movies with synopsis all plagiarized from "Make Me Blush" - featured as stand alone pages. Since these posts DO NOT have personal criticisms of their own, these synopses constitute 99% of each post. I couldn't help but get infuriated.

Writing these reviews aren't a walk in the park. I had to sometimes brave some of the most execrable movie houses (along with my dear friend Kyle) just to see them - then be able to write about them! And writing isn't easy when you don't like what you are watching, which is most of the case where Pink Films are concerned. But since this blog "tries" to document every Filipino Movie that gets shown commercially, I persist!

SAME PROBLEM

Last year, I had the same problem when another film blog did the same idiotic deed. I left him a note - and he apologized, saying: "I thought these were synopses from publicities." Of course he was trying to get off easy because if he had half a brain, he would know that these synopses have criticisms in themselves. And who is he fooling? Simply put, I wasn't born yesterday. He removed what wasn't his... and life went on as it should. But why am I fodder to these copyright infringements? I do not mind being referenced and quoted, but having my text-work copy pasted and taken as theirs is beyond tolerance! 

Why does it always happen to me? I am not the only one with film blogs!

WHAT IDIOT

Let's take for example the page post for "Dulas" in "Pinoy Indie Cinema". There was actually acknowledgment. After having the 3 paragraphs of summary, this was erroneously attributed to "Philbert Dy of Click the City"! What the... indeed! What idiot cannot copy paste and attribute properly?

Seeing my synopses in other blogs is not an issue, but when they are treated as anything but mine or Blush's, it becomes a grievous violation; like getting used and abused without my consent. It's not the most pleasant feeling. I left messages to the blog owner for the removal of my works. From here on, he is NOT welcome to any of my text works, acknowledged or not! I've so far gotten no reply. Blogger advises to click the "Flag" button, but the owner has conveniently hidden this. So I am left with the more inconvenient recourse.

How can people sleep soundly making blogs out of other people's hard work? More importantly, how can they own up something that is not theirs? Some people could be so "shameless", and it's better emphasized in its vernacular: "Walang hiya!"  

I was restless most of last night, I kept turning in my bed. But there are measures to be done. People have to respect intellectual property because there are repercussions when you don't!

To those who helped share this on Twitter and Facebook, to disseminate the misdeed, I don't know who you are, guys, but thank you! :)

Lastly, I would like to sincerely thank the Google Team for extending their help on this matter. When I faced a blank wall, you paid attention swiftly! Talk about competence. I could kiss you, guys! Thank you, thank you. Mwah!

I was able to screencap these pages as proof. Posted below are screen caps to the pages plagiarized from my reviews:

Here are some of the infringements I found:

FILM No. 1 - "Laro" - A review which I posted November 15, 2011

http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2011/11/laro-comedy-beyond-sex-comedy.html 

His blog used the full text of my synopsis without even asking for permission nor give attribution - posted March 3, 2012 Saturday

http://pinoyindiecinema.blogspot.com/2012/03/laro-game-ako-game-ka-ba.html#more 

FILM No. 2 - "Salo (Share)" - A review I posted February 2, 2012

http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2012/02/miko-jacintos-salo-accommodating.html

His blog used my text 2 weeks after and posted it February 16, 2012

http://pinoyindiecinema.blogspot.com/2012/02/salo-share.html 

FILM No. 3 - "Dulas (Slippery)" - a review I posted on July 24, 2011

http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/search?q=dulas 

His blog used my text work and published it February 23, 2012

http://pinoyindiecinema.blogspot.com/2012/02/dulas.html  - He even attributed it to a "Philbert Dy of Click the City" when it is clearly mine!

FILM No. 4 - "Balang Araw (Bullet Day" - a review I posted February 4, 2012

http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2012/02/balang-araw-hopeful-cinematic-effort.html 

His blog used my text 12 days later on February 16, 2012

http://pinoyindiecinema.blogspot.com/2012/02/balang-araw-bullet-day.html 

Even his trivia used my text verbatim, straight out from my article. He even used the screencaps I personally captured from the trailer. While the film isn't mine, this is putting emphasis that he blatantly uses other people's work.

FILM No. 5 - "Dyagwar" - A review I posted December 20, 2011

http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2011/12/dyagwar-when-happy-endings-are-alright.html 

He used my text 2 months later on February 23, 2012

http://pinoyindiecinema.blogspot.com/2012/02/dyagwar.html 

FILM No. 6 - "HIV" - A review I posted December 21, 2011

http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2011/12/hiv-si-heidi-si-ivy-at-si-v.html 

He used my text and even a couple of the photos I screencapped myself straight from the trailer of the film. He posted this 5 weeks later on February 13, 2012

http://pinoyindiecinema.blogspot.com/2012/02/hiv-si-heidi-si-ivy-at-si-v.html 

FILM No. 7 - "Bingwit (Hook)" - I posted a review on September 16, 2011

http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2011/09/bingwit-impotence-of-ideas-and.html 

He used my text on December 28, 2011 without my permission though he finally acknowledged that it indeed came from my blog. Still I did not allow this.

http://pinoyindiecinema.blogspot.com/2011/12/bingwit.html 

As though copy pasting my synopsis wasn't enough, he even quotes lines from  Click the City and Make Me Blush!

Even his trivia was copied verbatim from my review! Without attribution, of course!

Now he includes a critique for "Dulas", where does he lift it from? Make a good guess. Maybe it's his because once again, there was no acknowledgment!

These were 2 photos included in Pinoy Indie Cinema's movie stills, now  observe the pages from "Make Me Blush" below!

Check the text and the screen cap of Jake Cuenca! While I don't own the rights of the movie, these photos were personally screencapped by me for the article (the two featured above)!

Here is another copy pasted synopsis that's part of MY review. Guess where he got the photo? This is the only one with proper attribution. Stepped on crap that day?

Synopsis as part of my review gets plagiarized once again and made out like it's his! The first paragraph was tweaked differently... "figuratively playing the snake in paradise"? Haha. Ohgawd. But the rest of the article was mine, including description of the "hopelessly homely Lorraine Lopez". 

Verbatim copy pasting of MY synopsis with no attribution and taken like it's his own! 

Portion of the review of "Bahid" from "Make Me Blush". Spot the difference?

Worst of the Worst - 2011's Horror Roll

We've waited a whole year to collate the titles and performances that made us suffer, wince, and shiver out of frustration. These were the films that made us doubt the Filipino as a Filmmaker, and truly underlined why many Filipinos prefer brainless Hollywood fares over local commercial and independent titles. "Untamed Virgins" vs. "Transformer"? Which one would you pay P180 for? It's a no-brainer really!

CONSUMER RIGHTS

If you don't agree with us, too bad. It's my own money I wasted to watch these flicks. Last time I checked, I had the inherent right to say what I wanted about the products I bought. Like that rotten tomato from the market. Otherwise, spend your money and go watch a movie. Join me in my suffering! Then make your own list!

Without further ado, here are 2011's Worst Films:

1. Panday 2 – Mac Alejandre’s action adventure-fantasy is filled with characters that don’t make sense; try a fire-breathing dragon that’s too inept to kill sword-wielding devil warriors a fourth of their size; a mythical hero with a protruding abdominal girth hidden behind a 5-inch thick belt, one who can’t protect his love ones; a Joker-wannabe nemesis who keeps getting resurrected after having been blown to smithereens from their last encounter; a schizophrenic witch who does nothing but laugh whether she’s pleased or otherwise.. Yes, it’s déjà vu. The plot – if you can call it that – is exactly similar to the last one.

2. Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow – Maricel Soriano shows the ABC’s of bad acting! Lovi Poe and Carla Abellana repeat themselves because they were so pleased with their soap opera performance in Jun Lana’s “My Neighbor’s Wife”. So they’re giving us more of the same. But this is different. Calamity and catastrophe are used as backdrop for their caterwauling. Impressed?

3. Big Boy - Shireen Seno’s masturbatory journey back into post-war Manila is littered with dreamlike sequences of random events and scatterbrain indulgence. A poor family gets their teenage child a nose job. And this is the 1950’s! The narrative alternately jumps from black-and-white to color scheme. A story easily told in 15 minutes is stretched to an almost-epic two-and-a-half hours! The best part? Some people label it “brilliant”. Go figure.

4. Sexventure. Nigerian expat Fellyx Honeyfield once again plays with his camera and comes up with easily the year’s worst movie. A 65 kilometer ride from Makati to Calamba takes a bunch of horned up girls two days to complete. After getting abducted – where they were beaten black and blue and even raped, they opted to head down to a rundown resort for a swim instead of reporting the incident at the nearest police station. And before you thought that’s how the narrative ultimately unravels, this was actually an AIDS-related vendetta involving a woman who doesn’t have HIV! Get it? The funniest bit in this sad excuse of cinema happens at the tail end of the screening. Little did I realize that “Sexventure” wasn’t actually a compound word for “sex adventure”, but an acronym that meant this: S – Severe, EX – Extremely, V – Vicious, E – Exposing, N – Nudity, R – Reproach… and so on! Does that vaguely mean anything to you? Someone needs to bump his head on the wall.

5. Pak! Pak! My Dr. Kwak! – An angel is sent down to Earth for a mission involving a quack healer. Fart jokes, not to mention characters on the throes of a diarrheaic episode, pepper this Tony Reyes cinematic atrocity. The idiots at the Cinema Evaluations Board gave it a B-rating. Were you surprised? Well, not really. Not when they also gave “Tween Academy”, “Panday 2”, “Enteng ng Ina Mo” similar rating. You know what one of those moron judges called Bea Binene? The new Maricel Soriano! Alcohol intoxication perhaps? Nausog tuloy si Maricel. :)

6. Students Project. Another Laguna-bound homophobic quartet (teen age boys this time) head to the province to interview a transvestite. Appreciate the narrative coherence already? The lines in the flick were careless, even thoughtless. Define "gay", students were asked by an interviewee. One poor guy replied: "Gay is a social being who is creative and responsible". He might as well describe National Artist wanna-be Carlo Caparas, right? Or Sharon Cuneta, for that matter. While the guys were picking up a hooker, Richard paid her a compliment: "Ang ganda mo. Para kang isang magandang dilag!" Huh? Maybe Rich thought the girl was a transsexual? At one of the class scenes - filmed under the canopy of a camachile, their professor introduced, "This is Psychology. Do you know what the world needs now?" Love, sweet, love, maybe? Then suddenly, these homophobes started canoodling with each other’s joysticks at a camp out. And wait, this Deo Fajardo-movie ended up with a good guy-bad guy chase scene. Still follow the narrative structure?

7. Masikip sa Tatlo. Edz Espiritu’s film examines infidelity in a homosexual relationship. Eh? Does this mean there’s a degree of discernment here? Fat chance of that happening. But see Jersey Milano cry from one room to the next in the most painfully protracted crying scenes in the history of the human race.

8. Untamed Virgins. John Ad. Castillo and Malaysian expat Z Lokman incorporate two unrelated stories: one follows indigenous tribesmen as they go about their daily jungle routine; the other follows a fictitious tribal king in search of a potion that could revitalize his sexual stamina. Roldan Aquino parades around with his male boobs and a gargantuan potbelly, bemoaning his incapacity to “get it up”. One scene has him scouring the jungle to look for his "mahiwagang dahon" (magic leaves supposedly possessing Viagra potency). When he saw a porcupine, he was so petrified he jumped on a tree and stayed there overnight until his son found him the next day! He said, "Nakakita ako ng napakaraming malalaki't mababangis na hayop!" A single diminutive porcupine?

9. Tiyo Pablo. Another Edz Espiritu hair-pulling masterpiece. This provided a cinematic template to the low-budget, pink-flavored domestic drama that doesn't need change of scenery. Characters just navigate the walls of a house, gallantly disrobing between lines. This scenario is seen in succeeding homoerotic titles like Rad Francisco’s “Playmates”, Vince Tan’s “Laro”, Paul Singh Cudail’s “Sulot”, Darry de la Cruz’s “Bingwit”, Lucas Mercado’s “Trabajador: Men @ Work”, etc. Aren't homosexuals the most brilliant minds where art is concerned? Why are the most detestable films of the year the pink-fueled releases? Mediocrity has become almost pathognomonic to the genre. One reason for this unrelenting proliferation is the audience’s tolerance to poor creativity; as long as there are flashes of genitalia, it’s a five star movie. I actually overheard two men conversing about “Kape Barako”. “Uy napanood mo yun? Ang ganda ganda nun, maraming titi!” I rest my case. Isn’t that plain stupidity? Someone bring him a brain… fast!

10. Crisaldo Pablo Films. Six of them: “Subok”, “Hinala”, “M2M Eyeball The Movie”, “Manong Konstru”, “Wanted Male Boarders” and “Dose, Trese, Katorse”. While a big network like GMA Films can only muster 6 commercial releases, Crisaldo Pablo easily comes out with the same output; many of them in simultaneous weekly commercial releases. Fuzzy camera, low budget, tuberculous guys willing to flash their magic wands, and stories conjured from a libidinous, confused, albeit hallucinating writer characterize these stories. We have separate reviews of each gag-inducing work. Pablo’s excuse for their mediocrity? These are not “films” but “video movies”! LOL. Didn’t he finish Film Studies in UP Diliman?

2011’s Most Annoying Performances: The Horror Roll

We’ve retitled the heading. Why? Because if we were to really qualify a heading with “worst”, then we’d need a long, long list. Instead, we’ve collated the performers who stuck out like sore thumbs in their respective films. They made our viewing experience unbearable. We wanted to throw rancid eggs and rotten tomatoes while they were on screen.

Inclusion-exclusion criteria: All films screened in commercial theaters. We’ve excluded most of the Pink Films of Crisaldo Pablo and some of his cohorts. Otherwise, this list would be a roll call to most of the year’s gay-friendly outputs. Besides, you can hardly take these flicks seriously where artistic merit and professional standards are concerned. But, we had to make an exception to two of the most hair-pulling performances from that genre. As heaven is my witness, these names deserve to be here.

1. Aljur Abrenica as Alfredo, the college jock, in Chris Martinez’s updating of Joey Gosiengfiao’s “Temptation Island”. For all of Abrenica's physical splendor, he is hopelessly hammy. Abrenica's deliveries were perfunctory and at times painful... like playing a pre-recorded indolent declamatory line, robotic and wooden. He has taken Machete to heart. Method acting, perhaps?

2. Melai Cantiveros as hard working bread winner Pureza in Soxy Topacio’s wrinkle-inspiring penitence flick called “The Adventures of Pureza: Queen of the Riles”. Stripped of the charm and affability we've expected from Cantiveros, all that’s left is a shrill, noisy, charmless comedic delusion that irritates and tests patience.

3. Toffee Calma as gay director Melos who sets out to manipulate the lives of his household help in Vince Tan’s “Laro”. Watching him perform on screen felt like he hasn't learned much from his considerable experience in the business – a long list of mostly B-movie eroticas. He is awkward. He articulates as though there’s a gum stuck in his incisors and a furball down his larynx. He fills his persona with wasted facial contortions and lavishly unnecessary animated spiels; it was like a bad drag show in a two-bit comedy bar.

4. Marc Abaya as Rodel, the head henchman who’s running after the children of the massacre victims in Jerrold Tarog’s “Aswang”. Abaya took his character with livid thespic strokes, you might as well expect him to eventually transmogrify into Beelzebub himself. His depiction is exactly similar to his role in Joaquin Valdez’s “Dagim” (about cannibals in the mountains). He could have hopped from that set to this, there wouldn’t be discernable contrariety. This has always been Abaya’s unfortunate inclination. When he portrays, he goes all out, with no heed for restraint.

5. Noriel Jarito as Efren, the middle aged OFW who, after getting downsized from work, comes home unannounced only to find his wife canoodling with their neighbor in Jarito’s “Rindido”. Jarito, the film’s protagonist and lead star, wears a single facial expression throughout the film; he displays a uniform blunt affect that slightly changes when he closes his eyes during coitus. Doing double duty as actor and director was an ill advised decision and sheds all the focus that his narrative required.

6. Richard Gutierrez played 4 characters in GMA’s “My Valentine Girls”: as novelist Arvin Perez who struggles from an artist’s block; as taxi driver Oslec in Dom Zapanta’s “Soulmates”; as apocalypse survivor Aidan in Chris Martinez’s “Gunaw”; as lawyer Zack in Andoy Ranay’s “BBF”. Here’s the rub: Whether he's a lawyer or a taxi driver, a novelist or an action hero, Gutierrez offered no delineation in terms of characterization. They were strangely similar. How an actor could impart an absence of distinction in all four characters is stuff of legends.

7. Roldan Aquino as Bating, a tribal head in search of the “mahiwagang dahon” that could bring his sexual vitality back in John Ad. Castillo and Z Lokman’s “Untamed Virgins” – a film populated by bulging abdomens, static emotions and inert facial expressions. And this was marketed as old-school erotica, without any hint of eroticism, mind you!

8. Jersey Milano as Sandy, the call center agent whose lover (Anton Nolasco) cheated on him in Edz Espiritu’s “Masikip sa Tatlo” – curiously one of this blog’s most searched titles. Milano’s film is stippled with incessant, caustic caterwauling and vociferous scenes that inspires hara kiri from its audience. You’d find him crying in the bedroom, then he’d move to the living room to cry again, and further his emotional calisthenics in the bathroom. The film, bafflingly labeled as an experimental film by its discombobulated makers, is one of the year’s most painful films we had to endure.

9. Candy Pangilinan takes a twin dishonorable mention for her choleric demeanor as Monique in Deramas’ “Who’s That Girl” and as the irascible camera person in Tan’s “HIV: Si Heidi, Ivy at si V” elegantly displaying her dense and boisterous, staccato version of how acting should be. If you've seen her in "For The First Time", "Petrang Kabayo", "Who's That Girl", and all her other television work, it's the same thespic attack: she has, in fact, mastered the art of constipated delivery. She's always irritable, throws her lines like she's going to drop dead if she couldn't finish a sentence in 2 seconds. In one scene, out of desperate haste, she referred to Gil as "a hot young shot director" - Ano daw? What’s a “young shot director”? Of course, she meant "a young hotshot director".

10. Maricel Soriano as Mariel, the spiteful television network head in Jun Lana’s “Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow”. Lana has managed to singularly destroy Maricel Soriano’s spotless reputation as an insightful, dependable actress. For the first time in her illustrious career, I was surprised to find Ms. Soriano heavy handed and misdirected. This was a Soriano that’s graceless, shrill and mediocre. Her one-note performance is baffling. What has time done to one of the most versatile actresses this business has ever produced? What's more mysterious? She won Best Actress at the recent MMFF! Doesn't it make you wonder who these idiotic panel of judges are?

11. Carla Varga as Cedes, the widow - with three sons – who falls for an apocryphal young husband who has eyes for her sons in Edz Espiritu’s “Tiyo Pablo”. Varga repeated herself as Melba, the abandoned wife in Jigz Recto’s “Dulas”. In both flicks, the aging upstart parades around fully made up and accessorized, wearing her skin tights and ready to party… even in the bedroom where her young husband was already half naked.

12. Toni Gonzaga as music teacher Maribel who opted to work in Japan in Jose Javier Reyes’ “Wedding Tayo, Wedding Hindi”. We love Toni to bits, but hated her ill-advised turn in the movie. Her decision to meet Eugene Domingo’s flagrant comedic (but welcome) excesses head on exposed her weaknesses. Her performance straddled between demonic possession and constipation. Yes, we know that living in Japan could have toughened her up, but did she really have to be that loud and eccentric? Toni mistook change of personality for insanity.

13. Jaime Pebanco as Haddic, the coffee farmer whose son, a slow-learner in school, was recruited to join the Abu Sayyaf in Joel Lamangan’s “Patikul”. Pebanco’s first ever award – a best supporting actor from Cinemalaya – was as mysterious as the crop rotations of South America. His turn was one of the sore points of an otherwise serviceable, if a tad too schmaltzy pro-education film campaign. Yes, “30 years” in the business (really?) sometimes doesn't teach cinematic restraint.

14. GMA Tweeners (Barbie Forteza, Joshua Dionesio, Elmo Magalona, Bea Ninene, Jake Vargas, et.al) for their collective effort in “Tweet Academy: Class of 2011”. Here’s a bunch of charmless, clueless young performers who awkwardly hopped into cinema like fish out of water. Weird growing-up flick for an extra terrestrial audience. Enough said.

SPECIAL MENTION

There’s more – like Sue Prado’s hysterics as Lolita, a drug mule in Joseph Israel Laban’s “Cuchera” and the cast of Sari Lluch Dalena’s “Ka Oryang” – with the exception of Alessandra de Rossi, who was brilliant as usual. Special mention goes to Marife Necesito and Angeli Bayani for their gag-inducing, soap opera’ish depiction of abused political prisoners. Didn’t I mention before that this abomination won “Best Picture” as well at 2011’s Cinema One Festival? They should have shared the “Best Picture” trophy with Shireen Seno’s “Big Boy” to completely realize the big joke! The good news: These flicks didn’t make it for commercial screening!

Marife Necesito and Sue Prado

2011: The Year That Was – A Rundown of All Commercial Filipino Film Releases of 2011

It’s been a difficult year for us, but we feel oddly triumphant to have made it. Our advocacy on watching all commercial Filipino releases has been a tall order; one that challenged our stamina to sit through some of the most banal cinematic works - week after week. We sometimes doubt the essence of “Tangkilikin ang Pelikulang Pilipino” because patronage has to be deserved. More often than not, they don’t. The good news is, there have been a good number of releases that truly energized our resolve. The bad news: many of them don’t even have commercial exhibits.

But we're placing a premium on the films that made it to regular screenings – 2011's commercial releases!

NOT MEANT FOR PINOYS

These movies constitute the “real” Filipino Mainstream Cinema, offered on celluloids and silver screens to the 95 million movie-loving Filipinos all over the archipelago. What good is a triumphant Cannes-winning flick that never gets screened in his country; or that Locarno-winning Pinoy movie inaccessible to his countrymen? Sure, they’ve been screened and even won accolades in festivals in Siem Reap, Delhi, Maldives, Goa, Cairo, Vesoul, Durban, Chanchun, Ahmedabad, Eilat, Tehran, Thrissur, Patna, Thiruvananthapuram, Kyoto, Abu Dhabi, Antananarivo, Somalia, Mar del Plata and Dushanbi, but do they really deserve our adulation when they’re not even meant for Pinoy consumption?

Despite this unsavory fact, we still read about such triumphs at the Inquirer. They’re not even meant for the Pinoys, how can we gallantly embrace them?

HAZARDS OF DOCUMENTATION

Corollary to our advocacy is the more daunting task of writing about them. To be honest, this isn’t a very healthy endeavor. I had nightmares writing about “Panday 2”. I was highly febrile after watching Nigerian director Fellyx Honeyfield’s “Sexventure”. I braved the stench of a dank cinema in downtown Manila just to catch Rad Francisco’s “Bikini Boys”, thank heavens Kyle my BFF was with me. We're inflicted with Last Quarter Syndrome every year. The last 3 months of the year becomes a challenge; our spirit turns defiant. It gets harder to scribble our thoughts. This is the reason why our last quarter blog entries have been incomplete. But make no mistake; we have seen every single commercial movie released in 2011. And we’re here to take stock of the harvest.

CINEMA HARVEST

The big number – 80! We’ve included Christian Bautista’s Indonesian film, “A Special Symphony” in this list for completion. In the same list is John Sayles’ “Amigo” which had Filipino production cast and crew comprising about 80% of its manpower, thus its inclusion. It’s interesting to note that this film output has relatively increased from 2010’s 73 Filipino films released commercially.

PINK FILMS

Pink Films – those homoerotic, neuron-depleted, male-oriented, genitalia-waving soft porn ouvres – dominated 2011’s line-up with a staggering 25 titles; that’s more than a fourth of the whole output. The female erotica has taken the backseat – headed by Lawrence Fajardo’s “X-Deal”, the only masterly crafted flick in a genre comprising some of the worst films ever made (Fellyx Honeyfield’s “Sexventure”, John Ad. Castillo and Z Lokman’s “Untamed Virgins”, Noli Salvador’s “Haliparot: Mana sa Ina”).

Crisaldo Pablo, the exponent of low budget (with equally low cerebral activity) male exploitation flicks, managed an enviable output of 6 theatrical releases (“Subok”, “Hinala”, “Manong Konstru”, “M2M 3: Sex Eyeball The Movie”, “Dose, Trese, Katorse”, “Wanted: Male Boarders”). What’s alarming is that this Moron Cinema (plotless gay films) is a burgeoning industry and Pablo’s cohorts are too glad to follow his lead, many of them clueless with the visual medium: there’s Noli Salvador, Paul Singh Cudail, Lucas Mercado, Rad Francisco, G.A. Villafuerte, Edz Espiritu and Jigz Recto. And by the way, what’s with the letter “Z” and mediocrity, Z Lokman? There’s even Monti Parungao and his sperm-concocted lattes (“Kape Barako”). Even Vince Tan – aka Neal Tan - has joined the fray with 3 releases: “Private Nights”, “Anton Tubero”, “Laro”. Let’s not forget “HIV: Si Heidi, Si Ivy at si V” where he was re-billed “Neal Buboy Tan”. At least his male leads are real lookers (James Pinca in “Private Nights”, Lance Lopez in “Anton Tubero”) instead of the “dugyutin-type” and tuberculous-body frames of the guys in Crisaldo Pablo’s masterpieces. However, Pink Films produced a gem in Archie del Mundo’s “Taksikab” – the sole flicker of light in an abyss of artless, mindless penis-loving subculture.

THE LEADER

Star Cinema (the uncontested leader of high-profile mainstream commercial titles in the country) released 20. A few of these titles were as mere distributing arm: Robin Padilla’s “Tum: My Pledge of Love”, Cinema One and EJ Salcedo’s “Third World Happy”, Paul Soriano’s “Thelma”, Marilou Diaz-Abaya’s “Ikaw Ang Pag Ibig”, among others. GMA Films managed a measly 6 films. This settles the issue on which outfit lorded it over in terms of cinematic supremacy. Who makes real “artistas” instead of television stars? It’s a no-brainer really. Marian Rivera, GMA’s ultimate star, only managed to appear in Chris Martinez’s “Temptation Island” alongside half a dozen other talented actresses. Ah yes, there’s Mac Alejandre’s brain-numbing “Panday 2” which is hardly Marian’s vehicle. In the film, she portrayed the role of a dancing dragon that couldn’t even kill anyone significant in the movie. So much for career progression. Dingdong Dantes, GMA’s uber leading man, succeeded to appear in one movie, Joyce Bernal’s “Segunda Mano”. The irony here is: Dantes’ only starrer for the year is co-produced by GMA's rival, ABS CBN, Kris Aquino and Dantes himself. Something in the equation doesn’t add up, don’t you think? But things are looking up for GMA: Yam Laranas’ “The Road” is a solid artistic and commercial success. If that’s any indication, then 2012 might be a better year for the “Kapuso Network”.

BIGGEST MONEYMAKERS

Vice Ganda could runaway with the year’s biggest moneymaker in Wenn V. Deramas’ “Praybeyt Benjamin”. He should be an easy choice for an awkward “Box Office King” - unless Vic Sotto's "Enteng..." surpasses the 350 million mark. Anne Curtis may just get the crown for the Box Office Queen title over co-star Cristine Reyes for their surprise hit in Ruel Bayani’s “No Other Woman”. To get the rightful champ, they’d have to factor in the cash returns of Curtis’ “Who’s That Girl” and Cristine Reyes’ “Tumbok” both shown in 2011. Curtis should be triumphant, if that’s the case.

However, if you look closer, there’s one name that could outdo Curtis and Reyes – Eugene Domingo! Domingo amazingly starred in eight – yes, EIGHT! – money makers: as desperate Ivy in Chris Martinez’s “Gunaw” in “My Valentine Girls”; the unhinged Belinda Eduque in Wenn V. Deramas’ gag-inducing “Who’s That Girl?”; as Mila and as herself in Marlon Rivera’s rollicking “Ang Babae sa Septic Tank”; as Lauren Young’s free-wheeling mother in “Zombadings Part 1: Patayin Sa Shokot si Remington”; as Precy in Jose Javier Reyes’ annoying “Wedding Tayo, Wedding Hindi”; as the manic mistress Aida in Jose Javier Reyes’ “My House Husband”; as Ina Montecillo’s lovestruck bestfriend Rowena in Tony Y. Reyes’ “Enteng ng Ina Mo” and as the phobic factory owner in Chris Martinez’s “Rain Rain Go Away” in “Shake, Rattle and Roll 13”.

Viva Films seems to have made a successful turnaround (In the 90’s, they were left churning out girlie eroticas), co-producing flicks with Star Cinema: “Praybeyt Benjamin”, “No Other Woman”, “Won’t Last a Day without You” and “Catch Me I’m In Love”. Let’s not forget Sharon Cuneta’s return to Viva, a partnership that made Viva Films the biggest film outfit (bar none) in the 80’s.

Among the 80 films we’ve seen in cinemas, I wasn’t able to come up with articles for some titles: Joel Apuyan’s low-brow Robin Hood slapstick, “Law Law Gang: Umpisa Pa Lang ‘To”, Yapan and Ang’s poetic ode to affection “Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa”, Yuan Santiago’s (literally) dark tale “Babang Luksa”, Somes-Tarog-Martinez’s “Shake, Rattle & Roll 13”, Jose Javier Reyes’ “My House Husband”, Yeng Grande’s “Ritwal” and the execrable Reyes-Montero’s “Batang Ifugao” where the pink film phenomenon fledglingly invaded the Ifugaos. That doesn’t mean I can’t write about them in 2012, does it? LOL. Having said that, 67 synopsis and reviews aren’t a bad number. I am not sure though if I can still keep up with this resolve for 2012. I’ve shelled out an estimated P14,400 for these movies alone (and probably triple that number for the English titles). Not a bad business for the film industry, considering I’m just one of the hundreds of film lovers in the country.

ANONYMOUS TWAT

And to that DINGBAT who doesn't have the spine to even name himself/herself, if you are confused with my reviews, STOP READING, honey. You dislike these pages so much yet you persevere by reading a dozen entries? STOP BEING A MORON! Don't punish yourself. Nose bleed can kill, I'm told! It isn't my fault your intellectual quotient resembles that of a dodo! Grow a BRAIN first, then grow a spine and stop hiding in the comforts of your anonymity! If you require anti-psychotic drugs and anti-neurotic medication, I'd gladly refer you to my Tito who may have free samples for a tortured soul like you.

READERSHIP AND HITS

On a lighter note, “Make Me Blush” has evinced growth in readership, something that I didn’t even envision when I started this blog in late 2008. Why people are interested in my thoughts is still a mystery to me. I curse and I scoff and can be pretty blunt, but between that and my self-indulgent ramblings (this is my personal page, after all) are daily page reads that waver between 1,000 and 1,400. It’s still a paltry number compared to Dana’s 5,000 daily hits (Successful blogger Dana is Jamilla Obispo’s character in Lawrence Fajardo’s “X-Deal”), but it’s enough flattery when I see one person read a single article in a day. Funny thing is, 40% of these page hits come from anonymous, albeit untraceable sources (page subscriptions are anonymously encrypted, my cousin informed me). But keeping Make Me Blush is high maintenance so we’ll see what the future holds for us.

To everyone: A Very Prosperous 2012! Let’s all head to the cinemas. May there be better local films this 2012.

Without further ado, here’s a rundown of 2011’s commercial releases:

Crisaldo Pablo's "masterpieces" for 2011.

Ray Gibraltar's Brod

Dom Zapanta, Chris Martinez and Andoy Ranay's My Valentine Girls (Soulmates, BBFF, Gunaw)

Chito Rono's Bulong

Crisaldo Pablo's Subok

Noriel Jarito's Rindido

Adolf Alix Jr.''s Presa

Noli Salvador's Haliparot (Mana sa Ina)

Topel Lee's Tumbok

Robin Hood Padilla's Tum: My Pledge of Love

Lucas Mercado's Bata Pa Si Rafael

Noli Salvador's Ang Lihim Ni Adonis

Crisaldo Pablo's Hinala

Z Lokman's Seksing Masahista

Mae Czarina Cruz's Catch Me I'm In Love

Rad Francisco's Bikini Boys

Tony Y. Reyes' Pak! Pak! My Dr. Kwak!

Dan Villegas' Mayohan

Chris Martinez's Senior Year

John Ad. Castillo & Z Lokman's Untamed Virgins

Wenn V. Deramas' Who's That Girl?

Edz Espiritu's Masikip sa Tatlo

Chris Martinez's Temptation Island

Marlon Rivera's Ang Babae sa Septic Tank

Cris Pablo's Dose, Trese, Katorse

Cris Pablo's Manong Konstru

Cathy Garcia Molina's Forever and a Day

Joel Apuyan's Law Law Gang: Umpisa Pa Lang To (Lara Films)

Vince Tan's Anton Tubero

Crisaldo Pablo's M2M 3:Sex Eyeball - The Movie

EJ Salcedo's Third World Happy

Olivia Lamasan's In The Name of Love

Lucas Mercado's Rigodon

Carlo Alvarez's Lamog

Jonison Fontanos' Ombre

Jose Javier Reyes' Wedding Tayo, Wedding Hindi

Michael Gleissner's Deep Gold

G.A. Villafuerte's Bahid

Lucas Mercado's Trabajador (Men @ Work)

Jade Castro's Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington

Vince Tan's Private Nights

Mark V. Reyes’ Tween Academy

Jerry Lopez Sineneng's Way Back Home

Soxie Topacio's The Adventures of Pureza: Queen of the Riles

Jigz Recto's Dulas

Fellyx Honeyfield's Mainit

Awi Suryadi’s A Special Symphony

Paul Singh Cudail's Sulot

Monti Puno Parungao's Kape Barako

Ruel Bayani's No Other Woman

Quark Henares' Rakenrol

Darry de la Cruz's Bingwit

Jun Lana's My Neighbor's Wife

Marilou Diaz-Abaya's Ikaw Ang Pag-ibig

Paul Soriano's Thelma

Crisaldo Pablo's Wanted: Male Boarders

Lawrence Manalo's X-Deal

Rad Francisco's Playmates

Vince Tan's Laro

Han Salazar's 4some

Joel Lamangan's Sigwa

Raz de la Torre's Won't Last A Day Without You

Alvin Yapan & Alemberg Ang's Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa

Jerold Tarog's Aswang

Wenn V. Deramas' Praybeyt Benjamin

Fellyx Honeyfield's Sexventure

Erick C. Salud's Ligo Na U, Lapit Na Me

Mac Alejandre's Panday 2

Jose Javier Reyes' My Househusband

Tony Y. Reyes' Enteng ng Ina Mo

Joel Lamangan's Sigwa

Chris Reyes and Carlo Montero's Batang Ifugao

Yuan Santiago's Babang Luksa

Yam Laranas' The Road

Lee Meilly, Imee Marcos, Nelson Caguila's Pintakasi

Yeng Grande's Ritwal

Neal "Buboy" Tan's HIV: Si Heidi, Si Ivy at si V

Sid Pascua's Dyagwar: Havey o Waley

Adolf Alix, Jr.'s Haruo

Shake, Rattle & Roll 13 (Richard Somes' Tamawo, Jerrold Tarog's Parola, Chris Martinez's Rain Rain Go Away)

Bb. Joyce Bernal's Segunda Mano

Jun Lana's Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Tikoy Aguiluz's Manila Kingpin - The Asiong Salonga Story