Dante Nico Garcia's Madaling Araw, Mahabang Gabi - Tales of the Drunken Stupor

Local residents and foreign visitors converge in a bar in Palawan’s Cuyo Island on the eve of All Soul’s Day. A band plays its raucous number as music slices through the lull of the night. The place comes alive when the bar owner’s daughter (Angelica Panganiban) arrives clearly inebriated, and offers every one free drinks. But wait, the town is also celebrating the feast of “Pangangaluluwa” (a traditional welcome to All Soul’s Day). The feast would have revelers move from house to house, singing verses that threaten to steal from the living and offer them to the dead (usually livestock like chicken, eggs, and even pigs). The bar owner’s daughter offers P10,000 - and herself for a night of pleasure - to the one who presents the best loot before the night is over. Every soul in the restaurant soon scatters around. This opens a venue to introduce a bevy of characters.

An aging father (Buboy Garovillo) teams up with a skeptical guitarist (Rocco Nacino) to steal and collect coconut crabs. But all the father desires is a guitar lesson – so he could impress his daughter. A French tourist (DJ David Callum) enlists the help of the waiter (Alchris Galura) to find the anonymous girl (Glaiza de Castro) with whom he’s had a one-night stand. A couple of dope heads (Kean Cipriano and Edgar Allan Guzman) bump into a sophisticated cougar (Cherie Gil) who’s rushing for her rendezvous with her lover, her best friend’s husband. An effete, but virginal waiter (Dominic Roco) runs after a group of customers who sneaks away from their bill – with the help of the band’s lead singer (Karel Marquez). A band member (Tutti Karingal) along with an Indian national (Eric Tai) decides to steal a valuable painting in a rural bank, disarming the security guard (Lou Veloso) in the process. Problem is, the painting is nowhere found. A disparaged Cosplayer (Bojong Fernandez) takes the likeness of anime’ personality Krisma to prove his worth to his gang (Regine Angeles, et.al.)

Director Dante Nico Garcia’s “Madaling Araw, Mahabang Gabi” is a cornucopia of situational sketches replete with extraneous narrative elements that are too disparate to piece together. Most of the strains are fashioned like tepid pseudo-comedies without commensurate punch lines. In fact, Garcia peppers his ouvre with loads of characters too eccentric to root for. He weaves them without much empathy. Like "kwentong lasing", these are easily discardable anecdotes with their unretentive preponderance. 

Angelica Panganiban, one of the industry's most prolific actresses, makes a grave career misstep, depicting herself like some beerhouse airhead hosting an episode of "Banana Split". The difference being: this one's several times morose and capricious. In fact, whoever fashions this like some high profile comedy deserves to be sent to some dungeon and locked 'til eternity. The unamusing strains remind me of Adolf Alix's "D' Survivors" where hilarity of situation is limited within the cast members. Let's not go far: the director's 2009 flick "Oh! My Girl! (A Laugh Story)" starring Judy Anne Santos and Ogie Alcasid was painfully ludicrous - and one of the decade's worst. Garcia just doesn't have the comedic flair - nor the insightful cinematic acumen that allows his movie goers to sit back and enjoy. He instead peppers his canvas with a dizzying array of  elements believing somehow that "more is better". He is able to gather a great number of stars who fails to parlay an iota of gravitas because... well, each of their narrative milieu is ridiculous.

Cherie Gil, for example, makes her career's most graceless and embarrassing cameo. Her scenes with Edgar Allan Guzman and Kean Cipriano have the augury akin to a pig sty. It was like a chapter straight out of a bad acting workshop exercise with personalities who couldn't generate chemistry nor a sense of authenticity. Likewise, Dominic Roco appears in one of his worst performances. His virginal gay waiter drips with cardboard caricature, and it doesn't help that his narrative strain with Karel Marquez is a cauldron of fallacy. Which waiter tells his customer, "Baka ma reprimand ka ng dad mo?" Huh? And in which universe do you get a line like, "Kaya ka bakla, kasi 'di ka pa nakakatikim ng babae?" You mean gay men should sleep with a woman first to corroborate the obvious? I'd have thought there were easier, albeit less painful ways of knowing for sure. Someone's overthinking the uncomplicated. Why did Karel and Dominic end up shagging each other? There was nothing in the narrative that could readily validate this twist. The list of these head scratchers are a plenty. And I've never seen these actors in their worst. What a waste!

Glaiza de Castro's story with the Frenchman was curiously more complete than the other stories. Yet in its form, we see the most glaring weakness of the writer. He fabricates melodrama crisscrossing serendipitous romance and tragedy. Why was it so hard to find Glaiza? It wasn't like she migrated to Sorbonne or Belize or somewhere exotic for the wandering Frenchman. All he had to do was retrace his itinerary. Go back to Sabang and ask the boatmen about this nameless girl. Surely, the one and only Vietnamese Restaurant in Vietville could have identified and located the girl who lived just a block away. And why nameless? Was it a secret, otherwise national security is put at risk? Search me. Was the Frenchman mute that he couldn't ask her name? More importantly, wasn't that miscarriage scene too unnaturally concocted? I thought I was daydreaming, watching a continuation of Coco Martin and Julia Montes' "Walang Hanggan".

"Madaling Araw, Mahabang Gabi" is as directionless as its busy poster, and as vague and unfocused as it's ambiguous title. For some strange conceit, Garcia won't even name his characters, further alienating his audience. How else does one relate to anonymous characters? Such ploy could have worked if your film making skill was sufficient; not when you're frittering away in your exposition. The writer and director badly needs a moment to contemplate career changes for his own good. Fielding ones' story with high profile names doesn't necessarily make a great movie - and this flick is a testament to that. 

Why are directors of GMA's "Survivor" reality show horrible film makers? Is it in their diet? Are they subconsciously programmed to be borderline directors? Or do the GMA executives have an affinity towards mediocre talent? 

The part where Bojong Fernandez dresses up into his favorite lady anime character was particularly agonizing. His psychobabble about dressing up and homosexual tendencies were mere ramblings of a scatterbrain with nothing worth saying. These diarrheic ideations were so expendable, you could have stricken out his character and lose nothing to move the film. All I could think of was how my cinema entrance could have been spent better as donation to a children's charity. Not like this. I wanted to scoop out the director, tie him upside down on a tree until he comes to his senses. Stay away from a movie camera. Do something more fruitful. Plant a sineguelas maybe. Volunteer to join the missionaries who travel to Djibouti. Anything but making movies. Do not waste the moviegoers' hard earned money. Please!

Inebriated

A religious girl falls under the spell of the wandering Frenchman.

A French traveler is looking for an anonymous girl. How can he not know her  name? She went  with him to visit the Underground River, not to mention their salubrious lay in the hay.

Karel Marquez and Dominic Roco play out their invalid situational discourse. Unfortunately, not a single moment was credible.

Kean flirts with Cherie where the latter is looked down (by Edgar Allan Guzman) like some shriveled prune.

Bojong Fernandez hams it up: "Hindi ako bakla!"

Posing for posterity.

Angelica Panganiban

Cherie Gil's career embarrassment

Glaiza de Castro

Rocco Nacino plays the homophobic guitar player

David Callum

DJ and model David Callum plays a wandering Frenchman

Regine Angeles

Dominic Roco

Bradley Parker's Chernobyl Diaries - Nuclear Damnation

The events of Chernobyl, Ukraine in 1986 are an inkling to nuclear holocaust. An explosion and fire released large quantities of radioactive contamination into the atmosphere, which spread over much of the country which was, then under USSR rule. How bad is this? The radiation is worse than 400 atomic bombs. Some 50,000 people were evacuated within 5 minutes, and the battle to contain and avert catastrophe involved 500,000 people. Unfortunately, the effects are long term: cancer, birth defects and deformities, displacement. The city of Pripyat was abandoned, now a virtual ghost town.

Bradley Parker’s “Chernobyl Diaries” involves Chris, Paul, Amanda, Natalie, Michael and Zoe (Jesse McCart­ney, Jonathan Sadowski, Devin Kelley, Olivia Taylor Dudley, Nathan Phillips and Ingrid Bolso Berdal) who backpack their way through Europe. Upon reaching Ukraine, Paul, Chris’ adventurous elder brother, convinces his troop to join an “extreme tour” at the ghost city of Pripyat which was abandoned some 25 years ago due to nuclear accident. Uri (Dimitri Diachenko), their guide, takes them to the derelict houses which are now falling apart. But in the spooky corners of the buildings and the creepy surrounding woodlands lurk creatures that seem to hover in search of prey. Danger didn’t manifest until their rundown van stalls, leaving them stranded. Soon, the six tourists and their guide are gradually hounded in stark darkness. Could they be wild animals? Or something else?

Oren Peli, director of “Paranormal Activity”, co-wrote the script for “Chernobyl Diaries”. The cinematic flourishes: handheld cameras, use of found footages, almost-documentary style storytelling, are found here.  Jesse McCartney is engrossing as Chris who was going to propose to his girl friend in Russia. The film itself is moderately diverting, and like many other films of its genre, is populated by stupid characters who seek damnation more than survival. Yes, the characters soon drop like flies as they move away from their predator. Parker successfully creates an atmosphere of isolation. The chase scenes are brisk and frightening. But the nagging question rankles like a cheap paint job. The layers soon come off and it becomes clear that there’s more to this story than just hungry bears and woodland jackals.

The chase scenes would have you jump from your seats. Tourism was never this exciting.

The group enters Pripyat and manage to avoid the checkpoints.

She sees a presence from her camera images.

Stranded inside the van, they need some cables to fix the engine.

Inside the nuclear reactor.

A child stands still. Isn't this tack a familiar scene in "Paranormal Activity" movies?

Rory Quintos' Suddenly It's Magic - Engaging Escapist

Marcus Hanson (Mario Maurer) has always wanted to be an actor, but being a Thai celebrity is a different matter. Everyone wants a piece of him and it’s wearing him down. When perennial screen partner and girl friend Sririta Taylor (Pimchanok Luevisadpaibul) drops Marcus for another man, the pressure to keep appearances overwhelms. After all they have a huge fan base as screen sweethearts – and their current predicament might spell box office disaster for their new project. As a consequence, Marcus feels lost. He’s been in the business since he was 12. Things were different back then when everything was “uncomplicated, happy, perfect”. Now he wants to get away from it all; somewhere no one knows who he is. And his Pinay house keeper Chinggay (Joy Viado) gives him an idea.

Marcus escapes to Laoag north of the Philippine capital where he meets Joey Hermosa (Erich Gonzales), an unassuming local lass who takes pride in baking and peddling her delicious cupcakes. Unfortunately, Marcus makes a big misstep when, after a bite, he calls her cake “the saddest tasting cupcake ever” unaware that it was Joey’s creation. Joey is, of course, livid. And wooing the hard-working Pinay becomes a hurdle. So Marcus pulls out all the stops and makes the charm offensive. What lady wouldn't listen - with hearts a flutter - when a gorgeous Thai movie prince makes “ligaw” and “harana”, debah? A simple Pinay couldn't be immune to Marcus’ undeniable appeal where millions of Thai girls have already fallen.

Joey flies back with Marcus to Thailand. But the public’s reception for Joey is tepid. People call her “ugly” and she gets banned on the set of Marcus’ film set. What’s worse, Marcus starts missing important appointments, including an endorsement deal with a popular cola and a lucrative, albeit crucial audition with an American film director! When Joey meets Marcus’ mai (Apasiri Chantrasmi), she gets told that, while she may be good for Marcus, their coupling isn’t good for his career; something that he’s dreamt of all his life. Now he’s letting it all go. What’s a girl to do? 

Rory Quintos’ “Suddenly It’s Magic” traverses the modern day fairy tales. It's a world where a prince meets his unlikely princess. The cinematic palette dazzles with a motley of kaleidoscopic vignettes; postcard-pretty sites (windmills in Bangui, Ilocos Norte; the temples of Chiang Mai and Muang Boran, the miniature floating village of Ancient Siam; the picturesque Banyan Tree Resort, etc.); of local color that brims with enthralling traditions like the renowned Pinoy fiesta, or praying in Buddhist temples and Catholic churches, etc.) It’s hard not to fall in love with the pretty canvas. But the exposition, designed exactly like the current – and very popular – Thai romcoms, is limited by the scope of the genre.

"Suddenly..." is the perfect escapist fare. Situations arise as briskly, grazing over issues at the flick of a finger.

Mario Maurer is undeniably a sight to behold. His screen presence is so potent you don’t want to take your eyes off the screen when he’s there. He absolutely dominates the screen so you don’t wonder why he’s a huge movie star in Thailand. Maurer doesn't mind looking silly – as when he lurches into beat boxing and rapping to serenade his leading lady. Maurer is simply swoon worthy - and I've never heard an audience giggle and swoon as much as they did here - and for the most benign scenes. One thing's sure, Maurer has conquered the Philippines and how. This year, the Thais have made it to the Philippine silver screen with the “other” Superstar Ananda Everingham appearing in Cinemalaya's homoerotic “Kalayaan”.

Erich Gonzales, like her previous starrers, displays her relaxed demeanor in a character that could easily be schmaltzy. She is truly a rare combination of beauty and thespic wisdom. Despite a disconsolate back story (she’s the illegitimate love child of the incumbent governor played by Jestoni Alarcon), Erich disallows her character to wallow in anguish or self pity. Her story is seemingly told in almost cursory tack adequately harmonizing with the romcom genre. Erich’s gift is more the voice of experience than instinct making her one of the brainier actresses of her generation. Many other actresses who grew up in the business rely on experience, but Gonzales seems more cerebral. And yes, a heavy handed stroke doesn't do the genre good. So she does this with a calm and collected flair.

Unfortunately, the limitation of the genre is also its weakest link. When Marcus returns to Ilocos to reclaim his love (after a successful stint making his first Hollywood film), he faces the approbate beauty with  adequate conviction - that this time around, they will try to make it work. How? They have the same issues, and these remain unresolved. Marcus' mother and managing firm still think of Joey as a hurdle. He still has fans who believe he should be with Sririta. How different could their situation be this time? If they go about it the same way they did the first time, he will once again lose his dreams and put the blame on the hapless lass whose only "sin" was loving a popular star. Then they're back to square one, aren't they? The film, it seems, falls back to easy resolutions - and this is crystal to any thinking viewer.

"Suddenly It's Magic" isn't Quintos' best. In fact it could be her weakest, and any dingbat who fashions himself as a thinking "critic" will easily see through the flimsy, escapist veneer. But the more obvious fact is, the flick is a bowl of joy. It is a blissful watch. It's the sweetest cotton candy. It's saccharine sweet and tickles your fancy, but it's fluffiness melts in gustatory delusions.

"The saddest tasting cupcake ever..." cries Marcus.

A temple in Chiang Mai

An Ilocos beauty

So many lip locking scenes for Mario and Erich.

Zany duo hams it up before the camera (above and below).

Younger Mario Maurer who's already a looker as a pubescent boy.

A German-Thai charmer conquers the Philippines.

Be still my beating heart. :)

Beautiful Erich Gonzales

     

Nuel Naval's A Secret Affair - The Land of the Despicable

Despicable creatures. That was running through my mind as I watched Nuel Nunez’s “A Secret Affair”. In fact there was not a single character in this theatrical ouvre that I’d wanna be associated with in my life if they were live specimen. I’d rather march to the Zambian capital of Lukasa and live a life of seclusion until I’m fat and ugly and my Louboutins don’t fit me anymore – than have family and friends like the caricatures of “A Secret Affair’.

There’s Rafi (Anne Curtis) who accepts a marriage proposal barely two months after she met Anton (Derek Ramsay). Like rabbits in heat, they decide to wed faster than Lilia Cuntapay could spell “baccalaureate” or “bourgeoisie”. Yes, faster than Cristine Reyes’ ability to sustain familial loyalty to siblings who fed her until she’s big enough to earn her own keep. Unfortunately for the bemuscled Anton, Rafi gets cold feet on the day she traipses down the aisle. She’d rather fly to New York for an indefinite holiday – and by indefinite, it meant a couple of weeks of vacuous soul searching. Does she really want to spend her nights counting the abdominals in Anton’s torso for the rest of her life? Would she survive Anton’s pelvic grunts and forceful deltoid and tricepsual embraces? Could she stomach Anton’s passionate gaze for the remainder of her sad, sad life? The answers seem clear.

Rafi comes home to woo her erstwhile beau who’s so heartbroken, the only way to mend his grief was to shag the living daylights out of Sam (Andi Eigenmann), one of Rafi’s sorority sisters, who’s desperate for a horned-out father figure with 8-pack abs to boot. This wouldn’t be their sole concupiscent rendezvous. As anonymous strangers, they’ve actually done the dastardly deed even before Anton met Rafi. This time around, Sam decides to stake her claim to the Eurasian bratwurst. After all, she had him first. Besides, this bratwurst drips with juicy smoulder she couldn’t get enough of. Albie Casino should probably hide under the table beside Anton’s considerable inches, right? Oohlala.

At this point, the story moves into Boy Pick-Up territory; alas, with the kitchiest, sassiest, campiest one-liners this side of Gaylandia. Everyone tries to outdo the next queen. How kitschy? Well, for starters, there’s Tim Yap whose presence distracts like a fish bone stuck between your dentures. Tim Yap, you see, can’t act to save his life. What’s funnier, he’s awkwardly depicting himself. I’m actually tickled pink to see someone who’s so bewildered and clueless how to portray himself. Such hilarity.

The cinematic plate is replete with Imeldific beauty: flowing or serpentine gowns, designer handbags, sexy stiletto heels, immaculately coiffed hair; you cannot deny the stark beauty lavishly paraded before you. You somehow wonder if this was originally envisioned like a shopping catalogue with the narrative taking the back seat. Unfortunately, without valid characters, such elements make a dubious film.

“A Secret Affair” brims with caricatures, none of them deserving our empathy. Rafi, for example, the main protagonist, sashays around with chock-full of verve and confidence yet she's such an air-head she can’t make up her mind about commitments. She’s the kid who’s taken to the candy shop. After almost an hour of roaming the shop, she queues at the counter and ends up changing her mind – again! She has the emotional appropriation of a 2 year old. It doesn't help that Anne Curtis, one of the most ridiculous Best Actress winners from an equally ridiculous awards-giving Famas, is turning out emotionally barren. The scene where she spews: “I’m okay; I’m okay. I’m not okay” is more than telling. She could have made the emotive leap, but ends up with a parched, albeit perfunctory smattering. Curtis is in dire need of gravitas, and it doesn't help that she trades her verbal tussles against the immensely intuitive Andi Eigenmann.

And isn't it ironic that it’s the cinematic oppugnant who gets our sympathy? Eigenmann personifies her dilemma with clarity and unusual depth. Her scene with Jackie Lou Blanco (playing mother Cate) is particularly compelling: “Mom, what's wrong with us? Why do men always leave us? Mahirap ba tayong mahalin?” And she asks why the women in their family always end up losers. Her restraint is reminiscent of the much younger Jaclyn Jose who, these days, succumb to Machiavellian thespic ploys. All of Jose’s artistic bravura has been bequeathed to her brilliant daughter, leaving her with nothing but glowering and contriving character delineations. “Alam mo saan masarap magkape? Sa burol mo!” “Shut up. Bitch ka lang. Super bitch ako”. Lines like these are likely to arise from parloristas actively engaged in a catfight, not the upper middle class denizens who populate this film.

Finally, there’s Derek Ramsay playing Anton whose emotional sagacity flies out the door whenever a prepubescent Lolita offers her coochie snorcher. Ramsay works hard. In fact, he still smolders – while the testosterone charm drips over. He punctuates his delivery with decibel adjustments. When he pleads for understanding, his delivery turns almost inaudible, the words get lost in his discerning dispatch. But all these feel hollow. Conveying emotion does not rest on the volume of your delivery. You have to become the character. Derek's 8-pack is more coercive than any of the lines he delivered. You could probably squeeze emotions out of a rock than from Derek whose vacuity lords over his artistic savvy – or lack thereof. Isn't it too bad that Angelica Panganiban wasn't able to imbue her hefty artistic wisdom before they parted ways? They could have polished the “Being” exercises in the privacy of their bedrooms. Tsk tsk! Those missed opportunities! You don’t wonder why TV5 opted to hide Ramsay’s face under a mask in his new series, “Kidlat”!     

And those lines: “Betrayal and infidelity in secret is still betrayal and infidelity." Huh? Ano daw?

Sam listens to Anton and Rafi.

Sam barges inside a spa to "service" Anton.

A call surprises Rafi.

Like licking chocolate-coated lollipop...

Ellen and daughter Rafi

Anton smolders in his seat.

Andi Eigenmann captures her emotional predicament even without saying much.

Jackie Lou Blanco, as Cate, was never this bad!

Catfight starts.

The super bitch makes her move. This same tack (of pouring a bottle of liquid) is repeated when  Rafi faces Sam. this time, with a calamine lotion. Very original, debah?

Derek Ramsay smolders like... an igneous rock?