Frank Coraci's Here Comes the Boom - Charice Does Not Disappoint

In Frank Coraci's "Here Comes the Boom", Scott Voss (Kevin James), a 42 year old biology teacher turns to the mortiferous world of mixed martial arts to help raise $48,000. At Wilkinson High where Voss teaches, the administration has decided to scrap the music class (which has 60 brilliant students). This puts Marty's (Henry Winkler playing the music professor) tenure in jeopardy. He's way past 70 years old so no one will hire him. What's worse, his 48 year old wife is once again pregnant! Yes, pregnant at 48!

Scott starts teaching for an extracurricular Citizenship Class, but $8 an hour clearly won't suffice. The school's music program is bound for oblivion. He seeks the help of co-teacher Bella Flores (Salma Hayek) who keeps rejecting his advances - he has invited her out for dinner 16 times and she is yet to agree. Unfortunately, good intentions aren't enough. When he gets wind of a loser's fee in a mixed martial arts match - which is $10,000 - he briskly decides to get into the game, enlisting the help of Niko (Bas Rutten), a Dutch emigrant who's in Voss' Citizenship Class. Will Voss succeed? Guess.
  

Though moderately watchable, "Here Comes the Boss" doesn't have the roll-on-the-floor humor that would bring the humongous crowd to cinemas. It is replete with slapstick humor: pie throwing, vomit jokes, etc. Kevin James isn't all that bad, but he fails to imbue our protagonist with a deeper sense of empathy. What's worse, he doesn't share an iota of romantic chemistry with the gorgeous Salma Hayek who plays James' co-teacher with a familiar name. When Scott and Flores flirt with each other, sparks don't fly. It's likewise a curiosity why Hayek who's known for films of considerable narrative gravitas has decided to consider this project. Variety perhaps? Unmistakably, this feels too light weight for a star of Hayek's stature.

But the movie's gargantuan surprise is Filipina singing sensation Charice Pempengco, aka Charice! Though cast in a stereotypical Asian ingenue role - the nerdy, brainy Malia de la Cruz in Voss' high school Biology class - Charice appears in several scenes with Voss and Hayek. While Charice's appearances in "Glee" seem tentative, irresolute and painfully self-conscious, the singer is a cauldron of confidence and sincerity in this movie. In one scene, she helps Niko study his citizenship examination by singing the information to the tune of Journey's "Faithfully". This scene alone indicates how Charice has moved on from being insecure and hammy, if a bit hesitant actress. It doesn't hurt that she's in several major scenes too. Does she get to sing? What nincompoop wouldn't take advantage of her singing gift? She gets to perform at the UFC Championship fight, singing Neil Diamond's "Holly Holly".

The film coughed up a mildly disappointing $11.8 million on its U.S. opening weekend (screened in 3,014 theaters), but has successfully amassed close to $40 million as I write this. It may not be "Sky Fall", "Harry Potter" or "Twilight" box-office caliber, but it is far from "John Carter" or "Ishtar" debacle either. I am not a big fan of Charice. I hate her onion-skinned fans with a passion: some of the worst in the world (this side of the Kimeralds, of course) because the term constructive criticism is an extra-terrestrial concept to these sniveling twats. But I am happy to see Charice gather enough confidence and charm to portray Malia. This should hopefully open more doors in Hollywood for the diminutive singer actress.

MISSING THE OLD

To be honest, I kinda miss the old Charice; the Charice we actually see in "Here Comes the Boom" - she with the long flowing hair, vulnerable veneer and sheepish expression. That was before she transmogrified into her new age make-over: the scary-looking, lesbian-tempered bearing - and with volatile temperament to boot - in ABS-CBN's "X Factor". Watching that show was a form of amusement. People would gather to check out Charice and her idiosyncratic hair styles. Just like how circus side shows amuse us.

Charice, Kevin James, Salma Hayek, Henry Winkler

"They think you're a hero," whispers Malia to her teacher.

The old sassy look.

The new scary look. Some people rationalize in her defense: what does her new looks have anything to do with  a vocal performance? Nothing, but should we just close our eyes while we listen to her? The aesthetics of how a public figure presents herself is part of the whole package. Otherwise, we might as well keep her hidden in a cave.

Jigz Recto's Binatilyo - Caterwauling Fete

Gabs Ramos' Mestizo A Beautiful Boy - Beauty and Exploitation

Karlo Montero's Ken at Abel - Sexual Experiments on Gender Confusion

Monti Parungao's The Escort - Surprising Serendipity

There’s something implicit about Karlo’s (Miko Pasamonte) disposition about his trade. He’s straight forward without being intrepid. Yet a sense of innocence surrounds his demeanor. Karlo works as an escort, accompanying gay men in concupiscent holidays in Boracay, performing prurient private shows with his hustler friend (Jommel Idulan) for gay old men, etc. “Kung gagamitin niyo lang ako, mag gamitin tayo,” he reasons. He is quite celebrated too with referrals coming in from satisfied customers.

One day, he meets 18 year old Yuri (Danniel Deramayo) in a bar. The young virgin strikes up a conversation with the escort who later finds out that the charming, albeit hapless lad is inflicted with an illness that, though non-infectious, might be terminal. He also meets a psychic who could foresee an individual’s future. And something numbing worries the latter. Later that night, Karlo finds Yuri in a carinderia near his pad. The two strike up a genial conversation that soon had sparks flying. And the unexpected happens in the most romantic way. Check this conversation:

Karlo: “Ikaw, nagkajowa ka na ba?”

Yuri: “Wala rin.”

Karlo: “Bakit naman?”

Yuri: “Ngayon pa lang kita nakita eh.” (and he sheepishly grins)

Karlo: “Loko loko.” (Karlo moves closer to Yuri who then quips…)

Yuri:  “Wala akong pambayad sa yo.” (Yuri whispers and smiles tentatively.)

Karlo: “Huwag kang mag alala. Tumatanggap naman ako ng utang.”

Do we foresee a happy-ever-after? 

Some of the lines may be simplistic or cheesy, but the execution gives them a veneer of warmth and tenderness unusual in local homoerotic flicks. There’s no denying the inherent charm of a serendipitous romance tackled in the film.

Monti Parungao’s “The Escort”, based on Lance Collins’ story, with a no-nonsense script by Lex Bonife, took me by surprise. If you’ve been following this blog, you should be aware how much  I despise many of these gay-oriented flicks because they tend to be exploitative, dull and unimaginative. I always maintain that good films should have a universality that comes through and could be appreciated even by a straight crowd; something that’s almost rare among Philippine Pinks. This is why we hold Brillante Mendoza (who has his share of Pink ouvres) and Joselito Altarejos in high regard. They don’t dumb down their audience.

The film is short, but the exposition that follows a few days in the life of a pragmatic hustler is compelling. Sure, there’s a de rigueur shower scene, but you realize that it isn’t the raison d’etre of the narrative. And we clearly appreciate this. Too bad the film has limited screening.

Miko Pasamonte passes muster, but he isn’t disadvantaged by a borderline script. In fact, it helps him acquire a sense of legitimacy. Danniel Deramayo, a member of the “Hotmen”, does even better. He imbues his character with innocence and fragility, allowing his “first time” to come off as sweet and tender. Yup, BFF Kyle, just like a Purefoods hotdog. J  Bonife pays attention to particular details - like when he shows Karlo collecting stones because they remind him of home. I like that.

Of course there are loopholes in the narrative: when Yuri gets taken to the hospital, none of his relatives come for a visit. He’s said to get admitted 2-3 times a year. So who foots the bill? At his hospital bed, you hear the respirator working, yet Yuri is merely hooked to an oxygen nasal cannula. And what seizure disorder has him unconscious for days? I’m sure it was mentioned, but there’s room tone distraction, thus audio is patchy. Some lines are out of sync as well.

And yes, it concludes in the same artifice as Bill Condon’s “Twilight – Breaking Dawn Part 2” – but then this validates  Karlo’s pragmatism. It was almost delectably funny. For the ninnies who only appreciate pink flicks with full frontals, they should be leaving the cinema with tongues a wagging. Pasamonte generously displays his considerable chorizo in a morning-after scene where he wakes up naked in bed. Yes, Urduja, it’s a full frontal flopping-down-the-stomach glory. Yet somehow the scene didn't seem gratuitous. J

Corollary to this concern, whenever we travel abroad, we’re embarrassed by the spate of Filipino Film releases that get peddled overseas. Let's take Silom Road in Bangkok, for example: if you scour the street leading towards sleazy sois of Patpong (and even soi Cowboy), you will be amazed with their benevolent collection of Filipino Films proudly represented by the likes of “Lagpas”, etc. If these epitomize our slice of the film pie, reflecting Pinoy artistry, for foreign cineastes, then we should all troop down the gunungs of Indonesia and hide in a cave forever, debah?    

Jommel Idulan recruits Miko Pasamonte for a "booking".

"Kaya mo bang sikmurain ang matandang yan, pare?" asked Karlo.

Private sex show with Jommel Idulan (above) and Miko Pasamonte while the geriatric audience watches. Jommel gets P10K while Miko gets P5K.

Yuri strikes a conversation with Karlo in a bar where everyone knows the latter.

Danniel Deramayo plays fragile Yuri.

Miko Pasamonte (as the titular Karlo) and Danniel Deramayo (as Yuri)

Miko Pasamonte

Note:

Please read our featured post on Cinema Bravo and why Web Criticism sometimes makes us nginig:
- http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2016/10/cinema-bravo-film-criticisms-execrable.html

Armando Reyes' Dorm Boys - When Youthful Charm Doesn't Suffice

Dorm life can be helter-skelter fun when you’re hanging out with a group of cool guys who shrug off their problems like disposable tissue. Tonton (Arron Villaflor) longs for the company and affection of his father (Bobby Yan) who has a family of his own. While his dad supports him financially, he is mostly dismissive of Tonton's preludes for camaraderie. After all, Tonton is the son out of wedlock, and he’s been kept a secret for the last 20 years of his life.

On his 5^th year in Engineering, Hector (Carlo Lazerna) is still a sophomore. Despite his hard work, he keeps failing his classes. All he desires is to shift to Fine Arts – his passion. Unfortunately, his father – a failed artist who now moonlights painting houses - wouldn't allow him to suffer similar fate. To make matters worse, Hector’s gay professor is pressuring him for a concupiscent rendezvous. This would solve his academic dilemma, but would Hector give in?

Iggi (Arvic Rivero) only dreams of making it to Canada alongside his ladylove Carla (Mayton), a housemate who barely looks his way. Carla, you see, is infatuated with Tonton. To make matters worse, Iggi isn't interested in studying so he mostly confronts his scholastic activities like child’s play. Ruben (Ryan Kevin) harbors a crush on Liezel who maybe mutually attracted to him. But the grapevine suggests that she maybe peddling flesh to dirty old men, or isn’t she? Richard (Renz Michael aka Michael Sy), privileged but neglected, clandestinely plays around with sexy girl friend Cynthia (Pamela Sue) who happens to be his teacher in college. But one day, he discovers that his girl friend is sleeping around with another guy (Kenneth Salva). These predicaments give our protagonists a full plate of predicaments to hurdle. 

Director Armando Reyes gathers a coterie of fresh faced and enthusiastic noobs oozing with good looks - and they may have a future in mainstream cinema. Arron Villaflor, star of Jason Laxamana’s “Astro Mayabang”, befittingly headlines this smorgasbord of stories. The only veteran among the young stars, Villaflor adequately anchors and pieces their disparate stories together. It takes a while for the vignettes to rankle into narrative life, what with five separate stories pushed into the fore. But the cast’s youthful verve and earnestness soon drive a sense of energy. Villaflor’s narrative thread is unitary, but it’s hobbled by a ridiculously brisk resolution that’s too implausible and too manipulated to believe. The other more developed story was that of Hector’s who’s forced into taking a course beyond his intellectual capability or disposition. Unfortunately, Lazerna occasionally resorts to predictable schmaltz. But this, in time, is remediable.

Arvic Rivero possesses a disarming charm that allows him to navigate his woeful story (he is eternally cash strapped, unable to pay off his rent on time so he resorts to selling library books) with a dash of glib and humor. Ryan Kelvin is easy on the eyes. His flirting scenes with his school crush (Nadine Luster) amuse us. But his story is also the flick's most underwritten. There’s hardly a back story to support or expand his character. Despite the youthful energy of the main cast, Armando Reyes’ cinematic exposition is cursory. This dearth of emotional depth disallows the audience to invest attention or sympathy on most of the characters.

Arron Villaflor’s part came close, but not quite. What I didn’t appreciate was how he conspired to “stalk” his father during Christmas – then eventually arranged to “out” his father to his family. Why would anyone consciously plot to expose his father’s past indiscretions to his present family? It was a mean, albeit irresponsible and thoughtless thing to do. Yet Bobby Yan suddenly changed tune and accepted him after his backhanded maneuver. Arron was clearly unwanted; he was rudely treated like one was swatting flies every time he came to see his father. Personally, I would never impose my presence on someone who doesn't want me.

Youth movies rarely come by these days, thus "Dorm Boys", despite its misgivings, is a welcome cinematic offering. We just wish it invested a little more on a character development and, more importantly, employing an intuitive director.   

Armando Reyes’ “Dorm Boys” is inspired by the short stories of Cesar Buendia’s “Morayta corner CM Recto” (“Dormitoryo 2" & "University Belt”). We find stories of our youth always compelling because we can relate to the roller coaster ride of emotions associated with puberty and growing up. The flick could have soared with a more insightful and focused story. Instead, it relied heavily on the young actors’ unadulterated moxie. Reyes recruited members from the all-boy dance group “Freshmyx” and the K-pop wannabe “XLR8”. Glimpses of their youthful charm get translated on screen. Fact is, charm doesn't a good movie make. The rest of the predictable story ultimately suffers from prosaic film making. Good thing we didn't expect a masterpiece.           

Arron Villaflor shares his thespic gravitas.

Renz Michael and Ryan Kevin

Renz Michael

Beautiful Pamela Sue plays teacher Cynthia and Richard's secret lover. 

Ryan Kevin, a member of the dance group "Freshmyx", he could be your next Teen Dream if given the right break (above and below).  He plays Ruben in "Dorm Boys". 

Ryan Kevin

Carlo Lacerna plays Hector, one of the film's most complex characters.

Lester Miramon may not have speaking parts but it's hard not to notice him (above and below).

Kenneth Paul Salva cameos as the teacher's latest boytoy.

Freshmyx

Note:

Please read our featured post on Cinema Bravo and why Web Criticism sometimes makes us nginig:
- http://makemeblush2.blogspot.com/2016/10/cinema-bravo-film-criticisms-execrable.html

Darry dela Cruz's Midnight Temptation - Predictable Debauchery

Like clockwork, Jess (Jed Juico) leaves his sleeping wife (Lang Lopez) daily at the stroke of midnight. He works as a security guard for an undisclosed firm. But unknown to his wife, Jess diligently takes arcane detours to satisfy his craving for human bratwurst. He secretly meets his lover Rex (Brad Laurente), a hustler. Meanwhile, Jess’s wife has agenda of her own. As her hubby departs, she takes midnight showers, then meets her lesbian lover (KC Miller). By day, the married couple lives their conjugal lives like they sincerely care for each other. They even share intimate moments together.

One day, Jess starts having distressful dreams. In them, his lover and wife are seen canoodling with each other. It doesn't help that his colleague from work keeps warning him against marital neglect – and an impending break-up. This disconcerts him so that he finally decides to quit his job to avoid what seems to be the inevitable if he stayed. 

Jess tells Rex about this, but the latter's adamant: “Ako na lang ang gawin mong asawa. Ikaw lang ang nagmahal sa akin nang ganito… at ikaw lang ang hindi ko sinisingil.” Any closeted gay man with half a heart would be properly flattered, right? But Jess’ resolve is final. He takes his wife away - eloping like modern day Romeo and Juliet. Why they need to move away is beyond me. Meanwhile, the lesbian lover (earlier dumped by Lang) – who happens to be Rex’s obstinate landlady, knocks on Rex’s door. She has suddenly decided to bunk in with her troublesome tenant and “taste the meat” he’s constantly offering. “Dito na ako titira,” she barges in without much invitation. “At least, 'di ka na magbabayad pa ng renta… at libre ka pa ng pagkain,” she sweetens the deal. Then the lesbian landlady and the gay hustler lock lips and start rolling in the hay. Now tell me there are no happy-ever-afters in Darry dela Cruz’s flicks? So inspiring, debah? Weeh!

Director Darry Dela Cruz suddenly grows conscience and decides to do away with his penchant for random violence and mayhem. Thanks to Kenneth Montero's mind-shattering script, of course. This time around, Dela Cruz doesn't stab his protagonist nor poison them – or drown them at the kangkungan. So what better to fashion a new beginning by compelling an impromptu coupling between a dyke and a hustler. This way, everyone’s happy. Gusto n'ya happy kayo, debah?

There’s no denying the stark absence of credible emotion and motivation. The characters in Dela Cruz’s narrative joyously blur sexual orientation and gender preferences. Straight men suddenly fellate gay hustlers, and devoted housewives share their concupiscent bed with lesbian neighbors. Guilt and skepticism aren't a party to these indiscretions. There are no buts and ifs here. They just transpire with the bat of an eyelash and flick of a finger. Heck, our protagonists hardly show legitimate emotions for each other. The new age robots of Tokyo are capable of showing emotions more than these insipid souls. 

Brad Laurente is an enthusiastic actor, but he possesses awkward facial expressions that need artistic oversight. And enthusiasm doesn't translate to competence, making Laurente nothing but a beefy ham with a salami hanging between his legs. He probably knows the disposition of his hustling character by heart so when he offers himself to his landlady ("Baka gusto mo akong tikman."), you know that he means it. Outside this realm, Laurente grasps at straws.

Jed Juico does worse, and it doesn't help that his character is banal, while his dramatic chops are innocuous. Plus - how do you take someone seriously when he says: "May ka six (sex) daw na iba." The ladies in the cast are mere cosmetic afterthoughts in the story. Like most hybrid of Pink and straight Erotica, "Midnight Temptation" boasts of lots of back sides and pert (if dark brownish) nipples. 

Dela Cruz’s “Midnight Temptation” couldn’t help but provide the de rigueur shower scenes as well. Otherwise, he would probably lapse into virulent seizures. Or worse still, catatonic coma! But what can a film that barely runs for an hour expound in the midst of six shower scenes (Laurente, Juico and Lopez all have two bathroom scenes each)? 

Add to that is the real time filming of Lang cooking fried rice and fried eggs (yup, from start to finish); clipping her nails; washing clothes and hanging her laundry out to dry. It’s nothing more than a tutorial on how to consume fried eggs during breakfast. Why would any film maker linger on such mundane scenes? Were these expositions about boredom? Or about routine household work? Clearly, it's because he has nothing much to say, thus he stretches his cinematic palette with mundane scenes with no relevance to the story at hand. If you enjoy watching these domestic chores from start to finish – and a dash of Jed Juico’s fleeting full frontals (in its shriveled state, of course) – then you might consider this ouvre a masterpiece of Moron Cinema.

Like other cinematic pieces from the burgeoning Moron Cinema, logic is but a figment of narrative invention. And logic has long left the building since Dela Cruz and his cohorts plundered, pillaged and violated mainstream cinemas week after week. How low can this B-cinema go? These people have designed their artistic platitude integral to their banal desideratum. Should we laugh or cry? I get angry and I write about it.