Topel Lee's "Basement" - Defying Logic

On a tempestuous night when the rains have incessantly poured down from the swollen skies, and the rising waters have clogged up the pavements, a dank parking basement becomes an unlikely setting for a night that brings together people of different persuasions. Angela (Chynna Ortaleza), a pregnant woman is driving her two young children home. A couple of thugs (Dex Quindoza, Alvin Aragon) arrive to retrieve an illegal substance from an abandoned car, with the help of Mendoza (Dion Ignacio), one of the basement’s security guards. Eliza (Sarah Lahbati) has had enough of her clandestine rendezvous with Jules (Enzo Pineda), the husband of her best friend. A group of drugged out teenagers (Louise de los Reyes, Kristofer Martin, RJ Padilla, Teejay Marquez) hang out inside their car. Migs, a nurse (Jan Manual) is taking Lola Meding, his geriatric patient (Pilita Corrales) home.  Mario and his assistant Bernard (Kevin Santos and Albert “Betong” Sumaya) are about to leave when their delivery truck gets a flat tire. What’s worse, the only exit door in the basement is locked in. As if that isn’t enough, there’s power outage.

Can you spell “derivative” in 5 seconds? Director Topel Lee’s “Basement” re-creates his small screen efforts (TV5’s series “Third Eye”) by expanding his yarn and relocating his “manananggal” inside a claustrophobic, contained environment brimming with some of the most agonizingly irritating characters this side of celluloid. Lee populates his narrative with flawed individuals that it’s hard to pick a single character you’d want to root for. This spells disaster. After all, an audience doesn’t get into a singular experience totally detached from it. It’s like watching a ball game; we sit as spectators rooting for a team. Otherwise, we might as well go home and sleep.

Questions abound. Why does Ellen Adarna’s character sleep inside the trunk of a car? How does she get out from it? The backseat obviously is a more comfortable place seeing that it’s unoccupied. Or she could find a lot of empty nooks in the huge basement which, bafflingly, doesn't seem to have stairs leading to it from the department store/supermarket above it. I've never heard of a basement without stairs, have you? What architect has such moronic design? Of course, this gives the story its “cabin fever” setting, conveniently generating simulated anxiety. If you take this premise hook, line and sinker, you’d probably fall for this narrative fabrication.

But it’s the little things that repel you from this sham. Every character acts like some high strung individual who needs a dose of Diazepam. Let’s take the case of the exceedingly good looking Dex Quindoza who plays one of the drug dealers. After being hounded by his predator, he runs away in the most cringe-worthy artifice: he shrieks and falls like a school girl, finds a room, opens a door and gets inside, but wait. Someone’s after him, why won’t he close the darn door behind him? A creature is after him, debah? 

Same problem ensues with Louise de los Reyes’ character Roxy who exhibits her inane brand of heroism by getting out of the car to challenge the monster, leaving the car door open! “Sandali, may plano ako,” she belatedly tells the others, as the camera pans to the pair of drum sticks she’s carrying. When the winged monster finally arrives, we learn that Roxy doesn't have a plan after all. She falls and scampers to get the fire extinguisher; hoses the fume around in a futile attempt to do something. Will the fume extinguish a monster as much as it extinguishes fire? I'll give you a good guess. In Topel Lee’s world, it probably does. Instead of hitting the monster with the tank, she just stands there waiting to be devoured or eviscerated. Talk about stupid heroines, right? But wait, all her heroism isn't for naught. After all, she’s had an epiphany while rescuing the newborn child: “Meron palang silbi ang buhay ko.” Huh? If you've never heard of spurious fortitude... Sigh. 

In the story, you’ll find the monster stalking her prey. She’d either grab them with her hands decapitating their heads or dismembering their extremities. In a couple of scenes, you’ll see her long and slithering tongue easily hooking up her victim. But while pursuing Anna (Mona Louise Rey), who’s protecting her little sibling, the manananggal conveniently forgot to use her vine-like tongue! (The monster wouldn't fit in the hole.) Otherwise, it would have been a very easy pursuit. Nakalimutan, kuya?

The film makes use of silly sound effects. We get a monster who flies with a loud choo-choo train sound, you’d think the Philippine National Railways was nearby. This ill-advised “locomotive” sound is too laughable, albeit distracting, to be associated with the flapping of wings. Yet during the requisite “habulan”, the characters couldn't seem to hear this plangent sound that’s coming towards them. Hearing defects? What’s worse, they stumble around shouting: “Wag kayong maingay!” Who shouts while trying to hide? Only in Philippine horror films, that’s for sure.

In a couple of scenes, vehicles refuse to start! While a minor detail, this underlines the exceedingly limited narrative mulch that our storyteller is working with. In Topel Lee’s horror flicks, vehicles won’t start (twice!) – or would have flat tires. Wala na bang iba? Ho-hum! 

This redundant artifice is prevalent in “Basement”: a security guard inspects a room, flashes a light on what’s in front of him, yet he doesn't see the dead body on the floor until he stumbles on it. Same scene with Betong! The human eye, unless suffering from scotomas or glaucoma, is actually capable of seeing a visual range that includes the ceiling and the floor – and 180 degrees from left to right! Once again, in Lee’s film, his characters are so inept to find anything with a flashlight unless they physically stumble on it. It just doesn't make sense – but it sure sets a scene that would feign morbid fear. Kunyari takot… then let’s add a dash of fake blood while we’re at it. Despite all the shouting involved, “Basement” is in dire need of a sense of urgency.

When Betong finds the lower half of the manananggal’s body, instead of running away from it (he knew already that they were being stalked by a monster), he instead walks towards it and even pokes it with his radio. This coming from a guy who supposedly easily frightens. Moreover, you will never find a manananggal’s half body impeccably navigating itself without bumping into things. Here’s one with an inherent GPS, I almost wet myself laughing. Jan Manual plays gay nurse Migs. In one scene, he openly flirts with – hold your breath! – Betong! I almost regurgitated my last 3 meals! Ewww…..

Atrocious, over-the-top histrionics characterize the performances. There’s Chynna Ortaleza, Teejay Marquez, Albert Sumaya, Pilita Corrales and Dex Quindoza who mistake enthusiasm for great acting. Ellen Adarna plays the half naked sinister soul who walks around with a sullen, dour and morose expression. If she thinks this was her ticket to greater thespic heights, she’s in for a rough ride in this business. Good thing she seems to have moved to ABS-CBN! Smart girl!

Sarah Lahbati does better, but that’s not saying much really. Dion Ignacio, the errant security guard, registers well on screen. Like the rest of the characters, he isn't tasked to do much but to look "concerned". Louise de los Reyes and Kristofer Martin are, well, uninteresting so that when the former finally gets crushed by Lahbati’s car, we didn't even flinch. But aren't we supposed to care? Aljur Abrenica sleepwalks through his security guard role and only re-appears for the movie's anticlimactic finish. Since we don’t exactly look forward to his Machete’ish acting chops, we’re just too glad not to see more of him – unless he dons his “bahag” again! Tee-hee. 

If GMA Films thought they had a sleeper in “Basement” against Star Cinema’s “Staring Over Again”, then they could learn a lesson here. In fact, the operative word should be “clobbered”, if I am disallowed to use “massacred”. While the Toni Gonzaga-Piolo Pascual flick is running away with lots of dough, “Basement” is playing to near-empty cinemas. In fact in Cebu’s SM Cinema 2, they had to cancel the last 3 screenings of “Basement” on two consecutive days to accommodate the bursting SRO crowd of “Starting Over Again”. This is really a case of deserving your audience.    

Topel Lee used to be the promising and innovative indie film maker, but that’s almost a decade ago. His promise wavered and waned into trite and gimmicky drudgery that defy logic. If his intent was to entertain, this was ultimately weakened by his predilection for cinematic retreads and incoherent stories. I read an article on Enzo Pineda who said that he feels privileged to be working with Topel Lee. How on earth did he arrive to that conclusion, you wonder. Or does Pineda, who looked vacuous all the way through, know what he’s talking about? This much is true: Topel Lee makes gag-worthy horror flicks. Unless you believe that "Amorosa" was a masterpiece. (Well, those doofus behind Star Awards nominated it for best film, didn't they?) Topel Lee puts a premium on visuals alone, otherwise forgetting that salient aspect of film making, i.e. telling a tangible story. Unfortunately, cinema isn't visuals alone.

Teejay Marquez (left) plays sexually starved Ryan while Dion Ignacio (right) plays drug-dealing security guard Mendoza.

Dex Quindoza

Aljur Abrenica

While absolutely adorable as Julie in the recent MMFF indie, "Island Dreams" - and as Marilyn in her hit teleserye "Mundo Mo'y Akin", Louise de los Reyes appears as charmless Roxy in "Basement".

Pretty Sarah Lahbati plays guilt-ridden Eliza. Have you noticed how GMA's prodigal artists (Lahbati, Adarna) get roles in the film outfit's very very few cinematic outings? That's a tip to current GMA artists who has never appeared in a GMA movie yet.

Ellen Adarna

Could Adarna don the "Darna" costume now that she's in ABS-CBN? Be very scared, Angel Locsin. :)

Jon Villarin's "Sa Ngalan ng Ama, Ina at Mga Anak" - Of Bad Propaganda and Why Some Deaths Are Well Deserved

“Baleleng” is a popular folk song in Mindanao and the Visayas that tells of a young man’s unrequited yearning for a damsel named Leleng. But Leleng’s in love with a guy named Tangkay who may travel far, and may not feel the same as she. (The language is believed to be Tausug, not Visayan, though some words are familiar.) Such romanticism resonates deeply in the hearts of southland folks. And why not? Nothing is more universal. Would this unabashed profession of affection have anything attributable to one of the country’s most notorious criminal syndicates? Highly unlikely. But many names and faces could be deceitful. Try “Deniece”.  

Let’s move three decades into the past. The 80’s reeked with tumult. The despotic Marcos regime took liberties beyond the realm of human rights. They looted personal freedoms, and made the lives of others disposable. Soon enough, communist rebels grew exponentially. They imposed their scurrilous rules among innocent folks who had to pay revolutionary taxes at gunpoint – unless they physically participate. What could have started with a noble ideology soon fostered an armed group that translated to nothing but hooliganism and harassment. NPA, MILF, MNLF, ASG, BIFF… name them differently but make no mistake, they are all bandits! Desperately caught in the middle were innocent civilians who bore the brunt of this obloquious state.

With the proddings of the government, Ongkoy Parojinog (Robin Padilla) was approached by the military to head a right-wing vigilante group called “Alsa Masa” drafted to fight the excesses of the oppressive communist rebels.

The military needed help, and grassroot force could provide solution to their dilemma. Ongkoy was the perfect leader. He left his rebel past in Lawis (Zamboanga del Norte) to start afresh with his wife Indah (Mariel Rodriguez-Padilla) and their three sons Aldong, Ardut and Nato (Matthew, RJ and Daniel Padilla respectively) in Ozamis, Negros Occidental.

With Robin Hood mentality (he’s shown warning the rebels against taking from the “masa”), Ongkoy gets the allegiance of the well-oppressed masa who soon grew to immense numbers (at some point, their population reached 20,000).

To Ongkoy’s credit, he’s made deals with Misamis’ rebels, issuing veiled warnings to drive them away. His rendezvous with Ka Romeo (Christopher de Leon), “ang tuta” ni Joma", was particularly prophetic. “Sa inyo na ang Surigao Norte at Sur, sa akin ang Misamis,” he proposed before each left with a “mapayapang araw”. Whoever trespasses his territory or hurts his people, as when his childhood friend Erning (Pen Medina) gets assassinated, deserves his vengeful wrath. He even takes his children out to war. Protecting his territory becomes serious matter. And Ongkoy is fearless. An amulet, in fact, keeps him safe. “Di siya mamamatay pero magiging kahoy siya,” so goes the urban legend. Huh?  

For two years, since its 1986 inception, Ongkoy’s group was invincible. The movement became so popular that splinter groups mushroomed all over Mindanao. Even the New York Times reported the 1987 gunning down of a notorious Communist hit man in Agdao, Davao. It was an apocryphal event that further boosted the counter-insurgency movement spreading across southern Philippines. It also inspired the founding of other groups like the Nakasaka of Davao del Sur.

But war is a vicious cycle. Whoever lives by the rule of the gun dies by it. When tragedy struck in the Parojinog household, Ongkoy’s boys were sent to Manila to join the urban arm of “Alsa Masa” which, at this time (1990), had to officially disband due to the Human Rights checks of the Aquino government. Little did the boys realize that their counter-insurgent group has morphed into an organized criminal syndicate called “Kuratong Baleleng” (accordingly renamed to keep the spotlight away from its noble beginnings).

With the guidance of Damian (Bela Padilla, who did convincingly well), the boys were ushered into a motley of bank robberies, smuggling, kidnapping, extortion, drug trade and illegal gambling. They eventually found themselves behind bars, but not for long. Weren't they set up due to their resistance? (That is, if this cinematic thread were to be believed.) Meanwhile, Kuratong Baleleng flourished. One fateful day, on the 18^th of May (1995), 11 members of the crime syndicate perished in the hands of the Presidential Anti-Crime Commission, led by Panfilo Lacson, in what could be one of the most controversial encounters between a criminal group and the authorities.

Director Jon Villarin weaves a provocative tale that follows the rise and fall (and rise) of the invincible Parojinogs of Misamis. His sprawling narrative vista is a compelling, if a tad disjointed, series of events that seem to herald the sugarcoated heroics of a character (Ongkoy Parojinog) too caricaturish to be believed. Villarin employs broad narrative strokes that ultimately comes off like a propaganda for a political clan that to this day continues to rule over Misamis (In the epilogue, the Parojinog boys became victorious Mayors and provincial board members in Misamis). Remember, this was a guy who moved underground with the rebels of Zamboanga before he migrated to Misamis (and got cajoled by the men of “the President” herself – “nakikiusap ang Pangulo”). This was a man who namedropped “kapayapaan” every chance he got, but whose family carried heavy artillery every where they went. That Parojinog wasn’t privy to the criminal activities of “Kuratong Baleleng” that operated in Manila is highly dubious. After all, why organize another group far from his Misamis base after “Alsa Masa” got essentially dissolved?

A smattering of flashbacks ties up Ongcoy, Indah and best friend Erning’s back story, but the time line was confusing. I had to watch the movie twice to get comfortable with its chronology. It didn't help that the script was riddled with adventitious tales that only made the narrative broth more convoluted than necessary. Nato’s teenage romance could be stricken out, but Daniel Padilla’s current stature required that he gets his anecdote as well. Kylie Padilla (Anna, the military operative planted within the rebel group) required her own apologue with Aljur Abrenica, her lover in the kilusan (movement).

MISGUIDED LEADER

There’s something misguided about a leader who wishes the “masa” well, but wouldn't think twice if the irreproachable Taipans get aggrieved or bastardized. There are people who strive hard to get to where they are. Why do people scoff at the successful few? This mind set stinks of medieval justice because such financial triumph should rightfully inspire others to strive harder. A good man is one who treats everyone, regardless of financial standing, with due decency and fairness. The Parojinogs lived well. Why should they be excluded from the harassment that befell the Taipans and other rich families?

Robin Padilla returns to his 90’s brand of posturing that I suffered a thousand saccadic eye movements every time he postured on screen. Did the ridiculously billed Nino Muhlach – as acting coach - envision this zombified personality? Looking as youthful as ever, Padilla lurched into his tough-guy stance from scene one to his morbid comeuppance at the sabungan. Whether at home or blasting enemies in the field, Padilla sported a robotic deportment: slicked back hair, piercing gaze, furrowed forehead, pouting lips, flaring nostrils, heaving chest, and the masquerading cowboy walk that reminded me of E.R. Ejercito’s Asiong Salonga.

The check-point scene is a notable study. Their family convoy stops at a check point. "Maganda gabi po, sir," the man greets Robin. "Mukhang ang dami nating kargamento ah. Military po ba kayo?" Instead of being congenial like the peace-loving man that he supposedly is, Padilla postures with fierce gaze and equally caustic response. If I were the guard, I wouldn't take his arrogant demeanor sitting down. Angas eh. He was just being asked. It was after all dark and authorities were right to interrogate the nature of travel at that time of night.

20 YEARS WORTH OF TANTRUM

There is stark contrariety from Padilla’s performance in Joyce Bernal’s “10,000 Hours”. You’d have thought that, after his many years in the business, Padilla would learn how to relax as an actor, right? He’s stuck in his action-star past, twaddling with memories of Alega Gang, Delima Gang, Grease Gun Gang, Barumbado, Anak ni Baby Ama, and even Maging Sino Ka Man’s Carding. Sixteen years hence and the swagger and attitude are similar. If there was a posturing contest somewhere, he’d win hands down for his mechanized depiction of Octavio Parojinog, Jr. The sad truth is, Padilla’s performance is the movie’s biggest drawback, which is a pity. His “laging galit” stance repels any form of empathy from his audience. I never rooted for him because he looked like he’s had 20 years worth of tantrum.  

Now this wooden portrayal has rubbed off on the younger generation of Padillas. Arjay is particularly prone to this preposterous posturing. When he’s mad, his nostrils come alive; he grimaces as though a beetle bit him, and his handsome face turns demonic, seemingly possessed by what he conjures as superlative acting. Less is more, even in action films. While Bela Padilla does better, hers was a similar characterization from her role in "10,000 Hours". Remember the journalist who carried guns around Amsterdam, shot a Dutch police investigator and got away without getting arrested? 

Mariel Rodriguez-Padilla’s role as Indah is mostly ornamental so you wonder why she shares titular role with Robin, aside from the fact that she has producing credits. A scene where she was holding a rifle was too awkward to wash down.

When Ongkoy’s story ceases, Indah likewise disappears from the frame without much fanfare. She closes the door on her sons – and drives them away to Manila for a life of crime. That is some mother. In another scene, she chastises the noisy children playing on her balcony then she walks to the front. Close up shot. Then you see her grin. Huh? Galit nga tapos nakangiti. Cinema verite indeed. But she does well when, in one scene, she gets out of bed fully naked and walks towards her equally naked husband. You see, wrinkled backsides are always a plus in action films, debah?  

Queenie Padilla and Royette Padilla were supposed to be in the cast, but I couldn't find them. Royette, supreme commander of "H-World", could be one of the henchmen who got blasted during one of the hundred encounters. BB Gandanghari could have been the perfect forest amazona, swinging from baging to baging, debah? (Besides, didn't he play the same in TV5's Alex Gonzaga teleserye, "Enchanted Garden"?) Kathryn Bernardo was supposed to play a girl named Sarah, but negotiations apparently fell through. Karla Estrada, Daniel’s mother, plays Erning’s wife. Other stars doing walk-on parts include Dina Bonnevie as the elder Indah, Rommel Padilla, Joko Diaz, Dennis Padilla, Jao Mapa, Christian Vasquez, Sylvia Sanchez, Lito Pimentel, Mike Flores, Bugoy Carino, Chacha Canete and Ronnie Lazaro (as Amado Buang, the leader of “Batang Cebu” gang).

There are beautifully shot scenes. A jeep cruises into the dirt road while the green Malindang mountain range stands majestically in the background. That scene alone spoke of a hundred stories. The Parojinog's arrival in their new home in Ozamis was another note-worthy moment. My favorite would be the revenge scene involving Erning's killers. A jeep of armed henchmen saunters into town as night time falls, then each household starts beating their bamboo. The rhythmic sound creates an atmosphere of foreboding, providing an eerie overture to an impending battle.

MISRATINGS

The film has been Rated B by the Cinema Evaluations Board, but this is no surprise. When has this patronizing group of mostly jobless movie folks ever delivered a truthful, albeit appropriate rating? Unless they're really a bunch of imbeciles, they seem to have forgotten that rating movies should be based on quality, not friendship nor association. Cesar Apolinario's awkward "Dance of the Steelbars" got an "A" but it was cinematic hogwash draped in sulky melodramatic clutter. Didn't Mark Reyes' horrendous "Tween Academy" get a "B" a few years back? And that fantatrash called "Mulawin" got a stupendous "A" as well. Remind me again why the government hasn't scrapped this purposeless industry arm? Probably to provide work for Jackie Aquino? We could save a sizable chunk of taxpayer's money if we do away with this white elephant. Or we could donate the CEB evaluators' salaries to the Yolanda victims. Now that's how you put money to good use.  

There were several points that, prior to watching the film, made "Sa Ngalan..." interesting. The movie star allure of the Padillas, the cinematography, the richly saturated cinematic canvas, and the scenic Malindang mountain range made me want to rush to the cinema to watch Villarin’s directorial debut. Clearly, these weren't enough. But if there’s one thing that “Sa Ngalan ng Ama, Ina at Mga Anak” succeeded in doing, it’s the stentorian reminder of why Pinoy action films died a natural death long time ago. May it rest in peace.

Andoy Ranay's Sosy Problems - The Funny and the Unfinished

There’s unabashed delight in the depiction of bratty, filthy-rich social butterflies as seen in Andoy Ranay’s “Sosy Problems”. Lizzie Consunji (Rhian Ramos) leads an enviable pack of the “super duper rich” that further constitutes Danielle Alvarez (Bianca King), the daughter of a former congressman (Ricky Davao) with briskly dwindling fortunes; Margaux Bertrand (Solenn Heussaff), best friend of Claudia Ortega (Heart Evangelista). Margaux and Claudia’s relationship is dragged down by the simmering rivalry between their former beauty queen-mothers Martina (Cherie Gil) and Glory (Agot Isidro), Claudia’s mother. They’re the privileged bunch. They arrive in private helicopters; ride horses like Mikey Cojuangco; employ yayas who ride in specially-assigned cars; and they can sniff fake designer bags from a mile away.

But all’s not well on the horizon. The Polo Club, their favorite hangout, was bought by Bernice (Mylene Dizon), a former club cashier who got hitched to a billionaire. Bernice plans to turn the club into a Yaya Mall. The girls are appalled. After all, they couldn't fraternize with the masa. What becomes of their memories? More importantly, what happens to the employees of the club, some of whom have worked there half their lives. Lizzie turns to her dad for help, but he wouldn't budge so she takes matters into her hand. She organizes a picket to protest against the plan of the new owner. This gets them arrested for their stunt.

As punishment, Lizzie is sent to the remote town of Sapang Bato to join her lola (Nova Villa) and cousin Becca (Barbie Forteza). But provincial life is far removed from Lizzie’s cosmopolitan lifestyle. There are no clubs, no internet or wifi, and phone signal is intermittent, she had to climb a tree to secure one. Lizzie invites her friends to help get over the tedium of rural living, but they end up fighting with each other. What’s worse, Lizzie becomes a big burden, financial and otherwise, to her well meaning grandmother (her lola’s sister) and cousin.

Back in the city, Danielle starts to deal with her own financial troubles the only way she can. So she devises ways to hook up with Inaki Montinola (Alden Richards) whose fortune is legendary. With the help of Santi (Mikael Daez), a stranger he met at a party, she invites Inaki for dinner. Will she get an audience with the eligible bachelor? Would Inaki show up? Meanwhile, Margaux and Claudia are fighting over Benjo (Aljur Abrenica), the club’s good looking stable boy-cum-waiter who seems oblivious to the girls’ constant flirting. With their internal strife piling up, the fall of the Polo Club seems inevitable… or is it?

Andoy Ranay’s “Sosy Problems” is riddled with loopholes, you start to wonder if there were cognitive beings driving this cinematic vehicle. Aside from the threadbare plot, the motives of the characters are dubious. If these people truly had a plethora of riches, they had several options in the drawing room: 1. Hire a lawyer to negotiate their demands, not that they have proprietary say on a privately owned property; 2. Pool their resources and gather their amigas to buy the property from the new owner; 3. Take to the media by bombarding the public with articles about the poor employees; 4. Purchase another property and equip it with even better facilities. Planking at the facade is as ridiculous as the thought of someone purchasing the playground of the rich and famous. Besides, who did Bernice marry – the Prince of Brunei?

While on sabbatical at the province, Lizzie’s lola had to “steal” from her other granddaughter’s piggy bank because they were low on resources to support Lizzie’s whims. Didn't Lizzie’s dad (Johnny Revilla), a successful hotelier, send enough money to finance her daughter’s stay in the province? The lola could have easily asked from Lizzie’s dad and, surely, he wouldn't mind sending a few thousands of pesos. A lola stealing from her granddaughter is a grave mistake, even if this were meant for good intentions. Stealing is 8^th of the Ten Commandments, remember? This narrative strain is ill advised and reminds me of Sef Cadayona’s sexual assault in Emmanuel dela Cruz’s disputable “Slumber Party” where “rape” is horrendously treated with easy humor. We've never heard of grandmothers acting like juveniles since Australia’s Oscar-nominated “Animal Kingdom”. This isn't Oscar-worthy.  

The movie is, however, made bearable by the delectable turn of its lead stars portraying some of the most self-absorbed characters in local cinema. Rhian Ramos hams it up and shows why this role was written for her. She is brilliant and playful as bratty Lizzie. Think Alicia Silverstone's "Cher". Though humor in the film is a hit-and-miss affair, many of the gags involving our four ladies actually work. Enthusiasm is such an infectious malady. 

Take the “pilapil” (dike) scene: the girls wanted to visit the "pilapil” because someone told them it’s beautiful out there. Without an inkling of idea what a “pilapil” is, they march through dikes with high heels, wide brimmed hats and designer bags thinking they were heading into some kind of Shangrila when, in fact, they've reached their destination many times over. This really cracked me up. Another favorite scene was when the girls found a pot of mud they all thought was a facial regimen. They started rubbing  mud all over their faces while Claudia assures her friends with, “Don’t panic; it’s organic.” On the other hand, Bianca King’s part was the most sympathetic. Her story was better told than the rest. And King came out less of a caricature.

Mikael Daez registers strongly as the mysterious Santi, you couldn’t take your eyes off him. He was charming and he spoke well. Aljur Abrenica is a fetching Benjo, the club’s all-around boy, but then he isn't made to do much. There are cameos by Ruffa Gutierrez who plays the role of a lifestyle broadcast executive who wants to run a story about the girls. Tim Yap plays a bigger part (than previous movie roles) as Ruffa's lifestyle reporter.

The film actually stumbles hard as it scrambles into its finish line. Story telling turned reckless and banked on fast resolutions. The positive comeuppance felt undeserved because there were untold chapters that needed more narrative discourse. Elsewhere, the grapevine has tongues wagging: Ranay, the film’s director started acting flaky (think Angelina Kanapi) because his boyfriend left him. Sometime November, the still unfinished product was directorless. Grief has a way of skewing priorities, I know, but isn't Ranay a veteran theater habitue? You’d expect the demeanor of a stage professional, right? This was why Joyce Bernal was allegedly taken into the fold to finish the unfinished and do her editing magic. If this is true, then someone clearly doesn't deserve to work in the business again. Work is work. Oscar Wilde once said, “There’s always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.” With grief, people do ridiculous things. Unfortunately, he didn't suffer alone.       

Aljur Abrenica. This photo only courtesy of   http://raindeocampo.files.wordpress.com

Mikael Daez is Santi aka Santiago Elizalde, lawyer and son of an influential scion.

My Kontrabida Girl - Romance in Quirky Strokes

Isabel Reyes (Rhian Ramos) is the country’s favorite kontrabida. She embodies the acid tongued, duplicitous screen villain whose sophisticated beauty is as acuminous as her deceptively dainty curves.

What’s more, she abides by her notoriety – her slaps are as malevolent as her lines and she makes life hell for her co-stars. People in the street abhor her Dominique (her teleserye persona) with passion. Blind dates refuse to see her, making her hopelessly single and peerless.

One day, a destitute man prodigiously saves her from getting run over by a speeding vehicle. Such random act of kindness from a stranger becomes an epiphany for Isabel. The heavens open into a new day, and she metamorphoses into a changed woman. But this has grave consequence to her work. Ferocious and cruel Dominique dissipates into a heedful creature that can no longer pull a good old fashioned slap! What’s a searing villain without it? She has to get her mojo back – and fast!

With steadfast diligence, Isabel enlists the help of the legendary Vixens of Mean: Cherie Gil, Maritoni Fernandez and Gladys Reyes who refer her to the iconic villaness Bella Flores! This leads her to revisit her native Palawan searching for the one person who caused her sheer misery when she was a young girl – a boy named Chris Bernal (Aljur Abrenica). Bullied as a young girl, Isabel found in Chris a steady comforting presence. But one crucial night at a talent contest, Chris flusteringly stood her up. He never saw him again.

Isabel travels back to her hometown in Palawan and serendipitously finds Hotel Marot, a rundown guesthouse owned by Chris Bernal’s family! But Chris is indigent. He has relegated the management of the hotel to his wicked aunt Marot (Odette Khan) who wastes no time reminding him how much she has dispensed to keep the place afloat. Moreover, they need to come up with P50,000 at the end of the month or they lose the hotel for good. What’s a guy to do? Chris with all his physical endowments hasn't even finished school and has descended as his own hotel’s errand boy and gardener.

One fateful day, Isabel meets Chris again. Sparks fly - that much is clear, but our protagonist is there for a reason; she has a mission to fulfill. To bring down Chris Bernal! And regain the malignity that has since forsaken her. “To put enmity between the man and the woman,” declares a Biblical phrase. Heads will roll, right?

Isabel gradually plots to destroy not just Chris but everyone and everything that matters to him: the legacy of his parents, his friends, his love life (Chris has two “accidental” girl friends), his cunning Aunt Marot and cousin Rob, and his relationship with Joyce (Chris’ younger sister). But the best laid plans are no match to an intrepid heart. In delectable stages of affection, Chris and Isabel couldn’t help themselves as they eventually fall for each other. What becomes of Isabel’s errr “cactus heart”? Will she forge ahead with her plans of retribution? Will she ever get her “asim” back”?

Director Jade Castro playfully weaves a light hearted and lithe narrative that belies the dark past of the characters (bullying, abuse, parental death, poverty). The film, at the very least, is a boisterous acknowledgement to the resilience of the human spirit! Life can still be fun despite the odds and the heartaches!

Rhian Ramos comes into her own as the conflicted, but previously cantankerous villain. Though occasionally tentative in her grasp of her character, Ramos inhabits Isabel with flirtatious grace and obsequious sophistication. It’s hard not to root for her crafty shenanigans. In fact, when she goes mano-a-mano with Tita Marot at the dining table, I was livid with amusement. “Kayo pala ang nag ma-manage nito. Kumuha ba kayo ng Business Management? Para kasi syang napabayaan lang!” I was snickering from my seat all the way to the bomb shelters of Syria. And when you’re up against the formidable Odette Khan, with her protruding gaze and venomous countenance, you better hold your ground or you’re minced meat! When Isabel finally drops her trademark line: “No one tries to sampal me!” I was ready to holler, clap and whistle with glee! Having survived Miss Khan without looking dugyutin is in itself a notable rite of passage. These are moments of pure cinematic bliss indeed!

Aljur Abrenica gets lucky this time. Director Castro and co-writer Aloy Adlawan effectively play to the actor’s distinctive weaknesses. His hammy countenance is written in his character. His inclination for bad English delivery is further employed to build his character, one who hasn’t finished his education due to poverty. As a consequence, Aljur’s Chris Bernal becomes a sufficient protagonist. It isn't a stretch when a singer portrays the role of a singer, or when a priest performs the role of a priest, right?

This doesn’t mean we believe Aljur has improved and shied away from his trademark “wooden” ways. In fact, Abrenica is as hammy as ever. Those who say otherwise is afflicted with a myopic vision that's easily remedied by a consult with an Ophthalmologist.

Abrenica's performing proclivity is exemplified by a few scenes. When younger sister Joyce (Bea Binene) starts to ask “hypothetically” about romantic relationships, he blurts, “Kahit hippopotamus pa yan. Bawal pa rin!” We were looking from side to side to find the verve and fun that we obviously missed, but they were nowhere. When a customer asks Chris his opinion about a pot of plants, he stammers with a tepid: “Because p-ppplowers are nice like you, ma’am!” He need not accentuate the jologs veneer because even that delivery sounded too flat for amusement.

Abrenica inconveniently lacks insight. As gorgeously delectable as he looks onscreen, Aljur is a vacuous canvas, beautiful to look at, but nothing more than a pretty exhibit in a room. This is a curiosity because he wasn’t this pedestrian in Maryo J. delos Reyes’ “Nandito Ako… Nagmamahal sa Yo” (his first film under Regal Films, 2009). What happened to the promising young actor who would become “Machete”?

Some scenes needed cleaner execution. Let’s take Aljur and Rhian’s quasi-tango which is painfully executed. The moves are shot in episodic cuts; the dips and turns rough and graceless. There should be flow to the dance of affection, but there’s nothing there but the staged claps of the local folks who all looked bored! What about that messy and slipshod Awards Night? It reminded me of the campy Awards Night in the original “Temptation Island” – that was 32 darn years ago! Despite these flaws, there’s fun to be had in Isabel’s journey back home.

Though “My Kontrabida Girl” isn’t as solid as Jade Castro’s previous works (“Zombadings”, “My Big Love”, “Endo”), the upbeat performance of its cast, the undeniable energy, the kinetic pace and tongue in cheek humor will ultimately win you over. “The Road” has ushered an era of renaissance of sorts for GMA, and I am nothing less than ecstatic! The film has artistically clobbered the horrendous “Corazon Ang Unang Aswang” as they come to a head. After years of banal movie projects, GMA has finally found its mojo back!

Derrick Monasterio and Julie Anne San Jose sing Janno Gibbs' ode to affection, "Ang Aking Puso". The music video, though sparse, is an engaging watch.




Aljur Abrenica and Rhian Ramos

Bea Binene and Jake Vargas as young lovers Joyce and Poy.


Ever clueless posterboy of masculine beauty.


Chris' wacky friends get punked into doing the full monty. They then discover their "shortcomings" going viral in one of the film's hilarious scenes.

Temptation Island - Sweetest Temptations in Camp Classic

Beauty contests draw women from all walks of life, each one driven by a variety of motivations – fame, fortune and the quest for what would seem like a more tangible form of self worth and independence. When Manila Sunshine Pageant makes its call to public, a bevy of interesting girls come flooding by.

Among these colorful characters: Pura K (Solenn Heusaff), a desperate beauty whose once rich family is now struggling for their old glory; Virginia P (Heart Evangelista), a haughty kolehiyala who's grappling for personal liberties (she's the unica hija in a male-dominated family); Serafina (Lovi Poe), the annoyingly catty front runner; Cristina G (Marian Rivera), the schemy hooker who's in it for the top plum - house and lot. Each one has specific reasons for their participation.

A pre-finals yacht adventure takes the ladies to the Caticlan seas. Tagging along for the ride are Tonio (Dennis Trillo), Cristina G's hustling squeeze; Joshua (John Lapus), the pageant impresario along with his boytoy and photographer Ricardo (Mikael Daez); college student Alfredo (Aljur Abrenica), who's infatuated with Virginia P, and Nimfa (Rufa Mae Quinto), Serafina's much abused alalay. As fate would have it, the ship caught fire and the aforementioned characters find themselves marooned on a desert island. With no supplies for shelter nor food for sustenance.

What follows are the hilarious squabbles, feckless and inconsequential, but undeniably fun!

Somewhere along their discord blooms romance, friendship, and jealousy. And desperate trappings to survive take them into situations that are frolicky and hilarious.

Heart Evangelista: lovely but inconsistent!

This cinematic update of the Joey Gosiengfiao 80's camp classic renames most of its characters to pay homage to Gosiengfiao who was regarded as one of Regal Films' "bold directors". To be perfectly honest about it, I only saw the original "Temptation Island" early this year (Thanks, Kyle!), but I have never had so much fun watching an old Tagalog flick with faded color schemes. It has, in fact, become a personal favorite. And one of the pleasures of watching it was predicting which new set of actors would eventually land the characters. I got the line-up 100% right, although I didn't know Dennis Trillo would be in it! Trillo would take the role of Tonio (originally played by a mestizo actor named Tonio Gutierrez), Christina G's boytoy.

In this film, the main characters were renamed into the vamps that personified Gosiengfiao's cinematic muses, mostly Alma Moreno starrers. Virginia P. was a titular character that starred Alma Moreno, Richard Gomez and Alice Dixson (Jonas Sebastian, who played the original Joshua, wrote the script for this 1989 flick). Cristina G was from "Diary of Cristina Gaston" (1982) that also starred Moreno, Alfie Anido and Jimi Melendez. Serafina was from "Nights of Serafina" shown during the "ST phase" of Philippine cinema in 1996, topbilled by an actress I barely remember, Georgia Ortega - with her consorts Mike Magat and John Apacible. Nympha was from "Nympha", another "bold flick" in 1980 that starred Moreno, Ricky Belmonte, Orestes Ojeda and Alfie Anido. It's actually Pura K (Kikinang) that I can't quite place. This character portrayed by Solenn Heusaff (in this new version) and Bambi Arambulo (in the original) could be one of Alma Moreno's characters too. This move is particularly amusing as it pays homage to Gosiengfiao who loved his women donning Regal's "wet white magic kamison" and his men in the skimpiest bikini briefs.

Lovi Poe: incandescent performance!

Heart Evangelista takes on Dina Bonnevie's kolehiyala role (a character originally named "Dina" but has since been changed to Virginia P.) Though we initially thought Heart would be perfect for the role, she hardly passed muster. Her performance brought a character that was largely inconsequential and inconsistent, vacillating between a snooty college brat and an equally infatuated girl to Alfredo's (Aljur Abrenica, who plays a the college jock) romantic pursuits. Evangelista's performance is a curiosity. We couldn't picture another actress for the same role yet she twiddles between tentatively annoying and downright forgettable. It could have been a perfect fit. What gives?

It couldn't be blamed entirely on her sparkless chemistry with Abrenica playing Alfredo, a role originally played with suave confidence by the English-proficient Alfie Anido; something that Abrenica is too far removed. Abrenica's deliveries were perfunctory and at times painful... like playing a pre-recorded dull declamatory line, robotic and wooden, taking Machete back to the fore. For this folly, the usually insightful director Chris Martinez could have tweaked the script a bit by allowing Abrenica to speak in the vernacular. Pag di kaya ang Ingles, Tagalugin! This will solve the linguistic hurdle. Unfortunately, even Abrenica's Tagalog lines were stiff and amateurish. How long has he been in the business? One year?

For all of Abrenica's physical splendor, he is hopelessly hammy, which is sad considering the fact that he is being groomed by his mother studio as a top-tier leading dramatic actor. What is with GMA's lead actors? Richard Gutierrez, Aljur Abrenica, now (from all indications) Mikael Daez? There is a consistently common denominator: beautiful, but bland!

Marian Rivera, as Cristina G, hams it up. Her zealous demeanor could have taken her character to town. Even her English affectations were in perfect sync with Azenith Briones' original performance. They play an ambitious escort girl who dreams of conquering her poverty-stricken existence. Unfortunately, her Cristina G fails to stay afloat. She may have been Marimar, Darna, Dyesebel and Amaya, but her over eager depiction of Cristina G sinks into the realm of caricature.

The lovely Marian is paired off with the ruggedly handsome Tom Rodriquez who takes on Domingo Sabado's role as the cruise ship waiter Umberto.

Solenn Heusaff wrestles with her Tagalog, but her character is well placed. Pura K grew up from an old rich family; she's well schooled and connected. But her family fortune is fast dwindling. This contest, her 4th, would hopefully take her back to her rightful social status. However, at the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think of the adorable Carla Abellana and what she could have done with the role. If you've seen her last year in "Shake, Rattle and Roll - Punerarya" (also produced by Regal Films), you would know what we're talking about.

Solenn is paired with the very green Mikael Daez as Ricardo, the kept boy (originally played by Ricky Belmonte). But Daez was unexpectedly droll. There was hardly a hint of romantic spark between the two. What's worse, Mikael doesn't register as well as he did in his Jollibee commercial or his boobtube personas for that matter. To be fair, this is his first film - shot just a few months into his entry in the business. To my mind, he could have done better with Alfredo's role - the cono jock who's smart and dependable. Aljur could have essayed the perfect callboy Ricardo. I am nevertheless looking forward to his next projects. Despite this debacle, Daez seems like a promising personality.

Alfie Anido: sorely missed!

John Lapus can't hold a candle to Jonas Sebastian's Joshua, the pageant impresario with a kept boy, who later becomes errr... "food"? Joshua is a pivotal role, taking the film's campiness to theatrical frolic. In fact, he bears a number of iconic lines, including references to the movie's title:

"How can you resist all the temptations in this island?"

"It's a sabotage, an accident, a twist of fate."

"There ought to be a law against social climbers. They ought to be executed."

"This is like Cairo, a perfect spot for a camel ride."

Lapus doesn't have the verbal cadence and vocal flourish of Sebastian, though on the whole, Lapus is a serviceable Joshua.

Aljur Abrenica takes his Machete role to heart: wooden!

Rufa Mae Quinto updates the maid's role Nympha (played originally by Deborah Sun) and owns it like it was written for her. She's always had this sardonic take on pedestrian lines, her impeccable wit at delivery is just pure joy. She simply cracks me up. There were a few scenes that showcased her comedic talent: when she was making a bench out of the dunes; her "dance of the seven veils" that ushered the scene where everyone else falls into the lure of the island; her blind servitude to her mean employer, etc.

Mikael Daez plays kept boy-photographer Ricardo.

But among the bevy of beauties on display, it is Lovi Poe who shines the brightest! She's perfectly attuned to her character - catty, ambitious, maid-toting Serafina, played in the original by Jennifer Cortez. When she flips her hair and waves a stick against her enemies, she embodies this snooty girl who looks down on everyone. She's this seductress; the vamp from hell, and obviously, Panday's sophisticated daughter. What a joy to watch!

Much of the script has been kept intact, even the treatment of scenes has been carefully studied to remain faithful to the original. Sure, cyber technology has been adequately placed, but not much else. Martinez also did away with the protracted and useless contestants' speeches that characterized the concluding portion of the original. And this time, Cristina G chooses the right man for her.

Are we in favor of the idea of remaking and updating "Temptation Island"? Absolutely! A whole new generation is not familiar with the original. There are people who wouldn't take the time to watch a grainy, almost black-and-white 1980's film. Some stories deserve to be told - again! Though this work isn't as fun as its predecessor, Martinez rides his humble boat by carefully tweaking its story line into something as close to the original - in all its campy and artistic sensibilities. It's a tough act to follow. But this is Chris Martinez, one of the most brilliant directors of his generation.

Tom Rodriguez plays the waiter Umberto.

Alfie Anido was the original Aldredo, played in the current version by Aljur Abrenica.