MOVIE REVIEW: Crisaldo Pablo's QUICKTRIP - One Quick Trip to Fate Beyond Mediocrity

Well, I was about to totally forget the whole thing since really now, it already wasted my money and my time, why extend the agony? But boy, I was suddenly inspired to write more about it, thanks to the bunch of nincompoops that has left their excreta at my comment space. Before I go on further, i would suggest you read them from the Babylon post below. I did not bother to delete them because they amuse me no end. I was awash with pleasure as i read them. It is so comforting to know that there are IDIOTS populating this world! I mean, if God was not good, He would have eliminated them the very moment they were conceptualized! Poof, sperm meets egg - eek! idiots conceptualized - and BOOM! the fertilized ovum explodes to smithereens! Unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way. These fertilized ovum grow into poor excuse of human beings and out they pop into the world to write nonsensical, anonymous comments (see comments from previous post for perfect specimen)!

And we shall thank the heavens for letting them live! Lowlives do deserve to experience life, heaven help them.

Now on to this bading flick. As I mentioned last post, my friend Kyle - cute as Piolo, gay as the gayest carnivals in Rio - invited me to watch Crisaldo Pablo's Quicktrip. I said yes - if he accompanied me to watch Vin Diesel's Babylon A.D. (which sucked) right after. It was a fair deal. Besides, there have been really well made bading flicks - and of late, they are proliferating.

The last few pink flicks I've seen were quite riveting - Adolf Alix Jr.'s "Imoral" and Paolo Villaluna & Ellen Ramos' "Selda". And let's not forget Brillante Mendoza's brilliant "Serbis" which had homo-erotic scenes too. When Joselito Altarejo's "Lalaki sa Parola", a seamless character study of two lost souls, made a LOT of money, a "spurt" (gee! I'm sure commenters 1 & 2 would love THAT word - LOL) of borderline gay movies began cropping up, multiplying like fruitflies! Suddenly, well made gay films were being churned out left and right. There's Sikil, there's Roxxxane! Unfortunately for my dearly beloved friend Kyle, there are also vomitus like Iskandalo and the current one, Crisaldo Pablo's Quicktrip!

What's the deal with Pablo? It is true, he has started all these gay flicks craze. He started out well with the likes of Duda/Doubt. In fact, some reviews even mentioned his technique in the vein of Wong Kar Wai. Thank heavens Kar Wai is still alive or he would have turned into a zombie! LOL

Has anyone seen Pablo's foray into the mainstream? Pitong Dalagita? Thank heavens the main character drowned. She deserved a eulogy sweeter than purgatory. Has anyone seen Metlogs? Wait while I barf! What has happened to Cris Pablo? He should have learned his film making 101 after being a veteran of 5 years, but you see, the bitter fact is that film making brilliance doesn't come out of film schools, regardless of the esteemed stature of having to come from, say, University of the Philippines.

To start with, the script is muddled by lines that are neither prose nor poetry. They are just pa-cute lines that offer insight into the writer-director's mediocre musings - take for example, this one: "Sayang ang mga mata mo pag malungkot ka." Mills and boons is alive! Alleluiah! Hahahaha! During a conversation, when asked about how much he loved the other person, the other character replies with, "Kung gaano kalaki itong bodega, i multiply mo ng isang libong beses!" Now I know what ROLF truly means!

Too bad coz they had a good find in Topher Baretto who registers well on screen, and this boy has the charm and good looks, and acting chops to boot! Topher plays Cris, a lowly waiter who does odd jobs on the side to support his loins as well as his family needs. He works hard for the money and he shares them wholeheartedly. In one scene, when asked where he's off to, he replies by saying that it is his day off today. Much later, he mentions again, "Wala naman akong pasok bukas!" Duh! No wonder he is dirt poor, the idiot scriptwriter forgot that it is indeed Cris' day off today, and it will be his day-off again tomorrow! Hahaha

Now let me backtrack a bit to the opening scene. This guy who is supposed to be a call center agent was talking rubbish on the phone! In full view of all the snatchers! He was on the phone bitching around, talking in the Queen's language! But My God! Que horor! My 5 year old nephew speaks better english than this call center agent! Is this a reflection of this thriving industry? The quality has gone to the dogs...no, cockroaches! Which call center is that, I would dread doing business with them! LOL

Now, lets go to the technical quality of this oh-shucks masterpiece! From the very start, you notice the "strobing" quality of the picture. Ano to, pirated? LOL. Not only that, the images would every so often pixilate like a bad web cam reception! I swear i have better webcam reception here at home! And i don't even let people pay me P140 for a view.

Then here goes the stinker: an hour into the film, the images on screen turn completely blue, yet you hear voices speaking! This goes on for 2 minutes or so. You can't mistake it! This clunker is only shown in Robinsons Galleria's Indiesine, cinema 8... so you guys can check out what I am talking about! This is not the twilight zone! This is reality in the realm of Cris Pablo and his idiot minions.

Is my agony done? Shall I murder my friend Kyle for making me pay P140 for a turkey like this? Oh no Jose! THEY aren't quite done with us! Further into the film, the movie suddenly stops! Then jumps to the opening title! And the movie begins again without having ended! How many times do these people want us to suffer? Jesus! So, the people up there begins fast forwarding the movie, which obvioulsy has no chapter stops. On they forward, and it goes on and on and on! They didn't even seem to have an idea where its supposed to resume! Finally, we couldn't take it anymore. We stood and left!

Kyle asked me if I wanted to get our money back. Oh no! And be seen watching a movie as bad as this one?!!!! No way! I shall donate my P140 to the idiots who made this TRASH! Maybe they can buy a couple of I.Q. and distribute it to the 2 anonymous commenters below. LOL

Now, doesn't what i narrated above qualify for the single term that I used to describe this movie? "Disaster!" This singular powerful term obviously got the IRE of IDIOTS ANONYMOUS that made them say my parents should get murdered for having me. Well, thank you for your anonymous stupidities, it actually spawned a full length review and disertation on this idiocy called Quicktrip!

Now, anyone with half a brain will agree that as a paying public, I HAVE ALL the RIGHT to COMPLAIN about a product that doesn't deliver what it is supposed to. IT IS MY MONEY! I SHALL CALL IT TRASH IF I BELIEVE IT IS TRASH!

Commenter 1 in all his anglicized flourishes even asked me where I attend my college. There's one thing sure, NOT where you went! Good heavens! LOL

Mr. Crisaldo Pablo! Your film school miserably failed you! You deserve your money back! As I deserve my money back! Mas malaki ata ang nagastos mo just to end up into such a mediocre filmmaker. Me, it was just P140 and my time! And hey, it isn't too late to ask for directorial tips from newbies like Adolf Alix, Paolo Villaluna, Dante Mendoza, Joselito Altarejos or even scriptwriter-turned director Jun Lana. That way, you won't be accused of wasting the money of those unfortunate enough to watch your turkey!

Lastly, something has to be said about anonymous idiots. these are ball-less morons who hide in the comfort of their equally moronic drivel. Now hush hush and go back to your beauty parlors, ladies

To the 2 anonymous commenters from my last post: Feel free to make your own BLOGSITE! Somewhere you can praise your own work 'til kingdom come. THIS is my blogsite where I WRITE WHAT I THINK! You are way too lucky my parents allowed me to live, or you would never have tasted a dose of the TRUTH PILL!