Going Cuckoo with Bea Alonzo in "Miss You Like Crazy"

"Crazy" - that's what suddenly comes to mind when you consider all the hallmarks that characterize Mia Samonte played by Bea Alonzo in Cathy Garcia-Molina's "Miss You Like Crazy". Or is the title really a subtext to going bonkers in the process of falling in love?

For what would you call someone who carries rocks in her shoulder bag for the sake of self expression? It doesn't matter that your grandma in her moments of lucidity suggested it once. Paper is a more acceptable option. Or ringing your friends for a chat. Or painting. Or blogging.

Self expression can't be expressed enough on the limited space of a rough stone! Moreover, you shall grow unsightly muscles, lugging stones around. Then you write distressing phrases like "Goodbye, World!" on them - leaving them on public chairs for everyone to see. In clinical psychology, it's as clear as a cloudless sky that she is "crying for help"! She is suicidal! Fast - she needs psychiatric attention! Moreover, she calls people around with names culled from the 12 months of the year. Whoever thought that was remotely funny should be lobotomized! Sure, it may start a trend - people writing on stones as opposed to buying feather-weight paper sheets. It may start a trend too that shall promote a muscle-building literacy; the cumulative effect of picking up stones. It is after all a calorie-burning exercise!

What if you needed to express a complicated situation that requires heaps of paragraphs? Then you would need a truckload of stones delivered to your house? The same house where your catatonic father rests! I am telling you. Writing on stones isn't a good idea! Besides, it's much cheaper to buy a pen and a paper than buying a single pentel pen that should cost you not less than 50 bucks!

My point here is, besides its being mere cinematic, writing on stones has limited appeal, not to mention the glaring fact that it is a product of desperate minds seeking original concepts for would-be romantic blockbusters! Who in their right mind would turn to rocks as a source of romantic inspiration?

I am mortified by lunatics! Fine, it's not even politically correct to mention the "L" word but I am honestly unnerved by them - that doesn't bode well when you're sitting inside a cold dark cinema, building great thoughts about a romantic character like Mia Samonte! You have the sinking feeling of being in the wrong cinema. Is this the romantic comedy that I thought I was watching? Or that other film dealing with major depression, multiple personalities and schizophrenia? Baka "Ligalig part 2"? LOL. Having said that, for the very first time, Bea Alonzo has disappointed me in a movie that's not altogether bad, but teeters with an insufficient inspiration!

That Kris Aquino, the newly proclaimed queen of the hard-sell endorses the film - "that scene at the restaurant" and how it deeply affected her - even before she saw the movie speaks of how drudgingly gullible and simple-minded Miss Aquino is. Who would believe her the next time she tells her public she is hurt by her husband's indiscretions when a mere scene at a restaurant "affects her so"? Try again, your royal highness of all-media!

After a seemingly harmless flirtation at a ferry ride and all over Divisoria, Mia (Bea Alonzo) and Allan (John Lloyd Cruz) become kindred spirits who find happiness with each other. But when Mia learns of Allan's committed relationship with Daphne (Maricar Reyes), she still decides to sleep with him before breaking up with him the next day. Then with a mere stone with "Mahal kita" written on it as his conciliatory gift, she accepts him back, not knowing that he would once again change his mind, like the spineless cuckoo-baiting scum that Allan really is. It is a see-saw predicament that confuses its audience more!

If anyone's ever lied to me, there are certain ground rules that should be observed: 1. I won't sleep with the lying scum; 2. a stone is an unacceptable conciliatory gift (cheap huh) - unless we're talking about those that carry 5-karats of loving; 3. he shall attain my wrath with a stone conveniently tapped against his dumb skull! 4. If I were to choose between a chauffeur-riding cutie like Hans Isaac - and a timorous cheat with questionable corporate credentials like Allan Alvarez, the choice should be a no-brainer, even to the no brains who shriek at highly maneuvered romcoms like this.

And I always though Star Cinema had a battery of the brightest thinktanks around. Apparently not.

Or they've been deceived!